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Huddy Offline OP
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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2707280#Post2707280

Hmmm....part 22 (feels like part 222!) but, here we are continuing the story. Old thread above.

So, things have been OK since Tuesday's 'showdown'. I did spin a little on Tuesday night, but since then, I have managed a full nights sleep. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I accept, quite readily now, that I don't think I was DB'ing correctly. I see now, like a blind man who has been given the gift of sight, that I was doing everything to try and please W, not myself. Doh!

Finished up work yesterday, and went for a beer and a burger with one of my colleagues. Not a late do, but it was good to talk out of the office and be frank. My colleague is 'gay' for want of a better word, but has also had a really bad year, and we chewed the cud until about 9pm. Earlier in the day, everybody in my department had been sent an email requiring us to attend an off site strategy meeting in the new year. Normally, these things would bother me, but right now, I don't really care.

Today's plans require me to get off my lazy backside and head for the gym (yesterday's burger was enormous, and I feel like an entire cow is sat in my stomach), then grab some last bits of food shopping, clean the flat and then settle down with a glass of Glayvar and relax.

So, Merry Christmas to you all and let's hope 2017 is a h@ll of a lot better. Oh, I forgot, W - not a peep from her!

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Hi Huddy

...I see now, like a blind man who has been given the gift of sight, that I was doing everything to try and please W, not myself. Doh!...

Well, this sounds like a good Xmas present to yourself Huddy! Sometimes we need these incidents to move us forwards. but the balancing act is go please yourself exactly as you describe above - and keep the door a touch ajar if you so choose.

I'm glad to hear you had a drink out with your friend and hope you can offer support to each other after a difficult year. 2017 is going to be better I'm sure smile

In the meantime, enjoy some R&R and look forward to some festive time with your kids a little later in the holidays.

Take care Huddy x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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I disagree you were dbing. But now another important part has clicked into place. This can only be good for you.

Best wishes and happy Christmas


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
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M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
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Huddy, regardless of whether you were, in fact, getting A levels in DBing or not - the point to me is this: you took back your power that you were giving to WAW, or as NDY said, the equipment is no longer in her handbag! That has to feel good! Use the time you have now to re-integrate that power. The longer she is silent, the stronger you will become. It truly is a gift to you.

Your day sounds lovely actually. Enjoy the downtime. Here's something that helped me more than I realized: I chose something I really wanted to do in 2016 - an intention rather than a resolution. I chose something that was easily achievable, but required a bit of grit on my part: I wanted to sing in public at this drop in group class and, more importantly, solo at an open mic. I'm happy to say I did both, just finishing the latter and it feels great. It was way out of my comfort zone, but something I'd wanted to do for a very, very long time. I highly suggest you think about what it is you'd like to do in 2017 and give yourself the year to get it done. The last open mic of 2016 was on the day our D was finalized. To me that was a sign, so I got my butt over there and sang. Dragon slayed... by the princess herself, no knight required, thank you very much. Feels great. Want the same for you in the new year. So, give it a thought ... mull it over as you're enjoying your glayvar. Wishing you happiness and peace this next little bit and into 2017 xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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So you let it go. Good. Now it's Huddy time. I'll drink to that mate. Cheers. Like the others said. Now the streangth come because you are no longer looking over your shoulder at what she's doing, to see if she's noticing.

Keep looking forward mate. That's the direction you're traveling in. You know my number so text if you need me.

Peace


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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Huddy Offline OP
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Morning all

Thanks for all stopping by and saying hello on my thread. Hope everyone had a pleasant Christmas Day (well, in the circumstances anyway).

Managed to get my backside to the gym to work off that burger. It was enormous. Two burgers in a brioche bun, with bacon, chees and onion rings! Got job I hadn't anything else apart from a yoghurt. Got the flat cleaned and looking good (I know men are suppose to live in smelly caves, but I like the place to feel like I could bring somebody around if I wanted) and settled down for some festive TV. Unfortunately, my festive tipple had to be substituted for Baileys - the off licence had run out of Glayvar!

Called the kids yesterday, but did so on my SD's phone, as she had been pressured in to going with W to help look after them. My D was really excited to talk to me (I heard her shout DADDY!!!, when my SD called her over) and even my S, who has very little speech managed a muffled 'Merry Christmas'. I didn't speak to W.

Quiet day catching up on stuff on TV and then I got down to sorting out the kids presents for when they get back. Managed a traditional dinner for myself and generally got through the day, without thinking about W all day.

George Michael was one of my W's 'fantasy dates', so the news that he has died at such an early age will have sent her spinning today. Let's face it, 53 is no age to go. I know he'd been seen less in public, and had been pilling on the pounds, but he was still a good songwriter and performer. A bit like us all really, we age, some of us better than others, but that doesn't stop us being the person we are inside.

Anyway, it's been snowing here, but hasn't laid and it's now sunny. The temperature has dropped and it's certainly colder than yesterday. So, going for a long walk later (weather permitting) and then tomorrow, I'm off tho pick up the kids presents.


M 45 W 52
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BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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Bailey's is nice too.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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Huddy Offline OP
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Yeah, it was good Roist! Perhaps you shouldn't finish it in one sitting though!


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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Haha probably not !!


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
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Huddy Offline OP
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Went to the pictures (Movies/Cinema/Flicks) on my own for the first time today. Got up really early as I wanted to see the early morning showing of Star Wars - Rogue One. Sadly, it seemed everyone else had the same idea, and my vision of being in a small group watching the film, turned in to a full house! If you haven't seen it, I recommend a booking.

Yesterday, the Christmas presents I'd arranged for the kids got cancelled by the provider! Too many orders it seems, so I went 'old skool' and trotted of to the shops. Success. Now before anyone thinks I'm a skinflint, as they were going away, I thought I could get more for my money in the sales. They wouldn't know and they'd get better gifts for the same cash.

Back to today, and after the film, I had a bite to eat and then came home to finish wrapping the gifts. SD texted me to tell me that W had taken her and the kids to a museum. No great shakes, but my W just doesn't do museums. In fact wild horses would be needed to drag her there! Where I was born and brought up, it is highly industrial, which interests me, but my W used to hate me taking her to such things. SD said she'd bought me a gift from the museum.

I've had a text from W just now. She is returning early from her parents (she wasn't due to travel until Friday) and will be dropping the kids of early as they want to see me. Guilt, unable to cope, falling out, who knows, but it'll be great to se them.

I was dreading this 'alone time' really, but I've managed to fit so much in every day that I've only really say down now. I've caught up on some new TV, some old TV (if you're in to 1980's UK drama, type in 'Thames television Widows in to YouTube and you'll be in for a treat!) and got some reading in. I've been out a lot and caught up some sleep. So, not bad if I say so myself. As I said to my bud NDY - not dead yet!


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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