Thanks Roist...it is hard to resist those urges to try and pull them home. I will have to keep reminding myself to stand firm. I don't think she was saying conditions for anything...but she doesn't like the fact that I still have a relationship with her sister and BIL. She feels that they are out to get her.
Cali, she had initially called to tell me about one of the kids being sick...once that was done, she then began by asking how I was and then BAM...the venting began. Before I knew it, we'd been on the phone for 30-45 minutes. Again, I just tried to validate her and only responded with "you know what I want", when she had said something similar.
I agree on the availability thing...I'm NC unless it is kid related or a financial question. It has been difficult, since for as long as I can remember, we spoke several times per day. I guess at some point, when she is alone at her place, maybe she feels the loss. But I know I cannot assume anything about what she feels.
Rose...I don't know what I mean by consoling her. I guess I just mean to be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on. She has never been that emotional of a person, so it never happened before. She has always had a way of compartmentalizing things and internalizing her feelings. I guess today she started opening up into some of the things that are eating at her.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Thanks AP...it was an odd conversation. I agree that she wasn't making an offer. Even as much as I wish it were kind of.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
I don't think it was her negotiating her come back either, but it was a controlling condition or term she used. I just wanted to mention it early so you were aware and could notice others.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Thanks roist...I agree. She was a totally different person yesterday. One minute we were talking about a sick kiddo and the next I was hearing her frustrations about rumors. It is scary-funny how everyone else is to blame in these situations. She was mad about all of the rumors going around, yet she is the cause and the subject of all of them.
Also some of the language she was using she would have never used before...sounded like I was talking to a sailor...haha. She was never one to use the F-word, but it was common in that spew.
I just saw something this morning that was interesting. It said...One of the hardest things you will ever do is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Yep, it is amazing how their whole physical appearance changes and along with the change of behavior I caught myself wondering many a times who the [censored] this person was/is that used to me my W. Totally unrecognizable... Almost funny to watch...
Cali, she had initially called to tell me about one of the kids being sick...once that was done, she then began by asking how I was and then BAM...the venting began. Before I knew it, we'd been on the phone for 30-45 minutes. Again, I just tried to validate her and only responded with "you know what I want", when she had said something similar.
I agree on the availability thing...I'm NC unless it is kid related or a financial question. It has been difficult, since for as long as I can remember, we spoke several times per day. I guess at some point, when she is alone at her place, maybe she feels the loss. But I know I cannot assume anything about what she feels.
SBJ
This does happen .... they will find reasons to initiate contact (Notice we would consider this pursuing on our end) and before you know it you are sucked in. Over time you will be a salty captain of this vessel and know when the bad seas are about to arrive and you can excuse yourself more gracefully.
You are getting there, its not easy but I can see the turn around in your posts. Keep working
OMG...2 days in a row. I get a call from her asking if I'd received the info from my attorney. I gave my short answer to her and thought that we were about to get off of the phone. She immediately started again about how crazy her sister is and talking about some of the things that she had done to her. She also spoke about how her mother is disowning the sister as well. I might have said ten words in the entire conversation. I simply tried to validate her feelings. It is quite depressing to see that she is now so angry at that part of her family.
Cali...it is funny that she is reaching out, but the subject of the D is still in play. I think I need to realize that the D is just a piece of paper.
I didn't break her and I guess I can't fix her either. Maybe the D papers will give her some sort of peace or closure...I don't know, but it is funny how she's been out of the house for 2 1/2 months and those other issues are still there. She even said that she doesn't know why her sister is so mad at her, but that I'm not. She said I had a right to be mad at her, but that I have been kind to her when we speak. I guess my first truth dart was asking when I had ever lashed out at her with any sort of anger...her answer was the truth...never.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Vapo I agree and after reading on here I understand that this is a long process. It's just that she is still calling me wanting to tell me what others are doing to her. It is just strange that I was the bad guy before and I was the one she blamed for everyone. Now I'm the one she is calling to vent and blame others. I don't know who is more confused...me or her!
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
