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#2720495 12/11/16 07:08 PM
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Here is my new thread. The previous thread can be found here:

Five Years Ago Today

So, I had my night with the lady friend last night. I think it went pretty well.

Here it goes:

I was going to meet her at her place at about 4:00.

At 2:00 she texted me and told me that her car was fixed and if I wanted to come over early and have some cheeseball and snacks, I could. So I headed over there.

We chatted and snacked until about 4:30 and then headed to the light festival.

We arrived around 5:00 and went through a bunch of antiques shops, enjoyed the lights and had decent conversation. Although, I'll admit the conversation wasn't great just because of the crowd. We walked passed a German restaurant and she suggested that we could eat there if I wanted because as a kid, I lived in Germany for three years. We decided not too though because it was too crowded.

We left about 8:00 and decided to head to the Chinese restaurant that we had decided on. On the way, she wanted to know if we were close to where I used to live. I said yes and she asked if she could see it. I showed her the tiny townhouse where I lived cramped with all of my boys after the divorce. I showed her where my boys are living now as well. She then asked if she could see the house that we lived in before the divorce. I wasn't crazy about it, but what the hell. After that we headed to the restaurant and had a nice dinner. We were there for quite a while just eating and enjoying each others conversation. In the car on the way back to her place, we talked some more and she talked some about her EX. (The one that really hurt her.) I told her that it seems like she has been hurt a lot....not just by him but by others. She agreed.

We got back to her place at about 10:30 and had a beer and more conversation. She pulled two cookies out of her refrigerator and offered me one. Mmmmm....cookies and BEER! Haha! She then proceeded to tell me why she only gives "fist bumps" at work: Because she doesn't want anybody "to think anything." After that, she says: "With that being said, I'd like to give you a hug." So we both stood up and she gave me a really nice hug.

After more conversation, It was getting late and I didn't want to over-stay my welcome. It was midnight. She told me that I didn't have to go and that it was still fairly early (compared to our Wednesday night get-togethers.) So, I stayed and we talked some more. She asked if I wanted to watch a holiday movie from her DVD collection. We watched one of the Charlie Brown made for tv Christmas shows.

We talked a little more and at about 1:45, I decided it was time to go. We had more chit chat as I was leaving and then she greets me with another hug. I won't lie, I wanted to give her a little kiss, but I was good.

After I left, I sent her a little text thanking her for a wonderful day and letting her know that I appreciate her time. She responded with a thank you as well and said she had a great time.

It was basically a 12-hour "non" date. I did have fun and she texted me today telling me that she can't wait until next time. I told her to let me know when.

So, with the exception of XW, I've never been on a date. If this WAS a date, did I do okay?

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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You did GREAT! ... not sure if it was a date or not. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Tad,
From a female POV, I think you did great. Keep on keeping on being cool guy... smile


me 42 H 32
T 7yr
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BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY
Separated 7/2016
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1. That was a date
2. You did great, and I wish the men I date would take lessons from you!

Sounds like you both had such a fantastic time. She didn't want you to go!

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Tad,

What a wonderful night out w/your lady friend. It went very well and I think you both had a good time. Very well done, Tad!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Did you do ok?? You did great!!!! smile
You treated her with respect. You followed her lead without taking advantage. You were both N_A_T_U_R_A_L!! No fake, no expectation. She engaged the work and outside work kind of relationship you have. Hummm ????
Best of all, you both had a wonderful time..

Keep going with the flow.. I definitely think you two have something very special..

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Tad

Kudos man .... you have come so far since I have read your posts when I first got here.

Very well done ... you played it cool and calm ... and there is a "I can't wait till next time" that she threw out there .... nicely done!


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Hi Tad, seems to me you got on well. Don't push her, but one day soon she'll open up to you, like a book, Slowly, Slowly.

Love

Delboy

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Hi Tad,

I was just catching up and I have missed out on a bunch of updates. Congratulations on becoming a grandfather! That is so exciting and I know that you will enjoy that.

You do seem to be doing well. I'm happy to hear you are enjoying your lady friend. It's nice to have someone to talk to and enjoy.

In regards to feeling old, I hear you. But look at it this way, the average life expectancy continues to increase. So if you live to be 85, 49 will seem very young. Trust me:)

Enjoy these days.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Hi everyone. I just wanted to give a quick update.

Thank you all for the very nice words.

Lady Friend and I were supposed to hang out on the 23rd. I had to cancel it though as my dad has been really sick. (He's had heart problems since the 90's.) I spent the day with him. I'm glad she was understanding. We don't have anything planned at the moment, but we will see what happens.

I'm still dealing with the age thing. I feel as if I have "peaked." Just being honest.

I spent Christmas Eve with 3 of my boys. It was very nice. It was the best holiday I've had since XW went nuts.

I don't do much as far as "getting out." I do hang at Lady Friend's house on work nights and do enjoy my photography at the park and my Eagle cams that I watch.

My son got a zoo membership for me for Christmas. Can't wait to go and take pictures.

So, that's the update. Not much happening, but I'm still here...

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Tad,

I think you did the right thing in spending time w/your father. I'm sure he appreciated the time you spent w/him. After all, we don't know how much time any of us has left on this earth and it's important to visit w/those family members and friends who are sick.

Your lady friend sound like a really nice lady. You'll get together again very soon.

I'm also glad to read that you spent Christmas Eve w/3 of your sons. You are slowly coming back to life and starting to enjoy life again. Enjoy the time you spend w/family and friends.

A zoo membership? Wow! You are certainly going to enjoy going there and taking photos. I've enjoyed the Eagle cam photos that you've been posting.

The new year is around the corner and w/the new year comes new beginnings. Continue moving forward.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Tad, a couple of questions..
1: where you going out alot while married?
2: is your lady friend much younger than you?

I am assessing your situation with my experiences. I am as quiet as you are and i have dated a man much older than me.

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Thanks Job and Exquisite...

To answer your questions:

Quote:
1: where you going out alot while married?


XW and I tried to go out on dates as often as we could. Sometimes they were just us and other times we got to go out and do things that were business "radio" related. Concerts, parties and stuff like that.

Quote:
2: is your lady friend much younger than you?


She is a lot younger than me. She is 37 and I am 49. She was in first grade when I got married....

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Is the age difference at the root of you feeling old?

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In my books, age is just a number. If the two of you enjoy spending time together, then by all means do so. The age difference for my parents was 15 years and they were happily married well over 55 yrs when my father passed away in 2008.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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You may well have half your life still to live Tad...make the most of it!

It's JMHO of course - but it seems so pointless to 'feel old.' We are as old as we are and there's not one thing we can do about that. We can however look after ourselves, keep moving forward and live the best lives possible...

Your lady friend sounds nice :)xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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2 people I have dated have been 12 and 15 years older than me. Age is just a number. Let it make you feel young, rather than old!

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Thanks for the responses everyone.

Quote:
Is the age difference at the root of you feeling old?


I don't think so. It is something that has been bothering me for a while.

As for the Lady Friend, age difference is not going to be a problem because the told me last night that she has started seeing someone.

!#@$%&^*)($%@#

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

WTF?

The funny thing is...it doesn't even bother me.

Actually, it bothered me for about 10 minutes and then it was like...

Okay.

Whatever.

I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing that I was choice #2. It's okay though, like I said, it doesn't bother me.

WHICH

IS

WEIRD.

I kind of think that maybe I am just numb to certain things these days. I'm pretty emotional/passionate about animals and hate to see them mistreated or suffering, but as far as other areas of my life...pretty numb.

We will still have our friendship at work and still hang out from time to time, but I'm sure that will drop off if she gets serious about this dude. But...it's okay.

To be honest, with the way my car has been running and the way my finances are, I really don't want/need a girlfriend right now.

I still have work, my eagle cams that I enjoy and my photography.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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My W is 11 years younger than me. I had the same concerns at the beginning. So far the age difference has not been an issue. Besides I am a better cook lol. Go for it Tad get out of you comfort zone. What's the worse that can happen?


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Rick,

Haha, but see above....


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Lol I saw that after my post. So what? It's a learning moment if a younger gal likes you in the future go for it. Or What if a 70 year old
tickled ur feathers? Would you say no to a fulfilling life cause of age smile.

I get that a divorce skews people and future relationships. Some are ok with being single some arent. It's your choice. Like I asked you before. What's the worse that can happen? Take a chance my friend smile


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Woh... what a surprise!!!! Hopefully, the friendship stays strong.. at least, she did not hide it from you.
Re-focus, regroup and keep on going..
Easier said than done at times but you seem ok.
Stay humble, stay kind, stay gentleman, stay Tad!! smile

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I guess I have a bit of a different take on several levels. First, my gut would tell me that she never saw you as more than a friend in the first place. Because I was not there, that's just a guess. Now on the other hand I also put as much stock in she was interested. I may actually put more stock in that. She clearly wanted to do things. She asked you over many times, extended times together with you. Yet, you did nothing to foster that or show her you were interested. She may have figured that she gave you multiple signals and opportunities but you never took them - therefore you are not interested. I personally think you should have tried a bit more and let her know. She clearly was ready to date SOMEONE. Girls often will respond and get a more romantic feeling if things go that direction. From my view, you friend zoned Yourself.

I just say these thing so you might use it as a learning expierence for the next time - with her or with someone else.

And then it doesn't bother you? You don't care? Honestly? You seemed rather interested and hopeful in her to now not care. It's alright if you did. If you truly did not, she may have sence that as well. It may also be why you didn't try to take Things to the next level


DonH
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Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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Hi Tad, Just to say, I think your lady friend means a lot to you. She might or might not want more than just friendship with you.
Tell me do the lyric’s of the following song mean anything to you? Please check the song out, it’s by the Bee Gees 1972. And for my money this song has never been bettered.

I was only 13 years old when it was released & the DJ at the teeny boppers weekly disco, would always play it.
It means a lot to me, I always new I had pain in my heart (from my childhood) but I didn’t know just how much pain there was until Ex wife left us, then I had double the pain to deal with.

Love
Delboy

‘Run To Me’

If ever you got rain in your heart
Someone has hurt you, and torn you apart
Am I unwise, to open up your eyes, to love me?

And let it be, like they said it would be
Me loving you girl, and you loving me
Am I unwise, to open up your eyes, to love me?

Run to me, whenever you're lonely (to love me)
Run to me, if you need a shoulder
Now and then, you need someone older
So darling, you run to me

And when you're out in the cold
No-one beside you, and no-one to hold
Am I unwise, to open up your eyes, to love me?

And when you've got nothing to lose
Nothing to pay for, and nothing to choose
Am I unwise, to open up your eyes, to love me

Run to me, whenever you're lonely (to love me)
Run to me, if you need a shoulder
Now and then, you need someone older
So darling, you run to me

Run to me, whenever you're lonely
Run to me, if you need a shoulder
Now and then, you need someone older
So darling, you run to me

Run to me, whenever you're lonely
Run to me, if you need a shoulder
Now and then, you need someone older…….

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Hey Tad ... wow. Ok, left field on that one, eh?

Once a woman friend zone's you, it's hard to move out of that arena, but it sure did seem like she was interested.

What's more interesting to me is your reaction. Hmmm. Maybe sit with that for a bit. My gut says her NG isn't gonna last and this one might come back again. But - do you really want her or was part of the appeal that you weren't sure she was interested?

Anyway, happy New Year. xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Tad,

I agree w/the others on the info that your friend told you about the NG. I do have a thought about what she said...maybe the NG is just a friend and she was testing the waters w/you to see how you would react. Time will tell just what is going on w/her and this NG.

Tad, just go about your business as you would normally do. I wouldn't treat her any differently and see what happens.

Happy New Year!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks for the responses everyone.

I guess the main reason that it didn't bother me was the fact that she told me a long time ago that she does not date co-workers. On the other hand, I was getting signals that seemed like she was interested. So.....who knows?

As I said, a girlfriend would just complicate things right now. To be honest, I could take it or leave it.

Sure, I was hopeful, but I really had no expectations.

We are friends and that's the way it will stay for now.

I hope everyone has a great New Year.

I am spending the evening quietly at home by myself.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Happy New Year!

BTW, I think you have a good attitude about your co-worker and remaining friends.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Soooo......

I'm sitting at home flipping through the channels on the tv and I get a text from Lady Friend:

LF: "I was thinking about going to XXX tonight for Chinese and wondered if you'd feel like joining me."

ME: "Hmmm....what time?"

LF: "I'm flexible. Whatever works for you."

ME: "Just want to meet there around 6:30?"

LF: "Yes, that's good."

ME: "Cool."

LF: "Ok. See you then!"

I guess I'm kind of confused. She is supposedly seeing someone. Maybe she is just being nice? Maybe she isn't really serious about him? Maybe she is playing games?

I don't know what to think.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Tad,

Please don't try to mind read...if you want to go out and have some nice food and good company, then go. It's very evident that she enjoys your company and doesn't feel any pressure by you for anything more than a friendship.

Go, have fun and eat some delicious Chinese food!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks Job.

I went. We had a great time.

She told me that she likes hanging out with me because:

I build her up.

I make her feel good about herself.

I make her laugh.

And yet, she is seeing someone. Aren't all those things a boyfriend's job?

She also asked if I would help her take her Christmas tree down if "he" can't. I told her I would if she needed me to. (I helped her put it up.)

dot....dot...dot....

I'll admit, I'm pretty confused. I guess I'm just going to roll with it...

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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HI

Interesting situation

I think you are doing awesome allowing the friendship and seeing what happens
everything good probably starts with a real connection and friendship

I dont know what will happen but I wonder what NG would do if you starting seeing someone? or just busy a few nights

not playing games, but just curious if your attention was elsewhere


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Your situation is very interesting. Tad, I think you are handling your situation well. Friendship is the first step in any relationship Your relationship w/your GF may remain a friendship and then again, who knows what the future holds...but for now, continue to be you.

I get the sense that your friend's boyfriend isn't all that and a bag a chips. Especially if she's telling you why she likes hanging out w/you. I would listen and validate for now. If she continues to invite you out and ask you to do things, you might want to take a rain check every once in a while...but that's far down the road. Okay?

BTW, I'm glad you had a good time.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Am I the only one that sees she's interested? And I usually can't figure it out but have this time - it's that obvious. Now, I'm not saying she even knows or admits it to herself but it's clear as day! Who has a "boyfriend" and then has another guy do handy work, go out on "dinner dates" and bond together? What "boyfriend" is not concerned about this going on? What would everyone here say if she were married and doing this? C'mon people you are all smarter than this! smile

Now I don't know what's going on inside her. Is she afraid? Knows this BF is not the one? This BF is not even real? She afraid? Age difference? Co-workers thing? That I don't know but this is the behavior of a women smitten and if even I can see it, it has to be obvious as truly I'm no expert with women!


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I' m with Don on this. I am not convinced there is another guy. I think it was Holiday' s stress that got to her added with age difference and work.. who hug you, hang out regularly with you, invite another man etc while in a relationship? She is obviously investing in you more than in him! So like you said Tad, WTF????

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I still think the guy is just a friend and not someone that she hangs out with and enjoys spending time with. I think I mentioned before that she may be testing the waters w/you to see how you'll react to the news of this new guy. Again, if that guy exists, he's a "just a friend". I don't think it's anything serious or she wouldn't be keeping you on the side to do things w/when he's either busy or just not into doing things w/her.

Whatever the case, continue being yourself and keep those expectations low for now. If you enjoy doing things w/her, continue to do them...but if you think she's using you, then you'll need to decide at some point that it might not be working out for you...but that may be further down the road. For now...just enjoy yourself.


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Hmm, yes I'm not sure why she would want to maintain a 'friendship' with you (which reads like borderline dating) whilst seeing a new guy..

For me, it's less a case of thinking about what's the status there - how does she feel about me, him etc... And more about living your own life as you want to. How do you feel about being in contact within this context and what's okay for you, given what she has told you.

I think for now she has chosen not to 'tip over the line' into dating with you and has mentioned someone else in the mix - so that's how things are for now and you may want to pull back a little given that.

What I do see is that she appears to be the only person you socialise with and she just told you she is seeing someone else. So you may want to seek to broaden your options for getting out and about and doing things with others too...

JMHO of course Tad and I hope this helps :)x


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Thanks everyone. Interesting indeed.

As for new guy, he DOES exist. She has shown me pictures of him with his little girl. I do get the feeling though that things aren't that serious.

As for me, I'm going to pull back a bit. As I said before, I'm cool either way. Sure, it would be nice to have a companion, but I'm also cool by myself.

I guess, we'll see how it goes....

Tad


Currently:
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The Sitch:
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Hi Tad and Happy New Year! I'm very happy to drop in and see this post. Why? Because I remember the old Tad wink
The part that really made me tear up is the part where you're ok either way. Still interested but not hanging on it.

That said, she seems interested. You shouldn't be confused by the actions. Just see it how it is. She's timid. And I'm sure it's ok to see what happens if you go slowly and see if more comes of it. She's obviously interested, but you're not like the others and she seems to be looking for some common experiences - asking about your past life etc.

Whatever comes, enjoy the time like you have been brother!

AJ


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Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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AJ!!

What's up dude? It's nice to hear from you.

My life isn't exactly how I want it, but I'm ok. Wish I was better off financially, but I've gotten used to not having much money. Haha. As for lady friend, yeah, I'm ok with that too. If it happens, it happens, if not, that's cool too. I think she is interested too, but not THAT interested. I think she sees me more as a really good friend.

I don't socialize much outside of work. I probably should, but don't.

I don't think I've spoken to XW in over two years. That's fine too. smile

I keep busy with work, my eagle cams and my photography. I'm not the best photographer, but I'm learning and it is fun and keeps me busy.

Anyways, thanks for stopping by. I'm always interested in what you have to say.

Tad


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Hope your new year is a time of new beginnings.

I'm going to go against the grain a bit and say that you should try to go out with other women. You may be a "safe place" for your friend, but if you keep being there whenever she calls, she will always be your friend.

Plus it's not fair to the guy she's seeing. If she's opening up to you, she's not doing it to the guy she's seeing which, in turn, isn't fair to his little girl if she's just playing games with him.


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Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Hi MrBond. Thank you for the response.

Quote:
I'm going to go against the grain a bit and say that you should try to go out with other women. You may be a "safe place" for your friend, but if you keep being there whenever she calls, she will always be your friend.


You're right. I've actually backed way off. She will still seek me out at work sometimes though. Sure, we still talk, but not as much as before. The talk is different too....less personal I guess. I'm pretty much just a really good friend to her and nothing more. I've quit going over to her place on Wednesdays for drinks. I told her it was because of her new guy. I said that I didn't think that he would appreciate it. (I know that I wouldn't. if the situation was reversed.) I'm actually fine with things the way they are. I'm in no hurry. As for dating other women, I'm really not even sure if I really want another relationship right now. Sure, I would have dated Lady Friend if that's what naturally progressed, but it didn't and I'm okay with that. I guess the best way to put it is: sure I'm interested, but not looking. Haha.

Quote:
Plus it's not fair to the guy she's seeing. If she's opening up to you, she's not doing it to the guy she's seeing which, in turn, isn't fair to his little girl if she's just playing games with him.


You're right about this too which is why I have backed off. Still friends and nothing more. Just not as close friends I guess because like I said, we talk, but not as much and the talk we do have isn't as personal.

Again, thanks for checking in.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
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Just checking in with an update:

A couple of weeks ago, lady friend informed me that she is no longer seeing the other guy. Haha. She invited me over for drinks on the following Wednesday and I turned her down. The Wednesday after that, she invited me again. This time I went. Good conversation and that was it. Just like it was before...

I'm keeping busy with work and my photography. I watch two live Bald Eagle cams out of Florida and Washington DC. This is my second "nesting season" and I love it. I've always loved Bald Eagles and this gives me a peek into their world. You can learn a lot just by watching these amazing animals. Check them out if you get a chance.

I'm doing ok. Still struggling with the age thing, but there is nothing I can do about it. Sometimes though, it seems I'm just wasting away. Hard to explain.

Anyways, nothing really new with me except for the lady friend thing. Funny thing about that: I'm actually less interested now than I was a few months ago. Really not interested in ANY relationship right now....

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
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She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
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Tadpole,

I understand struggling with certain things is life......health, age, relationships, etc.

I've read your story for a while. At times you tend to play a victim of circumstance role and I actually find myself a little frustrated when reading.

I too have had what I call "spiritual deserts" in my life. A period where nothing happens.....but it's usually leading to something profound or worth learning.

I think you need to change your perspective through something new.....I don't know maybe some Eastern philosophy, meditation, a book by Hollis, hiking, helping other people......something to get you away from the wasting away thoughts.

We are here to see people move forward, to improve their internal as well as their external life. It only takes a slight movement in how you look at things to turn life from something that your just getting by to a life's journey that is full of contentment.

Life is short, this is your chance to propel your life forward.

Mirage

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hi Tad!

We are both very quiet people. It does not make us bad or unloving. We are who we are, quiet.

With all du respect to many other posters, I am also still struggling at times. And I also know someone else who was very active on this board, is also struggling. We can say anything on here but no one will tell the whole truth in fear of being judge or criticized. I DO NOT BELEIVE ANYBODY FULLY RECOVERS. NO ONE is that strong. With that said, are we all victims? NO! NO! NO!Absolutely not!

Now, back to you Tad.. Your lady friend and your interest: I am not surprise that you have lost some interest in her. She would have to gain your trust and invest a lot towards you in order for you to rekindle the spark. I hope you remain close friends. Even if it does not lead to more, she is a positive figure in your life.

As for relationship, I also say NO, No MORE! until someone new make me question myself. lol I believe one day, we will meet someone who will strike our curiosity and make us embark into a new adventure. hopefully, of a life time. ( one last one to the end ) smile

Your video of hope.. ooofff... got me right in the core of motherhood. Soon, my little ones will take flight. I can' t stop that but I struggle with empty nest and it is not even here yet.
(victim of circumstances? maybe).

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Thanks Mirage and Exquisite.

Mirage, I'm not trying to play a victim of circumstance role. I just come here to vent or update. That is all. Just relaying what's going on and how I feel at the time.

Exquisite, I'm glad you liked the video on FB. I've always loved Bald Eagles and what they stood for. Their power and beauty just amaze me. When I was married, my in-laws used to give me a different ceramic Bald Eagle every year for Christmas. When I went through the divorce, I almost destroyed them all. My boys talked me out of it and I'm so glad that they did. They now decorate my apartment.

As for another relationship with someone, I'm sure it would be nice IF it happened, but as of right now, I'm just not looking. I'm ok either way.

Tad


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Hi Tad

I want to comment on something mirage said:

Originally Posted By: mirage
I've read your story for a while. At times you tend to play a victim of circumstance role and I actually find myself a little frustrated when reading.


I don't know about anyone else but I wanted to let you know that I too have moments of feeling a "victim of my circumstances", having a pity party for the situation I find myself in and did not ask for. I feel its normal to occasionally feel sad about missing the life you could have been living, its part of the grieving for the loss of a life that was changed against our wishes. As long as these times are only moments, come and then go, then I see it as ok, but if they become a day in day out thought process then that is the time to act upon resolving your feelings.

From when I first started reading along with your threads I have seen such a change in you, you have found interests and are starting to pursue them. You have gone from not being able to even go to your pool for a swim to going out to spend an evenings/days with your lady friend ....Tad, you are finding - albeit slowly -your way, be proud of the movement you have made in your own life.

I am happy to hear you have remained friendly with your lady friend, she sounds like she is unsure of what she wants herself, so if you are content with friend zone then it sounds a good friendship to have in your life, she gets you out and you enjoy her company.

Keep inching forwards Tad, one day you will look back and see how far you have come, I can see it and hope one day you will too.

xoxo

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LouR - Sorry that it took so long to respond. I've been busy with work and with my lady friend.

Thanks for noticing the changes in me. Yes, it has been very slow going, but I am MOVING which is good.

My lady friend - still just that...FRIENDS. But...I'm ok with that. I'm honestly in no hurry for anything. We get together every Wednesday night at her place for a drink or two and I leave afterwards. No hanky panky...just a hug when I leave. We've been to the zoo together twice and have had many dinners together. (Usually about once a week.) She told me that she likes our time together because I don't make her feel uncomfortable. I may be stuck in the "friend zone" but that's ok. We went to a Hawaiian Festival a few weeks ago and had a lot of fun. She actually just sent me a text telling me that she upgraded her zoo membership so I can get in free with her. Haha!

Me - I've found a passion I think...wildlife and wildlife photography. I love animals and get out to take pictures of them whenever I can whether it is at the park, zoo or aquarium. It is also nesting season for Bald Eagles and I have some webcams that I watch. I've always been a fan of them since I was a kid. (Maybe my "spirit animal." HAHA) Watching the cams and trying to see them in the wild keeps me busy too. I was lucky enough to actually photograph a pair of local Bald Eagles over a local park in November and December. I've been working a lot of over time too and it is starting to help me finally get my finances in order. I still owe the IRS gazillions, but I actually have money in my pocket unlike before. One year ago, I weighed 210 pounds. I currently weigh 154.

My EX - I can't remember the last time I spoke to her...maybe over two years ago. I really don't care to either. My son's band is performing on April 15th. I imagine I'll see her there, but I don't have the anxiety about it that I used to get.

Thanks for all the responses to my (sometimes pathetic) posts over the years. I've been on this board a very long time. So hard to believe that my first post was early 2011...Seems like a lifetime ago.

Anyways, just wanted to update.

P.S...Exquisitetobe and Job, I'm glad that you've been enjoying my FB posts.

smile

Tad


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M 56 XW 57
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EA w/ OM 9/10
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smile i also want to thank you for sharing them. I really do enjoy watching their progress and feel your passion for them. It is very special.
The friends i have made here in DB occupy a very special place in my heart and i feel protective of them. I appreciate the fact that you did not let the little incident get between our frendship..

Your lady friend is still around!!! smile i am so happy for you.. even as a friend, she is a good companion and you enjoy eachother.. who knows what the future holds.. keep living in the now and appreciate each day..

Your financial is on track.. another positive.. smile

I remember wishing i could fast forward 5 to 10 years in the future and skip a few parts of mlc.. here we are.. better than i imagined.. smile

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Quote:
i also want to thank you for sharing them. I really do enjoy watching their progress and feel your passion for them. It is very special.


smile Thank you. When I was a kid, my grandmother told me that I would probably never get to see one because they were almost completely wiped out. That kind of stuck with me I think. At one point in the 60's and 70's, there were only about 400 nesting pairs in the US. Today, thanks to protection efforts, there are over 15,000. Witnessing their comeback absolutely thrills me. It's funny...I've always loved them and sea life, but was never able to fully enjoy them when I was MARRIED. Haha. I'd be lying if I said I'm not kind of enjoying "my time." (God, I never thought I'd say that.)

No worries about the "incident." It's all good.

Yes, my lady friend is still around. Even though we are just friends, I believe she has been very good for me. She has got me active and doing things again. That's what I needed. I'm either getting out with her or out chasing wildlife at the park. She has a love for animals too. She calls me a "Wildlife Warrior." Haha.

Quote:
I remember wishing i could fast forward 5 to 10 years in the future and skip a few parts of mlc.. here we are.. better than i imagined..


Yep. Me too. Not only better than I thought I would be but better as a whole person in general. I like who I have become and the passions that I can now enjoy. I'm the person that I was meant to be. smile

Thanks for checking in!

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

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EA w/ OM 9/10
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Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
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D final 10/11
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Tad,

Thank you for sharing your photos w/us. You are a really good photographer and should consider submitting some of your photos to a wildlife magazine.

I, too, am glad to see your lady friend is still around. It's nice to have someone to share thoughts, etc., with.

Keep up the good work.


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Thanks Job. smile


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Hi Tad,
I'm fairly new to the boards and have a thread over in Newcomers, but I visit here a good bit because I think mlc may somewhat apply in my sitch too, so I get some good ideas about coping from reading these threads. I'm curious about being able to share your photos with friends you have made here. I know we are discouraged from identifying too much of ourselves for safety purposes, but I have just gotten a new camera and am very proud of some of the nature shots I've been taking, and would like to share sometimes with a few of the new friends I've made here. Is there a safe, legit way to do that? Or do you need to wait and get to know people a little longer? I tried the PM thing but says it's disabled. Thanks!


M-60 H-51
M-14 years
BD 12/26/16
S 1/1/17

"First the pain, then the rising."
Glennon Doyle Melton

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The PM has never been available to posters. We aren't allow to provide any kind of personal data on the forum, which includes your home address, phone number, email and/or your FB info. I would suggest that you go to facebook and start an account in Facebook that is easy for me or others to recognize. Generally, posters will use their poster names here and type DB directly behind that name.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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What Job said. It's all through FB. While I don't have DB behind my name, others just managed to find me.

smile

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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OK thanks Job and Tad,
That all makes sense! smile


M-60 H-51
M-14 years
BD 12/26/16
S 1/1/17

"First the pain, then the rising."
Glennon Doyle Melton

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