About Last Night.....

[MrBond]

Hope your new year is a time of new beginnings.

I'm going to go against the grain a bit and say that you should try to go out with other women. You may be a "safe place" for your friend, but if you keep being there whenever she calls, she will always be your friend.

Plus it's not fair to the guy she's seeing. If she's opening up to you, she's not doing it to the guy she's seeing which, in turn, isn't fair to his little girl if she's just playing games with him.

[tadpole1025]

Hi MrBond. Thank you for the response.

I'm going to go against the grain a bit and say that you should try to go out with other women. You may be a "safe place" for your friend, but if you keep being there whenever she calls, she will always be your friend.

You're right. I've actually backed way off. She will still seek me out at work sometimes though. Sure, we still talk, but not as much as before. The talk is different too....less personal I guess. I'm pretty much just a really good friend to her and nothing more. I've quit going over to her place on Wednesdays for drinks. I told her it was because of her new guy. I said that I didn't think that he would appreciate it. (I know that I wouldn't. if the situation was reversed.) I'm actually fine with things the way they are. I'm in no hurry. As for dating other women, I'm really not even sure if I really want another relationship right now. Sure, I would have dated Lady Friend if that's what naturally progressed, but it didn't and I'm okay with that. I guess the best way to put it is: sure I'm interested, but not looking. Haha.

Plus it's not fair to the guy she's seeing. If she's opening up to you, she's not doing it to the guy she's seeing which, in turn, isn't fair to his little girl if she's just playing games with him.

You're right about this too which is why I have backed off. Still friends and nothing more. Just not as close friends I guess because like I said, we talk, but not as much and the talk we do have isn't as personal.

Again, thanks for checking in.

Tad

[tadpole1025]

Just checking in with an update:

A couple of weeks ago, lady friend informed me that she is no longer seeing the other guy. Haha. She invited me over for drinks on the following Wednesday and I turned her down. The Wednesday after that, she invited me again. This time I went. Good conversation and that was it. Just like it was before...

I'm keeping busy with work and my photography. I watch two live Bald Eagle cams out of Florida and Washington DC. This is my second "nesting season" and I love it. I've always loved Bald Eagles and this gives me a peek into their world. You can learn a lot just by watching these amazing animals. Check them out if you get a chance.

I'm doing ok. Still struggling with the age thing, but there is nothing I can do about it. Sometimes though, it seems I'm just wasting away. Hard to explain.

Anyways, nothing really new with me except for the lady friend thing. Funny thing about that: I'm actually less interested now than I was a few months ago. Really not interested in ANY relationship right now....

Tad

[mirage]

Tadpole,

I understand struggling with certain things is life......health, age, relationships, etc.

I've read your story for a while. At times you tend to play a victim of circumstance role and I actually find myself a little frustrated when reading.

I too have had what I call "spiritual deserts" in my life. A period where nothing happens.....but it's usually leading to something profound or worth learning.

I think you need to change your perspective through something new.....I don't know maybe some Eastern philosophy, meditation, a book by Hollis, hiking, helping other people......something to get you away from the wasting away thoughts.

We are here to see people move forward, to improve their internal as well as their external life. It only takes a slight movement in how you look at things to turn life from something that your just getting by to a life's journey that is full of contentment.

Life is short, this is your chance to propel your life forward.

Mirage

[exquisitetobe]

hi Tad!

We are both very quiet people. It does not make us bad or unloving. We are who we are, quiet.

With all du respect to many other posters, I am also still struggling at times. And I also know someone else who was very active on this board, is also struggling. We can say anything on here but no one will tell the whole truth in fear of being judge or criticized. I DO NOT BELEIVE ANYBODY FULLY RECOVERS. NO ONE is that strong. With that said, are we all victims? NO! NO! NO!Absolutely not!

Now, back to you Tad.. Your lady friend and your interest: I am not surprise that you have lost some interest in her. She would have to gain your trust and invest a lot towards you in order for you to rekindle the spark. I hope you remain close friends. Even if it does not lead to more, she is a positive figure in your life.

As for relationship, I also say NO, No MORE! until someone new make me question myself. lol I believe one day, we will meet someone who will strike our curiosity and make us embark into a new adventure. hopefully, of a life time. ( one last one to the end )

Your video of hope.. ooofff... got me right in the core of motherhood. Soon, my little ones will take flight. I can' t stop that but I struggle with empty nest and it is not even here yet.
(victim of circumstances? maybe).

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Mirage and Exquisite.

Mirage, I'm not trying to play a victim of circumstance role. I just come here to vent or update. That is all. Just relaying what's going on and how I feel at the time.

Exquisite, I'm glad you liked the video on FB. I've always loved Bald Eagles and what they stood for. Their power and beauty just amaze me. When I was married, my in-laws used to give me a different ceramic Bald Eagle every year for Christmas. When I went through the divorce, I almost destroyed them all. My boys talked me out of it and I'm so glad that they did. They now decorate my apartment.

As for another relationship with someone, I'm sure it would be nice IF it happened, but as of right now, I'm just not looking. I'm ok either way.

Tad

[LouR]

Hi Tad

I want to comment on something mirage said:

I've read your story for a while. At times you tend to play a victim of circumstance role and I actually find myself a little frustrated when reading.

I don't know about anyone else but I wanted to let you know that I too have moments of feeling a "victim of my circumstances", having a pity party for the situation I find myself in and did not ask for. I feel its normal to occasionally feel sad about missing the life you could have been living, its part of the grieving for the loss of a life that was changed against our wishes. As long as these times are only moments, come and then go, then I see it as ok, but if they become a day in day out thought process then that is the time to act upon resolving your feelings.

From when I first started reading along with your threads I have seen such a change in you, you have found interests and are starting to pursue them. You have gone from not being able to even go to your pool for a swim to going out to spend an evenings/days with your lady friend ....Tad, you are finding - albeit slowly -your way, be proud of the movement you have made in your own life.

I am happy to hear you have remained friendly with your lady friend, she sounds like she is unsure of what she wants herself, so if you are content with friend zone then it sounds a good friendship to have in your life, she gets you out and you enjoy her company.

Keep inching forwards Tad, one day you will look back and see how far you have come, I can see it and hope one day you will too.

xoxo

[tadpole1025]

LouR - Sorry that it took so long to respond. I've been busy with work and with my lady friend.

Thanks for noticing the changes in me. Yes, it has been very slow going, but I am MOVING which is good.

My lady friend - still just that...FRIENDS. But...I'm ok with that. I'm honestly in no hurry for anything. We get together every Wednesday night at her place for a drink or two and I leave afterwards. No hanky panky...just a hug when I leave. We've been to the zoo together twice and have had many dinners together. (Usually about once a week.) She told me that she likes our time together because I don't make her feel uncomfortable. I may be stuck in the "friend zone" but that's ok. We went to a Hawaiian Festival a few weeks ago and had a lot of fun. She actually just sent me a text telling me that she upgraded her zoo membership so I can get in free with her. Haha!

Me - I've found a passion I think...wildlife and wildlife photography. I love animals and get out to take pictures of them whenever I can whether it is at the park, zoo or aquarium. It is also nesting season for Bald Eagles and I have some webcams that I watch. I've always been a fan of them since I was a kid. (Maybe my "spirit animal." HAHA) Watching the cams and trying to see them in the wild keeps me busy too. I was lucky enough to actually photograph a pair of local Bald Eagles over a local park in November and December. I've been working a lot of over time too and it is starting to help me finally get my finances in order. I still owe the IRS gazillions, but I actually have money in my pocket unlike before. One year ago, I weighed 210 pounds. I currently weigh 154.

My EX - I can't remember the last time I spoke to her...maybe over two years ago. I really don't care to either. My son's band is performing on April 15th. I imagine I'll see her there, but I don't have the anxiety about it that I used to get.

Thanks for all the responses to my (sometimes pathetic) posts over the years. I've been on this board a very long time. So hard to believe that my first post was early 2011...Seems like a lifetime ago.

Anyways, just wanted to update.

P.S...Exquisitetobe and Job, I'm glad that you've been enjoying my FB posts.



Tad

[exquisitetobe]

i also want to thank you for sharing them. I really do enjoy watching their progress and feel your passion for them. It is very special.
The friends i have made here in DB occupy a very special place in my heart and i feel protective of them. I appreciate the fact that you did not let the little incident get between our frendship..

Your lady friend is still around!!! i am so happy for you.. even as a friend, she is a good companion and you enjoy eachother.. who knows what the future holds.. keep living in the now and appreciate each day..

Your financial is on track.. another positive..

I remember wishing i could fast forward 5 to 10 years in the future and skip a few parts of mlc.. here we are.. better than i imagined..

[tadpole1025]

i also want to thank you for sharing them. I really do enjoy watching their progress and feel your passion for them. It is very special.

Thank you. When I was a kid, my grandmother told me that I would probably never get to see one because they were almost completely wiped out. That kind of stuck with me I think. At one point in the 60's and 70's, there were only about 400 nesting pairs in the US. Today, thanks to protection efforts, there are over 15,000. Witnessing their comeback absolutely thrills me. It's funny...I've always loved them and sea life, but was never able to fully enjoy them when I was MARRIED. Haha. I'd be lying if I said I'm not kind of enjoying "my time." (God, I never thought I'd say that.)

No worries about the "incident." It's all good.

Yes, my lady friend is still around. Even though we are just friends, I believe she has been very good for me. She has got me active and doing things again. That's what I needed. I'm either getting out with her or out chasing wildlife at the park. She has a love for animals too. She calls me a "Wildlife Warrior." Haha.

I remember wishing i could fast forward 5 to 10 years in the future and skip a few parts of mlc.. here we are.. better than i imagined..

Yep. Me too. Not only better than I thought I would be but better as a whole person in general. I like who I have become and the passions that I can now enjoy. I'm the person that I was meant to be.

Thanks for checking in!

Tad