Thank you Sotto and Kml. I think having people around me telling me what they are getting for their H is hard to hear. I'm still married but legally separated. When we sold the marital home I made sure that everything was in place ( finances and access to kids) as H said he would file for D. Now 5 months later no sign of it! I want closure but I'm adamant that I won't file as I want H for once in his life to face his responsibility and stop blaming anyone else. Sad but I'm hoping that OW will push him to file, but then again a friend told me that maybe OW doesn't want M. Maybe my friend is right, and H and OW are happy to live like that! My friends keep saying that I can't go back to H and when you read some stories the success in piercing isn't that high. I don't want to pull the plug as I already feel guilty for kicking H out and believe that by doing so I have put the final nail in the coffin to end my M and any chance of reconciliation.
I don't even know what I want: some days I'm done with him and others I want him back. This has been going on for too long now. I want to get out of this limbo one way or another, but don't know how to do it or even how to drop the rope! Grr
Just wondering if WH has a sixth sense telling him, Rouky is dropping the rope so let's check on her. He keeps texting me about the kids' Christmas presents. I gave him a list and first choice before I chose. He keeps texting me he can't get the presents, then that he has found them. What is this all about? I told him what I would get the kids and what my family would, so where is the need to tell me all that?
On the other hand I had a couple of amazing weekends. Last weekend I sang in front of an audience (I'm a shy person by nature, so way out of my comfort zone), and I was so happy. This weekend I went away with a girlfriend and had an amazing time.
At times it still stings about WH (mainly when he is in touch for what I consider at trivial things), but overall now there are more good days than bad ones. I'm still reading people posts but don't feel I have much to contribute, nevertheless it doesn't mean that I don't think about the wonderful friend I have made here.
It's the holidays and he's in a dither because he senses that you are pulling away. He's actually in a bit of a panic about the gifts, first not finding them and then finding them. He's just bouncing off the walls a bit. Just be patient...he's a mess and he really does want to do things right for the children. Also, he doesn't want you to forget that he's out there even though he's not living at home. Yep, he senses you've dropped the rope.
Congratulations on singi8ng in front of an audience. I'm sure you sang beautifully. This was a huge step out of your comfort zone and I'm proud of you. I'm also glad to read that you had a nice time away w/your girlfriend.
Stop by and just say hello on the other threads. This means a lot to the posters and don't worry about whether you have something to contribute or not. We all love to receive a "hello, how are you doing" every once in a while.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Rouky, congratulations on your singing event! I'm proud of you! I hope you give yourself extra credit for pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. Fantastic!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Drawing with work but funny enough I feel peaceful about it. Last year and the year before I'd have been stressed about it to the pint of losing sleep over it, whereas now I have realised that I can only do my best and it's no longer a matter of life and death.
H still contacting me regarding kids' present and he is asking if I have any objection to what he wants to buy. I thanked him for taking into consideration my view, although I told him that it was his presents and therefore I had no matter in the saying. A couple of things here as validating is becoming a second nature to me (never heard of it before DB) and finally I didn't care about him asking for my opinion. Before I'd have been flattered and tried to mind read about it, but not this time. In fact I really couldn't give a monkey to what he buys. I felt such a relief.
My kids told me that they haven't seen OW for a month now but she regularly rings him when he is with them. Another difference between her and me is that when H was with his first child, I have never contacted him as I felt it was bonding time between the two of them.
Otherwise I carry on with my life. Got a lot of GAL planned for the end of this week! I'm grateful in a way to be in this situation as I have done things that I'd have never done if I had been still with H. I'm feeling better in myself and I'm becoming who I am meant to be. Still have relapses but I'm a work in progress. Even the person who does Reiki with me told me last time I had my treatment she felt it was the real me with her in the room. It was/ still is such a great compliment.
Getting busy with Christmas preparation and was thinking how my life completely changed as now I'm doing things I'd have never done before (I mean when I was with H).
One thing that broke my heart was that my youngest wrote a Christmas card to her dad. Unfortunately she didn't closed it properly, so I had a read through it, and it says: To daddy, happy Christmas to your family. This broke my heart as I can't do nor say anything as I'm not supposed to have read it. It broke my heart that my youngest thinks that she isn't part of her dad's family. It also shows me that she understands more than you think despite H saying that kids are resilient, but it also hurts me to see that she feels that OW and her kids are her dad's family but not her. Sad really.
Kids have been telling me that the last two weekends they spent with their dad OW and her kids didn't show up but their dad was a lot on the phone with her. Sounds like someone is insecure. It did make me smile though.
Maybe when H reads it, it might make him think. Maybe not but I have no expectation.
Oh gosh, Rouky... That is rough. You never know how your h will respond to it, but it's clear as day that his actions have changed your d's perceptive of him. I think any parent in their right mind might flinch. I agree that it is really sad.
At least you are still providing that safe space for your children and giving them the consistency they need from your end.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
I'm looking for advice. I'm finding it hard to dream about what I want. In the past I used to think a lot about the future and what H and I would be able to achieve when we are more comfortable financially. Now that is gone I live in the present which is refreshing as I don't feel I'm chasing something that will never happen.
I'm finding it hard to focus on what I want. I'm move to the UK for my dream job and I still love it). I have kids (what I wanted). Now I can go away for weekends, but clothes or take my kids for activities without feeling guilty about the price tag. I have even started to overpay my mortgage, so I can be mortgage free a little earlier than retirement age. I'm content with my life now, so I'm not really too sure what else I could do.
And I think this is where my problem is as I have all what I wanted, except from H but to be fair I don't think I can trust him again. I have been on a few dates but I can't seem to take it to the se I don't date. I like talking with those people but I'm content with my life at the moment and I don't really see how a man could fit in it!
Another thing that got me thinking is that I looked at my kids and they laugh for nothing and anything. Where have we lost that innocence as adult? Isn't nowadays society making us stressed and unhappy?
"Another thing that got me thinking is that I looked at my kids and they laugh for nothing and anything. Where have we lost that innocence as adult? Isn't nowadays society making us stressed and unhappy?"
Yes! If you notice society is all about instant gratification. Plus with the surge of social media platforms.... I believe it's also become a "me" society. People truly think their opinions and views matter more than others. I won't get into it here because that would be ME on MY soapbox ....
one thing I will say, is that we need to shift the paradigm on what happiness means. We were all taught as young kids.... If you do well in school, you'll get into a good college, if you do well in college, you'll get a good job.... If you get a good job, you'll make lots of money... If you make lots of money, you'll get a nice house. It's this facade that everything has to be better than what you already have/do/think and it makes it an endless rat race....unless we can give that up we'll never relax, destress, and just be content with the many blessings that are in our lives right now in this present moment.
A few days ago I was ruminating on something about myself and my own happiness. A couple days in a row, my facebook memories popped up and they were all so positive and full of love. I was shocked and had to think to myself... Wow, I was happy and positive and the world was good....it was so authentic.
I think bd and the aftermath of it does a number to our souls, but we have the opportunity to make our spirits better than before.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
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