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kml Offline
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Phew! Boy, I can only imagine how your heart must have sunk when you first saw that envelope! Thank goodness it was nothing like the last one.

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I can't imagine how you felt when you saw that letter sitting on the counter. I'm sorry you triggered. It's an awful feeling.

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Gosh - a nicer letter, that's good. My heart sank when I read of a letter awaiting you. Interesting that he has been mulling things over. It is true that you can never really know what is going on in the 'ole MLC noggin.'

Hope you have a lovely weekend xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Sotto's heart sank, while my entire being cringed. Glad it was nicer. When do you fly East?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Hi Hawho. I'm glad you didn't get another nasty gram.... And I absolutely love how you approached him giving him an opportunity to behave differently. You rock!


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
Joined: Nov 2016
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Good Morning HaWho. Just trying to catch up on your sitch. You have been at this a long time and have the patience of a saint. No sage words of wisdom to give. But I love your sense of humor. I want a copy of your book if you ever compile your tellings of H's crazy antics antics. I think you could have a long career of comedy writing - finding the humor in the worst situations.

Glad the letter was not bad news!


M:49 H:49
T:28 M:26
S24, D19, S15
BD/PA: June 2016
H living separately next to OW
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HaWho Offline OP
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Hi all - thanks for the kind words. Bttrfly, I fly in on the 23rd. Sooo excited.

Even though this one was a nice letter, I am so over receiving letters. Next time he gives me any letter, I am going to give it back, unopened, and tell him I am no longer interested in being pen pals. (I remember a boy in middle school passing me notes that were folded into perfect triangles and I will tell h my last pen pal was waaaay more creative.) In fact? Maybe I should buy one of those "return to sender" stamps to boot.

I had tons of anger over this letter. It triggered me back to the worse letter but also to the fact that this letter was total BS. In it h wrote that he's been "restoring my honor" with sleeze bag guy for 3-4 years. A total lie. How do I know? I only told him about the issue with the guy 20 months ago. He became "friends" with him 3 years ago and looks like he's trying to justify all his time with him. Good luck with that one! How exactly was he "restoring my honor" by socializing heavily with a sleeve bag?!?

H accidentally sent me a text intended for his mother. It was a birthday wish. He added all sorts of cheerful icons - streamers and fireworks and signed it from "all of us." Keeping up that facade.

There is more PA behavior surfacing. He sent me a text about something to do with finances, erroneously blaming me for something. He sent it in the middle of the night. I heard him clanking around in the kitchen and knew something was up. He woke me up so I turned on my phone and he'd blown it up with 5 texts.

Mid - morning I went to the stinky room to discuss. I corrected his false info. He disputed it. I explained a few things. He looked away the whole time. So brave behind the screen, so cowardly in person.

I left to walk the dog. When I returned there were additional texts from him. All more nonsense. H was out but but S13 was on his phone talking to h on speaker. When they were done, I asked to talk to h.

I clarified two financial things he had texted to me, all while we were on speaker phone. He knew the kids could hear. I was polite but firm and quick. He just said ok. He sounded surprised and small. Let's see if he text spews. So far not. I see him trying to assert lots of control where he has no business doing so.

I was run down Friday. I had been upset with all these past triggers. I am sure I looked run down. H asked me what was wrong and I just said I wasn't feeling well. He ordered in. Later in the evening he passed the kids a box of tissues and asked them to bring it up to me. The next day, while out he texted me to ask if I was up for x and y.

His hair started to veer back into mullet land. Earlier in the week, s13 at dinner (!) said that x friend was laughing at his mullet. H said: "I have a mullet????" S13 said yes. S11 and s13 had a field day over it. A few hours later I inadvertently found myself starting at the mullet and h knew it.

A few days later he returned home with his hair the shortest it's been in a long while. (It looked good but I didn't say anything as maybe this would encourage him to grow it long again. I complemented last haircut and here it was longer again so time to try the opposite.) Saturday, in the car h told me he cut his hair. He said he is sans mullet. I said it looked good and he looked much younger. (I know THIS is the end goal for anyone in MLC).

As for me? I am tired. I need a break from him. I need a break from this.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} cuz you need one and a def break xoxoxoxo more tomorrow as I'm falling asleep at the wheel here ...xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,654
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Look after yourself. Get some extra rest.

I know that feeling when you can't wait for some away time. It will do you good. Don't put all your eggs in that basket though. Take care of yourself and make the most of each day.

Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
Joined: May 2015
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Get really worried when he grows a pony tail - that truly is the mark of a nob!


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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