Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
#2719931 12/08/16 02:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
Previous Thread

Lost in the woods - Camp 2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2719407&page=1

The pertinent details are mainly in my signature line. I had been thinking of listing all my past threads but that would just be depressing.

To save you the visitor from having to read back, W had actually reached out to me once last week to talk but then ducked down her squirrel hole again after what I felt was a very positive visit.
She has gone very quiet at least in anything that I can see. She said that she is looking for an IC, has lost a lot of weight and at least then looked very stressed and depressed. I did get a hug but she was very carefully physically distant from me otherwise. I like to think that she liked the "me" that she met last week and remembers him fondly - no clue if that is true or not though. No clue either if she is even considering a reconciliation - I believe she walked into that coffee shop expecting to be moving forward with a divorce.

While I know very little for sure I believe that the A is over at least for now. It may start up again - no way of telling and I've been wrong about this before. I have less fear of W filing for divorce, in part because I have less fear and also because she seemed relieved when we talked and I brushed aside her tentative questioning on dividing things up. Again - no way to know for sure. I'll continue to wear clean underwear and check the mail regularly.

During our visit we talked about the stuff W had left behind and how I had boxed much of it up. Today would have been the first most reasonable date for W to have stopped by to pick it up. That hasn't happened. No clue why.

I continue to get mentally stronger and am living my life presuming that she's never coming home. I continue to keep generally quiet about the separation and especially the affair. People are slowly finding out on their own over time.

I have no tough decisions to make at this point and am going to ride with the status quo for the time being. The plan is to continue to not contact W but to be open to her contacting me.

My Christmas shopping is almost done, the decorations are up and I may pick up some egg nog. But I do feel that this will be a long, cold, dark winter but I used the 2X4s to build myself a nice snug cabin and the wood pile is pretty full.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 618
Likes: 1
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 618
Likes: 1
Hi Andrew,

I love the cabin, all warm and cozy. I'm glad you've decided not to file in January.

I see no point.....budge up then and pour me some eggnog smile

Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 433
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 433
Mmmmm egg nog. I highly recommend finding some farm fresh eggs and making it old-school raw.


me 42 H 32
T 7yr
M 6yr
BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY
Separated 7/2016
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 726
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 726
Originally Posted By: AndrewP

I have no tough decisions to make at this point and am going to ride with the status quo for the time being. The plan is to continue to not contact W but to be open to her contacting me.


Hi Andrew

That it the best place to be. Don't think about it. I know it's tough. But let her reach out. She has so much to sort out.

Love the cabin by the way. Send me the floor plans I'll make one by the lake too.


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,065
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,065
Welcome to your new cabin AP. I look forward to visiting and egg nog is my favourite drink of the season.

I love where you are at currently AP especially your decision to not take steps towards D in the new year. That initial meeting may spark some interest in your W but you are doing well to not call her to meet again (unlike needy, impatient me!).

I think the winter is going to be a good time to hunker down in the warmth and coziness of your home and give some of those wounds time to heal. I like to think that we have buried our hearts in the soil like bulbs and will leave them dormant until the warm spring sunshine warms the soil so we can bloom again! Sorry a bit too mushy for this time of the morning!!

Have a great weekend!!


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
Thanks for the visits everyone. I haven't done my shopping yet so no eggnog just now. I do have tea.

Nothing of big substance here, mostly just gossip and visiting.

I'm glad that Coly23 has loaned me her elastic. My wrist is sore from snapping it over and over each time that I think of contacting W. Much of me wants to invite her out for coffee or lunch and chat more but thanks to the excellent advice that I have gotten here, I am leaving her alone.

I had a nice call with D24 on Thursday. D24, her H and their various critters are doing fairly well. D24's new dog finally has her cone off and can now more freely get excited by all the squirrels that are to be found in Virginia.

I was very worried about S22. After much effort had dinner with him last night. Even in good times he often won't respond in a timely fashion to a text etc. By the end of Thursday I was about to call W to see if she had heard from him because it had been almost 2 weeks since I had. Fortunately after leaving him 2 voice-mails he finally texted me back a one line note agreeing to dinner.

Dinner with S22 was good. He seemed tense but in a generally good mood. We chatted about a bunch of things including my adventures in housekeeping. I didn't press him too much but he did say that he still has a lot of down days. I let him know that if he needed to talk to an IC that funding was not a problem and to not worry about that. That's what emergency funds are for. We talked a bit about my future plans and our planned trip to see D24 in March. I nagged him a bit to get his passport which he promised he'll do next week. I did joke to him that I didn't know what my future held but that I'd practiced flirting with a woman and that she didn't run screaming. I told him though that I wasn't about to go chasing after any 20 something bimbos and we laughed when he said that I could leave them for him. He mentioned that most women in their 50s are probably not bimbos and I responded that the one person I have met (put away the 2X4s - nothing is happening with any speed) is probably between her mid 30s to early 40s. He was a bit startled at that. I got no indication at all that he knows about the A or OM. He seemed upbeat and positive any time he talked about his mother but also still in the dark about what her future plans may be.

Christmas plans are still very up in the air. S22 says he only wants to come home for just a couple of days - I'd suggested that he come home for at least a few weeks. He said that he needed to talk to his mother about what her plans / availability was. Coincidentally with that he got a text from her asking if he had seen her Snapchat. It seems that she is in very regular correspondence with him which matches up to what D24 had said in our call about her interactions with W as well. He promised that he would let me know by Monday what his plans are. This is very different from a couple of months ago when the kids only had very brief and rare contacts with W. I believe it is daily contact at the very least now. I didn't press for details though.

W's interactions with the outside world / Facebook world continue to evolve. One of the neighbours who knows many details and has probably guessed about the A but who was thrilled when I mentioned that W and I had had coffee posted a silly thing to W's Facebook wall. She and W had a friendly interaction over it and I stayed out of it. W has also been around a couple of her old friends pre MLC leading a "normal" sort of life. The fire-starters, enablers appear to be quiet. Just after I posted on Thursday that W had gone very quiet there was a flurry of Facebook "likes" of various memes just after the neighbour reached out to her. I know that I shouldn't put any weight on these. For one thing they could be about OM (or OM2 etc) Two stood out for me:
If you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right person
The hardest thing is not talking to someone you used to talk to every day
Some serious elastic snapping was required after seeing these. I've suffered serious heart-burn in the past seeing these sort of things and believing they were about me when they were about OM. There could also be a completely separate life that W is leading that I can't see. My head and heart don't want to believe that but the tiny job that sits on my right shoulder whacks me with a tiny 2X4 and reminds me that I can really no know what is going on laugh

So - we'll see how it goes. There may be a chance to interact with W over the next few weeks especially during hand-overs of S22. I'll try to play it cool but warm (if that makes sense). The real indication will be after New Years to see if she comes out of her tunnel again or goes back in to play with the fairies. I haven't seen any fairies now for months though.

I can give it more time while at the same time not having any expectations.

Well - I'm about to be running late. Thanks again everyone for the visit and I will indeed pick up some eggnog and a small bottle of rum to go with it. Cinnamon or nutmeg for on top? I have to be to the bank before noon and still haven't showered. I hope you don't mind me entertaining in my flannel jammies (oooo - sexxxy!). Grocery shopping, my fresh roses and other things will fill the morning and laundry is on for the afternoon. My Christmas shopping is done so I'll wrap and mail D24's presents this afternoon. I also hope to get my Christmas cards in the mail today too. I got my first one from one of my uncles on Thursday - addressed to Mr & Mrs P - snap goes the elastic. I'm still trying to decide on how to write out the return card. I may lie and say from AndrewP and W - who knows, if I wish really hard it might become true. I do try to stamp down the hope gremlins.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 29
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 29
Hi Andrew,

Love the new cabin as well. Don't burn all the 2x4's - save some for me. I'm sure the social media will eat you alive if you let it. I feel lucky my H does not have accounts on any of the sites (or maybe he does now and I have just been in the dark?) My mind reading is bad enough without adding meaning to possibly random facebook likes. You may need a rubber band on each wrist? Believe me, I need them as well. My triggers may be different, but I still have the constant urge to share things with him.

A friend had a good suggestion for me. She said think of him like you would your boss at work. If you would not text, email, call etc. and tell something to your boss - don't share with H either. That has helped me to step back emotionally a little when I am tempted. Such a hard emotional habit to break after all these years of sharing every detail of our lives. But then he pops by and spends an hours chatting with me at home - throws the boss analogy out the window! smile

I am just a newbie, but think you are doing great.


M:49 H:49
T:28 M:26
S24, D19, S15
BD/PA: June 2016
H living separately next to OW
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 433
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 433
A.P.: Cinnamon AND nutmeg.

To be 22 and directionless is tough, to be sure. It's hard to watch, wanting to swoop in and save them from their young selves. Ack- Christmas cards addressed to Mr. And Mrs. Altair- oy I actually hadn't even thought of that, at all. Let's see, I guess some might get forwarded here from our old house-- he changed his forwards so I wonder where the cards will go. Come to think of it, there are some people who would send us cards that might not know of H leaving.
And, to think of a few card-senders probably just sent him one, due to my apparent ex-communication from my old life. Look at me, ruining your thread, sitting on the floor in a pile of non-existent holiday cards and and a sad piece of yarn stringing across the kitchen hallway. I'm not a baker, but can be, A.P. what holiday treat should I BAKE? I should do something fun today.


me 42 H 32
T 7yr
M 6yr
BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY
Separated 7/2016
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
AndrewP Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
Altair - I couldn't find the nutmeg - is just cinnamon OK? I have my own tall glass of "chicken milk" underway right now.

Nothing beats cookies both for being Christmassy and for bringing up the spirits of those who smell them and eat them. If you are struggling with energy - even the ones that come in a can with the cute Christmas scenes in them are tasty. I'm cheating for my dinner and having canned biscuits instead of home-made. I still need to get my recipes reduced in size. D24 has hooked me up with Pintrest and linked me to her recipe pins for inspiration.

You do the cards on string thing too? I use twine myself instead of yarn and then after wrap the cards up and store them away. A couple of decades of them now have accumulated. I always like to see the string of cards across the doorway into the living-room - we have double doors there. It makes me feel loved and part of the community and extended family.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 433
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 433
Chicken milk? is that raw egg in a glass? I have never heard such a phrase!


me 42 H 32
T 7yr
M 6yr
BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY
Separated 7/2016
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard