Thank you all for the kind words. I suppose the detaching has worked a bit. 6 months ago when I found out about OM1 I was a wreck. I did everything wrong. I gave her all the power. This time feels different. I still love her with all my heart and want us to reconcile, but I can't live with this alien anymore. And I won't put up with her disrespect.
Frankly, I'm so glad that this happened last night. I have 2 GAL activities planned for tonight and tomorrow and having all of these suspicions stuck in my head would distract me from having a good time.
I have IC tomorrow, hopefully I can get some perspective.
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
By all means, contact a lawyer. And...the lawyer's you consult with can't be used by her. Some have even gone as far as consulting with all the best ones.
Quote:
I still love her with all my heart and want us to reconcile, but I can't live with this alien anymore. And I won't put up with her disrespect.
That is a healthy attitude, as hard as it is. Use the time wisely to better yourself. It's all about you now. She's on her own path.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Ok, more advice needed. (What a day this has been!)
So I went in and changed the pwd for the website of our cell carrier. My reasoning was 1) That she would rush in before me and change it first so that I could no longer monitor her phone calls and/or 2) That she might try to delete/remove calls in the log. I'm sure if it ever came down to it legally I could request them from the carrier, but just in case...
Once I changed the pwd, she got a txt on her phone saying that the pwd had been changed and then asked me if I was going to share the new pwd with her.
My response was:
"The trust issues that I have with you are preventing me from giving it to you. If you need to make a change to your account or look something up I can do that for you."
Good? No good?
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
Ok, more advice needed. (What a day this has been!)
So I went in and changed the pwd for the website of our cell carrier. My reasoning was 1) That she would rush in before me and change it first so that I could no longer monitor her phone calls and/or 2) That she might try to delete/remove calls in the log. I'm sure if it ever came down to it legally I could request them from the carrier, but just in case...
Once I changed the pwd, she got a txt on her phone saying that the pwd had been changed and then asked me if I was going to share the new pwd with her.
My response was:
"The trust issues that I have with you are preventing me from giving it to you. If you need to make a change to your account or look something up I can do that for you."
Good? No good?
Way too controlling. If it's a joint account, you both should have the password.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
As sad as it is, she obviously is stuck in her little fantasy world. You can't control her or make her stop contacting the OM. Everything you do now has to be for you and your kids. You need to set boundaries for you. The things you do now have to be for you not to influence her decision making. Right now she doesn't care what you do or think so you have to do whatever you can in your power to protect you and your children. This is not going to get any easier but self focus is what needs to be your priority right now.
Hang in there bro there are better days ahead.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
Thanks Ginger. I think you're right. My anger and pride are getting in the way here.
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
So I went in and changed the pwd for the website of our cell carrier. My reasoning was 1) That she would rush in before me and change it first so that I could no longer monitor her phone calls and/or 2) That she might try to delete/remove calls in the log. I'm sure if it ever came down to it legally I could request them from the carrier, but just in case...
While the reasoning behind it was sound, it wasn't a good move. Is this a joint account?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Yeah, joint account. You guys were all correct about it being an issue of controlling. I sent her the new pwd. I also unblocked OM1. I mean, if I'm not going to be controlling I might as well.
Not even sure if it makes a difference to check the call logs anymore. Not unless she commits to reconciling. It only makes me more nuts.
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
