Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 289
J
Jug Offline
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 289
Sorry for your misery. Many of us have lived through this or are still living in it. It doesn't hurt to talk to a lawyer so you are informed...


- m and ww in 30s
- s4
- m 11 yrs, t12
-ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM
- bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa
- 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
C
Chris73 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
So I decided to put on my big boy pants and call the number from our lan line. Our phone is in my wife's name so I thought that might give him enough inventive to answer. And he did. AND it's not the OM it's a new OM! The listing for a termite specialist wasn't incorrect. But why would she call a termite specialist 15 times in the past 2 months for 30 minutes at a time, right? So I assume he's probably married and gave my W he work cell number so they could talk freely.


M46 W48
M11 T14
S11 D8
BD: 2016/05/27
In-home separation: 2016/11/23
Nesting: 2017/06/11
W moves out: 2018/01/07
W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12
I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
C
Chris73 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
Well, regardless as to whether or not confronting was a good idea, I just did it. I had enough evidence to call her out and she didn't deny it. Swears they're just friends, but even if she's not lying it's an EA for sure.

Told her that I think she should move out and of course she refused. So I told her I would contact a lawyer. Merry Effing Xmas!


M46 W48
M11 T14
S11 D8
BD: 2016/05/27
In-home separation: 2016/11/23
Nesting: 2017/06/11
W moves out: 2018/01/07
W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12
I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 149
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 149
Aw man Chris my heart hurts for you. I'm not sure what to say but I will be thinking about you today. Keep your head up and remember she is the broken one and you can't fix her.


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
C
Chris73 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
Thanks man. Actually she eventually admitted to kissing him. I remember her going out to a Halloween party with her friends. She came home very late and drunk (they used Uber). She was very amorus towards me and it was actually the last time we had any sexual contact. The calls started in late October so I'm starting to put the pieces together.


M46 W48
M11 T14
S11 D8
BD: 2016/05/27
In-home separation: 2016/11/23
Nesting: 2017/06/11
W moves out: 2018/01/07
W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12
I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
Quote:
So I decided to put on my big boy pants and call the number from our lan line. Our phone is in my wife's name so I thought that might give him enough inventive to answer. And he did. AND it's not the OM it's a new OM! The listing for a termite specialist wasn't incorrect. But why would she call a termite specialist 15 times in the past 2 months for 30 minutes at a time, right? So I assume he's probably married and gave my W he work cell number so they could talk freely.


Good for you. I'm sorry that you had to go through this, my friend. There isn't anything that I or anyone else can say to make it easier except that we are here. It's been almost a year since the ex's affair broke, and even though we are divorced I still can't get past it in many ways...to me, that was the biggest kick in the gut she could do - and she knew it.

Well, now you know. The question is, how are you going to proceed?


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
C
Chris73 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
Originally Posted By: Jeep74
Well, now you know. The question is, how are you going to proceed?

I will keep pushing for her to move out. She is very much opposed to this idea because she feels like she would be abandoning her kids. This is exacerbated by the fact that she has unresolved issues of abandonment from her childhood that she never worked out with her mom (who died 3 years ago).

So I told her that if she won't move out, I will contact a lawyer and file. Which means that we'll need to sell our house, uproot the kids and go to court to determine custody.

She's so much in the fog right now that she doesn't see that this alternative is so much more traumatic for all of us than her just moving out. This marriage is still salvageable, but she has to do the work now. She could rent a place nearby and see the kids whenever she wanted to.

I really don't have much hope at this point. I took my ring off today. It feels strange. I know that I will be horribly sad once my adrenaline wears off, but for now I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders.


M46 W48
M11 T14
S11 D8
BD: 2016/05/27
In-home separation: 2016/11/23
Nesting: 2017/06/11
W moves out: 2018/01/07
W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12
I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
It may be good to add that as long as she is contact with the OM, then not to bother you with anything outside of the kids as she is disrespecting both you and the family.

Quote:
I really don't have much hope at this point. I took my ring off today. It feels strange. I know that I will be horribly sad once my adrenaline wears off, but for now I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders.


I know the feeling. I remember the feeling when I took mine off, too. Strange and heartbreaking at the same time. I think you did the right things, as hard as it was. We are here for you, brother.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
C
Chris73 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
Thanks! I mean, I could easily go into my cell carrier website and block his number. I've already blocked OM1's number. But that's kind of like pursuing right? If I'm detached she can call whoever she wants. But like you said, unless she decides to end contact with OM2, no contact with me unless it's about the kids.


M46 W48
M11 T14
S11 D8
BD: 2016/05/27
In-home separation: 2016/11/23
Nesting: 2017/06/11
W moves out: 2018/01/07
W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12
I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 250
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 250
Oh Chris, I'm so sorry, brother. My heart hurts for you. As much as it hurts at least you know for sure now. I think contacting a L isn't a bad idea at all so you know your rights and what to expect. Again, I'm so very sorry and my thoughts and prayers are with you and the kids.


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
D-day: 3/10/17
Page 2 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard