Moved out, working on GAL

[fightin]

Today seems to be one of those "I miss my W" days, but the odd thing about it is that it is very clear to me that I'm not really missing her, but just mourning the loss of the woman I once loved and the future I thought we had together. The more time that passes, the more I see the faults in our MR and in each other as individuals, and the more detached I feel from the whole thing. She's just become more like someone I used to know and someone I no longer like. If I look at a photo of her then her face seems unfamiliar and seeing a photo of us together doesn't cause me to shed even one tear.

Could I ever trust her again? Do I truly feel like we could ever be good together again or was that just some ideal I used to hold about us? None of these questions even matter as she shows no sign of ever wanting to reconcile, but I do ask myself these questions. Maybe I ask them to help me really look at it and see that I'm better off, or maybe because I have hope. I'm honestly not sure what I could possibly have any hope for at this point. Could I ever bring myself to put my heart in the hands of anyone again, especially hers? Right now the answer is a firm "no".

I realize I'm not completely detached as I do sometimes still break down and wish for hope, but I feel I'm getting there. I'm getting impatient for her to file for D because I just want it all over with and to never have to see even her name again, but I believe that is just the anger speaking.

[fightin]

Thanks cheesyt! They should feel guilty, I guess if they actually do then at least we know there is some semblance of a human soul in there. Selfish doesn't even begin to cover the scope of how cold and self-centered they can be; I feel like it needs its own new word. Ha!

Yes, our world no longer revolves around them and it drives them crazy as it should. Let them see that we can be better off without them. I'm sure they can't stand it. Thankfully I have been pretty good throughout at making sure I don't give her any ammo to blame me, sure I have my part in the deterioration of our M, but her affair and awful behavior toward me is something she will have to own all on her own. I'm not going to be hateful to her, but I'm not going to be her friend either. I have my moments where I kind of do hate her, but I don't say it to her.

Our spouses will have to see themselves and their actions for what they are without being able to point to us and say we've behaved poorly throughout this. You hang in their too, and so sorry to hear about your father.

[fightin]

Help please!

So W just text me to let me know she's emailing me a rough draft of the divorce papers. I still very much so don't want this. Do I just pretend that I do? Is it possible she's doing this so fast because she is convinced I hate her?

[fightin]

Okay, well I told her this was much faster than I expected, but that I'm sure she's anxious to get on with her new life and I wish her the best. She replied that it is inevitable so we might as well do it now.

How can she possibly be so sure in less than 2 months? I feel like this could be a huge setback for me if I let it.

[bsb]

I had a really rough day yesterday and last night too. I guess we are going to have these moments for a long time. I also ask myself almost all the same questions! Fear... like you said that is the key word for most of us.

I'm expecting to receive papers too since she is asking was asking about financial items. Do you not have to be served and a waiting period? I know here we have 30 days to respond after being officially served. You could say you need your attorney to look everything over and that might take some time??

Hang in there buddy!!

[bsb]

And I know how you feel!! Mine is two months exactly today

[AndrewP]

fightin - You don't have to operate on her timeline. I haven't read back in your situation but the word "help" caught my eye. Have you told her that this is what you want?

Take a deep breath, take your time and say that you aren't going to decide anything right away. If finances permit, also say that you aren't going to do anything without consulting with a lawyer. You can often get a free referral.

This is her bus - you don't have to get on. If it's what she wants she has to do all the work, you don't have to help, but again, make sure you know your rights and protect yourself.

[cheesyt]

yes, get a L and let her do the work!

Honestly fightin all WW's behave alike but they don't all feel the same. Your W could be 'sure' one moment and then not the next, it doesn't matter because she's not going to tell you, and if she does you most likely will not believe her. WW's act a lot on their feelings of the "moment". Your W will move it as fast or as slow as she wants I don't think stalling it will be beneficial, but IDK I'm not in that situation just yet.

MY advice is don't reply right away. to this or anything, think about it, sit on it, discuss with your support system and THEN get back. This is about you too. don't forget that!!!!! Even if it takes 24-48hrs to reply, it's OKAY! Never reply when you're emotional, pretty sure we've all done this (I have) but it seriously does NO good.

hang in there and hang on, this will be a bumpy ride. we are here for you

[fightin]

I went ahead and told her that this still isn't what I want, but that I if she chooses divorce then I respect her decision. She then replied with "You still want to wait?" After some back and forth it seems she started the process because she thinks I hate her. If I'm in anyway short with her or don't act super friendly via text then she says I'm hateful. Anyway, we landed on waiting until after the first of the year before she will file.

I will definitely have it looked over by a lawyer before I respond to it. I can't mind read so I shouldn't try, but the fact that she even asked "You still want to wait?" did give me a bit of hope that she may have reservations about it. However, she's still having an A so really it doesn't matter. I definitely let my emotions drive today after getting that text and made some mistakes. Back to square one I guess.

I've made it clear that if she wants a D she has to file and do all the work. Of course at some point I will have to look it over, but you're right, that can be after I've been served.

[fightin]

Oops!