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bsb #2719479 12/06/16 01:40 PM
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You have been given some great advice. It's hard but try to follow it. None of the things they do make any sense right now and trust me if you try to make yourself understand it will drive you crazy! I know this by experience and I still have a hard time with it.


Thank you! I won't go into the details of my story as its too long and crazy, so I'll just leave it in my thread. If you've got a bit of time, stop by mine for some craziness... It's been just around a year and a half from BD to the signing. And until fairly recently, I still had a hard time with it.

One thing we will have to remember is that they will always be a part of us - even years later. No one forgets. Even though things can't be unseen or unheard, those fade over time. That's where I am now. I can reminisce with getting teary eyed.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Dawgs #2719480 12/06/16 01:41 PM
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*without getting teary eyed


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Dawgs #2719587 12/07/16 01:55 AM
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Thank you all for your advise. It really helps knowing I'm not alone!

I've spent a lot of time working on myself over the last few months and I've really gone dark i.e. no pursuing, zero initiating etc. I guess I'm just wondering then... when you're hardly in contact with your H, how can you show (not tell) your H that you're changing and that a new relationship with me would be different and better? How do I walk the tightrope between showing H that I am changing and staying detached and rather aloof? What are some examples of how you guys have done that in conversation or body language?

I am seeing H on Saturday so I would appreciate all the feedback I can get!!

Thanks again!!

AAN #2719610 12/07/16 05:52 AM
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I've spent a lot of time working on myself over the last few months and I've really gone dark i.e. no pursuing, zero initiating etc. I guess I'm just wondering then... when you're hardly in contact with your H, how can you show (not tell) your H that you're changing and that a new relationship with me would be different and better? How do I walk the tightrope between showing H that I am changing and staying detached and rather aloof? What are some examples of how you guys have done that in conversation or body language?


That is what was hardest for me. In all honesty, its very hard to be detached and aloof when the person you love is behaving the way they are. I'm not so sure there is a way to show them other than just being yourself and not being pushy/overbearing about it.

If you go out of your way to act a certain way in front of them it can come off being fake or pushy. The only thing you can really do is concentrate on being yourself. Its tough. Not going to lie at all. My thing was "how do I show her that I've changed when the only time we talk or are around each other is about the kids?" I'm afraid there is really nothing that can be done, other than just concentrating on you. This will take time.

One of the things we must understand is that we can't make them do anything or change what they feel. It's not up to us. That tightrope you mention is YOUR tightrope. Concentrate on yourself.

I've made all the mistakes and also followed all the advice. I've learned that getting myself strong and back to the person I was is the best thing to do. Does that make her miss me and want to try again? I doubt it, but it isn't for her - its for me. I've also learned that I can't center my life on what she may/may not do. Sure, I miss her and would like another chance at us, but that isn't up to me - I can't control it so I just let it go, which was the biggest hurdle for me...which I still have trouble with sometimes.

We are in a dang near impossible situation where we must not wear our heart on our sleeves. I feel for you and your Saturday meeting. Been there and done that. And still am, every time we trade off.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
AAN #2719951 12/08/16 03:34 PM
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Originally Posted By: AAN
Thank you all for your advise. It really helps knowing I'm not alone!

I've spent a lot of time working on myself over the last few months and I've really gone dark i.e. no pursuing, zero initiating etc. I guess I'm just wondering then... when you're hardly in contact with your H, how can you show (not tell) your H that you're changing and that a new relationship with me would be different and better? How do I walk the tightrope between showing H that I am changing and staying detached and rather aloof? What are some examples of how you guys have done that in conversation or body language?

I am seeing H on Saturday so I would appreciate all the feedback I can get!!

Thanks again!!


Hello AAN,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

Do you need to schedule a session with your DB Coach before you see your husband on Saturday?

Please call me at 303-444-7004 and we can look at the schedule and see what works best for you with the time difference.

Regards,
Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
AAN #2720747 12/13/16 06:16 AM
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How are you doing, AAN? Haven't seen you on in a while and hope everything is OK.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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