Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I have been suspecting PA, but she would never own up to that. She won't even agree that she has had EA. Crazy thing is, this kid is not even her type. Yes kid, he was 8 years old when we first met. So he is a boy to me period. I feel like he thinks he can do whatever he wants at this point.
Normalcy and common sense go out the door when EA/PAs happen. So don't even begin to try to figure it out, because you won't. He might be a boy to you but not to her. Why would she admit to something that would cause trouble? My bet is that they will go even deeper down that rabbit hole.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Normalcy and common sense go out the door when EA/PAs happen. So don't even begin to try to figure it out, because you won't. He might be a boy to you but not to her. Why would she admit to something that would cause trouble? My bet is that they will go even deeper down that rabbit hole. [/quote]
I am not sure what she thinks. Her family is not very happy with her at this point and she had started trying to cut her own life with new friends. She has had moments of clarity but they are far and few in between. We were really close to mending things until that last text message I saw. Maybe it reminded her of why she liked hanging out with him. Or maybe I pushed her away by being so mad. I have no clue.
I dont use a computer at home. I am very careful about what I do around her. But not sure I would even care if she stumbled across this forum.
That is the point--do what works--> not what you think... listen to the the people here (not me)
If she finds your posts, she may think you are manipulating her and get more angry or something... you want to be calm above it all with a plan.... keep this work to yourself
even though my W and I have reconciled... or nearly reconciled... I have not shared with her this work... that I had a plan to do something like this.... I think it remains important that she knows and still knows that I will let her go yesterday and tomorrow if we do not have some boundaries in our relationship....
Also, do not spend anytime on the OM.... this is all about your W who will act like a child during this time.... selfish and mean....
What helped me... was I would think about love and if my daughter runaway and did something stupid... when she came home, I would love and take care of her.... (obviously it is not the same... ) but it was a way for me to think about who would take care of in my family even if they did something stupid for awhile...
H (me) 52, W 42 M 15 D14, S12 PA June and Sept 2016 Found out Sept, confronted Oct NC with OM since Oct, remorseful Dating since Nov
Steady, your sitch sounds like it has worked out pretty good so far with quick results. My timeline is just like yours. EA or PA in July and sept, and confronted in August. Only difference is my WW was doing active things such as new bank account, new cell phone, pretty much cut all ties with me all while I maintain our checking account and our family plan for cell phones, which I am under contract with so I pay for 2 phones and only really need to pay for one. I believe she still has contact with the OM but have no way of knowing. The OM and her do still anger me because it just seems pointless other than destroying our relationship and marriage. We still live together but sleep in separate rooms, which is getting pretty old. I probably can't afford our lifestyle and kids without 2 incomes and neither can she at this moment. Since i confronted her about the EA, she has had 2 vehicle accidents and busted 3 tires on 2 separate occasions. She just seems as if she is spiraling.
No, you didn't. If anything "pushed her away," it was being found out. But by then she was already away and not pushed. They tend to get angry when caught and called out, for some reason. Maybe its that whole projection thing.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Separation and divorce has been talked about alot in my household recently. I still love her and don't feel like its my responsibility for pay and file for separation. Here in my state you must physically be separated for 1 year before divorce occurs. I have told my WW that separation means divorce, there is no coming back for me. And for her to go ahead and file papers and i would support it even though I do not want it. Thats when she gets confused with no answers.
I am also going to check out the Divorce Remedy from the public library today. Not sure if that will help since my W has expressed no feelings for me. She also expressed she didnt think she would ever trust me or be physical with me again.
have told my WW that separation means divorce, there is no coming back for me. And for her to go ahead and file papers and i would support it even though I do not want it. Thats when she gets confused with no answers.
Maybe that's because she wants the results without the work?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
