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Joined: Apr 2015
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Thanks, everyone!

A quick update - I'm struggling with what to do in relation to the D. WH wants me to sign the eze-D paperwork and get it done. I think. It could be that he's trusting me to hold it up so he doesn't have to marry OW, lol.

I promised him earlier that I would set the record straight and reply with an at-fault D filing. I didn't want to sign a lie - that we were in agreement and it was nobody's fault. At this point, I'm moving on with my life and I can't decide if it's worth it or not. I'll be talking to my IC about it again this week, and also a L. I like to keep my promises, but I also want to look out for my own peace of mind.

There is nothing to settle in this step of the process unless I dispute the agreement we already have in place. I was duped, but the law may not consider it so.

My life is good - although I am struggling with feelings of vulnerability in moving forward. It was easier when it was just me and my GAL. wink I'm terrified of being cheated on and left. I'm leery of feeling dependent on a R or a new partner.

I'm probably a little cryptic. It's for legal reasons. Hopefully I will be able to be more open at some point.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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Painter

You are allowed to change your mind you know.

Does it really matter who is at fault, providing it doesn't affect the Fins (of course).

The saying a lie issue is a much bigger thing to me. That would be my deal breaker on it. In a sense you are in agreement so that bit seems sensible. The he done me wrong bit is important, if it's important to you.

Vulnerable, it's a good thing Painter.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Hi Painter! I came to find you, too. I like your new neighborhood. I think I'll be finding my way over here eventually, as I'm definitely in the surviving and kind-of-thriving mode these days. The D is a foregone conclusion and a good thing at this point.

Sorry to hear that STBXH is still lying to you, but as with my own STBXH - how do you know when they are lying? Their lips are moving. Or they moved in the past. smile

((((((((((Painter))))))))))


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
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Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas! I hope you are all spending time with friends or family. This is a difficult time for so many of us - changes and loss and loneliness. A big hug to everyone!


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
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hugs back. Merry Christmas!


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Apr 2015
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Happy New Year to all you lovely people here! Go into 2017 knowing that you are awesome, loyal, hard-working, dedicated and introspective individuals with a great capacity for love.

I am doing very well. My life is very good, better than it has been for years, maybe ever! The only thing I really need to focus on now is creating financial safety for myself and get my own place to live. This is my main resolution for 2017.

The reason I'm in this good place is because I GAL'ed extensively and found myself in the process. Then someone found me because I was a happy, busy person with a life of my own.

I want to put my M behind me. I have talked to a few L and they all think I will spend more than it's worth on trying to get an at-fault D. There's too many loopholes.

There is a way for me to protest a no-fault D passively - I simply do nothing. That way, I won't have to sign my name to a lie. WH will get his D in time even if I don't respond. (It will also cost me nothing.) Right now, that looks like the best option. The financials were all settled at the S, so there's no need to get involved.

I wish for peace of mind and new happiness for everyone here in the new year.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
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Yay! Sounds like a win win situation for you painter.

I'm glad your in a good place. Happy New Years.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
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Time for a little update:

I have heard nothing from WH. I have not been served, so there is no movement in the D proceedings that I know of. I am pretty sure that he is not ready to move forward with his committment to OW and is using our M as a buffer. She wants to get M and he told me before that he's not in any hurry to remarry.

In my own life, I'm experiencing great growth. I'm changing my relationship behaviors in what feels like profound ways, and it's so empowering and effective. This wasn't possible in my M because I didn't have a partner who felt he had a responsibility to contribute to the R outside bringing home a paycheck.

But I'm so happy that I went through the DB program because I can use these principles to develop a great R with someone who understands that it takes two people making an effort every day, and who approached the R with an attitude that made me challenge myself.

I have made a conscious decision to not focus on negative feelings (that are certain to occur) or doubts and fears, but instead feed the R with positive initiatives and be the change I want to see. I'm a detail oriented person who can get stuck on small stuff, and I've just decided I'm not going to take offense unless it's something really major, and instead meet it with the behavior I would like to see. I've seen amazing results within days.

I guess I'm trying to say that even if DB didn't save your M, it can have a profound impact on your future Rs. Wishing my dear friends here all the best!


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,091
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Painter,

I am glad to hear you are in a better place!


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
Joined: Apr 2015
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Checking in to see how everyone is doing and update on me.

I'm doing very well, but still being M is starting to feel like cobwebs clinging to me. Icky sensation that I want to get rid of.

There are also practical reasons - I can't really move on with my life this way. Getting a mortgage for a place to live, etc.

So I sent WH an e-mail and asked him if he would file promptly if I signed paperwork to allow that. He hasn't answered - it's been two days.

*sigh*


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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