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Thanks Ginger.

W goes 'nuts' at Christmas, Birthdays etc. It's an 'I can't cope' thing.

At times I throw in the odd LL (AoS), I did this yesterday when she was talking about kids uniforms asking if I have any, 'don't fret - I have some I am sure - give me tonight and I will dig them out; no problem". All "thank you's" etc. I know AoS really work for her - but go against what she said - even what she things she said and 'kaboom'. It doesn't amuse me that this happens, as I feel for her and, in particular, the kids (although they are, sadly, used to Mummy going 'Nutsy-Cookoo' as they call it). I used to be frightened by her. She really does look unhinged. But now I just feel sorry that she can't cope. I guess she is on her rollercoaster...thing is she must like the ride, she's been doing it for years. I'm certainly not getting on it....

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Great job of handling things! It is scary when the act like this and there is nothing you can do to change this moment. Glad you are being there for the kids during this time. Stay positive!

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Thanks bsb. Yes I suppose it went okay. I just find the whole 'fog' of the WW/WAW weird at times. Very odd behaviour. It's hard to be so compassionate all the time but I try to be. I must admit, I have burst out laughing once or twice over the last few years (not often). I don't know if it's nerves or just laughing because the situation is so ridiculous at times - I don't recommend it. It will definitely not help.I just find it bizarre at times.

Anyway. Back to like observing the nosey neighbour etc.

Hope you are keeping on top of your emotions.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Surfer I haven't ever posted to you as in order to do so I would need to read your whole thread.

I usually adopt a newbie a week, so if it's ok with you as an established newbie, that can be you next week. It will take me that long to absort your sitch.

Have you heard of the HPA axis?

My first thoughts lie around compulsion rage, as this is so disinherited.

I have a vivid image of your WW from this last interaction which fits with some disinhibition I have learned.

This sounds like thrashing, the Giggalo used to do it.

The answer was to record it. I recorded a whole hours rant once and sent it to him. He never commented. The rants went under control.

It's emotional dysregulation.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Wow V,

This is really interesting. I have not heard of the HPA Axis at all but I have now. I have sped read some info just now.

Treatment - sleep (W can't sleep - hereditary), gets vast headaches (inflammation), excessive stress is a massive problem.......wow. She has always been like this to varying degrees but things really pushed on when pregnant with our first child (just read the pre-natal concerns). I really appreciate you mentioning this!!!

I did once record it. But only when we were living together. I still have the copy. It was only a 30 seconds but......

I am really looking forward to hearing from you after you have caught up. Thank you very much.

I have been at this for years and years (not DB - me, failing, then a "Marriage Fitness" course with a famous guy for a year or so IC, MC and for the last few months DB.

Whilst I don't want to give up on my W (who swings between her and the alien) or my lovely children, I am tiring a bit. I am sure there is something akin to mental illness here. Her Mum did something a little similar and her cousin (all the females) had a similar (ish) breakdown. All at that late 30's age.....not read up on the hereditary nature of this yet....

Thank you again.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Is this the correct checklist V?

The link seems to go to newcomers boards generally??

Surfer


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Surfer, I'm going to jump in here as I've been reading your thread but not fully yet, so forgive me if this is out of place.

Quote:
But now I just feel sorry that she can't cope. I guess she is on her rollercoaster...thing is she must like the ride, she's been doing it for years


This statement struck me as my exW has been on that ride, although she has had very few outward nutso moments, but they are there. Not sure they like that behavior or even recognize that they are doing things.

My ex's behavior is well-documented in the old threads so I won't go into all of it. Looking back, she did a lot of things that had me raising my eyebrows. But the thing is, she never knew she was doing it. Not in the least.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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ooooops link again

Sorry.....


V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Thanks V. This is really heavy stuff. It's what I have witnessed. Been through (and am still going through to some degree) but I very much would like to understand the foundation to it. I almost don't want to confront it as it is so true!

What was the book you read that led you to this understanding?

You severed your R I presume? I haven't caught up on your full sitch but read much of it last night.

I think you have had wider issues in your sitch GA/AA - were these for you or your S? I am confused on this point. Apologies, not meaning to pry I am just trying to see whether we have similar demographics as such.

My W does not gamble and is not addicted to drink or drugs or self medicating in any way. She is just, well IDK. That's the point. She just has problems and having read the HPA Axis dysfunction it could well be this or something similar.

You have a very clinical and well thought through approach. You seem stoic in your approach - to a degree which is amazing. Yet frightening. How you use logic and strategy to deal with this is, well frankly, rather unfathomable to me right now. I am still confused with all of this - to some degree. But I am trying to learn the skills I need for myself and my kids and my W to some degree. Also, you come across as a very intelligent lady!

This isn't flattery BTW. Just commenting on observation.

I really appreciate this help and direction. It's a massive gear shift for me however.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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