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Previous thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2695080#Post2695080

To recap. Been separated since July swinging through sadness and anger. Sadness is the worst, didnt know you could drown in sadness. Anger is my lifeline i am ashamed to admit. It helps me stand straighter and grab the day by its balls. I like anger i like it alot more than sadness.

Now my anger has a personification, a 1100cc hell beast i ride come rain or shine. I was convinced i would ride it into the sunset. Only problem is she has decided to throw a wrench in my plans.

Shes not filing, nor does she want to reconcile. Spouses! cant kill em......or can you?


Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs
23Mar16-BD
9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss.
27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM.
14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation.
24May17-Divorced.
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 436
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Feeling good but mostly its because of the anger has pulled me out of my slump. I was wallowing in self pity the past week.

Leaving tomorrow for 3 week long getaway in the UK with S5. Looking forward to it and hoping i find some peace and happiness through the holidays.

Oh here is another wrench by her. She's not interested in reconciling but doesn't mind if we try dating but re-iterates she doesn't know if she can find any feelings for me.

6 months ago i would have jumped at this, now im actually a little insulted to be honest. Is it just me? but if shes not willing to fight for her husband we feel we should just pull the trigger and divorce. I havnt responded to her.

Do i need some 2x4s?


Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs
23Mar16-BD
9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss.
27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM.
14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation.
24May17-Divorced.
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 436
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Posts: 436
6 months ago i would have jumped at this, now im actually a little insulted to be honest. Is it just me? but if shes not willing to fight for her husband I feel we should just pull the trigger and divorce. I havnt responded to her.


Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs
23Mar16-BD
9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss.
27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM.
14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation.
24May17-Divorced.
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 1,509
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Natus,

Are you in a place where you can "just date" without any real commitment to try and make things work, and then just end it if things don't work?

I personally don't think you're in a place where you could just date her, because I don't believe you have completed your healing process and are happy on your own, which would complicate any relationship, but especially dating your almost ex-wife.

But, I wouldn't blame you if you said yes if you really felt like that was what you wanted, but I hope you would want it from a place other than you feel a need to be with her.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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A month since my last update.

Been away throughout Dec with S5 visiting my relatives all over UK. Went all the way from Scotland all the way down to plymouth and saw my cousins and uncles that i havnt seen in years. It was nice. Spent christmas and new year week at my gran mothers at Birmingham.

It was nice, i was content and happy, i think single fatherhood suits me. No roller coaster, no wondering. But in a way that maybe cause it was all an escape.

The last few days before coming back mood started to swing. Knowing that i have to handover S5 seems to always get on me.
So much so that i had a dream about her and in that dream she betrayed me again.

I bought gifts (got caught up in the christmass spirit) for S5 cousins both on my side and hers. They all live in the same house on her side as they all live in her parents house. Even bought her a book cause she had mentioned it previously before i left and i just happen to come across it. Almost bought pressies for her parents but thought better not, i have no issue with buying for the kids but buying for her parents would be too much since we are not together. Its not like they celebrate Christmas anyway.

Coconut, Im kinda convinced that she just offered it up as appeasement or a way to convince herself she tried. Im not touching that. If she really wanted to fix the M than maybe. I havnt seen anything to date from her in that regards.

So to sum up. Still in limbo but preparing myself for a life without her. Would be so much easier without S5. I dont miss her anymore but i hate that my little boy's family is split.

Got to admit though hes taking it so well. He is joyful and happy. Doesn't seem to ask where is mommy even though we were away for 3 weeks. Maybe because daddy spoils him. Just hope hes not bottling it all up. He is so young and does not quite understand whats going on yet but he will get older and i know it will crop up at.


Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs
23Mar16-BD
9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss.
27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM.
14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation.
24May17-Divorced.
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 436
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Its funny being back and the roller coaster emotions returned. Its taken me this long to realise that i have not let go, just buried it deep.

I dont know, if its the new year spirit but im starting to feel like maybe its going to be okay. No anger, not hurt (okay maybe a little bit when i dwell on it)but yea i can look at her now and go okay, we are at different places with different wants in life.

I want a family (thats not new) while her interest seems to be more centered around her.

To sum up over the week, i've accepted limbo. Im okay with it, it doesnt mean anything until i decide to get off.


Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs
23Mar16-BD
9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss.
27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM.
14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation.
24May17-Divorced.
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
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Natus,

I'm still pining for the smiley face girl. Whatever happened to her?

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Oh hey doodler, either shes giving me signals or im day dreaming :> alas shes in a relationship with another. Plus i've learnt shes pretty high maintenance. My quota for showing a girl the world is spent for the moment. Im more interested in me and my boy.


Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs
23Mar16-BD
9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss.
27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM.
14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation.
24May17-Divorced.
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
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Originally Posted By: Natus
My quota for showing a girl the world is spent for the moment. Im more interested in me and my boy.


Natus,

I totally understand and often share your sentiment. Have fun with your son!

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Hey Natus,

My W proposed the "dating" thing too - but in her context it was to see if we can rekindle the relationship and see if we are still M compatible.

In my case I'm going along with it and can say it's been a pretty positive experience so far, I feel like we are growing closer and reconnecting but she's still not committing to the M.

During the last 2 weeks she has opened up more to me then she has in a long time - and has also opened up about the R (that's what kicked it off). With her finally being honest about that I felt we could move forward and at least see where it goes.

Time will tell where this will go, and in your heart you need to be open and ready for it.


Me: 40 W: 45
T: 13, M: 11
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16
EA/PA Discovered 3/16
EA admitted 3/16
W Moved out 4/16
W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
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