I was the same way for a month. Every week more of her things were gone. She didn't take any of our stuff but talked about it. Finally, when she got all her personal items out I got the keys back. It hurt, but I feel a lot better knowing she can't come and go as she pleases.
Id hope the taking would end at some point. Not sure why she even wants peices of our life if it wasnt worth saving.. Kinda feels like im waiting out the fog as far as making any "marital" decisions... Time is my friend, right?
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Time CAN be your friend. Or your worst enemy. Depends on how you use it. You said you are "reflecting" right now. No point really at this point. The last is the past. Can't change it. I guess I'm a bit different when it comes to "stuff". I basically let her take whatever she wanted. Let her look at it and think of the memories linked to the item. Better her than me. Intact, I have all the Christmas stuff from the last 18 years in tubs. Only stuff I'm keeping is the stuff my mom gave me that I made as a kid and a few of the things the girls made us over the years. Everything else is going to her, first house, engagement, first Christmas ornaments, etc....everything! She wants to throw it, oh well. That part of my life is over. No need for me to sit there with a bottle of whiskey and stare at the tree of memories of a life that once was.
Point is, do you REALLY care if she takes a couch or a lamp? Let go and let live!
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
Id hope the taking would end at some point. Not sure why she even wants peices of our life if it wasnt worth saving.. Kinda feels like im waiting out the fog as far as making any "marital" decisions... Time is my friend, right?
Why would she want it? It's free and works! Why go buy another lamp that is used to light a room when one is sitting there that she's "entitled" to? You tie it to a memory, she doesn't necessarily. Oh, that picture of the 2 of you that she has to have? It's a nice frame, the pic can be swapped out.
You will never be able to understand her mind. You will lose yours trying to. Thousands of $$ in IC/MC taught me that lol
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
By reflection i meant im always in my head trying to decide/feel, what do i really want? As we can fool ourselves. But most days i feel like im in nuetral holding down the fort.
In the grand scheme nothing she takes will really matter. I wish their was at least some discussion as to what leaves, nope, as the kids get ready for school at my house, she wanders through the house, deciding whats next... She always checks the bedroom too, probably looking for signs of me having a girlfriend, i know she was checking my phone records, and opening my mail for awhile after she left.
Everyday i ask myself if im doing the right thing fighting for my marriage. Or is today gonna be the day i give up. It sure would be nice for this nightmare to end, either her gone forever, for sure, or us back working together on our relationship. LIMBO [censored].
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Today i feel hollow and lost. I feel like ive got so much "upkeep" to do, so that th next time the wife is around she sees, wow he hasnt been mopeing around the house.. hes been busy... But most days i really have no drive for the home. Id rather leave n go somewheres else, hide from the situation. But then i feel like if my marriage is to have a chance, that i need to DB hard and now, but usually have no clue what to do.. can you see the fixer in me??
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Try to keep positive! I know it's really hard somedays and I agree that the limbo kills us. I think we have to try to think this will be all over at some point and either way we will be a better person. I know easier said than done and I struggle with it myself!! I'm pulling for you.
Tonite is gonna be rough, kids come back, and im gonna hear about all the fun they had with wife and OM. Then theirs a chance she will bring him to daughters christmas concert tonite. I was having a good day being distracted and even hyper at work, but now i have to come back to reality! And that sunk my mood as work ended
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Focus on the kids. Don't question/interrogate them when they come home. Just focus on appreciating and enjoying the time with them. At the concert, same thing. If she brings om, so be it. Another person cheering for your D. I know it's rough. Unfortunately I know first hand.
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
Well i hope i gave the right impressions tonite. I told MIL where i was sitting with son, she arrived with Wife, no OM thank god, MIL came to sit with me and was suprised W followed. I focused on the concert, did my best to pretend my W wasnt there. I was dressed up, took lots of pics of daughter, tapped along with the songs... Lemme tell you, i wasnt happy she was there, or that she seemed smug, probably following detaching methods too... Idk i feel my love for her turning into something ugly and i dont like it
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
