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twinmom Offline OP
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I have "mommy" friends whose kids are friends with my kids. The problem with asking them for help is my (older) kids don't go to school / we don't live near them. My oldest goes to school 30min from our house, my 10yr old is 20min away. And there is no way I would expect someone to take 4 kids!

I'm ok with his family not helping, but I don't want them expecting me to give them attention. I know I have resentment when they don't help but I'm slowly dealing with that.

I love helping others, donating my time/items to help less fortunate at church but when it comes to H's family I've turned into Scrooge!

Do you think I should just remove myself from holidays? I was thinking about just not being here every holiday.

H is still "trying" in the sense he texts me I love you & good morning beautiful when he leaves for work before I'm up. I have phone code but that doesn't mean much as he could just delete.

I'm going to try and practice gratitude, I am going to write down at least one thing every day I'm thankful for/good things in my life.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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job Offline
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In an emergency, I'm sure that someone in the community would be more than happy to take care of the kids for you. Don't rule people out because you don't know what they will and can do to help a fellow neighbor. Don't be afraid to ask for help. In today's world, people do not always step up to the plate, but when you ask, they are more than willing to help out. Some people are hesitant to offer help because they don't know how the other person will react to their offer.

As for the church...look to the fellow church members and seek help there as well. I'm sure the members would be more than willing to help you if they knew that you needed assistance. Again, learn to ask for help and don't allow your pride to get in the way. This is the season that many people are more giving of themselves and now is the time to discuss your situation w/your priest/minister or rabbi. They are there for you when things seem bleak.

I can understand how you feel about his family, but the anger towards them will not help your situation. In fact, it will eat at you and create health issues. I know this is going to be a tough bullet to bite, but you've have to feel sorry for them and to forgive them for their actions because they just don't know any better and that is a very sad picture that is being painted by them to others. You are the only one that can set the boundaries for you. If you don't wish to be around them as much this holiday season, then don't. But remember...your h is blind to what they do because he was raised in that environment and he's going to want to visit w/them...so suggest he go and if the kids want to go...then let them. Nothing says you have to be present at all visits/functions. Find other things to do. This is your only life, so figure out what you want to do w/it and go from there.

Even w/the situation you are in, you still have a lot to be grateful for: a home, a husband who is trying to some degree, beautiful children and you get up each day and can enjoy the day.

Learn to let that anger go, you can't control how his family behaves, but you can control the way that you react to their behavior. Go talk to your pastor/minister/rabbi. Don't be afraid to reach out to others because you will need to have a network in place for emergencies.

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Hello Twinmom, how are you?

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twinmom Offline OP
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Rouky, thanks for checking on me. I'm ok, I'm making plans for myself on Christmas Day. H has insisted on hosting his family (he will never "go" see them it's always them coming to my house). I refuse to be here and be treated horribly so I'm going to find an open restaurant & have dinner/drinks alone while his family is here.
I'm working too much but that's my own fault for taking on more projects then I can handle. I still want to leave so badly but the "comfortableness" of the house/finances/help with kids keeps me here.
Maybe too much info but when H & I are intimate it's never satisfying for me. Thoughts of who he has been with always pop into my head.
I'd love to leave but (selfishly) don't want to give up my lifestyle.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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It is not selfish as it is what you like. Maybe you could start to put aside some money, so when/if you want to leave you can have the life you want. With H we were always short on cash (even when I was buying a cheap top), I felt guilty. Now that I'm no longer with H that guilt has gone! Financially I'm better off as I don't have to put more money in joint account as H was always making it overdrawn. Now it's OW's problem. Good luck to her.

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Thank you very much for stopping by Twinmom. How did your Christmas go? How are you?

I'll definitely come to Indiana and visit you. I'm proud to say that I consider you as a very good friend. Hope you have a great day. What have you planned?

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