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2Tours #2718722 12/02/16 05:24 AM
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HI 2Tours,
I know that this is puzzling. I know that you want an answer. I'm not sure your wife even knows the answer.

I read recently that the best thing we can do for our own peace of mind is stop trying to get inside their heads.

Someone else may have a different POV, but I thought I'd share this in case it was helpful.

I'm not surprised you felt relief. You know now that you have a month of nc, so you have a month of not having to anticipate what lunacy might come at you from the MLC wormhole.

Do you decorate for the holidays? What sorts of GAL activities are you planning?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 81
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Bttrfly,
It's nice to know I can count on you for a response! I get your point, I guess what's weird is that if you're gone and its truly over, why go through the rest of this? A month with NC will be calm and for sure I will spend less time decoding what she is saying and doing.

As far as GAL, I have a great group of friends who won't let me be alone much. They are very supportive of my standing and we have some nice events that we are going to. One of the events is our own annual charity event for chirstmas, taking care of less fortunate families.

Yes I decorate and I will be decorating this year as well. Overall I am in a pretty good place.

How are you doing and what do you have planned for the holidays? Sorry about Gronk!


M52 W52
M17 T20
SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own
BD 10/01/16
Trial Sep 12/01/16
2Tours #2718864 12/02/16 08:37 PM
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yes I agree it's odd, but they aren't in their right minds. She could be keeping a toe in the relationship while she tests being out of it ... she could genuinely not know what she wants ... my stbxh said he was terrified, but it didn't stop him from destroying our family.

Good for you and your group of friends. I had a small group also. They saved me.

Meh - I'm ok ... better than a few days ago, thanks for asking. I don't really have holiday plans. the D is final on 12/21 so .. not really sure what happens after that - maybe I turn into a pumpkin? or a snowball?

Son is looking forward to Christmas so I will decorate and do whatever he wants to make it special for him. Spending Christmas Eve with my dear friend and her family as we've done for the past several years. This is first year without H. I didn't go last year as I just couldn't face it...

Oh, Gronk is very upsetting. Darn Maddon curse! But you know the Pats, "Do your job" and "Next man up" we'll see! xo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 81
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Well my WS reached to a good friend yesterday to have breakfast with him. This is the same person she told the therapist that she wanted to reconnect with in our last session. They are both accountants/finance people, so they've always had a good relationship and trust. He and his wife are our best friends and WS told the therapist that she was hoping to reconnect with him, as he is a very good friend. When pressed about what she wanted from this conversation, she said to reconnect and if we were to get back together, she saw this friend as a key support person in the rest of our friends accepting WS back,

So part of me is encouraged by this as WS is following through on her commitment to therapist and seems to be showing some signs of acceptance. We will see how the breakfast goes, as WS and I are on NC for the month of December.

Any thoughts?


M52 W52
M17 T20
SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own
BD 10/01/16
Trial Sep 12/01/16
2Tours #2719023 12/04/16 08:48 AM
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expectations set to zero.
no mind reading.
how's the weekend going?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
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oh found a mug with this on it while Christmas shopping yesterday:
peace.
it does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise, trouble
or hard work. it means to be in
the midst of those things and still
be calm in your heart

bought it for myself.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 81
2
2Tours Offline OP
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 81
Going very well. I co-hosted a party with some great friends last night to give four needy families a Christmas, it was fun and rewarding. Headed out to the brewery with some friends to watch some football and just had a great ride on my new Peloton indoor spin bike.

I do have little expectation, but I am encouraged that this is moving forward in some way.

Have a great day!!


M52 W52
M17 T20
SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own
BD 10/01/16
Trial Sep 12/01/16
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 81
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I love it!!! Now fill it up with something you enjoy and embrace the work you've have done to improve yourself. You're becoming a better version of you every day!


M52 W52
M17 T20
SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own
BD 10/01/16
Trial Sep 12/01/16
2Tours #2719046 12/04/16 12:14 PM
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Well that didn't last long....WS showed up at the house after breakfast with our friend. She was looking for the pads to fit the Swiffer she took and her bowling ball. Acted like this was no issue, I called it to her attention and she wanted to get her things, see how I was doing etc. It was a pleasant visit, I asked her nothing about herself, she praised me on how well she hears I am doing.

Total temperature check. I have been very busy and enjoying my free time. Getting into the best shape of my life, meeting many new people and I think she is seeing me sailing away,

Well, off to meet some friends....have a great day...Carpe Diem!


M52 W52
M17 T20
SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own
BD 10/01/16
Trial Sep 12/01/16
2Tours #2719052 12/04/16 01:37 PM
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Sounds great 2Tours - I hope you enjoyed your day.

Not so sure about the free access to the house - you may want to set a boundary that she has to call first and schedule a time. That way you can chose to not be there if that is your preference to maintain the NC.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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