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Originally Posted By: jade
I also have trouble with GALing, mainly trying to start new and build new life and friendships. or revert, by picking up where i left off 12 years ago and reconnect and get back to my roots...


jade,

At first, I had difficulty with my GAL activities; I was looking for something bold, daring and different. But, I'm a working dad so I had some constraints with regard to how much time I had to spend on my activities.

What led me to my GAL activities was that I needed a new bed because my W took our bed when she moved out, so I decided to build a bed. After I built the bed, I did other woodworking projects around the house, and soon I was constantly juggling multiple projects. It turned out to be a lot of fun. Much of the work I did was outside so I'd often talk with neighbors and people passing by. In addition, I often had to go to Lowe's or Home Depot or the nursery so I had a good amount of interaction with other people.

My point is that if your GAL activities are feeling a bit contrived, then just go with the flow and you might find something "ordinary" that captures your interest. My home projects made a world of difference in my attitudes toward everything.

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Originally Posted By: doodler
Originally Posted By: jade
I also have trouble with GALing, mainly trying to start new and build new life and friendships. or revert, by picking up where i left off 12 years ago and reconnect and get back to my roots...


jade,

At first, I had difficulty with my GAL activities; I was looking for something bold, daring and different. But, I'm a working dad so I had some constraints with regard to how much time I had to spend on my activities.

What led me to my GAL activities was that I needed a new bed because my W took our bed when she moved out, so I decided to build a bed. After I built the bed, I did other woodworking projects around the house, and soon I was constantly juggling multiple projects. It turned out to be a lot of fun. Much of the work I did was outside so I'd often talk with neighbors and people passing by. In addition, I often had to go to Lowe's or Home Depot or the nursery so I had a good amount of interaction with other people.

My point is that if your GAL activities are feeling a bit contrived, then just go with the flow and you might find something "ordinary" that captures your interest. My home projects made a world of difference in my attitudes toward everything.





Doodler, nice job explaining this.


M 21 years
XW 43yo, me 41 yo
S13
BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient...
End of June - I started the D process.
D final 2/23/17
"He who forgets will be destined to remember"
Eddie Vedder
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Thanks guys. I honestly dont know what im doing or how to get a life. Since 17 my life was about my wife, our family and achieving our goals together. So now im faced with trying to DB in a way that combines doing whats best for me while still putting my kids first. Detaching would be much easier without kids n family ties.

It certainly feels like the world does not want me to be happy. It gets exhausting putting on the happy act for long periods with no real joy being acheived.


BH:30 WW:30
T:12 M:5
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BD 7-28-16
S 8-28-16
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3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
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I completely understand what you're saying, jade. Faking happiness is not natural and when you feel completely devastated on the inside, it's the hardest thing to do. It's something I'm trying to learn also. Lots of luck to you


M:41 H:43
T:26yrs M:19 yrs
S:15 D1:14 D2:9
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What's one thing you did in the last 7 days that you think is GAL? For this, don't count going to the gym.

What's one GAL thing you have planned for the next 7 days?


Me: 44
H: 44
Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10
Together/Married: 22 years
H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16
H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
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Rose - I just want to give jade an example here to be supportive and give ideas.
I went to an open mic comedy show at the local brewery.


M 21 years
XW 43yo, me 41 yo
S13
BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient...
End of June - I started the D process.
D final 2/23/17
"He who forgets will be destined to remember"
Eddie Vedder
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 108
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Sorry for the delayed response. Ive done several new things toward GALing. My therapist was actually impressed with how id keep trying even after an idea falls through. I spend alot of time at local bowling allys following my friend and his wife. Did some casino bingo on a friday night. A friends kids birthday party at the roller rink. Went to my first ever PTA meeting. Gone out on a few "freindly dates".

Yesterday my wife went to my house uninvited while i was at work and took the dresser, then texts me she took it. I blew up telling her she is no longer allowed in my house. And that she will no longer be picking up the kids from the house, that i will take them to mine or her moms. I cant be a prisoner to the situation, not knowing from day to day, what will dissappear especially now that shes graduated to furniture.

So now her sister texts me that her great grandmas farm is getting sold and that GG stuff thats still in my house will need to go to their storage unit here soon. So now my wife has SIL doing to communications between us. And she wants a prosay divorce?


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Hello Jade,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

What was your wife's response when you told her she is no longer to go to your house? No need to respond to SIL. The fewer of your wife's family members to deal with the better.

How are the divorce papers your lawyer drafted different from the joint papers your wife wants you to sign?

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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Originally Posted By: jade
Detaching would be much easier without kids n family ties.


Hey Jade, sorry for the situation you are in. I'd like to say, Try not to think of how much easier other situations are and just focus on making yours the best it can be. for you and your kids.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Originally Posted By: cheesyt
Originally Posted By: jade
Detaching would be much easier without kids n family ties.


Hey Jade, sorry for the situation you are in. I'd like to say, Try not to think of how much easier other situations are and just focus on making yours the best it can be. for you and your kids.


I think this is really good advice. Focus on yourself and your situation. It's hard sometimes. I even start to think about how much easier my EX has it and really that is just a waste of time. Find good people and situations to model your actions around.


M 21 years
XW 43yo, me 41 yo
S13
BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient...
End of June - I started the D process.
D final 2/23/17
"He who forgets will be destined to remember"
Eddie Vedder
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