Ok, now my wife just texted me about christmas. Now based on our general schedule, i will have kids all of christmas weekend. But now my wife would like to have them christmas day after 9am. An option she shot down in late october, along with splitting thanksgiving day in half. But since she got all of turkey day and ignored my daughters request to visit me on thanksgiving, choosing to take kids to OM grandmas thanksgiving. She got "her" thanksgiving, now wants "her" christmas. I want to text back that "that option is no longer on the table." Please advise quickly...
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
I sent. No thanks She immediatly responded, asking my suggestion. So now, i want to say, kids will remain with me all weekend, but that MIL, FIL, FIL, SIL, GIL, are all welcome to join. Do i extend that to wife? If W wants to see them for christmas, she can arrange a time to come over without OM...?
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
From a DB perspective, I don't know what's best. I think I'd tend to extend an invitation if I thought the children would appreciate her presence. Definitely no OM. And, in my particular case, I 'd have to remind the WW that if she didn't remain exceptionally cordial, she'd be ushered out of the house pronto (no warnings, just a boot to the @ss).
Will your children be crushed not to see their mom on Xmas?
If so, I might offer to have wife and her family (but not OM) over for dessert on Xmas later in the day, like 4:00 or 6:00.
I would not include them earlier in the day.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
I feel like saying, "i have no suggestions for you, the kids will be with me for christmas weekend." I hate the lag time between posting and getting some advice.. lol wish i had fellow DBrs in my circle to help make non emotional decisions.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
What about next year? Will you swap holidays? If she doesn't get to see the kids this year, she'll probably pay you back next year....if she waits that long.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sidebar, Wifes suggestion of picking them up at 9am, tells me that OM christmas would be 10/11am ish. So id be inclined to only offering that window to her, make her choose kids or his family christmas..
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
If it goes as far as next year im sure one of us will have filed by then, then its up to lawyers n judges. Kinda why im leaning toward filing myself, so these issues get handled by the court, instead of me being constantly baited, or me being unfair.. Id be more open to splitting christmas day as it was my idea but i wanted thanksgiving split too, she specifically stated she wasnt interested in splitting days in half. Now that she realizes ive got all of christmas, but lost thanksgiving now she wants to deal. I have no problem modifying the arrangement next year, or giving her access this year. But im not letting her parade my kids around OM family if i can help it. She may have to explain where her kids are, maybe they are clueless to her still being married.. idk
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
I don't split our holidays, and never have. This year, XW had the kids for Thanksgiving, and my family celebrated it without them, but we are going up for several days around Christmas. It's what divorce and affairs create.
Your WAW will just have to understand it's the way it is. Look, I walked around in fear that if I said or did anything, she would "leave me" - but she was having an affair! All it did was make her lose respect for me, and use that leverage to treat me horribly. When I finally did stand up and say "no", she ranted and raved for a few days, but her demeanor began to change each time I stood up for myself in a firm but fair manner.
So, she had Thanksgiving, you get Christmas. You can offer to drop them off first thing day after Christmas if she'd like?
