We get it, you are not doing the work for her. So why do you continue harping on not being the one to file? If you don't want to, then don't be pressured into doing it.
Really good job about presenting yourself looking much better, and the other things you've done. Hope you will continue to build GAL.
I am so sorry about the situation with your kids and OM. I hate it and what it does to families. My GC went through the very same thing.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I dont want to file, just sometimes i feel like it may be my only option to protect myself and kids from her childish actions. Or that if i dont file, id continue to appear as plan B. So would me filing be the 2x4 she needs? Or Does GALing even without filing have the same 2x4 effect?
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Do you really want me to tell you what she wants? Okay, I will. She wants what benefits her the best. Not you, not her kids, .........just HER! That is her foremost intentions in everything, no matter how big or small.
The fact that a WW may not run out and file first is simple. She is looking, listening, and watching to see which direction benefits her the best. New friends and other WW's may be giving her legal tips, or telling her shanigans to take the kids from her H, or get his retirement, or the house, or whatever scheme she can pull to come out looking justified and gain the most benefits.
If the WW is still living in the marital home, it is b/c it benefits her more, in spite of the tension with her H. She may be waiting him out so she can have the house, or planning how she will get an upscale apartment, or waiting for her OM to leave his W, ...........or see if OM comes through and proposes M. If the OM doesn't work out and the H won't financially support her single lifestyle, then she can always refuse to leave home. She knows her H doesn't want a divorce.
So just b/c she has not filed does not mean she is having second thoughts and want to work on the MR. She may apply pressure on him to file so he has to pay for it, or however the system works best for her. Again, she looks at it from one viewpoint............what is best for her.
The WW wants to be free of responsibilities, live the lifestyle of a single woman, have the very best that money can buy........ and have someone else pick up the tab. She doesn't want her H, but she wants the benefits the M has provided her. In other words, she wants the best of both worlds.
Before you file just to show you aren't going to be Plan B, or to give a 2x4..........you must seek legal advice. If you really want to protect yourself, get a lawyer......whether you file first, or not. Find a lawyer who will fight for father's rights. See if you can get your name off her CC's and vise versa. Protect your retirement and savings account and separate checking accounts. Again, you need lawyer's advice on any of those actions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Wife does not stay in the home, on my mornings she comes to get daughter off to school as i work early. Home has no real equity and is solely in my name, 401k is untouchable at the moment. insurance and cell phones are the only things with both our names, and i chose not to be jerk and boot her of my health plan. In my state filing is only $200, my lawyers retainer is $1500. Financially i "think" im safe but who knows, regarding kids im told their isnt alot i can do unless i prove her unfit in court. Just clarifying things regarding sitch.
I do have some questions regarding GALing. 1- With regards to going out and hanging out with not so close friends, how do i handle the "why isnt W here?"? Because we rarely socialized seperatly. 2- usually if i were to search out an activity with friends, id post to facebook "whos up for a movie? Etc.. But my wifes leaving and affair has not gone facebook public. So i feel id be inviting questions, to which answering is staying in the rut of the sitch. So how does one build new lives and friendships while still in a "semi-single" state? I use semi-single to define my current condition as im essentially single, but do to my personal values regarding marriage and love, i wont allow myself to act like a single man
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Wife does not stay in the home, on my mornings she comes to get daughter off to school as i work early. Home has no real equity and is solely in my name, 401k is untouchable at the moment. insurance and cell phones are the only things with both our names, and i chose not to be jerk and boot her of my health plan. In my state filing is only $200, my lawyers retainer is $1500. Financially i "think" im safe but who knows, regarding kids im told their isnt alot i can do unless i prove her unfit in court. Just clarifying things regarding sitch.
I do have some questions regarding GALing. 1- With regards to going out and hanging out with not so close friends, how do i handle the "why isnt W here?"? Because we rarely socialized seperatly. 2- usually if i were to search out an activity with friends, id post to facebook "whos up for a movie? Etc.. But my wifes leaving and affair has not gone facebook public. So i feel id be inviting questions, to which answering is staying in the rut of the sitch. So how does one build new lives and friendships while still in a "semi-single" state? I use semi-single to define my current condition as im essentially single, but do to my personal values regarding marriage and love, i wont allow myself to act like a single man
Couple things....
What do you mean your 401k is untouchable at the moment?
You may want to look at checking your pride at the door. Your questions all directly point to you worrying most about what other people will think or say. Really? That's your concern? Dude, if someone asks be a man and either tell them the truth or tell them it's none of their effin business. Simple. If you do want to be more cordial: "w and I are going through a personal matter right now and I don't know how it's going to end. I appreciate your concern but, I would even appreciate more if we don't discuss it at this time."
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
401k has a loan against it for several more years. But honestly nobody can predict how the legal stuff will play out, so for the most part im not fretting over longterm "divorce" issues, thats what the lawyers are for in my eyes. I fret more about my current dilemmas, her taking stuff, kids being with om, etc. Which im stuck because i have no way to enforce anything without me taking legal action, and that may even be futile. On that note, i have not really done anything with the bulk of our possessions because i figure thats a legal matter, so everything within my house sits in limbo, unless she decides to relieve me of whatever item of the day may be.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Im not sure what ur asking bippy78. Right now i just try to find opportunities to be with friends, make new friends. Making new friends is harder than it used to be. Idk, kinda reflecting right now, my wife is doing her thing, im trying to do mine, while the marriage sits in limbo??? Feels like an accurate description... I do wish my wife would quit taking pieces of "our life" to build her new life.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
I guess that's just it - how long are you going to sit in limbo while she slowly sneaks out pieces of your house? Are you just trying to wait out the fog?
