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sosad55 Offline OP
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I'm so grateful for your advice, Job, thank you:-)

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sosad55 Offline OP
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Having a bad day today...very sad and struggling with the holidays coming up.

WAH is starting to get in touch with a couple of our friends and telling them about his new puppy love...Doesn't tell them how old she is nor that she is his pilates teacher...instead says he met her through work...it is so embarrassing...they called me to tell me that they are sorry, offer support and to let me know that they think he is having a MLC...it just blows my mind that he doesn't see what is obvious to everybody else. Apparently he is proud of himself for being able to get such a young girl and everybody else looks on in horror as he makes a fool of himself. He is also ordering little blue pills by the crate load...so sad for him...I don't understand why I still love and miss him?

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Yes this time of year can be hard. Forget about H for now. His mlc house of cards will crumble eventually. It is inevitable. But in the meantime what are you doing to make the best of the festive season. Focus on that for this week.

Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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You can't turn the "love" off because you two shared a life together. It takes time to detach and move forward.

About your friends, they mean well, but you need to tell them that you don't want to hear about what he's saying and doing. This "gossip" is bringing you down and they don't realize how this is affecting you. Trust me, if the shoe was on their foot, they wouldn't want to hear about his behavior either.

In MLC, it's all about them and they don't care what people think just as long as they are happy. It's about self-gratification and numbing the inner pain and they will do what they need to do in order to numb that pain.

I know you love him and his behavior is hurting you deeply, but you've got to keep the focus on you for now.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I just read my last posts....the night of the 12/19 I
ended up in emergency....it turned out that I had bacterial meningitis and fell into a coma for 9 days. Woke up completely deaf, paralyzed and half blind. I just returned from hospital two days ago...will always be deaf, don't know about my vision as it's still very poor and paralysis is getting better and I'm in a wheelchair now hoping eventually to be able to walk again. So this is what can happen if you let the grief and depression take over your body....
Husband came back from his holiday when the kids told him what had happened and helped them. He is still pushing for financial separation so I have lawyers to deal with on top of this. He is trying to support but at the same time still blaming me for various things...I'm finding it very difficult to come to terms with what has happened to me and that husband is still in MLC despite what has happened these last three months. I would have thought this would be a huge wake up call for him...we are coming up to a whole year since he moved out beginning of April.
Any support, words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated right now as my mood is at an all time low...

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I am so sorry to come here and read what has happened to you. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and keep fighting to regain your health. Get second opinions if you aren't satisfied w/what the doctors have told you.

As for your h, when in MLC, very seldom do they wake up when their spouses are having a health crisis. Some may return for a short period of time out of guilt, but they eventually escape back into the MLC and it is often far worse than before. Unfortunately, their empathy chip is broken and you won't get much in the way of empathy from him. Just like teenagers, they don't get it when people are ill, especially seriously ill. When it comes to him, keep your expectations very low, if not to zero.

I would continue down my own path. Most importantly, keep the focus on you and your health for now. Your health is the most important thing at the moment.

Will you have someone there to assist you and your children? If not, this is something you will need to think about in the days ahead.

Again, I am very sorry that your health has taken such a turn. Please, please take care of yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear about your health episode. What a terribly rough time you have had, and I can absolutely understand how you must feel. I'm sure it will take some time for you to recuperate, so do try and arrange some nourishing things for yourself..maybe reading inspirational books and having nice food etc.

I wonder if there is a support forum related to your medical condition? A friend of mine who wasn't well recently drew a great deal of strength from linking with others online - supporting eachother and comparing experiences.

Do try not to worry about your H at this time - nurturing yourself back to wellness is the main thing and I'm glad that you are back in your own home and we have Spring on the way - when we can all feel some warm sun on our faces.

Take care and I do hope you will be feeling much better soon. Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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I too am so sorry to hear what you have gone through sosad.

It's just terrible.........please remember YOU are the most precious person. Please take care and try (I know it's easy to say) not to think of him.

(((Cwtch)))

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Hi ss,

I'm sorry to hear about your health. You got some good advice above, especially about the second opinions. I have a distant relative who this happened to a few years ago. The doctors didn't expect him to make it and he was left paralyzed for some time but eventually made a full recovery.

Please try to be positive and take care of yourself. We're all here for you.

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Originally Posted By: sosad55
I just read my last posts....the night of the 12/19 I
ended up in emergency....it turned out that I had bacterial meningitis and fell into a coma for 9 days. Woke up completely deaf, paralyzed and half blind. I just returned from hospital two days ago...will always be deaf, don't know about my vision as it's still very poor and paralysis is getting better and I'm in a wheelchair now hoping eventually to be able to walk again. So this is what can happen if you let the grief and depression take over your body....

So sorry to read this. That just $ucks. No other way to say it.

Since you see that grief/depression can affect your physical health, are you getting treated for it?



Husband came back from his holiday when the kids told him what had happened and helped them. He is still pushing for financial separation so I have lawyers to deal with on top of this. He is trying to support but at the same time still blaming me for various things...I'm finding it very difficult to come to terms with what has happened to me and that husband is still in MLC despite what has happened these last three months.


regardless of MLC or your h, your health issues are challenging you. You must focus on that. Sometimes as bad as it is, a health crisis can be very clarifying.

Your h is not "there" for you and won't be. So that's who he is. And we know that hurts. And we know that is out of your control....so Let's redirect...let's get back to you...

In your hospital ward, there were probably many patients who never left...and some who had no visitors...

You have children and family and friends who care, correct? Can you be grateful for them and that you are recovering? Can you make plans for enhancing your recovery?

I say this^^ knowing it's not easy. But I can't see an easy path for you. I only see taking needed painful steps.

But I also see them getting easier in time. (FWIW, I had a somewhat similar experience waking up in a neuro unit with very little memory, and a life changing health issue. In my hospital, only 40% of the patients ever left, so that kept me from wallowing as much as I wanted to. But sometimes I really really wanted to).



I would have thought this would be a huge wake up call for him...we are coming up to a whole year since he moved out beginning of April.


Well, your h is not awakening anytime soon...and the more you look to him for support or familiar friendship or anything, the more you set yourself up for disappointment.
In fact, he has revealed something about himself that may hurt to realize, which is that his empathy gene is gone or in hiding or broken, etc.

When you stop yourself from thinking about who you think he was, and face who he is now, it's clear that he would not be the asset to your recovery that you need.

In any case, all I can suggest is that you Try harder to have No expectations of h...


Any support, words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated right now as my mood is at an all time low...



Lean where and on those who will give your support. Heal yourself. Everything you do benefits from those actions.

Come here, and Implement a GAL activity that you can do in your present situation. My guess is that your doctors want you to do "X" or "Y", to help you recover & heal. Can you try one today?

We are pulling for you.



M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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