Moving on to the next phase

[bttrfly]

Yes Pax ... I understand the need to understand this so you can process it and then go to whatever is next for you. Keep posting honey. Tell us what other new GAL activities you have on deck.

If you could do one thing you've always wanted to do, what would it be and what is holding you back? Let's focus on you right now xoxoxo {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

[Esame]

I know what you mean about being addicted to the MLC reading in order to find the "magic cure". I also stopped reading on MLC or relationship advice for now, I love the board though so I still enjoy being around here.

The bikini / fitness competition sounds like a true challenge, but you have proven that you can conquer all your fitness targets. You can do it!

[Pax_luv]

Hi bttrfly! Thanks for popping by. New GAL activities on deck? Well, besides the next fitness goal, Ive been toying around with blogging (don't judge me by my writing, grammar, and punctuation here! Haha) and I want to purge a majority of my belongings. That is more of a project vs gal, but I have fallen in love with the konnari method and want to re-organize my life and shed things that do not bring me joy.

I've also toyed around with photography and want to get crafty and turn some of my photos into greeting cards. This also ties into my goal of being more thoughtful towards others (I've had my head up my arse since 2014 trying to cope with this mess). I want to have little keepsakes (my awesome photos- haha) on hand to give a thank you, congratulations, thinking of you, happy birthday or any other sentimental message.

Right now I'm just limited on time and it's my own doing. I'm procrastinating on my d paperwork and making it bigger and more arduous than it needs to be... I've already had to ask my l for 2 extensions. Ack. I know I'll feel better once it's over.

And esame, thanks for the encouragement! I think I can do this... Just have to get my cookies, chips, and cheese cravings under control. I think diet plays a huge factor in ones physique. 60 days will go by fast!

[bttrfly]

those are great goals!!! i have a friend whose daughter (also a friend) is all about the konnari method. Whenever we talk about something we want to get rid of or something we want to buy it's always the same. i don't even need to ask i just look at her then bring my hands to my heart and say, "I know, I know: does this bring me joy" then we giggle.

I love the idea of having something on hand and being thoughtful.

Yes I deliberately asked about GAL beyond the fitness goal so that doesn't become all-consuming as those things can sometimes be.

Re the procrastination: did the same. In the end it wasn't as "big" as I'd made it out to be in my head. xoxoxo

[Sotto]

Hi Pax, the only thing I would say on the D paperwork is - best not to hand him another stick to beat you with. It is tough to get it done - I felt the same way. However, do what it takes - set aside a whole day - or half an hour a day - or whatever and get through it.

Try to see it as purely business paperwork - approach it like a project, get your analytical mind on - and then treat yourself to something really nice when it is done.

I promise you that you will feel so much better without it hanging over you.

((((((Hugs)))))) xx

[pinn]

Went out to dinner last night and had to drive by my old house (it's up on a hill so I often see it)... Noticed stbx put out some holiday lights. I'm just going to be honest and share with you all that it irks me to no end! Before he met he, we was anti- holiday (probably because he's always been a bit of an eeyore) but I always Loved getting festive. This is our second holiday season apart and I still don't have it in me to get in the holiday spirit so it makes me frustrated/jealous (?) that he's getting into the holiday spirit this year. It's pointless for me to have an opinion on it, but I'm just trying to be real. On my way back from the dinner, I took a different route home.

I hear ya! I don't have the spirit either and it is my second holiday season apart as well. I said to myself that I was going to do it this year and did a very little bit but couldn't get myself to go any further.

Since I finished the 30 day bootcamp, I've been mulling over my next physical activity goal. I've been going back and forth between a few things and I just decided on doing the gym's 60 day challenge that starts mid- January. This is going to be incredibly more intense than the 30 day but my goal is to maaaaayyybbbeeee get fit enough to do a bikini/fitness competition in early spring. Ahhhhh! It's not something I've ever wanted to do mostly because I didn't think I had it in me, But now I know anything is possible and I want to try! It's going to be hard and will require discipline and I think I'm game!

That is so awesome! You rock! Def give it a try. You always amaze with your physical activity goals. I need to come up with some myself for 2017... time to start thinking!

You sound to be in a bit of a better place than the last time I checked in... I like that. Keep on keeping on. You got this!

[Pax_luv]

Hello All,

Thanks for stopping bttrfly, Sotto, and Pinn!

I had an insanely busy week.... Very stressful. But I got about 90% of my d paperwork done. Met with the law office yesterday and now feel a little lighter knowing that I just have 2 more docs to do. Finally. Will get those done this weekend.

Having a so-so day. I churn and burn all week and by Saturday I just have to decompress because I feel like I have nothing left in me. It's almost 4 and I'm still in my pjs trying to keep warm on the couch. Had a few invites to go out, but I don't wanna! Watched a few Xmas movies, ate some Chinese food, and had a couple cries. Ohhhh the holidays.

Tomorrow I'll be meeting up with a girlfriend to make Christmas cookies. That will be fun.

And....This coming week will continue to be busy at work as I wrap up year end "stuff". Ho hum.

Onwards db'ers. Wishing you all a lovely day.

[Sotto]

Well done with the paperwork Pax - good for you. I understand with the work busyness and feeling you have no more to give. I feel that way too sometimes. A day in your PJs is a great idea when you feel like that and nice that you also have cookie making plans with a friend.

Truly, I think you are doing as well as can be expected, given all circumstances - so kudos to you. Xx

[job]

I agree w/Sotto...well done on the paperwork. At least you can rest a little better and enjoy the holidays a bit more now that a large majority of the paperwork is done.

This time of year always is crazy around work. Everyone wants to get as much done before the end of the year and it burns the employees out so much so that they don't have much energy when the weekend comes. There's nothing wrong in being in your PJs most of the day, just as long as you are comfortable and cozy.

Enjoy making cookies today w/your friend.

I think you are handling your situation very well. Hang in there!

[Pax_luv]

Thanks for thinking I'm handling this well job and Sotto. I'm a good faker

You all know the roller coaster... I don't need to be a broken record... But I'm in a bit of a dip. Sometimes I sit back in disbelief thinking.... How did it come to this? How could we not have worked through this? Why hasn't he shown any hesitation?

Saturday was my pj day and I ended up watching stbx's favorite Christmas movie (it's also a romance). Cried throughout the movie and when it was over I even pulled out the scrapbook he made me and sifted through it page by page..... I sobbed And kept shaking my head.... What the f happened? I knew I shouldn't have looked, but I did it anyway. I saved my last bday card he gave me and i keep it in the book. In it, he just gushes over me and our life together. He can't believe how much more he falls for me year after year. And just a few months later was the kid ultimatum and shortly after that- ILYBINILWY.

Again, I have to believe this isn't about me. But what if I'm wrong?

It's the holidays and I think the current state of things just makes it all cut a bit more.

Then again, I have to remind myself that I need to value myself more. Why on earth would I want someone like stbx in his current state as my life partner??? I certainly can't think I'd want him as the father of my future children. ick.

Ugh. Yeah... I admit, I put myself back on the rollercoaster and am paying the emotional toll. I'll be back on stable ground soon. Bleh. Thanks for reading.