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She moved out...now the work begins...II


So I had my youngest all day today due to him not feeling well. The W just picked him up for the rest of the week and I noticed that she isn't wearing her wedding ring. I guess it should come as no surprise since she wants the D, but dang it was kind of a blow. She has been out of the house for 4 weeks, but this was the first I noticed the no ring thing. I heard someone say that the M was over at BD, but not for me. I think I will wear my ring until I'm legally not married anymore. It just hurts. I had bought her a new diamond and setting years ago, because the first set wasn't as nice as we wanted her to have.

What's just as weird is that she won't make eye contact with me now. Not sure if it's guilt or something else, but it is odd.

Last edited by job; 11/29/16 08:10 AM. Reason: Added the link to the previous thread

Me 49 W46
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W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
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I'm sorry to hear, SBJ. I saw/felt that too this past summer, the ring off. hang in there.


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In her shoes I would not wear it either. To her it is over and the ring is part of that.

My W rarely (almost never these days) wears hers. It is tough for the lbs, so I understand your sentiments. It is just a confirmation of what you already know about how she feels.

As for you wearing yours, that is a personal choice. I am not sure but I imagine if I ever do LRT, removing mine will be part of that. Until then or until I am truly done, I will continue to wear mine.

Best wishes.

Please use this new thread to post more about the good (better) parts of your life. Your goals. Your actions. Your plans. ....


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Originally Posted By: SBJ
So I had my youngest all day today due to him not feeling well. The W just picked him up for the rest of the week and I noticed that she isn't wearing her wedding ring. I guess it should come as no surprise since she wants the D, but dang it was kind of a blow. She has been out of the house for 4 weeks, but this was the first I noticed the no ring thing. I heard someone say that the M was over at BD, but not for me. I think I will wear my ring until I'm legally not married anymore. It just hurts. I had bought her a new diamond and setting years ago, because the first set wasn't as nice as we wanted her to have.

What's just as weird is that she won't make eye contact with me now. Not sure if it's guilt or something else, but it is odd.



Well of course she won't look you in the eye, she is consumed with guilt on one side and high on endorphins becouse of her new found "freedom". In her mind she is "finally" free and "now is the time for her to be happy". In her mind she's taken care of the happiness of you and the kids for soooo long and now the time has come for her to be happy.

My W after BD started dating OM (even though he was married), and when OM started sleeping with W's boss at the same time, my W had a sort of a nervous breakdown. She joined some dating sites and went on looking for happiness. WEll 2 years later she still has not found happiness and looks worse than ever.

These is some crazy $hit going on in MLC mind, and if a LBS is exposed to this craziness, it can drive a man insane. So a MLC'er is best left to him/her self to work out their $hit. No one can help them, least of all LBS. They can benefit from IC, but they have to want help.

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SBJ

W lost her Engagement Stone whilst at the place she met OM (EA) with her wayward friends. I bought a new one and had it reset - reassured her etc. We were in a bad place then. She left, took kids, took the ring off. I had the same view as you. I no longer wear mine. Still married still separated. I sometimes reach to fiddle with my wedding ring. I am not sad, I am happy and not having a ring helped me detach.

My advice. Do what you want to, what feels right. It's not a big deal really. It's just a piece of metal. Your M is just a piece of paper. Your R - now that's something to work on for you, your W and your kids. I know I am trivialising the M, ring etc (I obviously know they are immensely important) - don't misread what I am saying. Think of it this way, if you had to let 2 things out of the 3 (M, ring, R) which would you let go to let the other survive. With me I would want the R to survive so I could hope to make things work for us all - in whatever form that is.

Keep your chin up. It will all work out. I am happy, a great dad and a great person. I didn't see it for a while. Work on you, GAL and be happy dude - it's all there for the enjoying now!!

Surfer.


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Originally Posted By: roist
In her shoes I would not wear it either. To her it is over and the ring is part of that.

My W rarely (almost never these days) wears hers. It is tough for the lbs, so I understand your sentiments. It is just a confirmation of what you already know about how she feels.

As for you wearing yours, that is a personal choice. I am not sure but I imagine if I ever do LRT, removing mine will be part of that. Until then or until I am truly done, I will continue to wear mine.

Best wishes.

Please use this new thread to post more about the good (better) parts of your life. Your goals. Your actions. Your plans. ....


Roist, I guess I realize that she is out of the house and wants out of the M, but it was still a shock to me.

Maybe removing mine would be a sign of me moving on and dropping the rope. I just took the symbol seriously..."I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you...but now that I look at it, I should take mine off. She gave it to me as a sign of her love and commitment.

As for me...the rest of my life is great. I have 3 wonderful kids. A great career. An awesome family and extremely supportive friends. I hope to start a new business with my brothers in the new year. I am learning to play guitar, but have gravitated to some blues music...sometimes that is good and others not so much.


Originally Posted By: Vapo



Well of course she won't look you in the eye, she is consumed with guilt on one side and high on endorphins becouse of her new found "freedom". In her mind she is "finally" free and "now is the time for her to be happy". In her mind she's taken care of the happiness of you and the kids for soooo long and now the time has come for her to be happy.

My W after BD started dating OM (even though he was married), and when OM started sleeping with W's boss at the same time, my W had a sort of a nervous breakdown. She joined some dating sites and went on looking for happiness. WEll 2 years later she still has not found happiness and looks worse than ever.

These is some crazy $hit going on in MLC mind, and if a LBS is exposed to this craziness, it can drive a man insane. So a MLC'er is best left to him/her self to work out their $hit. No one can help them, least of all LBS. They can benefit from IC, but they have to want help.


Vapo, I totally understand that this is her journey, but she is dragging the rest of us along with her. She has rewritten our marriage history so much that she is telling everyone she know something different. Just last week I heard two new versions. 1. was this is something that I wanted and how sad she was about it. 2. was that she felt like roommates and that she wanted more romance and passion. The first was told to a church friend and the 2nd was told to a group of women that she plays cards with once a month. I'm just sick of her saying different things to different people and then having rumors spread around.



Originally Posted By: Surfer
SBJ

My advice. Do what you want to, what feels right. It's not a big deal really. It's just a piece of metal. Your M is just a piece of paper. Your R - now that's something to work on for you, your W and your kids. I know I am trivialising the M, ring etc (I obviously know they are immensely important) - don't misread what I am saying. Think of it this way, if you had to let 2 things out of the 3 (M, ring, R) which would you let go to let the other survive. With me I would want the R to survive so I could hope to make things work for us all - in whatever form that is.

Keep your chin up. It will all work out. I am happy, a great dad and a great person. I didn't see it for a while. Work on you, GAL and be happy dude - it's all there for the enjoying now!!

Surfer.


Surfer...I have been thinking about it this morning and as I responded to Roist earlier...my ring was given to me as a symbol of her love and commitment. I guess that means nothing now. I am working myself up over it I know, but it hurts.

I know that my focus is now directed towards my kids and making a better life for us, but I still pray daily that she will miss our family. I know that all things will work out in God's time.

Thanks for the positive vibes!!!


Me 49 W46
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W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
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I also got the No.2 speech. smile

It is called script. My W also told various people various stories and people were shocked when I told them the truth. But sadly the situation is such that there will be people that will take W's side no matter what and if you try to explain, you will just come off pathetic and petty. I have come to realize the best course of action is just to let it go. There is no point in arguing with people.

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I also think that most sane and sensible people - familiar with the ebbs and flows of marriage - will take issue with the 'in search of romance and passion' statement. Particularly where there are kids involved...

So, she may say what she will say...and people will form their own views of that - but that's all up to her and up to them. It needn't impact on you, unless you choose to let it.

smile


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Vapo...at this point I'm not arguing. It just keeps coming back to me thru people that we both know. In this case our friend explained the truth to the person that my wife had told. She was shocked, since my wife had cried and everything she had said.

I want to learn how to drop the rope and let it go. At this point she is D'ing me and I have to accept that and move on with making myself better in every way. If she sees it one day then that is great...if not...I guess I need to give myself a time frame to figure that out. I will put my life in order of God/myself/kids/work/family & friends. Making myself stronger physically, spiritually, and emotionally need to take the lead.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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I hear you buddy... When these rumors (W's version of stuff)started flying you I thought I would explode and shout from the rooftop what really happened. It just irked me how she could twist the truth and the facts...

Rope dropping takes time. And it is not a straightforward process. Do not be hard on yourself. You are doing well and When I remember myself at your timeline I was a bowl of hot mess.

Keep up the good work.

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