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#2717089 11/21/16 10:25 AM
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cheesyt Offline OP
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There are all my past links for anyone interested.


Well this one is titled now what…
To recap recently my W is on some sort of confusion wether to try conseling with me and breaking up with OW.
My W is unsure of what to do. In the mean time I continue to live my life.
The last communication with W was her response to coming over to talk about counseling (which W asked if we could try) "I'm just not sure where I'm at right now. I'm still seeing the person I'm with, and I'm having issues deciding where it is I want to be. I feel like going to counseling would/could be good for you and I, but I'm stuck in this weird place bc I am also in a relationship... please just try to understand that I am struggling with this, and trying to make the best decision for me and D. I need a little more time to think on things before we meet... I'm so sorry to "chicken out" last minute like this, but I just don't feel right about this tonight..I'm so sorry, again. Please forgive me..." to which I replied by text
Me- you're right I need time too.
W- I'm so sorry...
W- please don't hate me.



So the million dollar question is…Now what?

I guess W could come back, but she’s not sure what she’s going to do. I can’t sit here and twirl my thumbs waiting. So I will do what I have been doing, nothing (in the sense of my M) and continue living my life without W and D. I leave for vacation on Wednesday out of the country. I will skip thanksgiving. Too many memories that hurt me and I wish to avoid that. (not super healthy I know, but that’s all I got)

My W takes her boards today for her RN. I was going to send her a good luck text but after going back and forth I don’t really feel like it. I’m not her friend, and I’m not her W…she doesn’t get my support for that anymore. Besides, i’m pretty sure OW is with her taking hers as well. W can have OW’s support.

Happy Monday everyone, enjoy the short week!!!!!!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Oh man, cheesyt, I don't even know what now other than what you stated. Just keep doing you and living your awesome life. It is her responsibility to sort out her feelings. Trust me, I feel you though. Watching my W last Friday crying and struggling and seeing the hurt and confusion on her face was difficult, but it is no longer my place to help her with anything, especially this.

Just take a step back and take care of yourself.

Happy Monday to you as well!


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
D-day: 3/10/17
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cheesyt,

Your WW has you and the other woman pining for her. From her perspective, what could be better? In other words, she's cake eating (she wants her cake and eat it too). I'm terrible at DB, but it seems to me, if you don't want to live that way, then you can remove one of her choices until she's ready to do what's necessary to return.

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doodler - I don't disagree with your perspective. I do believe you're spot on.

I know what I need to do just gotta continue doing it. (easier said than done now that I saw some glimmer of hope) I'll get back on my horse. hopefully this vacation will help me de-stress and get back into a better mental state!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Hello cheesyt,

You are so smart to recognize that sending the good luck text isn't your best option. Great job!

You're asking "now what?" The best advice I can give you is to speak with a Divorce Busting Coach today. Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best guidance on how to save your marriage and get things moving in a more positive direction. Please call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004.


Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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Keep it up Cheesy....you want her as your W not your friend and you deserve the best always remember that!!!!! You are strong and awesome!! Way to NOT text her good luck!!! :-)


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

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You are doing great, cheesy. This is hard stuff! Your emotions are spinning and she's going to rope you in/out as much as she can. She is keeping you as plan B right now, and in her fog may be oblivious to her selfishness. But I agree she is trying to cake eat.

Let's put a slightly different spin on this to regroup. There are two things happening here and let's try and keep them separate. 1. Your emotional process, and 2. Your actions.

#1. Your emotional process is going to fluctuate. A lot. She throws you crumbs of hope. Then she bails and dissapoints you. She is being completely selfish and has you wondering why you even still want her. She is with OW, which creates feelings of jealousy and insecurity. She then tells you how sorry she is. She has you on her roller coaster and wondering "now what!?!"

So here is how you handle that. Vent here and come here for support and advice. Seek out people you trust for the same--IC, family, and your close friends. You continue to feel the pain, grieve the loss of the M, and then put it aside and enjoy better days. You 180 for you, you GAL for you, and you continue to DB for you. This is all for YOU! You are going to look inside at your flaws and allow yourself to grow into the best cheesyt that you can. And the secondary gain from that is that you will attract quality people to you. That may be your W some day or it may be someone else that is more worthy of your time and love.

#2. Your actions. This one is the one that remains constant. Your actions with WW remain calm, confident, and detached. Even increasingly disinterested as you remove yourself from plan B. But they do not depend on #1. She can swing back and forth, rope you in and out, and strap you into this crazy ride, but she does not control your actions. You are consistent, taking care of you, stable and strong, and you are the lighthouse.

If and when she ever pulls her head out of her rear and fully commits to the M, and only then, do your actions change.

So what now? Same old same. Keep on keeping on. Let her go. Hold your head up high. Focus on your needs and happiness. She can tell you she wants you, misses you, and loves you! I'm so sorry, I made a terrible mistake! Then she can tell you the next day she is done, wants D, and you should just go straight to h3ll! But cheesy's actions don't change. She gets her love/support from safe people, but she remains the same in her actions and interactions with WW.

This is how you detach, get your power back, and grow. This is patience. You can do this and you will be better off in life if you can.

Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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blu, thanks so much for that post. I think I've ready it about 10 times.

Reading that I look back at my interactions with W, Idk I'd like to think I've kept my actions pretty consistent by not letting her see my emotions that go up and down with her rollercoaster.

I've been doing a lot of thinking, those feelings...and emotions of not being good enough are returning. I am assuming it's because of the hope that was thrown my way yet W is still seeing OW and living that life. The difference is, I know i'm a better person. So why do I still have these thoughts and feelings?

W texted me just now- do you hate me?

first of all, why does she care? second of all, what the heck am I supposed to say to that. third, why would I hate her? a few days ago we were talking about counseling and today, that?

Also, does my W need validation? all throughout the past week she "poured" her heart out and told me she loves and misses me blah blah I never once told her I loved her, missed her or anything mushy. Is this why she's so worried about me hating her?

cloudy and snowy today. usually this weather makes me happy. feeling blah today though.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Is that temp checking? I still have to figure that stuff out, but that's what it sounds like to me.

I don't know how you should handle it, but I'd probably say something like "I have just been thinking about things and need some time and space." and leave it at that. That very well may be the absolute wrong way to handle it though so I'll defer to the much more seasoned people here.

Why is she asking? Because she's insecure and her emotions are all over the place and she's questioning her decisions and wants to know she still has you on the hook. She wants you as her Plan B still. I've decided they'll keep us friend-zoned as long as possible so you have to shut that s**t down fast.


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
D-day: 3/10/17
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She's a mess and now appears to be trying to have an emotional affair with you behind her PA partner's back, all while keeping both of you on your respective hooks. Not your circus, and I fear she has many miles to go before you'd want to sign back onboard. Keep doing what you're doing, which is kicking a$$.


Me: 46
W: 44
Married: 17
Together 21
D13; S10
BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you)
Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage
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W-do you hate me?
Me-no
W – I’m sorry Cheesyt. Can we maybe talk?
Considering replying way later, something along the lines of “maybe after my vacation, I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I want my life to look like” or my future to look like.
Or, considering asking if she’s still seeing OW? No need to talk if she’s with OW? Idk though. I'll happily consider suggestions.

JRuss, thanks! that “not your circus” comment made me laugh. Also puts things in perspective, you’re absolutely right. It’s not my circus. I hadn’t thought about the EA and PA part or cake eating. My W is certainly a mess. I know the next conversations, interactions are very crucial. Thank you for the boost, I don’t feel like I’m kicking a$$ but it’s nice to get a different perspective!

Fighting, thanks for stopping by. At less than a month into this mess I could not have come up with that response you suggested. You’re certainly getting a good handle on this!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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((Cheesy)), what is going on with your W, she wants to talk again!

I think your right Cheesy, go away on your holiday and relax. If she wants to talk that badly she will respect your wishes as you have done for her all these months.

Do a search for RealityTrip's thread on if here you haven't already. Her W was behaving in a similar way.


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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cheesy, you have got to stop letting her rope you in. Remember, your actions do NOT depend on hers. You can have your emotional response all day long and all night. But your actions do not change.

IGNORE all of this. No texting, no replying, no tears and talks, NADA. None of that will serve you and will most likely only confuse you and cause you more hurt. Also, why would you allow her to absolve her guilt? You are feeding her drama by even replying at all. IGNORE IT ALL.

If she keeps texting, calling, crying, whatever, ignore it. If she wants to know why and keeps probing you, you can let her know that you would like some space and that you have a lot to think about. End of convo. Goodbye. THEN IGNORE HER DRAMA!!!

Let her wonder if she has lost you. Let her worry you hate her. Let her think you are okay without her and thinking about giving up! That is fine. She has walked all over you, don't allow her to control you with her drama. Stop acting on your feelings. That is your biggest hurdle here.

2*4 with love,
Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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I agree with Blu here Cheesy......she is trying to keep you around, don't let her get off that easy!! Don't feed the drama!! :-)


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

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W kept prying for information and asked if we could talk i told her something along the lines of what blu said. She keep asking what all I have to think about. I texted back told her of what I wanted, w asked what that was. I said love, joy, peace and family. W said I've always wanted that and asked what changed. so i told her "my whole life has changed" w asked if we could talk I told her I'd call her around 10pm. W asked what I had been thinking about so much I told her I told her I need to keep working on me and going to school and doing things for me. She asked if I was mad about Friday I told her no. She asked about my trip who was taking me or if I was parking my car blah blah but I didn't feel like talking about that so I said I had to go to bed since it was already 10. She said ok. We hung up then she texted me "Thanks for sparing 3 minutes.. hope you have a good trip. Happy thanksgiving. " all the periods again. She's mad.

Can't help but to feel bad. The text confirms my suspicion, she wanted to keep talking to me. However, I'm not her friend...I can't talk to her like that. I don't want to tell her about my trip...(i do as my wife) it hurts me that we can't be friends, I am on board as to why that can't be and I know it's for ME. But the hurt doesn't just stop because of the logical reasoning. Also, I can't help but to think all weekend she was silent...all weekend she was probably with OW (yes I'm mind reading here) and now that OW Is back to her home w starts texting. Certainly feels like a back up plan. And yes I'm aware and yes I can see it. Can 2*4 myself on this one.

I must continue to put my best foot forward every day.

-missing my W frown


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Originally Posted By: BluWave
cheesy, you have got to stop letting her rope you in. Remember, your actions do NOT depend on hers. You can have your emotional response all day long and all night. But your actions do not change.

IGNORE all of this. No texting, no replying, no tears and talks, NADA. None of that will serve you and will most likely only confuse you and cause you more hurt. Also, why would you allow her to absolve her guilt? You are feeding her drama by even replying at all. IGNORE IT ALL.

If she keeps texting, calling, crying, whatever, ignore it. If she wants to know why and keeps probing you, you can let her know that you would like some space and that you have a lot to think about. End of convo. Goodbye. THEN IGNORE HER DRAMA!!!

Let her wonder if she has lost you. Let her worry you hate her. Let her think you are okay without her and thinking about giving up! That is fine. She has walked all over you, don't allow her to control you with her drama. Stop acting on your feelings. That is your biggest hurdle here.

2*4 with love,
Blu


So you responded and let her rope you in? And now you feel worse? So I have quoted my above reply because I only have the same advice to give. I also think it would help you to reread Sandi's rules and apply them. Every day. This is not only because she has got to realize you are not plan B, but more so than that, cheesyt is causing herself more harm and distress by engaging in anything with her. Drop the rope. LET GO. Take care of you. If she really wants to be with you then she will come around the right way and then you will just know. Until that happens, read above 2*4.

I'm getting harder on you because I know you can handle it and I truly believe this is in your best interest. I also think it's the only shot of her coming back for good at some point!

Blu


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Oh blu, I knew some 2*4s were coming my way from you! I highly appreciate them. You know us newbs don't listen sometimes. We are like little kids, we put our hand in the fire multiple times before we "get it". I'll get there. Your posts always resonate with me but I'm me and I love my W very much and she's thrown me off balance. I certainly have no intention on talking to her as a friend or anything for that matter.

I'm struggling with the fact that she's got OW, expressed some sort of whatever yet she's still with OW. She seriously thinks I'm sitting here waiting. And I see how me answering her call and stuff helps that. Is there anything else other than read and re read sandis rules I can do? I certainly do not want to be the idiot in her mind sitting here twirling my thumbs while she "figures it out" all while sleeping next to OW.

W texted me this morning, reminding me of my bill that's due in a few days. (I'm not going to lie I've missed the same bill twice by a couple of days since I've taken back all my bills) I never replied after the snarky remark about sparing her 3 mins and I simply said thanks this morning. Easier than telling her to have a good holiday in return Cus frankly I hope she has a crappy one. D is with her dad and all the family she's got is MIL. I don't really care if she spends it with OW as long as it's not as good as with me. Thanksgiving is by far my favorite holiday. I cook for us every year and last year I hosted my sis bil and our niece along with mil w and d. I cooked for everyone and we had a great vacation with them. My sister even mentioned how that's been her favorite thanksgiving yet. Well this year I'll be out of the country, on the beach, sipping on margaritas and pretending it's not thanksgiving and stuffing my face with tacos. And salt water from the ocean! smile
Already started my vacation with a margarita as I wait for my final flight!

Safe travels everyone!
-cheesyt


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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The Giggalo once text me

Do you hate me

I replied

Only on Tuesdays, (it was Tuesday)

The only respectable answer is:

Interesting question, why did you ask?

Says everything and nothing.

-------------------------

Blu is spot on, detach, go GAL.

I took Sandis rules and laminated them. They are a guide, always do that which works.

You made me smile and I get as long as its not as good as with me.

Not your circus or monkeys.

Have a great time

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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V, interestingly enough monkeys are my favorite anulan. Also is interestingly a word? The little autocorrect didn't fix it so I asusume so.

Journaling, can't help but hope W is having a terrible thanksgiving. We took a little boat ride to a coastal restaurant and had fresh sea food. Then walked around the plaza, I got souvenirs and then there was a band playing at the plaza so we sat and listened and watched old people dance. Now we are taking it easy. I assume everyone's thanksgiving is over. I'm not so much down as I am idk sad idk. Now that there's down time I get to sit here in my thoughts of w and I would be doing this or that. And how I just hope she's not with OW and if she is (or isn't) that she wishes she was with me. She never texted me and ofcourse neither did I. She didn't ask if I made it to my destination either. Not that I was expecting it but with all the hot cold stuff I thought she might but then again she's most likely with OW so she can't. Blah. Idk i guess I do feel sad. I'm sad and mad and everything. I don't want to go through more holidays without my W. Xmas will be worse frown

Trying to enjoy my time here and I am, just wish my W was here.

Hope everyone stuffed their face. Not Surprisingly I only had sea food around noon. Not hungry, not interested in much today just trying to get through it.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Hey cheesyt, holidays are hard when going through this so I understand your sadness. Just try not to dwell in it. Give yourself a moment with it, but then get up and go find a distraction if you can. I'm trying to act as if this is my new normal, as if all future holidays will be without my W and I just have to learn how to accept that. I think being here with my parents helps because they provide a bit of distraction.

Just keep your head up and try to love yourself and be thankful for the even more amazing cheesyt you're becoming! Hope you enjoy your trip!


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
D-day: 3/10/17
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Cheesyt, I know what you are feeling. I'm glad you're off somewhere and away from things. I'd bet as each day passes you will feel more and more free. Blue is right about not responding to your W. I'd offer you view it as an experiment. If she sends you a text don't respond for a few days, just to see what happens. I'd bet no response would have her hammering you with more texts as those days passed. I'd bet it rattles her.

You have control over this. Take it and don't let your W have it back. Be your strong, awesome self and enjoy wherever you are! Happy thanksgiving to you cheesyt. Believe it or not, I think we all have a lot to be thankful for in our lives, even with our situations. Hang in there and take back that control!


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Just checking in Cheesyt

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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This is me hoping cheesyt is sitting on a beach somewhere warm and drinking a margarita right now! wink


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Ditto! I like the thought!


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Somewhere on a beach, sipping something strong, got few girls? Got it going on...haha..hope you are having a good vacay Cheesy


W:42 M:48
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BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
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Ha! Thanks everyone!!!! Quick update, dreamt of wife a lot last night. Just Of R (or lack of R) and little issues surrounding us and stuff. They feel so real it's scary! W texted me last night to ask about MILs computer (I'm pretty computer savy and fix most things for MIL, W is not) but I didn't reply. It kind of makes me angry that W told me to stop talking to MIL and now all of a sudden she wants me to help MIL but through her (w) it's like...uh no. I'm not helping so you can take all the credit / It's not my responsibility to help W or MIL anymore. That's life without Cheesyt, no more helping.

I'm having a great vacation. It's been extremely nice. (A few annoyances with my younger cousin but all in all just great) today is my last day, I fly back tomorrow. I'm definitely ready to go home and get back to my routine.

Thank you all for the well wishes and checking in!!!!!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
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Yay Cheesty! Proud of you for not helping MIL. I'm a fixer so if you're like me you can feel that pull to help others even when you know you shouldn't. Good for you though for sticking to it!

Glad you're enjoying your vacation!


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
D-day: 3/10/17
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Cheesy, re-read what Vanilla wrote on 11/19. It's just the right mix of holding onto your boundaries still being loving, kind, gentle... and never the doormat.
Is it kind to not respond to her request for help with MIL's computer? Remember, she's trying to figure out what she wants. You can be nice without being a pushover. When we talk about the lighthouse, I picture something standing tall and bright -- something we are drawn to. Something that guides us home. Not something that has conditions or has its claws out.
Again, what Vanilla said... it's subtle, this DB. All too often we confuse the kindness with being a pushover or not holding true to our own needs and wants. We don't have to be mean or cold in order to hold our boundaries. The lighthouse just is. It doesn't have to explain or justify. It just stands there, a proud, bright beacon. Be that.


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
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Thank you Nygal I will read it again. I think I forgot I was trying to be the lighthouse. "I picture something standing tall and bright -- something we are drawn to. Something that guides us home" ive been thinking a lot about that. I go back and forth between wanting to be the lighthouse that guides her home and walking away. Saying "screw it" and just leaving her to find her own way, wherever that leaves her. I guess I took this vacation and though I fully enjoyed it and I feel great, I'm more confused than when I left. More confused in the sense of what I want for me.
I don't want to be plan b. I hate the thought of that, of my W sleeping with OW while W asks me for more time. Wth!!! I'm worth a heck of a lot more than that.

-back from vacation but still lost in the sea.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
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Originally Posted By: cheesyt
I don't want to be plan b. I hate the thought of that, of my W sleeping with OW while W asks me for more time. Wth!!! I'm worth a heck of a lot more than that.


cheesyt,

I know exactly what you mean. I became a lighthouse; I was strong, confident and self sufficient. But that didn't last terribly long. As my own LBS fog began to clear, I began to clearly see how much bad behavior I'd willingly tolerated and I slowly began to realize that my WW would probably never become a person that I could respect enough to have as a wife. It's a hard pill to swallow, but I know it's true.

Cadet said that it's a common script; the LBS becomes the WAS.

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Doodler, no funny business today? smile I feel as though I’m strong, confident & I’m certainly self-sufficient. I think with time the LBS fog clears, just as the WW fog does. Or doesn’t. I guess I’m not sure. I’m assuming just as our WW spouses we all take a different amount of time to get through our LBS fog? Someday’s I feel as though I need to walk away and others obviously I’m holding on. It’s most definitely a roller coaster.

W texted me first thing this morning with a Hey, I replied and she told me she found some of my clothes asking if I want them. And that the cable company charged her CC for some unknown reason. I’m going to tell her to just throw them out and that I’ll try to get the cable thing sorted sometime this weekend.

For someone who is debating on giving our M a shot, she sure wants my stuff out of the house. that’s annoying and I don’t understand it. For a second I thought she might want to see me, but I can’t mind read and frankly I don’t want to see her or talk to her. It only hurts me and sets me back on my path.

I feel utterly disappointed, in myself for allowing myself to be hurt and put in this situation. For being able to see some clarity with the way she’s treating me and yet and still allowing myself to be here. I wish I had some courage to walk away. Also utterly disappointed in her. In her for not being the person she claimed, or I thought she was. A strong confident woman who always knew what she wanted.

I deserve so much better, we all do…so why am I still here?


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
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Originally Posted By: cheesyt
Doodler, no funny business today?


cheesyt,

Of course not! It's the last day of the month.

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Cheesyt

This is what I know, it is always the LBS that let's go for good.

Always.

The WS holds on to the thought of the LBS as backstop, until the LBS says no thank you and walks.

Until then stand. Stand until your knees ache and your head hurts. Spin on the spot if you must.

Whilst you do observe, please move to observe mode and detach from expectations of any outcome, good or bad.

Detaching means attaching to yourself to your goals and objectives. To your GAL.

Moving forward means standing in a different place, it does not mean moving on. Detached does not mean letting go of WW or of new R.

My sitch moved forward a great deal when I detached.

It truly did and I recommend observer mode.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Had some text exchanges with W
W asked again about MIL computer, I told her.
W asked if out of the two new jackets in D’s closet one was for this year… I told her to have her try them on and see which one fits this year. (this was a stupid question..I don’t know which one fits, I’m not there!)
Then W sent me a couple of pics of a few shirts and two picture albums from when I was a kid.
Me- just the pics. I don’t care for anything else. it’s trash.
W- ok. I’m coming to town today. I can drop them off.
Me – awesome can you please leave them on the table outside thanks
W- yep
A bit later I got a text from W
W-why don’t you just ask me to change the payment info instead of just canceling stuff? I don’t understand
(many many months ago I canceled her makeup subscription)
Me- you’re right I was angry and hurt. I understand how that’s frustration for you
W- ok well I’ll xfer it to my acct. I’m not going to keep thinking that stuff is randomly going to be canceled or shut off like my cable, internet, makeup. Thanks. The picture books will be at your house after 5. What about your bike?
Me- I will pick it up a different day thank you
W – ok. I need the cable $$$ figured out by the 6th. That is when my electric bill is due and that money is for that.
Me- I will give them a call
(The cable charge is for the boxes I haven’t returned, as she did not let me pick them up initially. They charged the CC on file (her’s) for the boxes. I have to call to let them know I’m returning them so they can release her funds.)

I’ve noticed W immediately starts to text. Like. This. Again. As soon as she’s not in control or feels “threatened” She got mad…but I can’t do anything about it. I’m annoyed. I hate how she’s dying to get me out yet, she told me she was confused and asked for more time. WTH. I know I have to be patient. And that the actions of a WW are all over the place…I want off this stupid roller coaster though.

I’m meeting my friend and her family for dinner. ( will not be there when W drops stuff off) And I feel like I’m in a bad mood. I’m just upset. Not exactly sure why either.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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I think you did ok with your responses. Seems like a trend on her with W to get mad/upset when they lose control. I know my does. I understand completely bout wanting off the roller coaster. I think the WS will always regret their actions. Just may be too late by the time they do?

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Hey cheesy encountered the same thing with mine. Anger and pissyness, it got to me too. Stay strong, stay the course and try to have a good time. We cant let every single contact throw us into a roller coaster.


Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs
23Mar16-BD
9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss.
27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM.
14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation.
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Hey cheesyt, just checking in and catching up. I can imagine how irritating your W's behavior is, and I honestly admire you for staying so strong for this long. I'm so close to over it and it has been only a month so kudos to you, you're an inspiration to me!

I'm not sure if she wants your stuff out, or wants excuses to contact you since we can't mind read, but I would try not to let it crawl all over you and confuse you. Easier said than done I know.

Well I hope you have an amazing weekend and stay awesome, Cheesyt!


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
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In some sort of funk today. Or idk what it is. Met with my friend and her family and a few friends for her birthday. Of course everyone is with their SO. It’s only the 5th time I see them without my W. It’s weird. Of course the conversation came up about her, just remembering last year’s shenanigans and someone mentioned how my W was there. It’s still hard, idk. Then, I saw on Facebook that one of my friends is pregnant, she too is in a same sex relationship, and of course I’m happy for her. I guess it just wish my R was good, so many good things happening all around me and I want my good things with my W. I already disliked the holidays, now idk how I’m going to get through them.

I’m also very tired. That’s likely what’s making me crabby and feel all weird and as always, I miss my w.

Fightin, thanks for the kind words. Glad I can be some sort of inspiration for you. I know This rollercoaster [censored] but yes, we can get off whenever we want. I guess I’m not ready, as much as I hate it. I thought W might want excuses to talk to me but I can’t allow those thoughts in my brain. Hang in there Fightin!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Did she leave your stuff outside of your house?


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

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Cheesy, my W used to make up all sorts of silly reasons to contact me. Things on par with "which jacket fits" when you're not even there! It's temp checking I think. But yeah, we can't mind read.

As always, listen to wise Vanilla. She knows.


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
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Just journaling…
Got a call from my sister. Not so good news concerning the family. I’m sitting here at my desk and wondering who I can call to talk to…I’m not close to anyone. I never have. Not like I was to my W. Yes I have friends, yes I talk to my roommate and they’re great supporters with W…but family stuff…Idk it hurts cus my W just knows me and my family and it hurts. It just hurts. She let me down…the one person I trusted and loved so blindly and unconditionally just left me…and from where I’m standing she did it with such ease.
-picking up my own pieces.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
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I'm sorry to hear about your family Cheesy.....I know what you mean, my dad is having some medical issues as well...talk to your sister and your family and friends...hang in there!!


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EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
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(((Cheesy))) I'm so sorry. It's so hard to lose someone on top of all that you are going through. It can strip us of our own sense of security and leave us vulnerable to the world. The pain is indescribable.

When I found out that my H was having an A with somoene that I thought was one of my closest friends, it was right after my father died. It was also while my teenager was battling with mental illness (new diagnosis) and substance abuse. I literally felt like I was dying--couldn't eat, sleep, think straight--and I felt like a shell of a person. My H was the one that had always comforted me and he was now the one causing my pain.

Sometimes I wonder how I survived. I don't say any of this to suggest I know what you are feeling. I say it because I have learned that there is a resiliency within us that will get us through our darkest days. I just want you to know that there will come a day that you will look back on this and have survived a very difficult and painful time. It will not stay this way forever.

I hope and like to think it does make us stronger. I do think the biggest silver lining for me was that what I learned about myself is that I can overcome any obstacle.

So it's okay to feel terrible and grieve all of these hardships. Just please know that you are never alone in your suffering. She cannot comfort you now, but your own love is so much stronger.

Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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Cheesyt

I echo the lovely thoughts of Blu

Loss digs at our souls and seems like an extra hurt at this time of our life

Loss upon loss, cuts deep and painfully

So so hard, and my thoughts are with you

Big hugs

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Thank you blu and V for your kinds words of encouragement and support. I didn't lose a family member though my father is not doing well at all.
In other news, I was really missing my w these past couple of days. Earlier I was wishing and hoping she'd text me. Funny Cus she did, she asked if I had called the cable company to ask about her refund. I told her yes but they are still processing the refund of the cable boxes. W asked if there was a time frame for the $ going back on her card because it's the only $ she has for the electric bill. I told her no time frame. And then...my w texted "so what am I supposed to do"
To which I have not replied because nothing nice comes to mind. My thoughts are, put it on a credit card. Ask SOW. Figure it out. I don't know. It's not my problem. And then I remembered, when W asked me not to come home I didn't have a single dollar (other than on my credit cards) because the bills had been paid & w handled finances so by now she had moved money around away from me. So I'm thinking, she sure did not care what I did or couldn't do so why should I care now? I couldn't move Cus I couldn't afford an apartment or a deposit on one, yet W wanted me to leave. Interesting. & then my friend pointed out that as always it's all about W. Selfish. W just cares about her. Do I want to help w, of course I do! However, she's not my W right now. She's still some selfish confused woman I don't really know. Can't help but to feel guilty for not helping but I'm no ones doormat. W was on her high horse for the past 6months, it's interesting for her ask me what to do. I don't understand it. I must look out for me though.
Pretty sure I'll reply I don't know. And leave it at that.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Hey Cheesey, it does seem like she still uses you to lean on a lot. I'm not sure how you should respond to her text if at all just in case anything you say sparks some angry debate.

Maybe one of the vets can chime in here...

((Cheesey))


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Cheesy, I'd say you sleep on it and text back in the morning. Maybe a response of "I can see how that would be hard" would be a good answer and just leave it at that. Acknowledge her difficulties but not take ownership or responsibility for them.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in the emotion and fire back responses. Less is more right now I think. You are doing well and I'm very jealous of what sounded like a good vacation for you!!!

On a side note, sorry to hear about your dad. I hope he's doing better and know that we are always here for you should you need folks to listen.

Hang in there cheesyt! You're strong and going down the right path!


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Thanks coly and lt I actually didn't reply. She never texted back.
I'm exhausted, i feel physically, mentally & emotionally exhausted...I can make it a day and be ok and then night comes and I'm getting ready for bed and I'm reminded how I won't be going to bed with my W..we had different morning schedules and day schedules but night...we went to bed together every night. Perhaps that's why i struggle with it so much. There are only a few nights in the week i don't cry before drifting off to sleep. I miss her so much. Sometimes I miss her so much I feel it in my bones, like every body part hurts. How is this even possible? How can I miss someone who's caused me so much hurt and pain? I feel like a crazy person for even wanting her back. I can't help it. I just miss her. No rhyme or reason.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Cheesyt

This is part of the process, I am sad you have to walk to the pain.

Acknowledging ithe and the loss is important.

I felt like this, lost and in pain even during in house S when I was sleeping on a cot in my ironing room.

Lost sleep, tears, and emptiness.

I moved to a single bed in a different room, even after the Giggalo left. That helped, then I cleansed my space of him, new linen, pillows and covers. That also helped.

Plus new mattress, the old one whilst quite new smelled 'grubby' and I no longer wanted it.

Gradually it eased quite a bit, and finally waking up to a new day and going to bed alone are quite ok.

Not wonderful but ok.

So big hugs on this

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Cheesy, the pain is definitely part of the process and I don't know any way to shorten it except by moving on. But that's not easy as long as there is still hope for reconciliation. The ideal thing is to get to the point where you really can move on... then you feel better eventually, although the process still hurts. And I hear so often on here that when we truly do move on, that's when they sense it and come back. But there are no guarantees.

Just keep GALing.

And I'm really glad you didn't text her back. She wasn't really asking you to find a solution - I bet she was expressing anger, as though this is your fault. Which. It. Isn't!


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
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Cheesyt, good for you for not texting back. I can imagine the way you're feeling about the cable situation. They treat us horribly, but because we love them and still have compassion for them our first instinct is to feel bad for them until we remember just how poorly they treated us. For me, that anger in remembering how cold my W was at and after BD is sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day and keeps me on my BD game.

Feel the pain, as other said it is part of the process and you're allowed to feel it I just don't want you to get lost in it. I think as much as you're hurting that you're doing so well with this all. Keep it up and try to remember that you're becoming a better cheesyt no matter what the outcome with your W.


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
D-day: 3/10/17
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Cheesyt it's ok not to respond

When responding (no kids) my strategy was

Does it require a Response?

If yes

Is it admin? A package has arrived perhaps, brief response

Is it life changing? My xyz died then condolences

Legal? Refer to L

--------------------------

I got rages and rants and random visits

So I cut to NC

---------------------------

I still get rages and rants which go to L

Nasty letters

Legal I will sue you for ........

High conflict

------------------------

Set your own rules for your responses


V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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V- thank you for your continuous support. I truly appreciate it.

Fightin’ crazy how we still manage to feel bad for them.

I fear I am getting lost in it…I feel depressed again. (Mind you I’m on anti-depressants) I don’t know, I feel weird. Off. I’m always tired. I sleep a decent amount yet I’m always tired. I also feel so lonely. Not entirely sure in what sense. I dreamt about W last night / this morning. I woke up around 3am in tears. No rhyme or reason. Then I had another dream until my alarm rang. I have so many emotions that I’m not entirely sure how to sort. I have a IC appointment next Friday. I thought I’d be ok scheduling them out further apart, boy was I wrong. I wish It was today. But now I know to schedule them closer together.

On gal, I’ve been busy this week. Not just with work (busy season) but we had our company holiday party, I mingled. Totally out of my comfort zone. Made a new friend over in a different department. She’s nice, going to get lunch with her next week. There are about 80/90 employees and we generally only know the departments we work with, for example I work in finance, so I know the people in finance, IT and Warranty. Because those are the only people I have to interact with. At any rate, It was nice to mingle and talk to people. It was a plus one even, a few know I am married, so I did have a couple “where is your w” questions. Those were difficult. Thursday was a happy hour / surprise get together for a friend. And tonight is the actual party with more people than the happy hour dinner. Saturday, I plan to sit at home and study / do nothing. And on Sunday morning we (roommate, roommate’s bf, and the girls) are going to get a Christmas tree from the woods. And just spend the day at home decorating, cooking and such.

It’s been extremely cold around here. Like single digits / barely not even over freezing. I love the cold. It makes me happy to see snow. The other morning I was ready to dig out my car and to my lovely surprise Roommate and RBF had already cleared off my car and a path to it. I felt very lucky and appreciative. It’s nice to be able to appreciate the little things. It feels good.

-struggling to move forward / in any direction.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Originally Posted By: cheesyt
struggling to move forward / in any direction.


Cheesyt, I tend to see different from your posts. You, like the rest of us, have your struggles at times with your feelings towards your WW. But your post above has tons of indications you ARE moving forward. The office party, the plans with the new friend, the awesome relationship you have built with the roomate, her bf, and her kids, the warm feeling from your car being cleaned off and knowing others really care for you. You are building a life that can withstand the potential absence of your W and you seem to be thriving at it.

Will you have these moments alone where it's rough? Of course. We all do and you most definitely aren't alone in them. But you ARE moving forward. I just don't think you realize it. Keep being strong cheesy and know that you are doing great things!


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Cheesyt

Careful if you have attraction to a new female friend, it's tempting to cut the healing part no skip into new R.

Very tempting and creates real difficulties further on. You know not to be attracted as an OM?

From reading your posts I think you are ok, this is part of the Kubler Ross cycle of grief. The stage following denial, and I sense anxiety as much as depression.

The sleep problem is universal and sadly it can get worse before it gets better. I track my sleep using my fitbit and at one stage averaged 1 HR 50 mins per night. My tribe still order me to sleep. And I often post in the middle of the night. Generally I am Ok if fall asleep. Recently I fall asleep and have early waking.

Great news you recognise the help IC can give. Essential at this part of the process. Keep posting Cheesyt you describe your sitch beautifully and write so well.

Everything is on track for healing, and the first Xmas is the toughest.

BiG hugs

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Got text from w "please please figure out that money with cable company i cannot stress about this. my mom is very sick and i am already stressed figuring out her stuff. PleaseCheesyt”
Well….Idk what to say. I’ve already told her the $ will be credited once they receive the equipment. I can’t make them credit her $ any faster..
I’ve always been there for W with regards to MIL, family issues, school. Looking back I know I was a great support system for W. It sort of makes me glad she’s not relying on SOW to not feel so stressed. (or W could be lying in this text idk though I cannot mind read) I always did know how to help calm W. Part of me wants to ask what’s up with MIL, the other part is angry she’s “stressed”…cus then I start thinking selfishly…like what about when I was stressing out trying to find a place to live after W told me I couldn’t come home. What about when I paid bills for 2 months after she asked me not to come home and I had no money to find a place…that was stressful! What about me and everything she put me through. I know W is selfish. And in her waywardness only thinks about her. Not exactly sure what to respond. I can only assume W wants her “best friend” to reply…but that’s not me…I also don’t want to push her away…


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
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Well I replied with “I’m sorry to hear about your mother let me know if there’s anything I can do. I will give cable company a call” W never replied. Maybe she’s no longer attached to her phone as she was 3 weeks ago.
Then I checked my email. I have a dinner invitation from W. A little backstory W used to babysit a little boy, and the boy’s father was CEO at a company W worked at. So every other month or so after she left both jobs to go full time nursing school CEO, CEO’s W and CEO’s Kid would invite W & D to dinner. I was never invited as I was just the “roommate” of W. (W and I would meet up as I too was babysitting a little girl the same age, just to spend time together) Never so much bothered me I was never invited. Well this dinner invite is to the CEO’s house, and I’m invited…makes me want to mind read. Did W ask if I could come so W could see me? Again, the only reason I think this is because in the past 3+ years W has known them I’ve never been invited. Another theory, is W didn’t mean to invite me. Idk. W has not said anything and I have not accepted the invitation on my calendar. If I am in fact invited, I’m going to go, This would be a great 180 time.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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I can't imagine that it was an accident that she invited you. I have no advice, but if it were me I'd want to ask why she sent the invite and I'm not sure that is a good idea either. Nope, cheesty, I got nothing for ya other than pure curiosity. Let us know what happens with that!


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
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I'm struggling today... I had such a busy day. I had so much work, I was there from 7-6 no breaks just powering through all my work (co worker was out so I had to do some of his work as well) I had my music on I had a pretty good day. I accomplished everything I wanted to get done. Can't complain there...and then. Around 5pm my roommate texted me and her bf in a group message something about she didn't know when either of us would be home but that she and the girls were making dinner. About an hour later another text came though that the dinner plans fell through (grilled cheese, turns out the cheese was bad) but that she had made soup and it was ready for whenever we arrived. I don't know why this sort of broke my heart...I had a long good day and all I could think of was my wife. How I wished she'd be waiting for me with dinner. I feel so loved and sometimes i feel as though I'm not appreciating the love and care they have for me. Like all I can focus on is the lack of love my w has or shows for me. How I just miss her. I wanted to call her and tell her how awesome work has been. How I registered for my new classes for next semester. How I'm so excited for our nieces birthday this weekend. And I can't. I feel stuck. I feel so stuck. I don't know what to do. I don't like feeling this way. I'm so tired of this. I feel ok and then something as a stupid "dinner is ready" text throws me completely off.
Lt I know you said from your point of view it seems as though I am moving forward, and yes I guess I can see that. However, I can't help but to feel stuck and incomplete.

How do I get past the I'm happy I'm enjoying my life but not get so ridiculously down on myself when I miss my w (which is everyday)
I'd love to hear anything.
I feel like a little kid, who jus cries and cries and all I want is for my W to show up hug me and tell me it'll be ok.
I know I've been through a lot. I know I'm strong because well I'm still here standing tall, on my own...so I think maybe all this blah and downess is inevitable. I've been so strong for so long. I feel like I'm falling apart and idk that I can pick up my own pieces again.

-I just want a hug. A good meaningful hug.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{cheesyt}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

It's probably a good thing the grilled cheese sandwiches fell through. I would think that cheesyt eating a grilled cheese sandwich would be similar to cannibalism. No?

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LOL...doodler you kill me.... smile

(((((((hugs)))) I know its not the real thing but it is meaningful!!! We all support you and are here to listen and understand what you are going though. I have been feeling like you...maybe its because of the holidays?? I am happy and so much to be thankful for but then something happens to throw us off, but as others have said here that is ok, we have to go through the process....ugh.

Hang in there!!! ((((hugs)))


W:42 M:48
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BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
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Holidays are awful for us. And probably not much better for them, either. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other one and breathe. That's all you can do. It will get better. Make plans with friends. GAL. Buy a new outfit and feel beautiful. Make plans to go to the Women's March on Washington on January 21st...


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
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Cheesyt, I wholeheartedly see you moving forward. Your posts highlight how you are through the relationship you've built with your roommate, her bf, and her kids, and the new and old friends that so obviously care about you.

I think feeling stuck and incomplete is going to be a feeling we all share, so long as we choose to stay in our situations. Without our Ws choosing to come back and work on our Ms I think that incompleteness doesn't go away. Until that occurs, we can only get finality/completeness by choosing to close the door on our Ms.

We all say at the beginning of our situations that we are choosing to fight for our Ms. I'm starting to think that is only a half truth though. At the start of this I think we did choose to fight, but I think that choice was guided by some degree of fear. I know I was probably a prisoner of the fear of the unknown at the start of mine. I think you were similar when you first got here.

Now, though, I no longer see your choice being driven by that fear. I see you making that choice because it's what you want, not what you need. I see a strong person taking a very difficult stand in the face of extremely trying circumstances. Anyone would falter at times in the face of such adversity. It's completely normal to cycle through the sadness around your W. We all do. But just bc you are sad doesn't mean you're not moving forward. I do see you moving through fairly well right now!

One thing my IC told me that may help is to imagine their are two points of view of you situation. One is an "on the ground view" and the other is a "30 thousand foot view". Almost like google maps where you can go from looking at the United States to looking at the street view. Imagine your day to day is the street view. You are driving and driving but it doesn't feel like you're getting anywhere from the street view. However if you pop back out to the 30 thousand foot view you can see that while it felt like you weren't going anywhere, you did in fact progress on your journey, however little it may be. The key is to remember to pop back out to that 30 thousand foot view every now and then to remind yourself you are progressing. Hope that makes sense...

Regardless, we are always here for you. It's ok to feel down, just don't let it take control away from you. You have a lot of awesome stuff going on right now for you cheesyt! I know you're strong and are moving forward. Massive hugs coming your way from over here!!!


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Hi Cheesyt,
I'm so sorry you feel as though you're stuck, but like Lt said, I think that is normal. In fact, I really like all that Lt had to say, you said it beautifully Lt! He's right though, you've made progress, even when it doesn't feel like it.

You are amazingly strong, and your love for your W and your patience and endurance are quite admirable.

Virtual hugs {{{{{cheesty}}}}}


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
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Great post LT...that was something I needed to hear as well!!!

What time is the dinner tonight Cheesyt?


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BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
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W never asked and I didn't ask about dinner. I will not be attending. I don't see a need. (other than to show the new cheesy2.0) But with as emotional and up and down I've been I'm not sure this is a good idea for me. I need to look out for me and It will most likely just make me upset. I gotta continue making decisions for me and about me, instead of decisions for W and D, or about them. I must continue moving forward with my life and I believe going to the dinner will only set me back, or keep me where I currently am. (which I'm not crazy about)

My IC believes W was just temp checking me with the meltdown when I picked up my things. And that Because I'm still there she backed off. which obviously makes sense and as we know from being here happens often. IC also thinks I need to quit telling myself I'm back to square one because I'm really not. And that recovering from this "relapse" should be much easier and take less time than when the initial BD happened. Can't say I don't agree. IC also pointed out that the emotional support I received from W can be filled with my other relationships, and I must not let my brain trick me into thinking that can only be fulfilled by a significant other or my W.


I have a very busy two/ three weeks coming up. I fly home tomorrow morning for my niece's birthday party, then I fly back for the week of work then fly back home for Xmas. all while I am staying until Jan 5th with the original family / friends I went to Europe with over the summer. My roommate's parents are coming from Europe and my "room" is their only guest room. Of course, I offered to move out for the 3 or so weeks. it'll be nice to have a change for a bit. as I was telling my IC, I've settled into a nice little routine with my new home and "family"

really excited to spend time with the fam over Xmas. It's the first time cheesyt2.0 will be around with them all. I'm in a much better place than ever. (usually I argue or "fight" with a family member, yes its always me and someone else) so it'll be nice to have all 20ish of us there and be able to control my temper and just enjoy things.

I know I'll have a few more "bad" or "sad" days in the next weeks or so but I know and i'll try to remind myself that I've been down this road before and I made it out. I will get through this again.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Yes cheesyt there will be sadness so grab the great GAL when you can.

You can't see it as clearly as we can, you are doing great.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Thank you all' it's nice to hear some encouraging words. Quick update as I wait for my flight home for the work week. I had a blast. Didn't think too much of W. As this is the second time I visit family without W. New normal. W did cross my mind, as more of the family knows we are separated. I told my college aged cousin of the news. He was surprised but didn't pry. He simply asked the question most of my family asks "are you moving back?" No. just because my relationship did not work doesn't mean I run "home". I'm a very capable adult that lives my own life. To my surprise W called me last night. We had no actually contact for two weeks. I was out with the family and didn't notice for a little bit after. No voice mail and no text. It must have not been important. I didn't call her back or asked her what she needed. I'm ready to go home and knock out this work week and come back with family. I had a lot of one on one time with my sister and my niece. Overall an exceptional visit. Oh one thing I did notice is my new laid back attitude and just enjoying things. It did make my sister less stressed I am starting to believe more and more that if you (i) change for the better then it brings out a change in the people around you.

-happy Monday all!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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So wonderful to hear, cheesyt! I'm glad you were able to enjoy your time with your family, that is so important. Good work on not calling back or texting. You are doing so great with this, even in your darker times you are making great progress. Very proud of you and keep it up.

Enjoy your next trip as well, and happy Monday to you too!


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
D-day: 3/10/17
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Updates, Cheesy?


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
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Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
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Glad you had a good trip!! Who knows what she wanted! You did good by not responding after you found she called. If it was important a message or text could have been sent. My wife randomly does or did the same thing.

Good and bad days are going to happen

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thanks for stopping by bsb!

nothing new nygal. no word after that random call. all quiet on the western front.

but on the GAL side I think I'm making pretty good friends with the new co-worker. Things are as always going well with my roommate and the family there. All is pretty good for now.
Going to enjoy the "up" and hope the "down" isn't so far down.

Something that's been on my mind, W's birthday the first week of Jan...I decided depending on how I feel, I may shoot a text, maybe a call or maybe act as if it's just another day (as I did with our W anniversary) I don't know. But If I do call or text or not say a word it'll be for Cheesy and not because "she'll be upset If I don't call or text" This is strictly for me and my well-being. nothing to do with her.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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W texted me last night, to remind me to pay my half of the cell bill. (mind you she'd used my cc to pay my half for the past 8 months) I did not reply. This morning she texted the same text. I don't have any login information (though it is my acct) so I just called.

I'm starting to believe the longer the time between us or space between us the less likely we are to get back together. Do I want to? I think so. I'm not 100% sure but I'd like to give us a shot. I guess I have been thinking a lot about that "path" lately. I don't see a path for us. I don't see myself as light house any longer because we do not speak.

I've recently acquired this attitude of "no you don't get a reply from me when you're with SOW" or something very similar. anger perhaps? that she's not reaching out to me or temp checking me? as with the cell phone bill. I don't see a need to reply.

I want her in or out of my life. I'm ready to carry on with my life. I want to move forward with or without her. I just wish she'd hurry up and serve me with D papers or come back and make it work. -this is the very impatient cheesyt speaking.

I guess I just don't know what direction to take regarding W, if anything at all. I've been doing the "do nothing" it's not getting me anywhere. Not that I did it for it to get me anywhere in particular, it's just the easiest and best option for my well-being right now.

-is there a magic road? i'd be interested in traveling it smile


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
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Sounds like we are just about at the same point in our situations!!

I wish I had an answer for us. It's hard knowing what the right thing to do is. I guess others will continue to say just to work on ourselves. The doing nothing is actually probably helping "ourselves" more than we realize.....

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Originally Posted By: cheesyt
I'm starting to believe the longer the time between us or space between us the less likely we are to get back together. Do I want to? I think so. I'm not 100% sure but I'd like to give us a shot. I guess I have been thinking a lot about that "path" lately. I don't see a path for us. I don't see myself as light house any longer because we do not speak.


I've been there, and depending on the day/moment I still do. I think it is hard to see working things out when our spouses don't even reach out.

Originally Posted By: cheesyt

I want her in or out of my life. I'm ready to carry on with my life. I want to move forward with or without her. I just wish she'd hurry up and serve me with D papers or come back and make it work. -this is the very impatient cheesyt speaking.


That's how I felt, in or out. I think that is fair to feel that way, cheesyt, so I don't know if that makes you impatient as much as you are just human. I think we all deserve enough respect for us to expect someone to either be in our lives or leave fully.

Originally Posted By: cheesyt

I guess I just don't know what direction to take regarding W, if anything at all. I've been doing the "do nothing" it's not getting me anywhere. Not that I did it for it to get me anywhere in particular, it's just the easiest and best option for my well-being right now.


Yes, take care of cheesyt first! You have to, but I know that the limbo has to stink. Thinking of you, I hope it keeps getting better for you, and I hope your W figures out for sure if she wants in or out.


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
D-day: 3/10/17
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well I dreamt of wife this morning. something about R. most of my dreams are about R. one thing that struck me was that W (in my dream) asked If I wanted to R why I stopped replying to her texts and calls and went "dark" I guess this is something that's eating at me. Of course I want to answer, of course I want to reply. But it does ME no good.

had a great GAL activity last night. last minute happy hour with co-workers. It was really nice! We all had a busy day so it was pretty perfect. Hanging and laughing was so good for me. I did notice and made a mental note I laughed a lot. (one of the things my W loved about me was my laugh) Laughing is nice. We spoke about new years and getting together at someone's house. I'm looking forward to whatever comes of it.

headed home for Xmas later today. I'm going into this with a positive mind. I'm excited to see my niece. We found out that my sister is having another girl.
With these past good days, I'm very hopeful of not completely losing my s!it over this holiday.

-ok today!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Originally Posted By: cheesyt
well I dreamt of wife this morning. something about R. most of my dreams are about R. one thing that struck me was that W (in my dream) asked If I wanted to R why I stopped replying to her texts and calls and went "dark" I guess this is something that's eating at me. Of course I want to answer, of course I want to reply. But it does ME no good.


Wednesday morning, I had a dream that my boss (a woman) kissed me on the forehead. I like her, but I don't have any feelings for her - really. Now I feel awkward around her. I'm going to ask her what the h3ll she was thinking when she kissed me on the forehead. That's just weird.

Have a great Xmas! You won't lose your sh*t over the holiday. If you begin to have any not-so-good feelings, just think about poor doodler feeling awkward around his boss. That should snap you out of the funk.

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Doodler, never a dull moment with you.

had an amazing Xmas. though I was happy to not have to "deal" with W and D. (all the kids being kids with D and translating for W) I miss them terribly. Also, no one to share the special moments of being Aunts and such. I texted W a picture of the cable companies email of her refund being initiated on Monday. not a word back. and not a word for Xmas either. Though I didn't expect it.

Can't help but to wonder if Xmas was better with SOW. also, wondering if this lack of communication with W will make her not miss me or be even more OK without me. Yes I was wrong last time, but still a possibility that this time, she really is / thinks she is better off without me.

as always, I wish there were something I could do to better or different to bring W back, but I know there isnt.

3 1/2 work day week this week! woohoo


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Kiss on the forehead?

Sounds grandmotherly to me.

Perhaps you had a fever.

V


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V 64, WAW


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Love the short work weeks!!!! I have off until the 2nd week of Jan!!! :-)


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EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
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Had a rough day. Dreamt of wife, most likely because she texted last night. About a bill. I did something different and replied, just in case this was an excuse to talk to me then she had the opening, she didn't. I was kind and told her thank you for keeping track of my bill. Nothing crazy. Then I had that dream and then some bad dreams and it like always threw me off. Got to work, annoyed with a co worker and it's month end, i think I've mentioned in finance it's a busy few days. And I made a few mistakes it just wasn't a great day. And then I got a text that the information on my cell plan had been changed...not sure what my w is up to but I don't want to ask. And I can't log on to check Cus I don't have my log in information.

I'm just having a day. Where I question my life, how I got here, why I'm here. How do I get past this. What can I do? Why if I'm generally happy with my life then why do I still feel empty and why I miss my wife and daughter and old life so much? Am I just being ungreateful? Are they truly missing from my life? Am I just letting my emotions get the best of me? How can I shake this? Why do I even have these days? When will I feel okay again? When will I stop missing my w? Does my w have these emotionally charged days? Does she miss me like I miss her? I just feel like she's so far again...actually like never before. My w is so far and there's not a thing I can do or say to bring her closer.

-another off day in the books.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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I'm sorry you are having a rough few days. This isn't a easy process. I'm asking myself the very same questions over and over. It will get better with time. You may be like me and hate that statement but it has to be true

Hang in there

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One year of hard work to reverse a lifetime of bad habits? seems worth it.
Just read that quote somewhere and I think we can all find this useful. We work on ourselves and though it's a hard difficult trying year, it's been so worth it. That's how I feel some days. Especially after looking back at this year I have so much to be thankful for. My 1year post DB seems like it's coming quicker than I originally thought. I can't say I would change the way this year has been. As bad as it was, I needed this. Maybe that's what's worse, I'm well aware I'm such a better person now. I just wish w would be back with this awesome person typing this. I know 2017 is going to be so great. I don't know in what way or anything but I'm pretty exited for what's to come. I know we will all have a better 2017. Going through this and still being here alive and breathing is quite an accomplishment. One day at a time folks!

Woohoo!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Originally Posted By: cheesyt
One year of hard work to reverse a lifetime of bad habits? seems worth it.
Just read that quote somewhere and I think we can all find this useful.


Definitely a good quote and reminder of toward. Thanks for sharing!

Originally Posted By: cheesyt
I just wish w would be back with this awesome person typing this. I know 2017 is going to be so great. I don't know in what way or anything but I'm pretty exited for what's to come. I know we will all have a better 2017. Going through this and still being here alive and breathing is quite an accomplishment. One day at a time folks!


I absolutely love your positive attitude! Keep up the good work cheesyt. Hopefully your W will come around, but if not then you're already a better person for someone else. Happy New Year!


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
D-day: 3/10/17
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My W’s birthday is tomorrow.
Stuck in a difficult place I guess I could say. Though I feel really great, I can’t help but to wonder should I call, text, or take it as any other day and say nothing? I wish I knew the correct thing to do. In the sense of, I only want to do something if it’s helpful, I obviously have no intention on making things worse. This birthday has got me anxious. I can’t help but to recall the past 6 birthday’s I’ve spent with her. Can’t help but to hope this birthday is not all she wanted or as good as they were with me.

I’ve also been wondering and asking myself If I’m holding myself back? I am not entirely sure how I would be doing this or why the question but it’s there.

Nothing more to update, just been gali-ng with co-workers, my roommate and taking it easy.
One thing I am proud of was I had a very lonely weekend, nothing much to do, roommate was gone for the weekend so it was just me. I was looking forward to it. I felt pretty content having me time. I can recall 1-6 months in, I was scared of having “down” or “alone” time. Something to remember and point out for myself.

-I know I’m moving in a good direction.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Hey cheesyt! Sorry you're feeling stuck in a difficult place. Once again, I don't know what the right answer for you is, just know that you have to do whatever is going to put yourself first.

That is great that you're to a point where you can appreciate the alone time! That is huge progress!


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
D-day: 3/10/17
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Hard to say on the birthday. I contacted my wife back in November for hers and it blew up in my face. If I could do it all over again I would have done a simple hb text and nothing else.

Glad you had a good weekend!

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I'd just text something like... "Happy birthday, thinking of you." But I'm a sap. Then go dark again.


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
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Originally Posted By: cheesyt
My W’s birthday is tomorrow.
Stuck in a difficult place I guess I could say. Though I feel really great, I can’t help but to wonder should I call, text, or take it as any other day and say nothing? I wish I knew the correct thing to do. In the sense of, I only want to do something if it’s helpful, I obviously have no intention on making things worse. This birthday has got me anxious. I can’t help but to recall the past 6 birthday’s I’ve spent with her. Can’t help but to hope this birthday is not all she wanted or as good as they were with me.

I’ve also been wondering and asking myself If I’m holding myself back? I am not entirely sure how I would be doing this or why the question but it’s there.

Nothing more to update, just been gali-ng with co-workers, my roommate and taking it easy.
One thing I am proud of was I had a very lonely weekend, nothing much to do, roommate was gone for the weekend so it was just me. I was looking forward to it. I felt pretty content having me time. I can recall 1-6 months in, I was scared of having “down” or “alone” time. Something to remember and point out for myself.

-I know I’m moving in a good direction.


Hi Cheesyt,

Hmmmm, the birthday question is a good one.

You're working with a DB Coach, right?

It would be a good idea to have this conversation with your DB Coach so that you get the best feedback for your specific situation.

Please call me at 303-444-7004 and we can look at the schedule.

Regards,
Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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Cheesyt, I almost imagine your W watching her phone all day for the birthday text from you. Cristy has a good point about talking to your DB coach about it, but I think it's a pretty powerful message being sent if you don't send her that text. If she believes she has you as plan B and does not get that affirmation from you texting her, it may rattle her a bit. It also reinforces your going dark. If you do send the text, at least wait until the end of the day to make her sweat a bit though! smile.

I know this is a stressful decision. What would make you happy? Would texting your W make you happy? Would you only be doing it because of fear of losing her due to not texting her on her bday? Can you just send that one msg and not get into a conversation with her? Just some stuff to think about.

Don't sweat it to much though. One decision neither makes or breaks this thing. You are doing well and being strong. Keep down that path and it'll all be good! smile


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Lt I hope you're right in the sense of she waits for my text. I had already decided to text before bed tomorrow. Short and simple.
You asked some excellent questions

What would make you happy? What would make me happy is to continue living my life with or without w and d. Either in or out, limbo is not the business.
Would texting your W make you happy? I don't know that it would make me happy per say. Me saying something and getting something other than a "thanks" would be satisfactory.
Would you only be doing it because of fear of losing her due to not texting her on her bday? Yes I fear if I don't text then she thinks I'm done with her. Also fear if I do text it'll re assure her that I'm still plan b and she can still take her sweet time.
Can you just send that one msg and not get into a conversation with her? Yes I could. I doubt she'd engage me. She's had plenty of opportunities and has not taken them. Which in turn increases my anxiety and my fear of us being really actually for real done.

Some thought circling my mind, w will most likely spend birthday with sow. I was just filling up the water to my humidifier and I recalled many nights where I would crawl into bed before w, the last person up had to turn of the light and usually fill up the humidifier. I would of course rush into bed on purpose so I could be lazy haha. This made me laugh. But at the same time it makes me sad.
Another thought is someone else is making memories with her...spending Xmas and New Years and her birthday. How could I ever get past that? (I guess I may never have to) it's like...how could I or my W forget "ohhh that 28th bday I did this" and it has nothing to do with me but someone else...or her first vacation to Mexico. Idk...stuff that isn't important now I know. Nonetheless it circles my mind. Also asked my self a few times today, how in the heck did we get here? One moment I'm picking her up from the airport from her nursing trip the next she confesses to an ea and pa then next I'm moving out. What the heck. 6 years down the drain, thrown away so easily and I felt so blindsided. I never saw it coming. How did any of us get here?

Baby, fightin thank you for your kind words
nygal perhaps a sap moment is what is needed in my situation, shake things up and let her know the door is not 100% shut. I fear that's what she believes with all my dark and non responsive texts. I do have a huge soft spot for w. I think perhaps everyone on the boards does. Who knows though. I sure don't.

Have a busy evening tomorrow. My roommate knows it's Ws bday so we have a "fun" night planned. With food drinks and movies.

-need to stay positive and make it through tomorrow.
I have to keep asking myself what IC and I talked about, when I'm feeling anxious or I make stuff up in my mind to ask myself "is this true"
for example- w will have a better life without me. Is this true? Do I know 100% this is true?
-no I do not. I cannot be 100% sure that statement is true.
Working on keeping that in mind. Kind of forgot what comes after I decide my crazy thoughts are not true or cannot be proven. But at least it's a step in a decent direction.

-missing my w.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Cheesy, holidays are often a let down, especially when we are in turmoil, so don't expect that she has beautiful memories when she's with sow. I bet not! If you have been non-responsive, then maybe it's time for a simple Happy Bday text. IDK. If you could talk to a DB coach, that would be good.
W told me last night that she appreciated that we stayed in touch while she was off on her stupid A with stupid ow. Knowing I still cared -- and that she could lose that -- kept her attached to me. And here I thought I was doing the NC thing so well! I think the longest we went with NC was 15 days. I also think that something like a birthday brings up memories of birthdays past, so your W is probably thinking of you and wondering if you still care. Then, if sow doesn't step up, she will have that disappointment next to your text and she might just compare you favorably to sow. Good luck, cheesyt.


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
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I texted W in the afternoon today. No reply. I don't hurt Cus she didn't reply. I hurt because all the feelings of rejection and failure came flooding back to the now. I had a great gal with co workers then to the movies with the roommate. But as we said our goodbyes and I turned on my phone late tonight and saw my phone had no reply, I got in my car and lost it. Why am I here? I don't want to be here anymore. This is by far the most difficult thing I've gone through in my 27 years, I know I know I'll come out of it a stronger person but I'm the mean time it stinks and it's not where I want to be. How do I leave this crappy place?
Also the lack of response makes me feel like we are seriously over. She doesn't reach out, it's exactly how I pictured divorce. Not a word.
To top it off I opened Facebook and my aunt posted on her own Facebook a little happy birthday meme to my wife. Did not tag my wife (my aunt isn't too computer / Facebook savvy) and I think, wow my family really loved her and took her in and it reminds me of the amazing person she is and how I miss her terribly but w is no longer by my side.
I think I'll go crazy trying to figure out where in the heck things went so wrong.
My aunt is a very religious and just rational person. I think. She asked me how long I was willing to suffer and told me that I'm missing out in the now because I'm stuck in the past. My aunt also suggested I let go...I told my aunt I'm working really hard and I can't. How is it possible that 10months in and I hurt the same or almost so close to the same. The pain is there, I believe I've just gotten better at covering it up for the work day and the gal activities. I put my best foot forward yet get no where new.
I just can't believe my life is turning like this. I don't want a Divorce. I didn't marry my wife to just get a divorce. I don't want to loose my wife forever. I really don't. Part of me feels like I already have...like I lost her even before BD.

-Luckily, Today is almost over. & I made it one more day..


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
Joined: Jul 2016
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W replied this morning "thanks, hope you are well" gahhhhh she literally waited allllll evening and night to reply this morning. Why why why. I know not my circus. Well there's that. I still feel like crap and like we are really over. I want to reply but idk what I'd say. Thanks you too? No Cus I do not hope she's well. I hope she's kind of sort of miserable. But thahs me being petty. I just don't know.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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cheesyt,

doodler's prescription: go to YouTube and search "weezer pork and beans" and listen to the video a few times. If nothing else, it's a catchy tune.

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W texted asking about taxes. Took the opportunity to ask about D10.
W-you know, I’m sure your intentions are good and I thank you for that. But that this point in time, I just don’t see the need for this to go any further. She is finally getting settled into life and I think right now it is unnecessary to confuse her. I hope you understand.

WTH?!

I don't even know how to reply.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Hey Cheesey, I'm so sorry you got that text from your W it was just such an unnecessary thing to say to you. All she had to say was that D was fine or something like that.

Cheesey, from now on I would just block her and not respond to anything from her and certainly not this text.

(((Cheesey)))


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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You can't understand half of what they say,they in dodo land,


Me 56 w52
M30 years
4x adult kids
W dad died/11
W wanted d 03/12
In-house sep 03/12
D 2014 I pushed
W Left on 02/16 I pushed
Pa on 07/16
Nc after 07/16
W Cakeating 15to16
Me doormat 12to16
Limbo 12to16
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After 2 years of it I pushed my wife to divorce me cos that's what's she kept saying she wanted,then after she got it ,I just let her have it no fight at all,then about 2 months later she said to me why dident you stop the divorce ,haha, work that one out if you can'


Me 56 w52
M30 years
4x adult kids
W dad died/11
W wanted d 03/12
In-house sep 03/12
D 2014 I pushed
W Left on 02/16 I pushed
Pa on 07/16
Nc after 07/16
W Cakeating 15to16
Me doormat 12to16
Limbo 12to16
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 443
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cheesyt Offline OP
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I didn't reply but w sent this now
"I'm sorry. But things are finally settling down and D is about to be rocked again. I have to explain to her that my mom has ALS. So I just think that life needs to remain constant for her at this time. I really hope you understand"

Wtf wtf wtf. Once in our live she told me she would not come in between mine and Ds relationship, she even told D that no matter what happened she would support our relationship. Wth. It's like so much is going on, I want to be there for them...that's it. And she doesn't want me to be there for either of them...whyyy
I miss her so much.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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Try and take no notice,she is getting off on winding you up,don't bite,just let her get on with it,her brain is all over the place,

Last edited by Cadet; 01/11/17 01:54 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message

Me 56 w52
M30 years
4x adult kids
W dad died/11
W wanted d 03/12
In-house sep 03/12
D 2014 I pushed
W Left on 02/16 I pushed
Pa on 07/16
Nc after 07/16
W Cakeating 15to16
Me doormat 12to16
Limbo 12to16
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 443
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Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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