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Cheesyt, I know what you are feeling. I'm glad you're off somewhere and away from things. I'd bet as each day passes you will feel more and more free. Blue is right about not responding to your W. I'd offer you view it as an experiment. If she sends you a text don't respond for a few days, just to see what happens. I'd bet no response would have her hammering you with more texts as those days passed. I'd bet it rattles her.

You have control over this. Take it and don't let your W have it back. Be your strong, awesome self and enjoy wherever you are! Happy thanksgiving to you cheesyt. Believe it or not, I think we all have a lot to be thankful for in our lives, even with our situations. Hang in there and take back that control!


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Just checking in Cheesyt

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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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This is me hoping cheesyt is sitting on a beach somewhere warm and drinking a margarita right now! wink


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Ditto! I like the thought!


me 42 H 32
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Somewhere on a beach, sipping something strong, got few girls? Got it going on...haha..hope you are having a good vacay Cheesy


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

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Ha! Thanks everyone!!!! Quick update, dreamt of wife a lot last night. Just Of R (or lack of R) and little issues surrounding us and stuff. They feel so real it's scary! W texted me last night to ask about MILs computer (I'm pretty computer savy and fix most things for MIL, W is not) but I didn't reply. It kind of makes me angry that W told me to stop talking to MIL and now all of a sudden she wants me to help MIL but through her (w) it's like...uh no. I'm not helping so you can take all the credit / It's not my responsibility to help W or MIL anymore. That's life without Cheesyt, no more helping.

I'm having a great vacation. It's been extremely nice. (A few annoyances with my younger cousin but all in all just great) today is my last day, I fly back tomorrow. I'm definitely ready to go home and get back to my routine.

Thank you all for the well wishes and checking in!!!!!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
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Yay Cheesty! Proud of you for not helping MIL. I'm a fixer so if you're like me you can feel that pull to help others even when you know you shouldn't. Good for you though for sticking to it!

Glad you're enjoying your vacation!


Me: 35 W: 32
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EA: 10/26/16
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Cheesy, re-read what Vanilla wrote on 11/19. It's just the right mix of holding onto your boundaries still being loving, kind, gentle... and never the doormat.
Is it kind to not respond to her request for help with MIL's computer? Remember, she's trying to figure out what she wants. You can be nice without being a pushover. When we talk about the lighthouse, I picture something standing tall and bright -- something we are drawn to. Something that guides us home. Not something that has conditions or has its claws out.
Again, what Vanilla said... it's subtle, this DB. All too often we confuse the kindness with being a pushover or not holding true to our own needs and wants. We don't have to be mean or cold in order to hold our boundaries. The lighthouse just is. It doesn't have to explain or justify. It just stands there, a proud, bright beacon. Be that.


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
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Thank you Nygal I will read it again. I think I forgot I was trying to be the lighthouse. "I picture something standing tall and bright -- something we are drawn to. Something that guides us home" ive been thinking a lot about that. I go back and forth between wanting to be the lighthouse that guides her home and walking away. Saying "screw it" and just leaving her to find her own way, wherever that leaves her. I guess I took this vacation and though I fully enjoyed it and I feel great, I'm more confused than when I left. More confused in the sense of what I want for me.
I don't want to be plan b. I hate the thought of that, of my W sleeping with OW while W asks me for more time. Wth!!! I'm worth a heck of a lot more than that.

-back from vacation but still lost in the sea.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
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SD: 10
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Originally Posted By: cheesyt
I don't want to be plan b. I hate the thought of that, of my W sleeping with OW while W asks me for more time. Wth!!! I'm worth a heck of a lot more than that.


cheesyt,

I know exactly what you mean. I became a lighthouse; I was strong, confident and self sufficient. But that didn't last terribly long. As my own LBS fog began to clear, I began to clearly see how much bad behavior I'd willingly tolerated and I slowly began to realize that my WW would probably never become a person that I could respect enough to have as a wife. It's a hard pill to swallow, but I know it's true.

Cadet said that it's a common script; the LBS becomes the WAS.

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