Job, Thank you for your very well thought out response.
I will take all of this to heart and yes, I am GAL and it feels good. I think what you're saying has a lot of merit and I know that this will take time. It's hard to stand, but I am getting very good at it. Having some hope, although low, will keep me holding the rope a little longer.
I am focusing more on me than I was weeks ago and I am feeling stronger every day....I wish I had written that song!
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
Got in touch with our therapist and she spoke with WS, who agreed to honor our 30 day NC going forward...we will see.
Spoke in depth to my friend who had breakfast with WS Sunday AM and he said she asked about how I was doing a couple of times and he told her that I was well and that he has seen some changes in me the last couple of weeks. She told him that getting her own apartment really opened her eyes to what is happening. He asked her for her version of what happened to our M and she confirmed what I had told him....troubles raising SS, a little disconnected on things we chose to do on weekends...nothing worthy of MLC PA.
So I can see where WS is approaching Acceptance, as she is cycling, but who knows how long this goes on. I am GAL and starting to enjoy the freedom from dealing with her for the month. I am finding myself to be stronger every day and I am not thinking about her nearly as much.
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
Well interesting feedback and proof of believe nothing you see and half of what you hear...
My cousin spoke with WS, as she begins reconnecting. WS talked differently than she did on Sunday with my good friend. She talked about how much less pressure she has on her now, how our marriage wasn't that good for a long time and that I am very controlling.....hmmm?? Well when you cycle, you go back to replay and you justify the reason you left M for EA. My cousin asked WS about how she could continue therapy while being with OM and be giving it a real effort and WS laughed.
So the masks are out and she must really be so happy....why else would she be reconnecting and asking people if they are mad at her and if they could accept her after this?? If you're really happy, why would you care what people think???? Maybe you're not that happy...maybe things aren't what you thought they would be....the cycle continues.
The best part is, I am moving forward and I am happier every day. I knew and know that this will continue as WS is trying to escape Liminal Depression which is on deck for her. She is grasping at the ledge, but she will inevitably fall to the bottom.
I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, which is great, so I will talk about all of this with my therapist. I am looking forward to a very nice weekend and I am confident that my life will go on with or without WS. I will make my choice and it may be to leave behind a person who has a history of depression, for someone more stable who will make me their first choice....and I couldn't even think about that just a month ago.
Still holding the rope, but a little less tight with my grip every day.
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
I think your WS is not really connecting in the true sense. What she's doing is trying to see what people think of her. It's the holidays and when the holidays roll around, there can be some connections and then after the holidays...poof! Gone back into the oven for more baking. Your wife is still very much in replay and they do come out to play once in a while and that is called a moment of clarity.
I don't think she's as happy as she is portraying herself. I think she misses the camaraderie that is out in full force during the holidays. That tug for fun, festivities and parties is still very much in her plans. She's going to be bouncing back and forth for quite some time and it will be interesting to see if she's still reconnecting 6 months after the holidays.
She is rewriting history about your relationship and she's justifying why she left...replay. She has a lot guilt going on and wanting to know if people are mad at her is a telltale sign. MLCers do not like to have people mad at them and it eats at them...they feel guilty for what they've done and the disconnections that they have created w/old friends. They like to look like the good person in peoples' eyes.
Loosen the grip on the rope and continue moving forward. The holidays are right around the corner and I hope you have some fun plans in place. Your wife is still in the MLC oven baking up. She's going to be in there for quite a while...time to take a break and just enjoy yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for your insight and I agree with your analysis. I met with my therapist this AM and although she doesn't like to use the term MLC, she thinks that my WS is in what we would call replay. She said that WS is really struggling being alone, but that her and WS IC are both recommending she find time by herself and push through it.
So I am GAL...yes the Bills v Steelers will be a good time and I will be engaged in that. In total disclosure, I am going on a date the Saturday night with a really nice lady, as I have tickets for a concert and I wanted to take someone. She too is a LBS and D'd over 7 years ago. Friend of a friend. Told my therapist and she thought as long as I was honest with myself and set some boundaries, this would be good. Therapist asked me to measure what I feel when I am with this woman, as to understand where I am at with this sitch. Therapist says that what's happening to me is very common in her practice.....WS/WAS come in all excited for their future and LBS is devestated...time passes and the opposite happens and they switch, as WS/WAS begins seeing the changes in their lives and starts to question their future, while LBS is looking at the opportunity at a whole new life...with or without the WS/WAS.
So I am looking forward to some companionship to be honest. WS is on another trip with OM and I think seeing what its like to spend time with someone else, my help me get some perspective on what I am doing. I will be honest and tell you that its a boost to my self esteem and confidence that this woman wants to go with me and that's a feeling I haven't had in a while.
I want your feedback...as harsh as it may be...I want it. I really appreciate what you and Job and this board have done to help me move from despair to reinvention. I am taking all of this one day at a time....truly.
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
