Job - I think my last thread may have locked? I'd like to link this thread to that one but I might need you to edit it into my last post, please?
New thread, and now 2 years post BD. Most times, I literally and figuratively feel relief. I am so thankful that I have made it this far and I don't necessarily mean in standing for my marriage.
As for h? He's been sick for a few weeks now and has been to a doctor for some meds. Oh, so hard hard to zip it and not say: don't forget to get a script for your craziness, too!!!
He's been in that room A.LOT.
Pre BD, life with h was tremendously ridiculous. It never made any sense but of course, it all makes sense now that I understand he'd boarded the kooky express.
How stupid were things? One of the things h was always picking a fight about was sunblock. He was always mad that I was sunblocking myself and the kids?!? We live in a perpetually sunny place so I told him the kids and I would pass on the skin cancer, thanks. He told me a tan is more attractive. While I agree, I also said it does me little good if I am dead in a year. Also, I argued it may look good now but years later, I would be an alligator.
At around this time, H had a friend who had a cancerous growth from the sun and subsequently this friend started being really careful with sun exposure because well, he has a brain. When h got together with him, h would be mad that his friend would be wearing a wide brimmed hat!! Yes, life with him was THIS stupid. I told h this was a matter of life and death for this guy and h said he should stop wearing the ridiculous hat. It was like an upclose and personal with a real live village idiot.
Soon thereafter they had a falling out, surprise, surprise. The guy was too mature for h, I am sure. They'd been friends for 10 years and when the guy disagreed with h on something minuscule, h ditched him in true MLC fashion. I couldn't believe he'd done it! The guy was a good guy and a solid friend. After he told me the story, I told him he'd gone too far and he should apologize. I was SO confused. H's response: I can't be friends with someone who wears that hat. I kept praying I was on the longest running episode of Candid Camera.
In the dreaded letter, one of his brilliant requests on how to fix our m, was that I should throw on a bikini and tan myself on the beach 24/7.
Last night S13 mentions something about how long term smoking can really age you. And then h says, so does the sun. I nearly fell over. On and on h goes about the dangers of the sun. Suddenly he's the Surgeon General.
Then h says loudly, to both boys: "stay away from women who spend their days tannning up at the beach. That is all bad news."
It was such a weird, but huge trigger I realized. For years he to tortured me with this sun issue.
Who knows if he even remembers all that. I was so tempted to ask him if he was recanting his previously ignorant opinions on skin cancer. I had to leave he room because I wanted to go over there, grab him by the shoulders and say: blink if you're in there and trying to communicate!!!
HaWho one of the things my H brought up as "marital issues" is the fact the I refused to allow the kids to get out in the sun between 12-4. Apparently my kids are not "more precious" than all the other kids in the Mediterranean, so why am I so fussy about it? I personally cannot stand the sun, and even though I am extremely careful I managed to get Bacal Cell Carcinoma two years ago which is a form of skin cancer. I still remember the terror in his eyes when I got my diagnosis. When Imentioned that to H, he said that I was weird about the sun even before that happened, and I shouldn't use that as an excuse. Apparently all the medical advice is wrong, H knows best.
I'm glad yours now realises the dangers of the sun, obviously it must have been a crazy moment when you heard the words come out of his mouth though!
I don't know what to say about the letter. You "kooky express train" term sums it all up I guess...
Well done for handling the last two years so well, you are an inspiration xxx
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
H's response: I can't be friends with someone who wears that hat.
Lol - was it an old man hat? Probably made H feel old too.
Quote:
H's response: I can't be friends with someone who wears that hat.
Quote:
Then h says loudly, to both boys: "stay away from women who spend their days tanning up at the beach. That is all bad news."
Ummmm......did he have a tan OW? Sounds like. Sometimes they want us to become more like the OW, in hopes that they can then feel the same infatuation about us. Unfortunately, I was not able to morph into an Asian woman lol.
Sometimes they want us to become more like the OW, in hopes that they can then feel the same infatuation about us. Unfortunately, I was not able to morph into an Asian woman lol.
HAHAHA! kml, you crack me up! I almost spit my wine reading this.
HaWho, I cannot stop being amazed at what your H comes up with. I wish I could study his brain. I’m really curious what prompts him to change his opinions sometimes.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hi Esame, KML and Bright. Nice to hear from you all.
Esame - that must have been scary to receive that diagnosis.
Bright - before you study his brain you'd have to find it first.
KML - yep, he thought the hat was for an old person! And in hindsight, at that point, h was heading into hipster mode, full throttle. As for the tanned up comment, I didn't reference that well. S13 was talking about an employee at his school who was a heavy smoker and also a devout sun worshipper. S13 said she was aged beyond her years. So then h piped in with his tan comment and he also said heavy drinking and smoking also accelerates aging.
Of course, h very well could have some loser tanned up OW, but in this instance he seemed to be saying all that was bad because it makes you age poorly.
In other late breaking MLC news, h mentioned he is going to get a rotary phone for his dorm room. Seriously. He's looking online for options.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
A rotary phone? Sounds like he's back in the pre-cell phone era. Maybe he thinks he's spending too much money on minutes for texting, etc. That's just crazy...but not unusual.
I guess he'll be getting his tree up and decorated before too long. LOL!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sometimes they want us to become more like the OW, in hopes that they can then feel the same infatuation about us. Unfortunately, I was not able to morph into an Asian woman lol.
I got off easy because all my W wanted me to do was to become a guy who would sit on the couch and watch sports. Not interested!
HaWho - There are apps you can download that put a rotary dial on a smart-phone. On a good note, this should slow down his texting - imagine how hard it will be to spell sunblock one spin at a time
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Oh you guys, thanks for the laughs. Still cracking up.
Maybe I should just install a pay phone booth outside his room and give him a bag of quarters, nickels and dimes . . .
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
xx