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#2715912 11/14/16 08:34 AM
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Hi Everyone,

I have been hanging on the MLC board for (gasp!!!) almost 3 years and decided this is where the party is at. I can't find my old thread (I've been reading-not posting as of late) but love the energy and advice on this thread. Soooooooo.....I just did a pirouette into this forum. I am forever grateful for the wonderful people on this board. Seriously. This board was a true life saver for my stubborn self.

Last week would have been my 14th wedding anniversary. I'm not gonna lie. That day elicited a wave of emotions both good and bad. I am forever grateful for my time with x Mr. GB and I really thought we would be together forever. I now realize that I may not fully understand what truly transpired and I am okay with that-most days. That darn logical and pragmatical side of me gets the best of me some days. And I always remind myself (because I really do believe it), that both ex Mr. GB and myself did the best we could with the tools we had. So, my goal has been to work fervently on having better tools in my box. Even though I am very much a fun loving, free spirit, I do NOT want to turn into a mother again in any romantic relationships. That isn't sexay and was (I believe) a big catalyst in the implosion of my m. My goal is to be a mom to my kids and the dog. No grown ups:)

My peeps are doing well. My D is 11 going on 35 and my boys are super sweet. We have been enjoying family time with my x inlaws. They are superbly wonderful people and I massively hit the jackpot. X Mr. GB hasn't spoken to them in almost 3 years and hopefully one day he will mend that fence with them. They miss him and love him. However, I do not discuss that with him. That is what I did way back when and now I just keep my mouth closed. X Mr. GB and I have a cordial relationship. I am the only person from his former life he interacts with and I'm well aware it is because we do have 3 kids together. He moved further away with his gf as she just got her first job. He has said she doesn't want kids and from what few interactions she has with the peeps (he doesn't see them terribly often), she is thoughtful and nice to them. Hey-all good by me.

As I mentioned on my prior thread, I have this super duper awesome guy in my life. One of my guy friends set me up with him and I didn't want to go. And I am so glad I did. He. Is. Awesome. He treats me like I am coconut gelato and is fantastic with my kids. My D is has a very strained R with her dad so it is nice that she gets along with my new dude (I'm waaaay toooo old to say BF). She also is cultivating positive relationships with her Uncles and my x FIL. It's great to see. I want my kids to believe in love and M.....just like I still do. Even when I see stuff every day that blows my mind. D knows her Dad loves her, however, he is still very much in a selfish phase and says things to her and the boys that are not really conducive to strengthening their R. However, that may come in time. That's on him. He has in the last few months brought up places we went in the past or funny things that happened. I admit that sometimes I feel a surge of sadness when he does and other times I just try to remember it for what it was. A sweet or funny moment in life.

I don't know. I try not to spend too much time thinking of the future because I realize I'm not really in control of that. The new dude (let's call him ND but not for Notre Dame) has been very patient with me. He has a cordial relationship with his ex although she is struggling with him being with someone new. This isn't mindreading. It's factual and I have told him that I am happy to meet her if that will ease her concerns/trepidation/sadness about their D spending time with me. His ex seems like a sweet lady and a great mom. They have known each other for over 20 years so I think it's very nice that my NG wants her to be happy. Their D is the same age as my youngest so we have some fun football Saturdays.

I love reading everyone's posts here and watching people emerge through the pain of D. Take those new journeys in life. I'm not sure I will ever really "get over it" per se and I'm not sure it is something one should. I do know that I can learn and move forward. And I'm just trying to enjoy my life in the moment.

Looking forward to visiting more often!



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Georgiabelle,

I hear you and I was excited to hear from you because, if you live in southern Georgia, you may not be too far away from me. I was going to invite you to skinny dip with me; it's getting cool out, but the springs are the same temperature year-round, so why not? Then, I read about ND and my bubble was burst. No skinny dipping with doodler for you Georgiabelle. I know that's disappointing for you, but in time you'll get over it.

It sounds like you've found a great guy. I hope it continues to go well for you.

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Ha!!!! Hi Doodler. I lived in south GA for much of my childhood and my mom is still there. I refer to the seasons as being Hot-Sweltering-Really Warm and Toasty:)

Thanks for your kind words. I do think I have found a keeper. One of my close friends is OLD, and I try to offer advice. I love reading everyone's OLD stories here. Like....when you don't hear from him for a week or 2, then I don't think he is 'afraid of his feelings" or "scared to reach out." I know. I only OLD for around 3 weeks but it is fascinating and I realize you must have a rather thick skin.



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Georgiabelle,

Would your close friend, maybe, want to go skinny dipping with doodler? I'll even provide dry towels and cold champagne.

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Ha! You sound like so much fun, Doodler. Sadly my friend I hung up on some things at this stage of life that might be more challenging to find. But send the champagne. I will drink it:)



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GB- nice to hear from you. I thought about you the other day as I grazed on Almond Joys from my daughters Halloween stashes.


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Welcome to this part of the world. I used to read some of your stuff when I first came to DB over on the newcomers page and you always seemed to have a positivity about you. Sounds like things are still going well. smile


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
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Hi Everyone,

Thanks for the warm welcome. I am in a bit of a ....funk? I could use some perspective from the wise folks here.

I'm at a bit of a wall in certain aspects of my life. I *know* I have to do something and honestly, I have just been unmotivated to do anything. I do feel I am getting there sloth style and more on that in another post.

I have been with new guy over 5 months. I have met some of his family. My children adore him and he is exceptional with him. He has a daughter the same ages as my youngest s, so we do have fun. In the spirit of candor, my internal self gets a little wobby this time of year as it's post anniversary and coming up on BD. I don't want to sound dramatic and it is better than it used to be. It IS still there. I hope this year I am able to push through a bit better than the last couple of years.

New guy is great. Honestly, I have never been treated this well. I have never been attracted to someone this way before. Maybe I am older? He is funny, fun, extremely intelligent and treats me like I am the cherry on top of a sundae. I do love him. He irons my clothes. Takes out the garbage. Plays soccer with my kids. Cooks. Sigh. These are the ways to win me over:) His ex wife had 2 young children when they got married and by all accounts he was an exceptional step father.

However, if he doesn't say something or is quiet, I assume he is tucking this factoid away to bring up to me later. I have OCD tendencies and I have discussed. I just feel like he is going to bring all of my flaws up to me one day like ex Mr. GB did. Some of what ex Mr. GB said was 100% accurate and some was lunacy. I do recognize that. I am working very diligently on being different in this relationship. Well, focusing on having a healthy relationship where I don't turn into a mother. I know you can't punish someone for the past and I am keenly aware of some these feelings. However, I feel very unsettled. And nothing NG has done makes me feel unsettled, It is me. I make myself feel this way. And some days it just reminds me of how I failed at marriage and (I know I harp on this and must let it go) I just never saw myself divorce. I realize none of us did. I logically know that.

I don't know. Bop me over the head. Send me some sweet potato soufflé with extra crunch. Hope everyone is having a good week.



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Why do you believe you don't deserve this guy?

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I understand where you feelings might be coming from but....

You did not fail at marriage.

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Georgiabelle,

Divorce was the worst thing that I've ever been through in my life. But, having survived the ordeal, I realized that I was often paralyzed with the fear of the worst that could happen and rarely gave much thought to the best that can happen. Believe it or not, sometimes good things happen. Stop dwelling on the bad things that might happen and be open to the proposition that something good may actually happen. This guy may actually like your OCD quirks. Have you considered that?

Give yourself a break and let it happen. It may not work out, but then again, it might be spectacular.

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Hi Georgiabelle, I understand what you're feeling. I was criticized and belittled regularly in the last few years of my marriage. Again, some things were legitimate (hey, we're human too)and some weren't. I tried to change things that were legitimate but it made no difference as she would just move on to something else to attack. It gets to you. You start to feel that maybe you just can't really please another by being who you are. The first five months of any relationship is a honeymoon period, he's seeing the best in you and you see the best in him. You wonder whether down the line this will still be the case because you've been there before. Maybe right now just recognizing that you have this inside you is enough...it's there. You don't have to act on it, just recognize that this fear is there. As you grow to trust your new relationship this may subside. Give it time.


Divorced February 27, 2012.

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Georgiabelle - Am I dating you? I'm a quiet guy who likes doing the ironing and is a fair cook but will admit to not knowing how to make sweet potato souffle so maybe it's not me.

If it were me (and I'm pretty sure it's not), all of these things you are saying and all that is being learned is just being filed away as part of the picture he is painting inside himself of you. Add some sparkles and rainbows to the picture - tell him what a great day you just had for example. Ask about him and his day and - this is important - listen and remember the details. Guys like me love it when someone we care about cares about us. I can assure that not all guys are storing up ammunition for a future battle - some are just painting.

You've got this - just be the best you that you can be and most importantly, be the "real" you.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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GB, I'm so happy you've found someone who's working well in your life.

I don't know if you followed my thread in the early days I was with My Guy, but I felt just the same as you. I did not act like my best self. I'm so fortunate he was able to see good qualities in me anyway and persevered.

For me, the anxieties didn't start to dissipate until just a couple of months ago (we've been dating a year now). It wasn't' the time that made the difference in my comfort in the relationship, it was a couple of things that occurred and how he and I navigated them. We had a big fight over something in which he was objectively wrong, and I handled it poorly. I was going to just hide from the argument but he insisted we work through it -- and then he showed me that he had the skills to help us both get where we needed to be. After that I felt a lot more secure in the relationship and how I've conducted myself in my whole life has changed. That's made things progress in the relationship a lot better.

I'm not going to bop you over the head. It takes a lot of courage to try again after the things that have happened to us! Give yourself credit for that and try if you can to remember that he is not the same guy as your ex. He will have complaints and they will be different than your ex's complaints. Some of the things your ex criticized your new guy might see as strengths. And you also, when you feel more comfortable, will have complaints and reservations. Which you are absolutely entitled to, no matter how much ironing he does. smile

The best thing you can be is yourself. That's the person he will have to live with for as long as you are together. Of course you want to be your best self, but you have to be authentic. There's going to come a day when he will be raging mad at you, or you will be raging mad at him, and that will scare the daylights out of you. Try to welcome it when it happens, because how you both cope with that day will determine a lot.

Last thing -- even if he has the same complaints as your ex, that DOES NOT mean those complaints are valid, or that they diminish your value as a person. It just means those things are hard for him to adapt to. If they end up being dealbreakers FOR HIM, that STILL does not speak to your lovableness. Dating is a process of determining how well two people relate to each other, not a way of determining your worth.

My Guy has helped me be better at most of my relationships. He's helped me learn to be more like the person I want to be. If your guy does that for you, then you're on the right track. It's scary but however it turns out it will be OK.

((((Georgiabelle))))


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Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

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Hi Everyone,

Thanks so much for stopping by. Every one of you. Hugs to you all! I had to regroup and after posting went silent for a few weeks. Thanks for your support, kind words, and humor. Always appreciated and digested. Even though I can be stubborn. And thanks for not bopping me on the head, MB. I need all of the brain cells I can keep at this juncture:)

It's not that I don't feel worthy of the new guy. It's that I think I struggle with the fact that things are different? I'm sure this won't be articulated appropriately, however, I struggle mightily with the fact that things aren't what I thought they would be. Even though they are in many ways better? I don't know if that makes sense. NG is fabulous. He cooked with my kids while I went out with my best friend on my birthday. FTR, I duct taped myself together so that I wouldn't fall apart as I inch towards being a centenarian:)

He is wonderful and very open with his concerns and flaws. He says he has never felt this way before and I have not either. Although, I'm not sure if we ever feel the same in any relationship or about a person? Maybe this is the issue..when I am away from him I wonder. However, I am not specifically wondering about. The wondering is not about him-I trust him and he has given me no reason not to do so. I wonder about me. But I am not sure what that is? Perhaps it just takes time. And I am committed to giving it time even.

The universe has been chattering away at me. I was catching up on other threads about "types." I have a tendency to attract artistic, creative, more sensitive types. However, on a very primal level, what I find very physically attractive (which always subsides) are the guys who are a bit rough around the edges. Blue collar guys. OMG. I find that so hot. Those men are never interested in me. I think (who knows as I am just throwing up here) I thought I might date someone like that? Which is crazy because those people aren't attracted to me. I did go out with 2 of those guys after I got divorced and while I was off the charts attracted to them, there was nothing else there. And I'm not even sure the physical thing was reciprocated. However, I ran into both of them this past weekend and I thought "why didn't they think I was attractive?' I dunno. I am rambling.

I am very attracted to new guy. Certain things have never been this good. I'm sure some is him and some is me...and that I have relaxed a bit and feel very secure in many of my insecurities at this point. I know divorce changes us. Some of those changes I like. Some I'm not so sure. However, they are there.

Anyway, on another universal chatter note, ex Mr. GB has suddenly become very talkative. I suspected something was p this summer with some texts he sent me. Reminiscing. I knew something was really up when he reached out on my birthday which he hasn't acknowledged in 3 years. He said to me yesterday, "GB, it is very difficult dating women under 30. You know they all want to get married and have kids." I said, "I'm sure it is." Allegedly, he is moving (again) in January without his live in GF. She just got her first job in June. He said he is tired of moving. I'm not sure if he told her he is moving or if he is going to spring it on her kind of like he did me. I didn't ask. As Job says, the answers reveal themselves. I can't ask. It would take too much energy.

Thanks for bearing with me and that rambling post of nothing. My brain is in overdrive. Tomorrow is the 3 year anniversary of BD and I would be lying if I said it hasn't kicked some feelings up.

Sending positive energy and hugs to you all.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
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THANK YOU! I SO needed to hear that very last part of your post about how tomorrow is 3 year anniversary of BD and you would be lying if you said it hasn't kicked up feelings. This weekend will be 2 year anniversary of our divorce being final and this week has been a rough one for me emotionally. I SO needed to know that someone else has those feelings, because I sometimes think it must just be me. I know there is no time limit on grieving something or moving on or any of that, but sometimes I just feel so very alone in my weird feelings. So, again, thank you for saying that.

I so enjoy your posts as they seem so upbeat. You are what I aspire to be someday.....happy and in a new relationship with someone. Oh and the blue collar guy thing...TOTALLY get that! wink


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
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Thanks for your kind words, Dawn. I hope you are doing well. While I'm sure much of this subsides, I suppose a part of us will always remember BD date....no matter how fantastic our current life is.

NG is very smart. He has a couple of degrees and he used to be a struggling actor. Now he is a photographer and writer. Definitely not the blue collar thing. Perhaps in another life:)



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I had written you a nice post and.....

lost it!

I wanted to talk about attraction. It's a funny funny thing. I don't know if I have been attracted to a particular type, but yes, it is usually blue collar guys.. And older men, lol. And that's who I have been dating. So maybe I am. But if a suit and tie executive walked into my life, I would certainly look his way, and if he was a wonderful man on top of that, well, score!

There have been guys I have dated who have been physically attractive, but that went away when their not so attractive inner looks showed. They were no longer pleasing to my eye. There have been guys that might not catch my eye, but their personality made them very physically attractive to me.

Don't try to fit him in a box. He fits wonderfully in your life right now, and what he's got going on is certainly working for you! And him! That's so incredibly awesome!

Some of us never forget the bomb date. 9 years, and it still rocks me a bit. Considering any post D R I have had ended at the same time of BD, it's just not a good time for me and shakes up some stuff.

But it passes quickly, and I am sure it will for you too!

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GB,

This is my version of a drive by. Can you see me waving? I applaud your musings while moving forward. You're gonna be okay. Really.

BTW, yesterday marked the 14 year anniversary of the bomb for me. I ordered out pizza from a new place in acknowledgment. crazy I had one thought last night that kept me from getting some decent sleep. My XH walked out the door and never looked back. He didn't make any effort to reconcile whatsoever. Yet he has broken up and gotten back together with his GF 3x. Three f*cking times. Okay, so my D22 says this indicates that he's the equivalent of a middle school boy. (That still makes me laugh.) But the underlying feeling I get is "why didn't our marriage vows make you want to do the same for us"? Here I am, navel gazing a twist on the same question 14 years later. That seems totally insane to me.

But I'm feeling differently today, don't ya know. My D22 comes home Friday night for the week, and we're all excited about that. I'd rather focus on how great it will be to have her home than on bomb day anyway.

BTW, earlier in my life I liked guys who were a bit rough around the edges. They were fun and they actually like me (I still seem to have the same pheromones today haha - I think the initial kickoff is my fondness for the F word). But after 6 months or so, I wanted to talk about stuff that was more cerebral. They quickly saw that instead of wanting to be that guy, they dumped me. I figured out in my early 20s that I needed a white collar guy who underneath came from blue collar roots. And I married a guy like that. It dawned on me in my 30s that I actually am attracted to geeks: super smart dudes that don't want the world to know how smart they are. For some reason, that turns ME on. LOL. Now I need to find an adult version of that person who hasn't pickled his liver in the process...

Merry Christmas to all of you!

Betsey


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p.s. I forgot to mention one positive from my post above. Although my XH didn't look back, he *did* put a whole lot of effort into being a better friend and co parent. So I guess I did get the best possible outcome. Better to have had his truth than my hope for a good lie?


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

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Quote:
It dawned on me in my 30s that I actually am attracted to geeks:


Comic-con is the place to find them!

AS for your ex - remember, he wasn't just leaving you. He was leaving the reality and the pain of caring for a child with a disability. Thank goodness he's been a responsible parent since, but still - he wasn't strong enough to stay and take it, he had to escape off into the fantasyland of "unattached single guy".

I'm sure you've wished sometimes that you could escape to that place too. But, being the solid adult that you are, you stuck it out and did what needed to be done. It's rotten that he was too weak and you have that job. At least, he's felt sufficiently guilty to do the right thing financially.

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Sorry GB for this hijack...

Ellie, I'll have to check Comic-con when it's here next year... Thanks for the referral.

I should be heading to bed, but I want to post here. I'm scratching my head (it kinda hurts) at what you wrote. I think this might be a case of "I didn't see it until... I saw it". Or in this case, until I was ready to see it in print. Here it is, folks. Evidence that 14 years later I'm still gaining clarity. Thanks, Ellie!

I don't think I ever believed... Or wanted to believe.... That he checked out of our reality, and that I was collateral damage in the process. But your very succinct words hit a home run for me tonight. I'm going to ruminate over night. There's nothing to mull because I know what you said is the truth. I'm just going to digest it.

Yes, periodically I'd like a break from being "the man". It would be nice to have an absolute true partner in every sense of the concept. But seriously, I love having her in my everyday life. If I had to make a choice between D19 and him, she'd win every time. She's less moody and a lot easier to get along with.

Thanks again. The truth dart makes perfect sense.


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Thanks Ellie and Betsy. I always welcome chatter, banter, humor, and anything else. I'm notorious for high jacking others threads so please...all candor is welcome here at the GB casa.

I'm in one of those gosh darn funks. I went out of town for work for a week and have some other trips coming up. I took NG home to spend Christmas with my mom, brother and niece. Last year we did it in June so I was on it this year. It was super toasty-81 in January. We were there for about 24 hours and had a good time. NG and I got to go out and watch the games and have a little fun. We don't get to go out on a date much. My ex-ILs adore the NG and so did my family. He came over and hung out with my ex-ILs while I was out of town.

I feel like I am at a different place. I'm not really sure what that "place" is. NG is very patient, treats me like a queen without smothering me, great with the kids, and is an all around good guy. I do love him and yet, when I am away from him, I don't really miss him. I'm ready to see him when I do, but in a way it's like he doesn't exist. Yet, there is a part of me that feels like I'm picking the same person again. With a different name and just a little shorter than the previous choices:)

I know we talk about types. I've never considered myself to have a type yet one thing is certain..I DO seem to attract a certain type of man. Even my ex-BIL says so. He always says, "GB, we should send you to this x festival. You can come back with a bunch of romantic marriage proposals or at least an array of choices of boyfriends." I attract these very artsy, creative, and romantic men who seem uncertain of what they want in a career. That's fine. I don't expect anyone to take care of me. No one has since I was 13 years old. However, sometimes I wonder if I should do something different. Or just not date period. I'm going to say something and if it sounds bad...well, then it sounds bad. I always feel like that is my only choice. Those men are drawn to me like a fly to honey and well, I realize I have to like who likes me. I see soooooooo many women fight that and I never have. But, even though I do love him, can see myself with him and enjoy being with him, I wonder if somehow I am doing the same thing all over again.

Go ahead. Take a swing at a sista with a 2x4 or perhaps put some thumb tacks in my chair.



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Ack, no 2x4 or thumbtacks here. I don't think you need a whack.

Quote:
I do love him and yet, when I am away from him, I don't really miss him.


GB, while I sit here and type, I'm wondering if this is because you won't let yourself go here? In NO way am I judging you... because we've been hurt, it's really hard to allow someone to mean that much. If you wrote anything different about this guy, I might respond differently.

Is it bad to have a "type"?

I think it's really easy to tap into that part of ourselves that existed when we were single before marriage - dating toads, kissing them and finding sparks with men who were completely wrong for us. The lull of that pull is super tough to navigate. It's even harder with friends who are still in love with their spouses and here we are?

I've had that heady feeling, but the best relationships I've ever had have been with guys who started as my friend. Like you, I need to *like* someone before I fall for them. And the funny thing is that it is even more important to me now.

So I'm going to throw something at you that is the same advice I gave my D22 a few months ago: why screw up something that is good because you're not sure why you feel unsettled? I suggested to her to see that perceived red stop light as an opportunity to figure it out. When she knew why, then the light would turn green. Funny, it didn't take her long to get to the root of the problem and see that she wasn't really at an intersection.

I think it's super important to tap into that part of you that feels like that and really analyze where that stuff originates. Do you feel the pull to have new and start over? Or is it because you're not fulfilled and figure it's easier to rid yourself of the stuff around you than get to work?

I say these things because 1) I care; and 2) this is something I do too. It's a lot easier to look outside of ourselves for that "happy place" when it's really an inside job. And yes, I gave myself the same lecture a few days ago. I haven't done anything about my doldrums, but I know why I'm there. The svcky part is that I'm there because I put myself there. Blech. I need to be the person I want to appear in my life. Wow, that's depressing, because I'm not even close!

So what's the real underlying stuff that has you navel gazing and unsettled?

Hugs!


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Thanks for stopping by Betsy. You always give the best advice and ask the "good" questions. I took a break for a bit and now I am back. I do appreciate you pushing me and in all honesty, I'm not sure I have an answer. Maybe I wonder if I have it in me to really "be" with someone right now?

I was out of town last week. And I felt good. I had lots of meetings with clients and I really enjoy those. It was nice to have a bit of free time and hang out with one of my coworkers. I didn't "miss" NG, yet we went to a concert when I returned and had a great time. I was really happy to be with him. When we have a little time alone, I feel connected to him and think I want to be with him. He is a fantastic guy-even wrote a song for me and played it on his guitar. It's the life stuff that throws me for a loop. Like all grownups, it feels like a constant juggling act and some days I think I don't have it in me to continue to juggle it all. I certainly know I am not unique in these feelings. But, if I am being honest,I love the ease I have with NG. However, and I have to bring this up because eh...it kind of made my head spin.

Ex Mr. GB moved out 3 years ago today. He has been acting a bit odd the last several months. Sending me an old pic. Asking me if I remember x, y or z. He broke up with his gf. He did say to a mutual friend (and allegedly all over Twitter), that he wonders if he made a mistake 3 years ago. That maybe he didn't really try. Granted, I know ex Mr. GB. He does like attention and a good pity party. Heck, I like a pity party too with queso and coconut margaritas. I digress. This means nothing I totally understand that. It does still make me sad that my family is no longer intact. I genuinely believe ex Mr. GB did the best he could with the tools he had. And a severe mental illness. And I know he is a good person. But somehow, it bothers me that he reaches out so I try to remain cordial but neutral. If I engage with a funny memory, he will disappear. So, I am friendly, yet still sad this caca ended this way. I believe that will always leave me with a certain level of sadness. Doesn't mean I don't move on or forward, just means it IS sad when your family falls apart. Period.

Also, I am really struggling with my weight. People around me are getting thinner and I feel like a balloon. I work out 6 hours a week and I swear I could smell a cookie and my jeans get super snug. I'm trying to mix it up more because this really plays a number on me. I look at people eating normal food and I think "how does that work?" Plus, I took this headshot at work and I could not feel worse. I wasn't dressed for head shots, hair was wet, and I had on a plaid shirt. The angle is underneath and I think it is the worst photo I have ever seen of myself. Argh!!!

I digress. NG is coming over to make dinner tonight for me and my people. My little one did tell me that I am always his Valentine. Swooooooon.



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Hope your evening with NG was good. And, how sweet of the little one. Kids are so precious! I think we all like a pity party, but sign me up for yours if queso and margaritas are involved, because that is my kind of pity party. wink

Happy Wednesday, GB!


Me 52, H53
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Hi GB, it sounds as though things may have started to turn with your XH and he does have some regrets. Posting those on social media I find a little funny - but people do post all kinds of things which are deeply private. Perhaps he is hoping you will become aware without him telling you directly?

You sounds a little ambivalent about NG - and I also wonder how you feel about the situation with XH too? In my situation, I have only dealt with 'unresponsive' XH who is having a R with someone else. Truly, I can't see he and I together again, but at the same time, I'm not sure how I would feel if I had to deal with 'responsive/remorseful' XH.

I love your posts GB and they always bring a smile to my face.

Xx


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Thanks Dawn and Sotto. I appreciate you stopping by...I love having guests:)

Sotto, I have thought a great deal about whether or not I do or don't feel a certain way about NG. I appreciate you calling out what I wondered for several months-am I ambivalent about him? Or am I ambivalent about Rs in general? He is wonderful. We have a great time together and I do love him. However, I am not sure if it is timing or if it is me, but I really don't think it's him. I think I feel ambivalent about relationships in general. I believe in love and marriage very much. However, there is a part of me that genuinely wonders at this point what does being in a relationship really mean to me at this point? Something really switched in me the last couple of years. I do discuss this with NG. I don't know if I want to get married again. I did that and I loved being married. However, I'm not so sure I want to do that again.

I'm going to sound like one of "those people" right now. I cannot change our society-I can only behave what matches my beliefs. However, it seems like most people think "until death do us part" means "Until I don't want to." And now I realize, that is fine. Really. We all have choices and the only guarantees in life are death and taxes:) There is a part of me that wonders "why bother?" I know that sounds very jaded, however, I see it everyday. So there is a part of me that sincerely wonders why people want to commit? People talk about how awful divorce is yet many peeps keep doing it. NG has been married twice and his first marriage last a little over a year. What I have right now is what I loved.....15 or 20 years ago. Now, having someone say that I am what they want and have been looking for feels.....somewhat meaningless? I mean, I did this twice before with my xh and xb of 7 years. Some days I experience deja vu and think "and I should do this again because.....?" I have no idea if that makes sense. It really is me. Sometimes I like parts of the newly refurbished GB and sometimes I liked the old one better. I wish I felt different but I swear my feelings aren't directed at him. He is however, the recipient of those feelings sometimes. It is me. There are moments with NG and I think "this is what I always wanted" and then something happens and I think "eh.Nope."

Sorry for that lengthy dissertation. In regards to xh, I do get sad. We shared such a bond that I won't have with anyone else. However, I have zero desire to revisit that as being with him was very draining. And I bet that feeling is mutual. I do wish him peace and happiness-something I did not wish him last year. And we get along well. Friendly yet a bit stifled at times. That may subside over more time.

I cried as I wrote this but I have to dust myself up for a brainstorming session. Sorry to be a downer. On a happy note, I got myself a new hammock:) It's going to be 78 here this weekend.

Love to you all.



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Just seems normal and usual to me.

Not wanting to be vulnerable and hurt again, I get it, it's protective.

After everything in your life and your ex, I think it is rational and logical, makes sense to me.

V


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Thanks for stopping by, V. I hope you are well and I just wanted to tell you that I know you have been through much and you are always so supportive of others.

I have no idea why I just realized this. I have only truly dated a handful of people and I just realized that my x bf's BIL was a very famous musician and now my NG's BIL is a very, very famous musician. What's the likelihood of this happening and I don't live in Hollywood, NYC or Nashvegas? Just realized this.

NG put together my new patio furniture last night and made me dinner. He has his D tonight so I am by myself (well, with fur people) and I am getting a pedicure.



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Quote:
NG's BIL is a very, very famous musician


Does he live in the same said town that has spawned many, many musicians?


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Hi Jeep,

The BIL doesn't. He is much older than NG and was in a very very popular of the 80s and 90s. Howevs, I used to wait on LOTS of musicians back in the day in said town. Lots:)



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That's one thing that I miss was the music scene. Been to the GA theater more time than I can remember. I think I saw Widespread Panic 6 times there.


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Ah yes. I saw so many bands there. Widespread Panic. Saw Hootie and the Blowfish so many times. Who knew Darius Rucker would become a country sensation? Do you remember Follow for Now? Loved them. I saw Pearl Jam at Legion. My NG has photographed some of the up and coming musicians there which is kind of cool.



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Hi DB peeps,

The kids were with my brother and their grandparents for break and came back strep and a stomach virus. Argh. I hope everyone is on the mend. D12 is 2 inches taller than me now. Sigh. I'm still taller than the boys.


You know I relish the unconventional. I think it's a subconscious thing but it's become my norm. As I met x Mr.GB's to get S7 (the mere sight of him turns me to putty), NG was with me. X-ILs love NG and have invited him to visit. He visited them when they stayed at my house when I was out of town. We discovered that my XMIL went to high school with NG's XFIL. It IS the south. I kid. :-) Funny to behaving lunch with your guy and ex ILs.

NG and I had a great week but hit a bit of an issue Saturday night. He made s7 and i a delicious dinner of asparagus shrimp risotto. S7 was watching a movie and NG said he didn't feel I was open to people about our R. He's right. I don't post pics but the people important to me know of him and that's what counts. This conversation turned sideways about marriage and living together and I got a bit snippy. I apologized and asked to refrain from chatting about that topic too much right now.

I need a new career and can't seem to get motivated. It's time. Here's to hoping the Ebola virus/ tuberculosis level 3 leaves our house for good.

Hugs everyone.



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*be having*. Ignore my plethora of typos. On da phone



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GB,

You are way ahead of me. You are doing awesome!


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Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle




You know I relish the unconventional. I think it's a subconscious thing but
NG and I had a great week but hit a bit of an issue Saturday night. He made s7 and i a delicious dinner of asparagus shrimp risotto.


Hold On GB,

Sorry, I know there's more going on here but I can't get past this statement. Seriously? Your seven-year-old will eat shrimp and asparagus risotto? I have dinner envy.

I'm sorry your relationship with NG seems to be causing you angst. I would say just enjoy it for what it is and stop pressuring yourself - but it sounds like he wants more than that right now. FWIW, major kudos to you for getting this far- I am still deeply ambivalent about the thought of dating.

Hugs and an Almond Joy


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Raliced,

Yes!!! It's awesome to hear from you. I have super ambitious eaters. S7 loves sushi as well :-) I can't think of anything he doesn't like? The other week he tried vegemite.

I understand the ambivalence. I do. I wasn't looking-NG is fantastic, however I wasn't expecting this. Still trying to go at a pace I can handle.



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GB,

My S9 would have LOVED the shrimp & asparagus risotto. Especially if he could have picked out the asparagus. smile

My Guy had the good sense to refrain from being too open about his long-term ambitions at the beginning, but they're becoming a lot more clear now that we've been together just over a year. I have been anxious and ambivalent in a lot of ways about the relationship for a big chunk of it. I don't know if this is part of your anxiety, but for me I've had a hard time believing he wasn't going to crush my heart like Mr. Fantastic did, or that he didn't have an ulterior motive in some way. It's take a long time to figure things out for me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's reasonable that you would have anxiety in a new relationship after everything. I hope you find your footing soon and try to enjoy the ride along the way. And I hope your new guy is patient and supportive while you find it.

Hugs!!!


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This thread has been really helpful and supportive and insightful. I'm so happy I'm not alone in my fear and apprehension when it comes to a new relationship.


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Happy Cinco De Mayo! Some things have been good. Have enjoyed friends. NG understands I can't discuss marriage or living together right now. Dog hasn't been as crazy. S7 lost his first tooth. S14 is working hard not to go to summer school. D12 is 2 inches taller than me and stealing my clothes.

Then the unexpected....x Mr. GB asked me to hang out and watch te NFL draft. For those of you following along, I am a major sports fan. He is not, but that was something that we always watch together. I considered going for about five minutes, and then I decided that I didn't really want to. So I thanked him for the invitation and told him I hope they had fun. He sent me a few more texts later that evening. He has told me that his anxiety is better and I told him I was glad to hear that.

Now the thing that's really on my mind. I'm sure some of you recall me saying over the last couple of years that I really needed to change jobs. Unfortunately, I simply was not ready. Even though I knew that I needed to change. I'm sure some of you recall me saying over the last couple of years that I really needed to change jobs. Unfortunately, I simply was not ready. Even though I knew that I needed to change. Ideally speaking, I need to take a job where I travel because that's where I would probably make more money due to the industry that I work in. Even though my revenue is higher than my cohorts ( I work for a very small nonprofit ) The revenue is not in the segment that they want to grow. It is a segment that is shrinking overall in the industry in a while I am flawed, it is probably unrealistic for me to make that preg The revenue is not in the segment that they want to grow. It is a segment that is shrinking overall in the industry in a while I am flawed, it is probably unrealistic for me to make that segment grow to 2014 levels. Particularly when we have competitors closing. I have also started dreading going there. So, I have been put on notice. I'm a smart girl and I know what that means.

Prior to getting divorced, I interviewed and networked all the time. Not necessarily because I was looking for a new job but rather because I realized it kept me fresh and I kept my eyes open to opportunities. I have been out of the game for about three years so for the last couple of months I have been arduously pursuing new opportunities and networking. And if I'm being honest, although it is been more difficult because I haven't done it in a while, it is also really been good for me. I have an opportunity with a company working in a field that I worked in prior and it really is right up my alley. I would not be commuting about four hours a day total and I would be working at home. I would be traveling some but again it is something that I would enjoy. Of course there is a caveat. Isn't there always? 😉 It is very very small bass and pretty much all commission. Whereas I'm used to about 65% of my income coming from commissions. It is certainly possible that I am making a horrible decision but for some reason I really feel it's necessary for me to take this opportunity and to continue looking. I need to be recharged somehow careerwise and I understand being financially strapped will add stress. However, I also feel this insatiable need to finally flip a switch. Nothing is going to change where I am and it's only going to continue to shrink. And I'm not going to be invited to stay at the party anyway 😜 . So, I'm just taking a leap of faith and I'm continuing to interview for other opportunities. I'm sure I should be super terrified but for some reason this kind of excites me. Maybe I'm delirious or crazy. I just know that I have to change.

I'm not sure if any of that made sense. Hope everyone is having a fantastic Friday. Hugs to you all.



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Georgia is flowering.......

I love your post

V


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Hi V,

Thanks for the kind words and you as well, Painter. I love kind words.

I gave my notice at work and part of me thinks I should have waited and the other part of me said, "no time like now!" We will see they I think when I see my new paycheck 😶 Sometimes we just have to flip the switch.

Although green is my favorite color, I wish I could get my pool blue. Argh!!!!



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Best of luck in your new endeavors, GB. I LOVE what you said about sometimes we have to flip the switch. That is SO true! Good luck, lady....I'm sure you will do great at whatever you do.


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I appreciate any feedback. That's always a good start, right?

I feel like the universe is trying to say something. A good friend approached me about a position with a company that I am familiar with and know several of employees there. Perks? Work from home office. Nice base. Good benefits. Unlimited vacation (although I know how that really works :-), and a different role. If you recall, I excepted a position with a very small company that is almost 100% commission. I was so frustrated at my current role and I think they were ready for me to leave the party. Even though I have received so much feedback from my clients asking where I was going and that they hope to work with me again. Seriously. I haven't had an ego stroke like this since being in the Quiktrip the other day and someone bought my coffee. I'm easy to please-what can I say? I digress.

I am continuing to discuss the opportunity with my friend. I worked with him for several years. I realize I should say I feel on ethical since I excepted the position with the other company and I'm starting there on Friday. However, I realize that in the world we ultimately have to do what is best for us and exit gracefully sometimes even if it disappoints someone. My concerns with potential new gig is that I'm not sure I will be good at it. And while the industry itself doesn't excite me, the company and people feel like a good fit. I have this insatiable desire to just do something that really challenges me. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out, right? I mean it won't be the first thing in my life that hasn't worked out if it doesn't work out. I'm a little nervous about travel as it would be short but fairly frequent. However, I just feel like I need to flip a switch. Maybe I can't handle it but well....I just give it a shot. I don't know. Maybe it's a bad decision?

Something is up in my life – I can feel it. My intuition has been super spot on for the last couple of weeks. It's almost been crazy. However, I was a little caught off guard when my kids told me that their dad watches the videos of us when we were married. They said "Daddy likes to watch this one video of you on the way to the hospital when you were pregnant with S7. He says it's the only time you
seemed shy." He also wished me a happy Mother's Day and said no one could be a better mother. He had not wished me that since we were married. But I just "knew" he was going to this year. Not saying any of this means anything but I like it when my intuition is spot on because sometimes it helps me feel like I'm making better decisions ? Of course, I'm stubborn so I like to wing it.

I don't know. Just talking outloud.



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Hi there! I would listen to your intuition about this job too. You would be doing the company you accepted the position for a favor if you decline now since the onboarding process at companies is costly. I have been told they appreciate it before they invest the first 3 months in you. You really do have to do what is right for you.

Sounds like your ex misses his old life. He has regrets. Does it mean that he will act on them? Sounds like is realizing mistakes. I would take any apologies or compliments graciously and it's ok for them to make you feel good. You are a wonderful mother and he is not blind to that:)

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Trust your gut! Don't worry about who will be disappointed or whatever. Always listen to that intuition...it is there for a reason. smile


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Get ready for a wordy post. I was so happy on Friday. The CEO sent me a very kind parting note and pizza was served for lunch. I thought it would be fun to have a nice dinner and spend the night in a hotel and NG joined me. We had fun and I felt very in sync with him. Saturday afternoon was a different ballgame. I hope I don't sound super dramatic in this post but I also want to be honest.

I spent the day with my x brother in law and his gf. We had drinks and hung out at the pool. I generally have cocktails around 3x a month and on occasion I have had one too many. After a day of drinking we went to a friend's restaurant. At a moment, it hit me that never in a billion here's what I have suspected five years ago that I would be out not with my husband. And I realize that although it appears that I'm having fun, this just really isn't what I saw for myself. And I grapple with that immensely. I love being married and I loved having a family. And while I still have a family And a new guy in my life who is wonderful to me, it is also fraught with establishing expectations with a new person, commingling of children, dealing with exes, scheduling to hang out, etc. and a new guy in my life who is wonderful to me, it is also fraught with establishing expectations with a new person, commingling of children, dealing with exes, scheduling to hang out, etc. and trust me there are worse things in the world. However I realize that for me this is really daunting on many levels.

The people I was with pointed out that they could tell I really liked x-a friend of mine. And at that moment I became profoundly sad because I have never been sexually attracted to any of my friends. Sexual attraction is something I can go years without ever feeling. I'm sure I have mentioned it before but I am most certain that I fall under the umbrella of asexual. There are different forms and I have discussed with therapists in the past. While I recognize it's who I am, it is not something that I discuss into the outsider it probably doesn't appear that way. I can be very flirtatious and I want to be desired, however, I don't generally want to do anything. The sex with NG is the only fulfilling sex I've had in my life, but that's kind of a ridiculous statement sense I've always hated it before. I don't with him however, like always, it is not something I really desire.

Enter someone I had a hook up with one night. I wasn't expecting to see him and I actually had for me a sexual attraction to him. However, I would not do that with him and he felt I had teased him. One night thing. He was there and I felt repulsed by the site of him. However, perhaps fueled by alcohol and the fact that I just was going to say hi to him (because I wondered why after all of these years I was sexually attracted to him). He walked off. It did not sting as I thought it would and it felt like the universe was saying "this is why you didn't do that with him." But all of these things bring out an arrray of feelings.

I was super inebriated and acting stupid. A 44 year old drunk woman is not a pretty site. I felt ridiculous and exposed. But all I can do is realize I looked dumb and not repeat it again. I guess we all have our moments. I had another one.

I don't know. I feel like internally I did a 180. From super happy to the bottom of the barrel. There are times when I think I am ready to live with NG. I don't know what that looks like. He is ready. I have discussed to a certain degree my being under the umbrella of asexual. It's very complicated and confusing to explain to people that while you find lots of people attractive, you are sexually attracted to virtually no one.

Some days I wish I could disappear, you know? Maybe for a month. Or take the kids and move to a remote location. I don't know. I want something to flip a switch for me. I'm trying.



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Georgiabelle

I read the post and found it interesting. I have to ponder it. Just wanted you to know I am and that I read it.

Being attracted to someone but not wanting more, intriguing. So you're into feeling desired (then again who isn't into being desired )?

And you enjoy it with NG, which is very cool. Is it all his technique or an emotional connection?

Still pondering...


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I too read the post, but found it confusing as hell. Not sure if it's the repeated sentences or typos or what. I just really had a hard time following the story lines. Things like "I love being married" was that supposed to be passed tence - LOVED being married? Then the hook up, you did or did not go through with it? And he walked away why?

My iPad posts often get confusing due to typos too but this was really hard to follow what you are trying to say.


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Georgiabelle -
Lack of sexual desire in women is complicated. It can have psychological causes as well as hormonal, or can be due to side effects of prescription drugs. But if you've never been treated with compounded testosterone cream, you should find a physician with experience in bio-identical hormones and try it. Your local compounding pharmacy should be able to give you some names.

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Thanks for stopping by 25, Don and kml. Yes, the grapppling with my sexuality is something that I have always done. I have a desire to be wanted (which I recognize is extremely common) but generally I feel nothing in return except for "oh I like this person." However, it is generally not in a sexual way. It is also part of why I have so many male friendships. I never ever have wondered what they thought which is probably odd. And compounded by the fact that I am rather outgoing and flirtatious, I'm sure people "see" one thing and in reality it's nothing.

Don, it probably is confusing. When I say I loved being married, I loved that my life was a certain way. Even though it has been 3 years, I still struggle to navigate some of the things I feel. Oh and I love my kids more than anything but I did not consider raising them alone. I realize this sounds whiny, but I never considered blending families, single parenting or anything that comes along with that. Yes, we adjust. I get it. However, for me none of that has felt natural. And maybe I'm using an incorrect word. It feels super weird to me. As in I will have moments where I say "how the heck did I get here?" And gosh no, the hook up was from over a year ago. It is always kind of awkward when I see him so I thought I would just say "hi." Eh. That was a fail and that's okay. He works for a friend of mine. I am actually weirdly relieved he did. Why? Sounds crazy but I had this attraction to him that was never going to be. Nothing was ever going to happen with him. However, when you feel sexual attraction to someone infrequently, it makes one curious when you do. I can't explain. It's not reciprocated so I just file it away.

Yes, 25 I have never been as relaxed as I am with NG. I think some of that is me and some is him. I do think I realized so much about my R challenges and the role I play during my divorce. I never feel much sexual attraction period so I guess my attraction to the people is more mental. Whenever, I hear about people saying they have "passionate" relationships, I feel like I'm reading a sentence in Farsi. :-). I've never felt that. Which is why on the rare occasion, that I feel sexual attraction to someone it is both a curious and complicated feeling. And I think, "hmmmm. What do I do with this?" And about 99.9% of the time it's nothing.

Thanks kml! You are always so wise and helpful.

Weird having all of this brought to the surface again. Guess it comes in waves.



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Hey Georgia,

Cut yourself some slack! I know many people in their 40's who have gotten overly drunk many times. It happens.

I don't think any of us go into marriage thinking about blending families, schedules, dating, living arrangements, single parenting.....thinking about it could be scary as heck. I think it may have taken me until my D was 3 to realize this was the reality of my life. that's essentially 3 years from BD. Then I just said, "well, this is my life, lets see where this goes" As you know, it's been a bumpy ride in the romantic department.

Passion I think is a different meaning to everyone. I have a friend who has a loving husband but she is separated because she is looking for some sort of "passion" Passion to me is the comfort of being with the one you love. Conversation, being somewhat in sync, laughing together, all drives my passion. Knowing someone is there, being each others support and motivation and encouragement in life. Builds passion in me. This builds sexual attraction for me.

We are all different. And we all may question the situation we are in and why we are in it. And one day may feel one way about something and feel differently the very next.

You are you. Embrace it.

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Thanks, G. You are correct. I need to embrace who I am-for better or worse.

I don't expect a response on this. I frequently post my thoughts here because well....not sure where else to share. I have this thing. I feel extremely unattractive. I can live with that but with starting a new job and being in front of new people, I feel like I will be on display. And everyone will discuss how unattractive I am. I'm not trying to be self absorbed but this is an ongoing issue. I can't change what people say and they will think what they think. I don't know.

I think what I've realized is that no matter who I have been with, they would prefer to be with someone else. And I understand that. It's just always weird being way down the choice list.

Lots on my mind lately. Positive vibes to everyone.



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Oh Georgia, I am giving you a response anyways. First, I find you very attractive, and I have never even seen you. That says a lot!

I grew up as the ugly duckling. I had to rely on my personality, lol. My personality became my best feature. Somewhere along the line, when I began dating my exh, I became what others would classify as physically attractive, around 18 years old. Not conventionally, but apparently men find me physically attractive.

When my exH was dropping the bomb, I was 6 months post partum. I said "is it because of my pregnancy body?" he said "no, I still think you are hot". I wanted to smack him.

I realized I would much rather have someone attracted to who I am rather than what I looked like.

You know, everyone who has left me/broken up with me had someone waiting in the wings or was cheating on me..... and they all lasted long term. Everyone who came after me was the "one", I get where you are coming from. FF so far hasn't, but I am waiting for it to happen.

Your NG, he finds you very attractive. He's attracted to who you are, I am sure of it. I tell myself all the ones who came before and moved on to the next won't matter. because the right one for me will be the final one for me. None of the others and their choices will matter.

Keep your head up beautiful lady.

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Ooh, I find you attractive too GB! Sparky, funky and funny - full of energy and character..

These things are all super attractive! I was looking at a book in a store recently. It was about beauty - particularly looking at how narrow the 'media' definition of beauty is. And how wide the human perception of beauty is. How beautiful are the faces of Italian women in their 90s and new borns and women brimming with confidence.

I'm quite sure that most people don't meet you and think you are unattractive!! I wouldn't think about anyone around me in those terms at all and I think mostly we are all too wrapped up in our own stuff anyway. I know I'm just grateful for lovely moments of connection with those around me. Spots of warmth and laughter, you know?

xx


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So, GeorgiaBelle, I'm going to throw a few things out there and see how they land on you. Use as many grains of salt as seems right to you.

First, wrt being sure you're unattractive... I heard an idea a few months ago that resonated with me. FEAR is False Expectations Appearing Real. I don't know how physically attractive you are, but I like you a LOT here on the boards. You're spunky and resourceful and however in the dumps I felt, you always said the right thing to bring me back up. Those qualities shine through and you can tell that's the case because people treat you nicely (like the CEO buying pizza on your last day). If you focus on how badly you feel about yourself, that will become the most noticeable thing about you.

I realize this may be a momentary rant but I hope it really is momentary. In the event it isn't, I want to remind you that I have never heard of anyone except your stupid ex treating you like an unattractive person. In fact, if I recall correctly, a year or two ago there was a pretty hot young thing after you...

WRT to the sexuality thing... I thought I wasn't that interested in sex too. But as it turns out, for me it is just tied VERY closely to how emotionally close I feel to the person I'm with. Is it possible that you haven't cut loose and enjoyed it so much because you have problems with trust or closeness with whoever you're with? I've only had one short-term sexual relationship in my life and it was AWFUL. Not because the sex itself was no good but because I felt so utterly uncomfortable. Sex with Mr. Fantastic was more effective but there were times when we'd finish up and I would feel used. My mind/heart didn't get where he was, but my body certainly did. My Guy now is not as effective in bed as Mr. F, but I really, really, really enjoy sex with him because it's a fun thing we do together. Like every other fun thing we do not in bed. It has changed everything about how I feel about sex.

Just food for thought.

I don't believe any of us envisioned blending families, raising kids alone, etc. I didn't and I get really raging mad at Mr. Fantastic for upending my life the way he did. And the whole point of getting married once is that you negotiate all the relationship struggles BEFORE the kids come along in order to have a nice stable home ready for them when they come along. It's like trying to tie your shoe while bouncing on a pogo stick when you're negotiating a new relationship with kids already in the picture. Do you let go of the pogo stick to tie your shoe? Or do you keep hopping and hope you don't trip on the trailing shoelace? We just do the best we can. It's daunting and I often want to just skip to the end. Which would be a pretty stupid thing to do.

Which brings me to my last point.

IT'S OK TO HAVE FUN. It's OK to be inebriated from time to time when you have something to celebrate. It's nobody's business what you look like when you've had a couple of cocktails and if you're worried about that then you'll always have a hard time being happy because we can't please all the people all the time. The best thing about being divorced? How much fun I've been having. Since being away from Mr. Fantastic, I've drunk less alcohol but eaten more ice cream; run in more 5Ks but worried about my figure less; enjoyed LOTS of experiences I always wanted to try and gotten more patient with my kids... I loved being married too. I was expert at homemaking. Now I'm not expert at my new career but I'm learning a lot more from it, and one of the things I've learned is how to tell the difference between my circus and someone else's circus.

HAVE FUN. Live like you deserve to have fun, because you work d@mn hard and you DO deserve to have fun! We only get this one life. Why worry if other people don't want to see you having fun? Don't shrink your world to accommodate imaginary people. Life didn't turn out the way we intended, and it's more complicated than we ever hoped for... but there's still a lot of amazing stuff out there.

That 180 from on top of the world to bottom of the barrel... that's normal. I am really happy in my life, but I still get RAGINGLY angry at Mr. Fantastic for forcing all this change and growth on me. I sit with it, acknowledge that and the grief I feel for all that I expected for myself, and sometimes I'll even cry or pray about it. But at some point the gratitude for all the parts that turned out better than they could have given how well I chose my husband returns. The 180 (or Wheel of Fortune) shifts again, and I find my happy place again. Has that happened for you?

I hope this doesn't sound too preachy or whatever. I get how you're feeling and I want you to remember or discover all the good that's out there for you.

((((((GeorgiaBelle)))))


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Maybell, Ginger and Sotto-thanks so much for dropping by. You all make some great points and I appreciate your kind and encouraging words.

I have some crazy self esteem issues and always have. As I may have mentioned before, I was a super achiever and had a full blown eating disorder by age 4. I was waaaaaay ahead of my time:) While not an active bulimic or anorexic, I have moments of debilitating body image distortion, and while not frequent, it occasionally prevents me from doing things...like going out or to see a friend. Crazy, I know.

I have seen my therapist twice in the last week. I feel like (and I hope I am not deluding myself) I am on the precipice of something really good. I don't know what it is. I have so much good in my life and so many things to be excited for at this time.

One thing the therapist asked me about today, was how I felt when I see x Mr. GB. I always feel bad admitting this, but here goes. I hope he finds peace, but looking at him makes me tired. I'm glad his anxiety is allegedly better, however, I want no part of any of that. I hope he finds his peace and yes, I will probably always be sad in a way that we didn't make it and my family separated as I knew it. However, I no longer have the capacity to deal with crazy or taxing. We discussed that when ANYTHING gets too complicated (and I don't mean from a life perspective. I mean more from a "we've made the situation super complex and hope it becomes less complex"), then I shut down. Big time. I actually say, "I understand. Let me know if that is a yes or no. Thanks!"

I am striving to live my life authentically. I am close, but I need some help getting there. And I will.

Sending everyone a hug and 90 degree temps with 85% humidity!



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Hi, GB! I'm not even sure what to say after Maybell, Ginger and Sotto weighed in because they said it all. I will just say, I know how it feels to feel really unattractive. I feel that way probably 99% of the time (the other 1%, I'm like, screw it, if they don't like my looks, then they don't have to look). TOTALLY understand how that feels, but I think the ladies before me said it best...you have so many positive qualities that shine through in your posts that it is hard to imagine you as anything but attractive. Life is just weird sometimes, isn't it?


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3 therapy sessions and I am feeling a bit more centered....

I will be flamed for this but...eh. I have a dark sense of humor as does x Mr. GB. X Mr.GB is on vacation with his gf. I did not realize this as I kept wondering why he was texting so much. FTR, occasional he asks about S7, but there is not much kid talk unless I specifically bring it up. I am going on vacation and a work meeting in the next couple of weeks so I will be out of town for almost 2 weeks. I asked him if he could watch the dog, which was the dog he wanted to take, except that his gf (who just graduated from vet school) doesn't really care for dogs. She said this and he has told me this. The gf has always been pleasant to the kids but misdiagnosed our old dog. I said "I'm pretty sure he has cancer." She said, "It's definitely NOT cancer." It was cancer. Then the cat became extremely stressed when we had a foster dog. Ex Mr. GB shows her the cat and she says "It's thyroid cancer." I said, "I think the cat is stressed so I have to find a new foster home for the dog." Take cat to a more seasoned vet. Cat is stressed. No cancer. YAY!

He just texted me that he found out he has to go to Oregon for 3 days and he will let her watch him for those 3 days he is gone. Since she doesn't like the dog, honestly, I am not super excited about her watching him. I appreciate her doing it, but she REALLY does not like the dog. Yes, this was wrong and yes, I thought it was funny. I said, "I appreciate her offering but I know she doesn't care for Mr. Fluff. I can make other arrangements."

S Mr. GB-"She can deal>"

Me:"Ok. I just hope she doesn't mistaken him taking a nap as being in a coma or a terminal illness and euthanizes him."

Yes, I am a horrible person and it was funny. Happy Tuesday!



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grin You're too funny! Did he reply?


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Hi Painter,

He did and said Mr. Fluff (not his real name:) would be fine. He is now texting me pics of cats on Instagram. He has started adopting disabled cats. One has a permanently dislocated jaw and the other is missing both eyes. This must be some vacation smile



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Hi Everyone,

Therapy session #5 today. This one was kind of difficult. If I haven't commented on this before, I've for the most part had some unusual sexual experiences. Like I hear about people having mind blowing sexy times or they've been with men who always want to do the sexay times with them. I was explaining to my therapist that when I hear/read these things (and I have my entire adult life) I realize how strange I feel. Never had that. Ever. Maybe I choose men who aren't sexually attracted to me and that makes me feel safe? All of these men have been straight.

I remember with my ex bf I did the whipped cream bikini. He came in, said I looked cute, and walked over to his computer. We slept in the same bed for a year off and on and he never tried anything. We hugged or cuddled but no kissing or anything of the sort. I tried that again with another bf and he said "you look hot" and went to play a video game. I did some other stuff (lingerie, dances,etc) all fails. I think I just wanted to experience (even though I realize it wasn't going to be like that) what other people do. And since that has never worked, eh....

I think all of the people I've been with think I was funny, attractive, and fun-just maybe not in a sexual sense. I cannot tell you how many men I've slept next to me in my life in a tshirt and panties and people could never believe nothing happened or no one tried anything. I would say "No really. Nothing happened."
And sometimes I think that maybe I was batting out of my league. I don't like conventionally attractive men and most had no $ and inconsistent work. But maybe that wasn't my league. Eh. Don't know. I'm friends with most everyone I've ever dated and all of them inevitably try to relay something about how much they loved me and regret x, y, z. I guess they just didn't want to be naked with me.:-)

In other news, while rather fit, I'm getting my stomach fixed in a few months. I have to get myself psychologically ready for that. I'm super excited because I've wanted this since my 3rd c section. No one may want to see me naked but I want to see a cute tummy.

Starting the new job in 2 weeks. Excited and a bit nervous. It's totally different for me but eh if it isn't a fit then I will just look again.

Therapy has been difficult but necessary. Hopefully I can get to a better place of peace or acceptance. Positive vibes to everyone!



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Sending positive vibes right back to you that you find the peace of acceptance that you seek. I'm glad that you are finding therapy helpful (but hate that it is difficult for you). Good luck on the new job. You are going to absolutely hit it out of the park!


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Quote:
maybe I choose men who aren't sexually attracted to me and that makes me feel safe?


Or maybe you choose men with low sex drives or who are emotionally distant because it makes you feel safe?

This is definitely NOT about your attractiveness but about who you're picking. The question is WHY are you picking them? And WHY do you stay with them?

Honestly, if I was dating a guy and he wasn't sexually interested in me, I wouldn't hang around very long ( and this is from me, who does have a history of hanging out with emotionally unavailable men. But sexually unavailable? Never!)

So the work you need to do is to figure out why you are afraid to date sexually assertive men. Where do you think that comes from?

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GB, just dropping in to say hi. I'm definitely with kml, I wouldn't stick with a guy who wasn't interested in me sexually. My sensual side is as important to me as any other aspect. I wouldn't date a guy who ignored my emotions or wouldn't have a conversations with me. It all goes together.

Hope the new job is going well!



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Thanks for stopping by everyone. I hear you. I do and it's something I'm
Diggging into as best I can right now.

Started new job. Love it. Has been crazy and had some technical delays/computer malfunctions on their end so I had some challenges getting set up. X Mr.GB graciously offered to help as this is his forte. I gladly accepted and he said afterwards "let's get dinner. It will be fun."

I was a hint nervous at first. However, I said "f that. I had 3 kids with the man. I took no pain medication after having all 4 wisdoms teeth out. I can do this." He has broken up with gf. After telling me some stuff about her life, I realized it was Like a car crash with those 2. I listened and said that she certainly had some challenges to overcome growing up (I. Can't. Even. Put. Into. Words). He was funny, very polite (took my work bag to car and put in trunk for me as I was wearing 5 inch heels as I had been in meetings all day), and seemed sad. Not about he. Just sad in general. A shell of the man I used to know. Still funny and sensitive but....truly different on a profound level. However, not one to let grass grow, he's flying out to meet some woman he works with but has never met in person-just Skype and VC. He said, "I just don't see how this one can work?" Please keep in mind he broke up with the gf 3 days before. :-) I said, "I'm sure you will figure it out." He then suggested "we" all move across the country. He paid. It was fun. Not awkward but odd. And he said at one point, "I don't see how you put up with me. I was exhausting." I smiled and said , "yes. We are who we are though right?" The universe kept giving me signs a day of meeting was coming and it was good. He asked about NG but I didn't discuss. Said he's a good guy and he said kids really like him. For the record, NG has really been wearing on me a bit lately. I empathize but his constant "I'm not happy with my life, career, money situation is just not something I want to expend much energy on. I understand-I do. However, if you want something to change then you have to change it. Not interested in mothering anyone but my kids. I did that in my marriage and that was a big old nope.

Anyway, summer has been busy. I feel pretty good. Perpetual motion and I'm taking it one day at a time.

Hugs to all.



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Ignore all of my typos. Speed demon typing :-)



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If he just broke up with gf three days before, he'd probably been carrying on an EA with the long-distance coworker for a while before.

As for NG - if he can't man up, dump him. Sorry to sound so harsh, but you're right. You have three kids to mother, you don't need another one. It's one thing if he complains about his work but is carrying out a proactive plan to fix the problem. But if he's just a guy who's gonna whine about it but not do the things necessary to change the situation? Bye bye.

You need an adult male.

My friend was dating a guy, she's a musician and he was a musician in a somewhat known band from the 90's. He's in his fifties, works in a record store, can only afford to live in LA because his landlady hasn't raised the rent, has thousands of dollars in credit card debts and drives an old clunker. He loved to cry "poor me" but never did a single thing to better his financial position while she was with him.
She dumped him because of this (she's a widow with a son to raise and like you, didn't need another kid). Four months later he was "in love " on Facebook with a new woman and proposed to her after a couple of months. She appears to hav a solid middle class job and we can see that she must be rescuing him financially. They're a long distance couple and she is almost always the one to come to him. It's been a year but no date has been set and scuttlebutt is that she keeps offering to bring some of his stuff home with her and he keeps declining.

We're pretty sure he doesn't really want to follow through, just wanted a rescuer. I feel bad for her, I imagine being swept off her feet but a rock star has kept her from seeing who he really is.

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By a rock star

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Hi Kml,

Oh I know ex Mr. GB started an EA long ago. He can't be alone:-) Apparently, his visit went well because he has scheduled his next trip across the county. I wished him good luck prior to his departure.

I just got back from a conference in CA today. He dropped S7 off (and this made me laugh). X Mr. GB said, "what's that smell?" I told him something was in the crock pot. He said, "huh. It's unlike you to cook using a pot, pan or anything like that." He is 100% correct! I'm a Tupperware in the microwave kinda woman!!!! We both laughed when he said it.

Haven't seen new guy in 3 weeks. He wrote me a long email....explaining he is going thru some stuff I won't get into and that he loved me and wanted to be with me. I told him to focus on himself and his daughter and not to worry about me right now. And you know what? I feel good about that.

Job is going well. I'm about 100% sure I have another basal cell. I do wear 50 plus and reapply, however I had one about 8 years ago. I would love to be pleasantly surprised that this isn't skin cancer, however, I think it is. Will find out later this week.

School starts back next week. Hugs to everyone. Or should I say margaritas?



3 kids
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Hi Georgibelle,

I don't really post anymore, but I do stop by to check on old friends from time to time and I always look for your posts. I don't really post anymore, but I do stop by to check on old friends from time to time and I always look for your posts. Usually by the time I see them, plenty of other people have weighed in and I don't feel I have much to add ( although I will see you your whipped cream bikini story and raise you a funny Victoria's Secret lingerie story-some other time).

This time though/ I definitely want to take a moment to want to say I hope you get good news this week. I'll be thinking about you.


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GB, wondering what circumstances/factors led you to being OK with your new guy taking a break for awhile (rather than thinking he's not making time for you and therefore not worth your time) - because he gave you reassurance that he did want to be with you, etc.? Or something else? Or are you sort of writing him off/just letting what will be will be?


Me:30 H:29, no kids
T:12, M:4 (when D was final)
12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore"
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Hi K Girl,

Thanks for popping by. I believe he genuinely loves me. However, he is having some rather dire career/financial issues and literally cannot afford to come visit much. He has a regular job and side gigs because he is a photographer/ creative type. And honestly? He has a young daughter and he's a fantastic dad. I don't to take anything away from her. It was difficult for him to admit his funds are so tight although I suspected as much. He lives an hour away.

And while I hope he gets himself to a better place, I'm going to enjoy my life. I gave a new job which I enjoy and I have some fun trips scheduled with my kids and nieces and nephews. I have a tendency to be a bit more career oriented than the men I attract. They are always extremely talented, smart, and fun. But they always have a tendency to be the artistic types. I will not put my life on hold for anyone. Maybe he's in a better place in 2 months or maybe it's a year. I don't know. And I do miss seeing him. Some days I miss just sitting with him on the couch. We saw each other 5 or 6 days a week. However, things have a way of evolving the way they are supposed to evolve.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
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I wish I could channel your chillness w/ regard to this and know that whatever happens will happen without feeling like I'm putting my life on hold smirk I will try!


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Oh K-girl,

I'm sending you a hug. I struggled mightily with the fact that I cannot control all aspects of my life. I only control how I react to a situation. I have no idea what will transpire with me and the new guy. We dated for over a year. But I do know that I'm only going around one time on this planet and I'm going to enjoy myself. Granted, that may not include anything wild. But if I want to sit on the couch and watch dateline and eat granola, that is my choice.

Do what makes you happy. I know it's hard because you feel like most of your friends or coupled up. However, no matter who you are with you need to have a life that you like regardless of whether you are single, a couple, or married. Because it is your life. Hang in there.



3 kids
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I am loving your mindset, Georgiabelle smile


Me: 48, XH: 42
T: 18 years, M: 15 years

EA/PA 1: 6/2012
EA/PA 2: from autumn 2012-present

BD: 5/2013
ILYBNILWY BD & left: 10/2015

OW conceived: 8/2016
Born: 4/2017

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So in that story about your friend (KGirl's thread) you said that the guy came back to your friend after two years. What happened next????


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
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Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

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Hi Maybell,

I guess I wrote that wrong. She did wait 2 years because a friend ran into him. *She* reached out to him to tell him this all felt wrong and she wanted to talk. He responded promptly with he hoped she was well but h simply did not want those things. He said he knew she didn't understand but that he did not want to waste anymore of her time. And he is not married or in a serious relationship. Anything is possible but I simply would be surprised if he did those things because I think he would like companionship-on his terms. She was frozen for about 2 years. She was afraid to date others because she would have to break up with them when he *came back* and told her he had made a mistake. She must have watched lots of romantic comedies because things generally aren't so dramatic.

The reason I bring her up is that I watch her and as smart as she is I've never seen a person so inclined to NOT listen to the men she dates when heir actions and words speak volumes. She dated a guy recently (great guy, awesome dad) who did not want more kids. She spent 6 months hoping he would "come around." I said, "having another human being IS a big deal." It's like she's so tired of looking and says if only they would give me what I want. She's in IC now. And she is such a sweet person but she has struggled mightily with feelings not being reciprocated.



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That's a depressing story. I hope she's happier now.


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Aw, sorry Maybell. I wasn't trying to be depressing. I have just seen several women in my life who don't take someone at their word when it comes to life goals.

I know on this site we say to not believe anything they say and only half of what they do. However, my experiences when it comes to general dating is that if a guy ever said to me that he didn't want to get married or have kids, I took it one of two ways. A) he didn't want those things or B) he didn't see himself doing those things with me. Either way, I felt no desire to convince them otherwise. Some of the women I know will always say "he may come around " (whatever that means or "he may change his mind." Both may be true. My personality was not to be the one to test those theories out ;-). But I see many women do that and on occasion, a guy as well.



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GB, I love your mindset where the new guy is concerned. I've been trying to get to that place myself, not necessarily in relation to a man, but just in relation to life in general. We only get one ride and I want it to be a great one and I don't want to put my life on hold for anyone or anything. I think that is just a fantastic outlook.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
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Thanks everyone. It was basal cell so I had a 2nd (1st was years ago when I was pregnant) moh's surgery. The surgeon I saw for both is one of the top in the nation so I asked for his best work a 2nd time. I'm all bandaged up on the face and stitches come out on Thursday. I wear 50 sunblock , hats, etc, however, they believe I just happen to be more prone DNA wise because I'm not your "typical" skin cancer patient-even though anyone can get it.

NG picked me up from my surgery. X Mr. GB's parents were visiting me and asked what was wrong with him and why I was such a magnet for depressed, anxious peeps. I told them it must be my effervescent personality and charm:-). Actually, I'm the fun girl (well, older chick st this stage) so I do have a tendency to attract people who are a bit more reserved. New guy has been telling me how much he loves me and has missed me, but I have to ease into this again. Hard to describe. I empathize with him. I do. However, I also have a tendency to get exasperated with all of the depressed and anxious folks in my life. I know it's difficult. But.....eh.

New job is going well. I manage a team of 16 and for the most part, they are a fantastic group. Trying to find a junk hauler and renting a dumpster. Time to cleanse. And definitely ready for FB.

Hugs everyone.



3 kids
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It's time for an update. Job? Good. Kids? Good. Although they were out of school due to the hurricane last week. New guy? He's got a lot on his plate (he's working 3 jobs). We hang out on occasion and have fun but I don't consider it a relationship. I mean it is of sorts but nothing serious. Although, I think he still does. Eh. Everything will reveal itself I suppose.

I am still massively hung up on the guy that works with my friend. I am insanely physically attracted to him but sadly it's not reciprocated. I experience that so very very infrequently (physical/sexual attraction of any kind) that the feeling confuses me. Must. Work through. That.

And I had to go out of town for work today. Ex Mr. GB is staying at house and was there about 9 am. He was snoozing on the couch when I got back from Starbucks and I swear I thought "caca! This is just like when we were married." I worked at my desk. Him at his. We had a few laughs and I left this afternoon for my work trip. Weird. Who would have thought 3 1/2 years later a day would look like today? But it did.

Waving the positive wand to everyone.



3 kids
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Great update, GB! Sounds like things are going your way. Good for you, lady.


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Hi Everyone,

I’m outta town for work and catching up. I had fried avocado and crawfish for dinner. Thank goodness for stretchy pants.

New job is good. Keeps me on my toes. I do love working from home. I had a fun girl’s night out in Nashville last week. I was a 23 yr old guy magnet. I must remind them of their mother 😜. New guy is being very attentive. Well, it’s been over a year but he’s reaching out more after retreating for a couple of months. I have faith in the universe that things will reveal themselves.

X Mr.GB says I will love his new gf and that she’s EXACTLY like me. I said she doesn’t have 3 kids (or any kids) or been married so we have that gap. He reaches out a lot now mostly to chat-not kid related. Oh well. It’s all good now.

I have all of these great boots to wear and I can’t bring myself to wear them in 90 weather. Hoping everyone is well. Hugs!



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So......it’s time for an update.

For those of you following along with this windy saga called “The GB Chronicles”, l needed to have an outpatient procedure. Part was necessary and part was elective. If that makes me a vain person, so be it. I decided a long time ago that I would prefer to go out of this world happy versus having done things according to the way other people thought i should. :-) However I needed help so Ex Mr GB agreed. He came over on Sunday and was going to spend the week with me as I could not drive for several days.

He could not have been more helpful. He had to help me get dressed at the hospital and was very thoughtful this week. He took me for my follow lup and we end to lunch. He was discussing his new gf and that old gf couldn’t believe he moved on so quickly. I did not say this but I did wonder about ex gf. I believe she suffered from unicorn syndrome -meaning she thought she saved him. I actually do feel bad for her because I think people who operate with logic realize that dating someone who just moved out almost 12 year marriage two weeks before may not be in it for the long-haul. Not my issue. He was discussing new gf and how he wonders if there’s anything wrong with her. She lives across the country. And seems like a very sweet girl. All I said was that we are all flawed. And everything reveals itself in time.

There were a few times during this week that were exactly like when we were married. We laughed and poked fun at each other, and l was sure I would be sad. However, that wasn’t the case. I think I realize that things in life or just fluid. People love each other but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything or mean that they want to be with each other. It’s just a feeling and what I realized is that many people are always searching for something. They don’t think about the future. They don’t think about the long-haul. They’re just chasing that next something. They frequently think they’re in mortal or that there exempt from certain things happening to them. I felt that way at one time too. I was married. We didn’t believe in divorce except that wasn’t accurate. And I realize now how many people I know like this and it’s more prevailant in our culture. What’s next? Is it better? That won’t happen to me. I’ll just find someone else. Those thoughts. They aren’t wrong or bad- people are never wrong for what they feel. Feelings are feelings. But sometimes it leaves you wondering.

There must be something in the water. The new guy sent me an email last night saying that he realized things were so different between us now than they used to be and that things weren’t all unicorns and rockets anymore. That real life got in the way. And while I heard him I wasn’t exactly sure what he was saying. I think I’ve only seen him once in the last six weeks so I don’t consider myself with him. So I responded back with an agreement that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing but that you can’t go back. Or I can’t go back. It’s just not who I am nor do I want to do so.

So like other people on the board, I decided to download the Bumble app. And immediately I was matched with almost 700 people. And after going through about 50 profiles, I deleted the app. I believe most people are kind and have good hearts. However, people are super flaky. And that’s just not something I have the capacity to deal with right now. No one owes me any explanations or anything -andI finally realize that. However, one has to be in a good place to do the things. And unlike other posters, GB would love a hot booty call. And no, I won’t get attached. 😜 I will revisit in a month or so.

So to sum it all up, it was interesting in about four years ago at this time my life was unraveling and I didn’t realize it. However, ex Mr. GB came and stayed with me for a week. And it was OK. Actually, it was good for me-in so many ways.

Hugs to everyone.



3 kids
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Oh, I was hoping that 4 yr anniversary of BD would pass by and I would be “unscathed” by December 15th. Didn’t happen, gosh darn it. These last few days I have been a mess. On one hand, I look at x Mr.GB and I realize how exhausting he was. He reminds me of this frequently. On the other hand, if I’m being honest, I think many people are exhausting. And I hate saying this but I wish that I wasn’t divorced. I simply never saw that for myself and this very logical person struggles with that frequently. I hate admitting this but some days I just think, “Dizzam! Why couldn’t it be different?” And while on occasion it still bothers me that ex Mr. GB finally has a great job making awesome money, I realize it is what it is. Yes, I wish he would have been motivated to be employed more frequently while married it doesn’t really matter now. But when he reminds me that he felt suicidal when we were together, I think “was I that awful and couldn’t see it?” And while I very much believe in marriage, I struggle greatly with how I view relationships now. Will that change? It doesn’t seem like it although I suppose anything is possible.

I love my job. The kids are doing okay but I’m not sure what my deal is. Getting older doesn’t really bug me-it’s inevitable. However, because I’m rarely, rarely attracted to anyone then it $uck$ when it’s not reciprocated. Yes, it’s only been one person but I may not be attracted to anyone again. This is a reality.

Oh well. I’m a downer today. Hope everyone is having some fun this holiday season



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Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
And while I very much believe in marriage, I struggle greatly with how I view relationships now. Will that change? It doesn’t seem like it although I suppose anything is possible.



I'm so glad you come back and post GB - you always make me feel not quite so alone. I'm genuinely happy and optimistic for people I know who are getting married or are in new relationships - but it just doesn't feel like it will ever be for me again. I'm sure a lot of it is a trust issue, but I honestly don't think I have the capacity for the fragility of romantic relationships anymore. Yet, there are certainly moments when I miss being married. If I'm being honest - it is mostly the practical advantages of marriage that I miss, and I will never, ever be okay with my children living apart from me part of the time.

Ex Mr. Raliced married his OW about 6 months ago. I felt at peace - really more of a feeling of "well that's settled". On the other hand he hid it from me for 6 months and enlisted the kids to keep it quiet. It's really depressing to think that I will have to deal with this for 12 more years and that my kids will probably have to navigate awkwardness for as long as we both shall live. I'm glad that you and Ex Mr. GB still get along as well as you do.

Enjoy the Season.


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Raliced,

Thanks for stopping by. I would send you an almond joy but you know I would eat it. :-)I’m so happy you are well and I concur, call me a decrepit, old fashioned lady but I can’t relate to the “you get kids at 12:30 pm at Chick Fil-A thinking. I relate to so much of what you say. It’s such a mix of emotions and yes, I miss the practicalities of being married. At least D12 is 5’6 and S14 is as well. They can reach the top shelf better than moi:-)

Mmmm. I spoke with x Mr GB tonight. The new gf is moving here in the spring. I had to chuckle-he will be living with GF #2 while I’m saying “oooohhh congratulations!” while internally saying, “yeah, not sure I can do that again.” Your description of relationships being “fragile” echos my feelings. It’s a very complex feeling I suppose. We get along but if I’m being honest, I still look at him and think “what happened?” If I think too long I will get more gray hair.

Wishing everyone peace, good health and happiness.



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It’s been a while. I read along but don’t post much right now. I love catching up with my DB peeps.

S14 and I are going to see his favorite NBA player this week. Wahoo! We certainly won’t be going for the home team (they are terrible) but we are psyched to see the best. My baby turned 8 last week. Where has the time gone?

I won an award our company sales meeting. I work for a huge company and according to my coworkers, no one from our brand wins anything. I was shocked and thrilled. This particular job was one that was open to me a couple of years ago. I am working with some individuals I’ve worked with before and they are friends of mine. I hesitated to make the switch a couple of years ago because I was concerned about many things. I am grateful the universe give me another opportunity and I guess it was a matter of timing. It’s a fun job with good peeps. I work from home and it’s super flexible and it’s over 6 figures. I am super grateful for this opportunity.

My brother wants my mom to come stay with me a while. My mother and I have never gotten along because I cannot describe to people who are more different. I told him that it’s fine for her to come stay for a bit, however she will not be happy. But I’m going to make the best of it and try to make it fun.

I’m still dating the guy, although I don’t consider it serious. I enjoy spending time with him and are usually see him a few times a month. We do have fun together. However, after his behavior this last summer where he essentially disappeared except for email for a few months, I sort of just feel different. I certainly understand that he was going through a hard time and I get it. I do. However, something flipped for me. I guess I don’t spend much time thinking about the future when it comes to relationships. I’m sort of a hear and now girl.

Which brings me to this. I have lots of guy friends. They have asked me to join them on their yearly guys trip. I realize this probably sounds odd to many of you. I did go for a couple of days a couple of years ago. And I had fun. Nothing happens between me and the guys. We’ve been friends for years. For those of you that have followed along, I probably fall somewhere under the very vast umbrella of asexuality. I would like to be clear. I find many people attractive, beautiful, cute, handsome, etc. But I rarely experience attaction. As a matter of fact, I can count the number of times I have on one hand in my life. It’s actually less than one hand. When I do experience it, it’s actually very confusing to me. It’s very difficult for me to explain and I’m sure many people lost me about six sentences ago. I’ve always beat to my own drum-what can I say? Which brings me to the offer to go on this trip again. One guy who is going is not a friend of mine. He is the person that I did experience that feeling with a couple of years ago and we did hook up. (Not the sexay times). I have seen him several times since then and made an a$$ of myself last spring. Oh well. While I am very attracted to him, I know it is not reciprocated. So, I know if I go on this trip nothing will happen. I’m afraid it might get confusing for me mentally, but on the flipside I think it may be good for me to be reminded that the universe doesn’t always give us what we want. Even though I’ve known that for years. Hopefully, if I go, I won’t feel too weird. I just have to remind myself that everyone likes something different. Sigh. This may be a good test of my mental fortitude.

Hope everyone is well. Xoxo



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Glad for the update, GB and most importantly that you and the kids are well. I am tickled that you get to take S14 to see his favorite NBA player. What a lovely memory that will be for him. Sounds like you are really doing well on the work front. Good for you!


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You are so sweet, Dawn. Congrats on having so much fun. I have to get back to having fun. I had a difficult conversation with the NG (which is going on about a year and a half). I know he loves me very much and I told him I simply don’t see myself married or possibly living with anyone anytime soon...possibly never. He was okay with that and said he just had to adjust his expectations. I said that I didn’t want to keep him from getting what he wants. We will see how this plays out. I generally only see him once a week at this point. I don’t think I have the capacity to date because I’m a lot to sign up for. I’m low maintenance but my life is anything but. However, I’ll be honest, I would like to meet someone i wanted to rip his clothes off. Did I say that? Not gonna happen but it’s nice to dream.

My youngest muffin met ex Mr. GB’s gf this weekend. Ex Mr. GB still thinks we are all going to live next door to each other. (This is a true story). He also tells me that he doesn’t like to think of me with anyone else. I said “it’s all good.”

S14 and I had a blast Friday night. We had excellent seats and could see Lebron’s pensive face.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.



3 kids
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Oh my. So I went out with a friend this weekend. We were catching up when this extremely attractive guy sat down next to us. She commented to me how attractive he was and we started talking to him. He was very polite and my friend went to the restroom. He asked me how long I had been divorced and how many kids I had. We talked about sports for a bit and she cane back. I’m sure I’ve mentioned I’m terrible at “signals”- probably because I have so many guy friends. The next time my friend went to the restroom he said “are all the guys in your phone in the friend zone?” I laughed and said I had lots of guy friends. We talked to him for about an hour and a half and he seemed normal. Hot. But normal.

Anyways, we were getting ready to leave and he asked if I was on a certain social media. I said yes. He looked me up and followed me. Before we left he sent me his number. I thought he was going to ask about my friend but then he called (I didn’t answer) and asked if he could take me out. I’m a little confused. I’m not sure if I should meet him for a drink. I. Don’t. Know. Anymore. He has texted me today. Flirty but nothing inappropriate nor has he asked for booty shots. Is it bad that one has to say that to define flirty but not inappropriate? :-(

Hope everyone is having a good week.

Hope



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From your 2/11/18 post:
Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
However, I’ll be honest, I would like to meet someone i wanted to rip his clothes off. Did I say that? Not gonna happen but it’s nice to dream.

In your post today:
Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
We talked to him for about an hour and a half and he seemed normal. Hot. But normal.
I thought he was going to ask about my friend but then he called (I didn’t answer) and asked if he could take me out. I’m a little confused. I’m not sure if I should meet him for a drink. I. Don’t. Know. Anymore.

I am not familiar with your sitch, but read these last two posts and seems to me you might have got what you asked for…


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Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
Flirty but nothing inappropriate nor has he asked for booty shots. Is it bad that one has to say that to define flirty but not inappropriate?


Georgiabelle,

I'd actually have to see the booty pictures before I could provide a cogent response to your question.

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Hey - he asked about your life, he didn't send you a dick pic - you may have found a winner! At least go out to dinner with him and find out more about him.

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Girl, you need to hit that!

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^^^^^^^^^^^^ What G said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wink


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Thanks for the input. Upon further review I’ll just pass. Nothing to come from this so may as well not start it. I cannot believe how long this thread lasted. Gotta come up with a new title for my new thread. :-)



3 kids
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Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
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Last edited by job; 03/08/18 11:57 PM. Reason: added link to new thread

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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