Hello...can you hear me?

[Painter]

This thread has been really helpful and supportive and insightful. I'm so happy I'm not alone in my fear and apprehension when it comes to a new relationship.

[Georgiabelle]

Happy Cinco De Mayo! Some things have been good. Have enjoyed friends. NG understands I can't discuss marriage or living together right now. Dog hasn't been as crazy. S7 lost his first tooth. S14 is working hard not to go to summer school. D12 is 2 inches taller than me and stealing my clothes.

Then the unexpected....x Mr. GB asked me to hang out and watch te NFL draft. For those of you following along, I am a major sports fan. He is not, but that was something that we always watch together. I considered going for about five minutes, and then I decided that I didn't really want to. So I thanked him for the invitation and told him I hope they had fun. He sent me a few more texts later that evening. He has told me that his anxiety is better and I told him I was glad to hear that.

Now the thing that's really on my mind. I'm sure some of you recall me saying over the last couple of years that I really needed to change jobs. Unfortunately, I simply was not ready. Even though I knew that I needed to change. I'm sure some of you recall me saying over the last couple of years that I really needed to change jobs. Unfortunately, I simply was not ready. Even though I knew that I needed to change. Ideally speaking, I need to take a job where I travel because that's where I would probably make more money due to the industry that I work in. Even though my revenue is higher than my cohorts ( I work for a very small nonprofit ) The revenue is not in the segment that they want to grow. It is a segment that is shrinking overall in the industry in a while I am flawed, it is probably unrealistic for me to make that preg The revenue is not in the segment that they want to grow. It is a segment that is shrinking overall in the industry in a while I am flawed, it is probably unrealistic for me to make that segment grow to 2014 levels. Particularly when we have competitors closing. I have also started dreading going there. So, I have been put on notice. I'm a smart girl and I know what that means.

Prior to getting divorced, I interviewed and networked all the time. Not necessarily because I was looking for a new job but rather because I realized it kept me fresh and I kept my eyes open to opportunities. I have been out of the game for about three years so for the last couple of months I have been arduously pursuing new opportunities and networking. And if I'm being honest, although it is been more difficult because I haven't done it in a while, it is also really been good for me. I have an opportunity with a company working in a field that I worked in prior and it really is right up my alley. I would not be commuting about four hours a day total and I would be working at home. I would be traveling some but again it is something that I would enjoy. Of course there is a caveat. Isn't there always? 😉 It is very very small bass and pretty much all commission. Whereas I'm used to about 65% of my income coming from commissions. It is certainly possible that I am making a horrible decision but for some reason I really feel it's necessary for me to take this opportunity and to continue looking. I need to be recharged somehow careerwise and I understand being financially strapped will add stress. However, I also feel this insatiable need to finally flip a switch. Nothing is going to change where I am and it's only going to continue to shrink. And I'm not going to be invited to stay at the party anyway 😜 . So, I'm just taking a leap of faith and I'm continuing to interview for other opportunities. I'm sure I should be super terrified but for some reason this kind of excites me. Maybe I'm delirious or crazy. I just know that I have to change.

I'm not sure if any of that made sense. Hope everyone is having a fantastic Friday. Hugs to you all.

[Vanilla]

Georgia is flowering.......

I love your post

V

[Georgiabelle]

Hi V,

Thanks for the kind words and you as well, Painter. I love kind words.

I gave my notice at work and part of me thinks I should have waited and the other part of me said, "no time like now!" We will see they I think when I see my new paycheck 😶 Sometimes we just have to flip the switch.

Although green is my favorite color, I wish I could get my pool blue. Argh!!!!

[Dawn70]

Best of luck in your new endeavors, GB. I LOVE what you said about sometimes we have to flip the switch. That is SO true! Good luck, lady....I'm sure you will do great at whatever you do.

[Georgiabelle]

I appreciate any feedback. That's always a good start, right?

I feel like the universe is trying to say something. A good friend approached me about a position with a company that I am familiar with and know several of employees there. Perks? Work from home office. Nice base. Good benefits. Unlimited vacation (although I know how that really works :-), and a different role. If you recall, I excepted a position with a very small company that is almost 100% commission. I was so frustrated at my current role and I think they were ready for me to leave the party. Even though I have received so much feedback from my clients asking where I was going and that they hope to work with me again. Seriously. I haven't had an ego stroke like this since being in the Quiktrip the other day and someone bought my coffee. I'm easy to please-what can I say? I digress.

I am continuing to discuss the opportunity with my friend. I worked with him for several years. I realize I should say I feel on ethical since I excepted the position with the other company and I'm starting there on Friday. However, I realize that in the world we ultimately have to do what is best for us and exit gracefully sometimes even if it disappoints someone. My concerns with potential new gig is that I'm not sure I will be good at it. And while the industry itself doesn't excite me, the company and people feel like a good fit. I have this insatiable desire to just do something that really challenges me. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out, right? I mean it won't be the first thing in my life that hasn't worked out if it doesn't work out. I'm a little nervous about travel as it would be short but fairly frequent. However, I just feel like I need to flip a switch. Maybe I can't handle it but well....I just give it a shot. I don't know. Maybe it's a bad decision?

Something is up in my life – I can feel it. My intuition has been super spot on for the last couple of weeks. It's almost been crazy. However, I was a little caught off guard when my kids told me that their dad watches the videos of us when we were married. They said "Daddy likes to watch this one video of you on the way to the hospital when you were pregnant with S7. He says it's the only time you
seemed shy." He also wished me a happy Mother's Day and said no one could be a better mother. He had not wished me that since we were married. But I just "knew" he was going to this year. Not saying any of this means anything but I like it when my intuition is spot on because sometimes it helps me feel like I'm making better decisions ? Of course, I'm stubborn so I like to wing it.

I don't know. Just talking outloud.

[Ginger1]

Hi there! I would listen to your intuition about this job too. You would be doing the company you accepted the position for a favor if you decline now since the onboarding process at companies is costly. I have been told they appreciate it before they invest the first 3 months in you. You really do have to do what is right for you.

Sounds like your ex misses his old life. He has regrets. Does it mean that he will act on them? Sounds like is realizing mistakes. I would take any apologies or compliments graciously and it's ok for them to make you feel good. You are a wonderful mother and he is not blind to that:)

[Dawn70]

Trust your gut! Don't worry about who will be disappointed or whatever. Always listen to that intuition...it is there for a reason.

[Georgiabelle]

Get ready for a wordy post. I was so happy on Friday. The CEO sent me a very kind parting note and pizza was served for lunch. I thought it would be fun to have a nice dinner and spend the night in a hotel and NG joined me. We had fun and I felt very in sync with him. Saturday afternoon was a different ballgame. I hope I don't sound super dramatic in this post but I also want to be honest.

I spent the day with my x brother in law and his gf. We had drinks and hung out at the pool. I generally have cocktails around 3x a month and on occasion I have had one too many. After a day of drinking we went to a friend's restaurant. At a moment, it hit me that never in a billion here's what I have suspected five years ago that I would be out not with my husband. And I realize that although it appears that I'm having fun, this just really isn't what I saw for myself. And I grapple with that immensely. I love being married and I loved having a family. And while I still have a family And a new guy in my life who is wonderful to me, it is also fraught with establishing expectations with a new person, commingling of children, dealing with exes, scheduling to hang out, etc. and a new guy in my life who is wonderful to me, it is also fraught with establishing expectations with a new person, commingling of children, dealing with exes, scheduling to hang out, etc. and trust me there are worse things in the world. However I realize that for me this is really daunting on many levels.

The people I was with pointed out that they could tell I really liked x-a friend of mine. And at that moment I became profoundly sad because I have never been sexually attracted to any of my friends. Sexual attraction is something I can go years without ever feeling. I'm sure I have mentioned it before but I am most certain that I fall under the umbrella of asexual. There are different forms and I have discussed with therapists in the past. While I recognize it's who I am, it is not something that I discuss into the outsider it probably doesn't appear that way. I can be very flirtatious and I want to be desired, however, I don't generally want to do anything. The sex with NG is the only fulfilling sex I've had in my life, but that's kind of a ridiculous statement sense I've always hated it before. I don't with him however, like always, it is not something I really desire.

Enter someone I had a hook up with one night. I wasn't expecting to see him and I actually had for me a sexual attraction to him. However, I would not do that with him and he felt I had teased him. One night thing. He was there and I felt repulsed by the site of him. However, perhaps fueled by alcohol and the fact that I just was going to say hi to him (because I wondered why after all of these years I was sexually attracted to him). He walked off. It did not sting as I thought it would and it felt like the universe was saying "this is why you didn't do that with him." But all of these things bring out an arrray of feelings.

I was super inebriated and acting stupid. A 44 year old drunk woman is not a pretty site. I felt ridiculous and exposed. But all I can do is realize I looked dumb and not repeat it again. I guess we all have our moments. I had another one.

I don't know. I feel like internally I did a 180. From super happy to the bottom of the barrel. There are times when I think I am ready to live with NG. I don't know what that looks like. He is ready. I have discussed to a certain degree my being under the umbrella of asexual. It's very complicated and confusing to explain to people that while you find lots of people attractive, you are sexually attracted to virtually no one.

Some days I wish I could disappear, you know? Maybe for a month. Or take the kids and move to a remote location. I don't know. I want something to flip a switch for me. I'm trying.

[25yearsmlc]

Georgiabelle

I read the post and found it interesting. I have to ponder it. Just wanted you to know I am and that I read it.

Being attracted to someone but not wanting more, intriguing. So you're into feeling desired (then again who isn't into being desired )?

And you enjoy it with NG, which is very cool. Is it all his technique or an emotional connection?

Still pondering...