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#2715912 11/14/16 08:34 AM
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Hi Everyone,

I have been hanging on the MLC board for (gasp!!!) almost 3 years and decided this is where the party is at. I can't find my old thread (I've been reading-not posting as of late) but love the energy and advice on this thread. Soooooooo.....I just did a pirouette into this forum. I am forever grateful for the wonderful people on this board. Seriously. This board was a true life saver for my stubborn self.

Last week would have been my 14th wedding anniversary. I'm not gonna lie. That day elicited a wave of emotions both good and bad. I am forever grateful for my time with x Mr. GB and I really thought we would be together forever. I now realize that I may not fully understand what truly transpired and I am okay with that-most days. That darn logical and pragmatical side of me gets the best of me some days. And I always remind myself (because I really do believe it), that both ex Mr. GB and myself did the best we could with the tools we had. So, my goal has been to work fervently on having better tools in my box. Even though I am very much a fun loving, free spirit, I do NOT want to turn into a mother again in any romantic relationships. That isn't sexay and was (I believe) a big catalyst in the implosion of my m. My goal is to be a mom to my kids and the dog. No grown ups:)

My peeps are doing well. My D is 11 going on 35 and my boys are super sweet. We have been enjoying family time with my x inlaws. They are superbly wonderful people and I massively hit the jackpot. X Mr. GB hasn't spoken to them in almost 3 years and hopefully one day he will mend that fence with them. They miss him and love him. However, I do not discuss that with him. That is what I did way back when and now I just keep my mouth closed. X Mr. GB and I have a cordial relationship. I am the only person from his former life he interacts with and I'm well aware it is because we do have 3 kids together. He moved further away with his gf as she just got her first job. He has said she doesn't want kids and from what few interactions she has with the peeps (he doesn't see them terribly often), she is thoughtful and nice to them. Hey-all good by me.

As I mentioned on my prior thread, I have this super duper awesome guy in my life. One of my guy friends set me up with him and I didn't want to go. And I am so glad I did. He. Is. Awesome. He treats me like I am coconut gelato and is fantastic with my kids. My D is has a very strained R with her dad so it is nice that she gets along with my new dude (I'm waaaay toooo old to say BF). She also is cultivating positive relationships with her Uncles and my x FIL. It's great to see. I want my kids to believe in love and M.....just like I still do. Even when I see stuff every day that blows my mind. D knows her Dad loves her, however, he is still very much in a selfish phase and says things to her and the boys that are not really conducive to strengthening their R. However, that may come in time. That's on him. He has in the last few months brought up places we went in the past or funny things that happened. I admit that sometimes I feel a surge of sadness when he does and other times I just try to remember it for what it was. A sweet or funny moment in life.

I don't know. I try not to spend too much time thinking of the future because I realize I'm not really in control of that. The new dude (let's call him ND but not for Notre Dame) has been very patient with me. He has a cordial relationship with his ex although she is struggling with him being with someone new. This isn't mindreading. It's factual and I have told him that I am happy to meet her if that will ease her concerns/trepidation/sadness about their D spending time with me. His ex seems like a sweet lady and a great mom. They have known each other for over 20 years so I think it's very nice that my NG wants her to be happy. Their D is the same age as my youngest so we have some fun football Saturdays.

I love reading everyone's posts here and watching people emerge through the pain of D. Take those new journeys in life. I'm not sure I will ever really "get over it" per se and I'm not sure it is something one should. I do know that I can learn and move forward. And I'm just trying to enjoy my life in the moment.

Looking forward to visiting more often!



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Georgiabelle,

I hear you and I was excited to hear from you because, if you live in southern Georgia, you may not be too far away from me. I was going to invite you to skinny dip with me; it's getting cool out, but the springs are the same temperature year-round, so why not? Then, I read about ND and my bubble was burst. No skinny dipping with doodler for you Georgiabelle. I know that's disappointing for you, but in time you'll get over it.

It sounds like you've found a great guy. I hope it continues to go well for you.

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Ha!!!! Hi Doodler. I lived in south GA for much of my childhood and my mom is still there. I refer to the seasons as being Hot-Sweltering-Really Warm and Toasty:)

Thanks for your kind words. I do think I have found a keeper. One of my close friends is OLD, and I try to offer advice. I love reading everyone's OLD stories here. Like....when you don't hear from him for a week or 2, then I don't think he is 'afraid of his feelings" or "scared to reach out." I know. I only OLD for around 3 weeks but it is fascinating and I realize you must have a rather thick skin.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Georgiabelle,

Would your close friend, maybe, want to go skinny dipping with doodler? I'll even provide dry towels and cold champagne.

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Ha! You sound like so much fun, Doodler. Sadly my friend I hung up on some things at this stage of life that might be more challenging to find. But send the champagne. I will drink it:)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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GB- nice to hear from you. I thought about you the other day as I grazed on Almond Joys from my daughters Halloween stashes.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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Welcome to this part of the world. I used to read some of your stuff when I first came to DB over on the newcomers page and you always seemed to have a positivity about you. Sounds like things are still going well. smile


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Hi Everyone,

Thanks for the warm welcome. I am in a bit of a ....funk? I could use some perspective from the wise folks here.

I'm at a bit of a wall in certain aspects of my life. I *know* I have to do something and honestly, I have just been unmotivated to do anything. I do feel I am getting there sloth style and more on that in another post.

I have been with new guy over 5 months. I have met some of his family. My children adore him and he is exceptional with him. He has a daughter the same ages as my youngest s, so we do have fun. In the spirit of candor, my internal self gets a little wobby this time of year as it's post anniversary and coming up on BD. I don't want to sound dramatic and it is better than it used to be. It IS still there. I hope this year I am able to push through a bit better than the last couple of years.

New guy is great. Honestly, I have never been treated this well. I have never been attracted to someone this way before. Maybe I am older? He is funny, fun, extremely intelligent and treats me like I am the cherry on top of a sundae. I do love him. He irons my clothes. Takes out the garbage. Plays soccer with my kids. Cooks. Sigh. These are the ways to win me over:) His ex wife had 2 young children when they got married and by all accounts he was an exceptional step father.

However, if he doesn't say something or is quiet, I assume he is tucking this factoid away to bring up to me later. I have OCD tendencies and I have discussed. I just feel like he is going to bring all of my flaws up to me one day like ex Mr. GB did. Some of what ex Mr. GB said was 100% accurate and some was lunacy. I do recognize that. I am working very diligently on being different in this relationship. Well, focusing on having a healthy relationship where I don't turn into a mother. I know you can't punish someone for the past and I am keenly aware of some these feelings. However, I feel very unsettled. And nothing NG has done makes me feel unsettled, It is me. I make myself feel this way. And some days it just reminds me of how I failed at marriage and (I know I harp on this and must let it go) I just never saw myself divorce. I realize none of us did. I logically know that.

I don't know. Bop me over the head. Send me some sweet potato soufflé with extra crunch. Hope everyone is having a good week.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Why do you believe you don't deserve this guy?

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I understand where you feelings might be coming from but....

You did not fail at marriage.

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