That was my initial reaction and I will stick with that plan.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
Well I think yesterday we got he final parenting plan hashed out. She was proposing that she get S13 every Easter, 4th of July, and Christmas day. It was so short sighted of her, it proves that she is still "in the weeds" a bit. I fired back and suggested that the holidays just oscillate and she agreed...phew I am glad that is over with. I still haven't seen her financials she is waiting till the last minute I guess which makes me feel like this whole thing is just an inconvenience to her. Every day I feel happier that I am not in her grasp, I realized how much she controlled my actions and emotions. It stinks to think that she was so controlling over my actions and to learn of the things she was doing behind my back. UGH! I cant wait for the final day to know what I will get out of the D so I can plan, budget and look to my new future.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
Every day I feel happier that I am not in her grasp, I realized how much she controlled my actions and emotions.
Yep, it's like popping a squat after a three hour business meeting.
hahha! Love it!
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
Sorry. Still lots to learn for me. In MWD LRT downloads. She says jump at any family time offer and if there is any asking 'how you are' this is a really good sign. I can see if there is an OM and therefore WW then the answer is no. But MWD also says forget cake eating on this specifically. That is ego.
I totally get the temp checking and if involved with OM - no etc. But I do wonder what MWD would say.....sorry this is probably really naive but like I say, I am still learning and get confused between what I read and listen to from MWD and the more hardcore approach I see from the Vets here...
Also, what if W was not seeing OM but was showing signs of waywardness - relatively infrequent flare ups (requiring validation etc).
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Sorry. Still lots to learn for me. In MWD LRT downloads. She says jump at any family time offer and if there is any asking 'how you are' this is a really good sign. I can see if there is an OM and therefore WW then the answer is no. But MWD also says forget cake eating on this specifically. That is ego.
I totally get the temp checking and if involved with OM - no etc. But I do wonder what MWD would say.....sorry this is probably really naive but like I say, I am still learning and get confused between what I read and listen to from MWD and the more hardcore approach I see from the Vets here...
Also, what if W was not seeing OM but was showing signs of waywardness - relatively infrequent flare ups (requiring validation etc).
Surfer.
Ugh! I am still learning also. There are days that I wish we could R our MR. But then I think to myself that I just really want what we used to have and I know that just can't happen. Can it be different and better? Yes I believe so, but I am just not sure she is willing to go there. I do believe that she wants a new relationship, which includes just being friends, we where very good together really, and she would agree. But I am just not interested in being friends with her. I have learned through this that people come and go in life, even family. I passed at the opportunity to spend Christmas with her, and I also gave her very little emotional support when she said that she was sorry and that she was lonely. I also responded to her text that asked how I was saying only that I am good and keeping busy. I had a small window to act on her reaching out and that has passed, I missed it. It was easy to pass so I really do think that I am just ready to move on.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
Well I have figured out that my STBXW is a full blown narcissist. I was tasked with getting in touch with our mutual real estate agent to do a comparative market analysis. So I emailed her and copied my STBXW. It turns out that the ex already made the initial contact, without including me. So the ex was livid when I suggested that I was unsure of what the communications where between them and I would like to pick a new real estate agent to do the work. She was also angry that I told the real estate agent that we are going through a divorce. She wanted to control that situation and the information that she recived. Total BS. Well I wasn't one step ahead of her but totally busted her and she was not happy about that. I did my best not to react emotionally and just handle it like a buisness transaction. It went pretty well. I am so sick of this stuff that I am just ready to be done with this, now matter what she gets out of the D. She shows no remorse and is hoping to get the most out of this D...without regard or remorse for her actions. I have little understanding about the narcissist mind but doing my research on how to maneuver the D without getting too scarred up. Any body here have any input with how to deal with this type of person? I am guessing that most serial cheaters have these tenancies so its probably pretty frequent on these boards.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
I don't know much about narcissism or narcissistic behavior, but my xW can be a very difficult person to deal with if she doesn't get her way. I always allowed her a lot of leeway because she was sexually abused as a child and that's had a big impact on her life and psychological disposition. However, in the divorce process, I had to protect myself and my sons as much as possible. My decisions were made based on me and my sons well being regardless of how my xW would react.
My xW gets angry about anything and everything that doesn't go exactly as she dictates. The key to dealing with her is to ignore her anger and move forward making the best decisions possible. I've found that my wife's anger often causes her to make very poor decisions. Have I ever taken advantage of that? Well, maybe just a wee bit.
I think you should figure out what you and your son need as you move forward and ignore your W to the extent possible. You'll probably find that she's fairly easy to manage because she's not in control of her emotions. In fact, you probably have more control over her emotions that she does. If you understand that you'll realize that her only power is your fear of her anger. Drop the fear and she becomes inert.
