It's happening

[Ginger1]

coffee_,

I'm sorry you had such a rough morning. Laundry is the bane of my existence; I don't mind washing and drying, but folding and hanging the clothes is too much like torture.

Something funny happened to me last week. My sons only had two days of school last week because of Thanksgiving. They both had a cold on Monday so I let them stay home. On Tuesday, they still had colds and they eventually decided to stay home (no surprise). I have a 30 minute commute to work; when I'd nearly arrived at work I got a call from my youngest son. He decided he wanted me to go home to pick him up and take him to school. So, I turned around and drove home. When I was nearly home, he called again and said he'd decided to stay home. Oh well, I enjoyed my morning commute all three times.

Doodler, my arse would have said "make your choice wisely, you have to live with it the first time"

You really drove back and forth 3 times because he kept changing his mind?! Oh heck no!

Coffee, parenting is tough, single parenting is even harder. I've been doing it for my daughter's whole life and I have tripped up many times.

First, you forgive yourself because you are human.

Second, you look at the situation and see what you can improve upon to make the next time easier!

[doodler]

Doodler, my arse would have said "make your choice wisely, you have to live with it the first time"

You really drove back and forth 3 times because he kept changing his mind?! Oh heck no!

Ginger,

I drove to work (1), then I drove home (2), and then I drove back to work (3). That's how I came up with three trips; it was 1.5 round trips.

He's a really good kid, and he felt bad about staying out of school. He made all A's last nine weeks and he wants to go to MIT to get a degree in engineering. I knew he was conflicted about staying out of school and I'm a pushover and he has big blue eyes and I didn't really want to go to work anyway and it was a beautiful day and...

[Ginger1]

I wasn't parent shaming, no need to explain! More power to ya!

I bet you are a pushover, though. But an MIT degree in engineering?! Super impressive. You won't have to worry about driving anymore. He'll build you a hovercraft!

[coffee_]

I forgive myself, I wonder if the ex will say something to me though.
What I will take away from this as a parent is that I will have to remind him to check if he has clothes to wear. I don't mind doing laundry if I know it needs to be done. I have done laundry a total of 6 months my entire life so I am learning...
I also have no problem making him do his own if he has time.
Good things about my day:
1.I was able to walk home for lunch, a 30 minute commute sounds absolutely lame
2. The sun was shining when I walked back after it had snowed a bit, I really enjoyed being outside.
3. I have work that I enjoy doing, and a work crew that I enjoy doing it with.

[doodler]

1.I was able to walk home for lunch, a 30 minute commute sounds absolutely lame

Yeah, I'd prefer to walk or ride a bicycle to work. But, if I could walk home for lunch, I'm afraid I might not return to work. I've got too many projects at home that I'd rather be doing.

[coffee_]

Question for the vet's here:
My STBXW is asking if I would like to spend Christmas morning with her and the S13. I really don't want to do this as I really just cant stand the thought of being around her right now. She has over the last couple of weeks send a text asking how I was, then another on Saturday saying that she was sorry it was like this for the both of us, that she is lonely and that she is sick of crying. I am suspisious that it is a tactic to soften me for teh upcoming D. But the Christmas thing...do any of you think that I should go play nice nice? She is claiming that she feels it would be good for the S13.

[doodler]

But the Christmas thing...do any of you think that I should go play nice nice? She is claiming that she feels it would be good for the S13.

coffee,

Holy moly! She pulled out the big guns, didn't she? I wouldn't know what to do in your situation. My first inclination would be to send her a loving note saying, "Listen dirtbag, we wouldn't be in this situation if you hadn't..." But honestly, I don't know what I'd do. If you feel like she's being manipulative, then pass, but I don't know what I'd do.

[DonH]

I don't know your sitch well at all, which in this case may be very good. Looking at just those comments from her, it looks to me as someone trying to reach out. It could actually be temp checking or any other list of things. However the spouse who is truly done doesn't want to spend Christmas morning together. Is she peaking out of her cave? Might she go right back in? Both could be yes. Again, I have no idea. This just made me take notice. FWIW

[coffee_]

But the Christmas thing...do any of you think that I should go play nice nice? She is claiming that she feels it would be good for the S13.

coffee,

Holy moly! She pulled out the big guns, didn't she? I wouldn't know what to do in your situation. My first inclination would be to send her a loving note saying, "Listen dirtbag, we wouldn't be in this situation if you hadn't..." But honestly, I don't know what I'd do. If you feel like she's being manipulative, then pass, but I don't know what I'd do.

That was my first inclination as well. However I am really doing well on taking the high road, it took me some time to get to the top of that hill and I don't want to backslide. I agree, we would be spending Christmas together if she had not done that.
I looked at our joint account and saw that she spent some money in a nearby town, between here and the OM's town. I am guessing she was so lonely that she needed some face time with him last night just a confirmation that she was just temp checking. It was typical stuff too where she was texting about the S13 and communication just went cold. Its a wonderful feeling to be detached and not really care what she is doing.

[kml]

I think it all depends on your goals.

If your goal is still to win her back, and you think you can keep your mouth zipped up tight, then being there for Xmas may be an opportunity to show off any changes you have made, and remind her what she is missing.

BUT - if you're no longer interested in reconciliation, or you think she still needs to deal with reality that she can't have her cake and eat it too, or if you think it will be too confusing for your child - then don't go.

If you don't want to go, then an appropriate answer might be: "As long as you are with another man, I cannot pretend and share holidays with you.. My answer would be different if you had given up OM and were sincerely interested in reconciliation."

I think the first year that my ex left, he was shocked that I didn't invite him to share Thanksgiving with me and the kids (this was 10 months after he moved out). The truth is, my mom would have scratched his eyes out!

Now that it's been almost 8 years and he's remarried and I've moved on, I WOULD be happy to invite him and his wife - let bygones be bygones - except for the lousy way he has treated me financially, and our kids, since the divorce.

I've found that it just works best to split and share holidays: One year I have them for Xmas eve, then they sleep at his house and have Xmas day there. The next we reverse. Thanksgiving we trade years (although early on they would have dinner at my place and dessert at his.)

It can be lonely at first but I always managed to work something out. One year at Xmas my mom (who lives with me) was also out of town, so after the kids left on Xmas eve, I spent the night on a second date with a loner guy I was dating (we didn't date long but are still friends, it was a lovely night) then went to a grown up party on Xmas day with another friend.

Use your best judgment. Every sitch is different in this regard. It can be hard to tell if she is just checking to make sure you're still available as Plan B, or if she sincerely is starting to think about reconciliation.