I have been on this site since March, when I discovered my wife's affairs. After much struggle and careful thought I filed for D. The communications have been minimal, and she at first thought she could navigate this without an attorney, but again I just never received a response from her when I needed so it has been slow and painful. However I just learned that she has obtained a L, which is actually good! Things need to get moving. I think her head came out of the clouds a bit, realizing that this is actually happening. I miss her and love her very much but seeing her reaction to my filing for D let me know that I did the right thing. She was almost relieved, I think for her she has been wanting this off and on for quite some time, only judging from her multiple affairs and attempts to have A's over the last 10 years or more. So here we go! The final date is January 25th. Life is wierd, but oh well, I can hold tight until then, when I know what the financial outcome will be. Then I can begin to plan and rebuild, I have been in some sort of limbo for so long. This final limbo is much easier to stomach than that of not knowing if she will choose me or not. It was heartbreaking but I know now that life does move forward. I love myself and my S13. She is contesting the financial stuff but we have come to a full agreement on the parenting plan which to me is a huge step.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
Your sitch was so tough, not only getting BD'd, but enduring a difficult marriage for a big part of your life and finding out there were serial affairs throughout it all. Ick.
You're still newer to your sitch in terms of months, but you've done really well in making correct choices and detaching from the destruction. It doesn't take away from the scope of the loss you faced, but it will allow the wounds to start closing over. 2017 will have it's share of heartache, but it will be manageable, and you'll have some good times in there too.
Glad we can be a part of them!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
My firest court date on my fins is with two days of yours. We can get journalling together.
V
I'm good with that Vanilla, journaling is good, it has helped me throughout this whole mess. So lets see, yesterday I met with my L. It was good, I am beginning to feel no matter what I end up with after this is all said and done I will feel like I got the shaft. I have to remember, its just stuff and money and I can rebuild. I don't need much to live and be happy. I am happy for the most part, and the only thing I feel now for my STBXW is some sort of unconditional love. That is...I do love her and did love her for all these years, so with that I know I need to forgive her, not for her but for me. I need to do that so I can look back at the latest half of my life and remember the happy times. There where many. Will we ever be friends, no probably never. We are in discovery mode right now, she has been the bookkeeper in our family for a long time, so when I filed there where several holes in the financials that I couldn't get my hands on. I wanted to file and then tell her. When I told her she asked "don't you think this is a bit premature"? I was angry, hurt, scared, and alone. I was not the man I wanted to be and could't break free of that curse that was placed on my psyche when I finally discovered her extramarital relationships. I was confused, unsure, mean at times,my self confidence was diminished to zero. My work was failing, my relationship with my son was wavering. I had to be done and move on. I know now that I made the right decision to file for the D. I know that, given her reaction to my discovery (which was mostly that should could care less that I found out and no remorse) there was no future relationship as it was, and no future relationship as a renewed type. I would never trust her again, she just made many personal decisions that absolutely wrecked my trust for her, my trust was totaled and headed to the scrap yard...gone. I will never trust that women. I however am pretty smart and know that I cant let that trust issue carry over into future relationships, I understand that all people are different. When someone tells me they love me, I will trust them, until they give me a reason not to. I won't hold on to them as long as I did with my STBXW if they shatter that trust, I will make myself vulnerable in love again.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
I know about holes in the Fins. I dug and dug until I discovered the truth in joint Fins.
Now in discovery on The Giggalo Fins.
Wasting of joint assets, the Giggalo thinks what is mine is his and what is his is his. Joint is also his to spend.
Watch out if you untangle the stuff, you may uncover much.
V
I am done searching and uncovering. I know enough and don't wish to hurt myself anymore. It took me a couple months to figure that out. Amazing how the person that tells you that she loves you can do that stuff....just absolutely mind blowing. Especially given the type of person she is on the outside and how she is perceived in the community.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
TOTALLY understand what you mean, Coffee! My XH, who professed to love me forever, not only cheated on me and lied about it, but is perceived as this really good person who would never do anything like that. I think that is why it took me so long to get past it. He was a NICE guy and NICE guys don't do that kind of thing, right? Hang in there! There is LOTS of support here.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Boy oh boy... Working through the holiday calendar for parenting time. Let me tell you, not fun at all. I am feeling quite isolated here, all of my family is in a different town, I have lost a whole half of my family, it is a strange feeling and is just starting to hit pretty hard. I was able to keep myself busy with friends etc this summer but as the seasons change and friends get busy with their families the feeling of isolation is getting stronger. I am lucky to be employed with a good job. I have found a female friend that is fully aware of my situation and is very patient with my time and sensitive to my needs during the process of Divorce. I am being sensitive to the fact that I still need to grieve the loss and work through those things. I don't lean on her as my therapist, that would not be fair.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
Just checking in. I had a rough morning with my son. He was out of clean clothes, didn't have shoes because he left them at his mothers, forgot to brush his teeth. He started tearing up when I dropped him off at school. I feel like CR@P when that happens. The laundry was my fault, I am not caught up with it from the holiday weekend. And the fact that we where rushed out the door and he didn't get his teeth brushed was my fault too, I woke up late. This single parenting thing stinks. I never wanted any of this. I wish things where different but they aren't. I am going to try to find three positive things about my life today and write them down.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
I'm sorry you had such a rough morning. Laundry is the bane of my existence; I don't mind washing and drying, but folding and hanging the clothes is too much like torture.
Something funny happened to me last week. My sons only had two days of school last week because of Thanksgiving. They both had a cold on Monday so I let them stay home. On Tuesday, they still had colds and they eventually decided to stay home (no surprise). I have a 30 minute commute to work; when I'd nearly arrived at work I got a call from my youngest son. He decided he wanted me to go home to pick him up and take him to school. So, I turned around and drove home. When I was nearly home, he called again and said he'd decided to stay home. Oh well, I enjoyed my morning commute all three times.
