Am I in withdrawal ... will he ever wake up

[Lana_71]

Hi SBJ ...thanks for visiting my thread... I really appreciate you sharing your story...yes it is very sad ...I don't know if it ever make sense... as if they were abducted by an alien . My h doesnot communicate between words I would see a msg that he is working alll the time and wishing he will get more time to spend with his family ... I get something like this once a month ... that he is working hard too.. but that is it I have no idea how he is living . He doesnot say he doesnot want us but also doesnot say he do. His actions say he will never come back unless he has money to afford us.

When I compare between ur W and H I feel he was always appreciated for being the best until one day they couldnot live up to expectation .. as if they can't handle feeling less ...does that make sense.

[Lana_71]

Hello
Been a while since I last posted . I feel sometimes that visiting the forum a lot makes me anxious although I read some of the other stories. Most of them hurt and you wonder how can such nice caring people be treated in this way. I always believed that we are all human and no one is evil but then again I see people treat others so bad ...

Anyway I have been blessed by this short term contract till April. It keeps me so busy to even think about anything nor check my phone or msg . The pay is ok but it doesnot matter. What is important is me completely detaching... which I think I am doing.

So after my last email to him which I honestly did not expect a reply but I thought that I will do tell him of my summer plans so that later he doesnot play the Victim role which he loves doing to himself. And due to the fact that my plan is to be away till end of the summer so last week I send him an SMS saying I plan to visit him fir only a weekend and if he agrees we can spend some time together. Somehow in my mind I wanted to see where he is now and maybe completely let it go before summer. He was traveling and answered back that he was thinking the same after reading my email and thinking of coming to us too , needs to sort some visa issues. But will contact me in next day when he is back to plan both visit.
Well I didnot expect much , another way of running away . Took him a week to contact me and say he is on a plane somewhere and will be back in two weeks. So suggesting I come over first week of march . He also is managing the visa to visit us but might take some time that is according to him. I offered help but he said he has some one. My reply was good have safe trip and let me know when you have a weekend off after coming back.

Regardless of this I don't expect much will still go with my plans in April . If he contacts me in two weeks will go to see him for a weekend ... if not then it is fine..nothing I guess will change ...even if I go I don't expect much maybe just me feeling is it worth it or not. He keeps playing charades but it doesnot bother me no more. I don't tell anyone about our contact hence no one asks about details.

Valentine came with no msg to me and a short one on the group chat for his girls as he put it. My youngest thanked him the oldest ignored it me too..

I have been reading Raine - not yet done - but her signature says after all this he moved out .. I know there is no garauntees but what I am thinking is that what I might have in my mi d is yotopia our old life ..most probably he can ever go back so most probably I'll be shocked with him now . Will I like what I see? Would I want to live with that? I am having some doubts now ...do I need someone who doesnot know how to keep his word? Would I need someone who is not dependable? Would these behaviour irritate me and bring the worst in me which I am now so far away from them...

Have a good one DB ers

[Lana_71]

Hello Job
Just a quick question , where can I get Sally Conway and Jim Conway book electronic version .
Appreciate if you have an idea... I can only find paperback and it is so expensive

[job]

Lana,

The Conway books are really old, but good. Did you try the library first? I wouldn't purchase them if you can locate them there. I haven't seen them in electronic format, however, did you do a "google search for Jim and Sally's books. You might find them there.

[Lana_71]

Journaling
I have been very busy with my short term work at least it will cover next year school tuition for the kids without drawing much from my saving. I am still planning to travel next month back to my old state and resume work I will rent a one bedroom and manage it forward. Somehow I am looking forward to some me time on my own. I don't know how to put it without sounding awful . My relation with the girls is amazing . I feel they grown up and blooming beautifully here. I am so proud I brought them back to my state . They are learning new language and expressions ... amazing ... also our house is usually full so my sister will travel in around every month my brother is also planning for a visit. The extended family also shows them a lot of love that I am so grateful for.

On the H front not much I guess ... in mid feb I sent him an email detailing my travel plans for summer. No comments ... couple of days later I sent a msg saying I am thinking of visiting him for a weekend if he is available . In my mind I just wanted to get over this situation face to face in or out. He responded saying he was also thinking to visit after my email but traveling at the moment and first week of march might be good time to visit since he is currently traveling . I responded back with let me know which weekend is convienient as I can only do weekends this month. He said he will after he finish his travel plan [censored] . No answer after that...I guess he is not ready yet to meet me. Still running... he doesnot want to talk responsibility or provide any emotional support for his kids either. Anyway I guess we are doing fine and I am lucky I have a family that supports. I still plan to go ahead with my travels ... and rather than me planning around his schedule waiting for when he wants to be with us I will go ahead with mine and let him find out what suits him...this is something new to me as I usually is very considerate and inclusive... when he contacts me to visit I'll check if that weekend suits me or not ... if not I will suggest another time. This job has helped me so much in detaching ... I come so tired everyday and spend rest of my energy with the kids. one my things that tells me he is completely not ready is that he can't commit to any date he specify . For example he will say I will let you know on Sunday... Sunday comes and goes and a full week passes and he didnot contact me. Or I will do something on so and so and nothing happens. I used to call him on it as this is one of my triggers cause I build so much expectation on a specific date then I hear nothing and start following up. Lately I don't believe him at all ,so when he say he will do something I have zero expectations that he will . But to me it sounds so weird but why does he do that . Why would he define a specific date of hen not send a msg to clarify the delay. Is it just to make me edgy ... possibly...now I completely ignore him . I wonder if he is aware of that...

Thanks for letting me vent a bit... I hope everyone have the strength needed to let go when needed.

[Lana_71]

Hello...
I am so excited I just bought my tickets to travel along with the kids ticket for our summer trip . I got an amazing deal. I feel it was sent by God as I 'Ve never seen this price before and I have been monitoring for a while now . So from mid April till August we are booked and busy. As to H still nothing from his side ...mom was asking if he contacted me . I replied no and I am moving forward .. when he remembers us we can discuss. But as of now I don't have to consult him as he seems doesnot want to be engaged . It is a pity that we reached this I would have always respected him and discussed plans with him... but somehow now he whiches he had no family I guess..probably

[job]

I am so happy to read that you've bought your tickets to travel alone with the kids this summer! You are going moving forward and will be enjoying yourself along the way.

Your h is doing the typical MLC stuff, i.e., avoiding family. Don't let it bring you done...it's his loss.

[Lana_71]

Thanks Job... I feel good and excited about it . My eldest saw some msg on my phone to my friends telling them of our date for travel so she asked if I told her dad . I said he knows roughly that is my plan but she insisted if I told him just like I said to my friends so infront of her I opted to send him a msg with our dates of travel mine and kids . I don't expect a reply , I was not planning to tell him unless he asked but I guess I did not want my daughter to feel bad so I did.

Yes it is typical mac stuff I guess . Anyway as you said his loss we are doing fine and be fine.

[Lana_71]

hwllo... it's been a while since my last update... not much happening I finished my contract and planning to travel soon. Kids doing great at school .. so proud of them my relationship with them is great they rarely ask about their dad anymore ... a lonely msg from time to time but nothing much ... on the other hand I earlier send him an email saying we need to sit down and talk but he kept saying he is traveling and will let me know... at the end I sent him an email saying if he started a life somewhere else and don't want commitment to any of us he is free to go and can go ahead with divorce too. I guess no divorce busting skills at all. But I guess I got fed up of chasing someone doesnot even want to talk... but I know I don't want to live with this kind of behaviour .. I am sorry n a much better place now than before... I am traveling in two weeks time I thought I will see him before that but now I think not... which mean will not see him till end of summer... I think that is great ... I feel I am now moving on without him in my life... when I sent him that email he replied that he still wants to talk and got tangled with money issues... he still cares and hewants to be a father and a husband to us one day.he says he realize that it is his fault that kids are distant and what he put us through.. what a distorted way of thinking and I should wait till he wake up I guess... I learned a lot about myself now and I don't need him no more . I guess he is with eithdrawal and depression stage now but not sure if h ever will shape from it as a healthy person.

Anyway spring is here now and life looks much more promising... somehow I know everything will be good.

[Lana_71]

Hi Job
All is good my side .. keeping myself too busy and enjoying it. H last msg was march 14 when i s bs a msg releasing him from our commitment and offering D . Well his msg was he loves his family and hope you will be a better h and better father. He realizes that he is to blame but no explanation of why he keeps doing what he do of ignoring his family if he says he misses them and planning to visit ... anyway I left it at that .. not really believing much... I guess I've been here too many times thinking he woke up but then he would not follow anything up. So he sends kids msg today say how is it going? What a lame msg for kids who didnot here from him for three weeks.. my younges replied "going cool" I laughed I guess she answered him according to his question..

I would like to ask till when this stage of touch and go continues. Anyway I am traveling soon and can accommodate any plans for next four months ... I am happy that I decided to move on and he needs to change his schedule if he wants to meet otherwise tough luck we can't do it...and if he is still in mlc I guess better for him to stay where he is...not the best empathetic views for his situation.

Can you explain to me what does he want ..