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Lana_71 Offline OP
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Hi exquisite
Thanks for the video yes that is the book... and I really enjoyed it. It is nice to know you read it...seems we have similar interests .

Hi Irish
You made me laugh when and thought of their similar traits... I guess MLC do have something in common . Sometimes I feel my H gets jealous from me... can anyone believe that... and he just wants to be better although in every aspect he was doing great ... and I never felt I want to overdo him. I was satisfied with what I got and very accepting . He was not...
Well I hope one day he will see himself the way I saw him rather how he did.. but until then he need to go ahead with his journey I guess.
Just to give some updates...well still no contact since oct 6 . The kids msg him twice during that time. I am not interfering. Today went out with some friends and got some really cool compliments which boosted my ego. Kids doing great my eldest recovered from her fever and I am looking forward for the weekend.
My mom is traveling Sunday to my H town along with her friends. I decided not to let him know to avoid any pressures . I know my kids my tell him later and it will be a chance to twist the event saying that she did not contact him....well tough luck I guess what ever I do will be critized so I'll do what I think is best for me and less headache.
Adious for now ......


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Lana_71 Offline OP
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Hello
My mom traveled today... I earlier decided to go le H know . So that he will not be pressured to meet her . Yesterday kids asked her if she will see their dad ... so in the morning before leaving she decided it is better to send him a msg and let him know she is in town and leave it up to him to decide if he wa td to see her. I thought about it and I guess this is better we should always do what is right and if other party doesnot respond that's their bad not ours . So she did.. I'll know if he replies or not. People started asking me about the situation ... I don't want to say anything bad about him nor I want to think about any . I hope one day he will wake up and do what is right but for the mean while I am detaching my self and focusing on me my kids and let him to God .


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I agree with you! It is what you feel is right you did not do it to please him, you did it for your children. It will be up to him to come forward or not but you did the right thing.

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Lana_71 Offline OP
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Hello
I thought I detached my self but maybe I was wrong. Yesterday I decided to send him an invitation for our dec trip . I said we are wonder if he would like to join in dec gave him our plan if he wants to join that would be nice if not we will try to have fun on his behalf ... of course no answer yet but I can see he has not logged to WhatsApp for last two days which is not normal hence he still didnot see the msg. Would he be in a hospital or would he be in trouble I know he has major back problems... don't know who to call ... should I check his office... or is this mothering and need to get away and detach....is this considered begging and pleading ...


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job Offline
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Lana,

You sent him a message, now leave him alone. If he wants to respond, he will. Calm your mind down...he could be busy, he could be out of town or he just hasn't had the time or inclination to log on to the app. But, whatever the reason, it's not one that your mind needs to be over thinking.

Trust me, if and when he's ready to contact you...he will. Give him the time and space he needs and btw, if you started asking around or try to contact him again...it's called pursuing. No one wants to be "hunted down" for not responding to a message. He's a grown man and he can decide whether or not to get on an app and/or respond.

Keep the focus on you. Continue to plan your holiday as if he may not join in. Life is far too short to mind read and worry about something that may or may not have happened.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Lana, how did last week-end go?? Did he respond to you? Has he contacted your mother?

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Hello I know you are both correct I need to focus on me and kids only. .This week I kept thinking need to let go . He is an adult and I don't need to rescue him. I am having troubles doing that but one day at a time ...I am doing part time job here when I moved and we'll just got a call from my old work which I took a year leave rather than resign Saying they want me still so as to come back. I am thinking to start with them working from here for couple of months after Xmas. Well when I left I didnot think of going back but they are really nice and I canwork through VPN if they accept. . In the past they have been very accommodating ... I'll send them an email soon and see their response .. I am also willing my to travel bAck and forth every 2 months so let's see. So for last two days I started thinking that I need to depend fully on my self again as if he is not here might be even better.somehow I feel someone above is looking after me.
Ok out of the blues my H makes acontact creat a group on WhatsApp with his other number not the one I and mom send a msg on. He puts kids me and him o. The group and send a msg as if he was talking to us yesterday ...here is anew group to communicate and we need to find a picture for the group ...no acknowledgement if he saw mom msg or mine ... my mom is leaving back tomorrow .... his other number shows no activity for a week ... he already has a group with kids why add me ... or is it to tell us use this number now ... any suggestions of how to reply


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Lana,

I think it's wonderful that your former employer wants you to return to work for them. I would seriously consider it, if and only if, you think you can do it. I would provide them w/your concerns and see if they will accommodate your working from home. If they value you like I think they do, they'll work w/you.

Your h may be telling you, in a passive aggressive way, that he's no longer using the other number and has created a new account elsewhere and has new friends. I think I wouldn't respond right away. I think I would wait a bit and see if he contacts you about the photo. If he does, then thank him for the info. BTW, is there any way that he can transfer the family photo from the old account to the new one? If so, that would be one way for him to do this on his own w/o your help.

Keep the focus on you. Enjoy the time w/your mother and I hope that she travels safely to her "home" destination.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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This is an idea and I would like Job to reply before you do anything..

What if you ask him if he saw your and your mother' s message on the other group? Let see if he still has access to it. If he does, you will see his activity on the account and he could respond. Were you on the other group? Maybe he is sensing you detaching? This is a positive. Keep your contact to him limited. Let him come to you.

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If you decide to ask him if he saw your and your mother's message on the other group, I would phrase it as "h, btw, I was wondering if you happened to see our messages on xxx group?

However, I think I would wait on asking him for a bit. You don't want to appear to anxious and/or needy in responding too quickly. By responding quickly, it tells him that you are sitting around waiting on him to contact you and that you are still Plan B in his mind. Give it a day or so and then respond back, but keep your questions very simple and give him the opportunity to feel like he can respond or not.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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