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LouR Offline OP
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So he has left. As predicted it was as odd as the whole of this situation. We were sat chit chatting this morning and then he just got up and started packing all his stuff in to the car! He could not fit a lot of his things in and missed a few items that were in boxes, but he did not seem bothered when I pointed them out.

He loaded the dogs which I took as the signal he was actually leaving and he stood looking at me, not sure what to say or do, waiting for my lead. So I said " whats left to say?", h replied "I don't know, goodbye I suppose", I replied "you don't deserve a goodbye from me", I turned and walked away, he left and that is that.

I have cleaned the house, my go to when upset, and am now sat here, the empty feeling from crying so hard. I know that is normal and ok, I will let these times happen as they need to. I also know that in time I will see that this was a good thing, a blessing in disguise, he was not ready to reconcile with me, he is still very broken.

So the world continues to turn, the sun will continue to rise and set and I will continue to breath.

So need a hug right now cry

Big hugs to all of you LBS from me too xoxo

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Hugs Lou.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life!


34, xw33
M-10, T-18
2D (8 and 5)
Ilybinilwy-1/16
EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend)
Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated)
W moved out-8/16
W Filed 11/21/16
D final 1/30/17
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Quote:
you don't deserve a goodbye from me


Yes! Good for you Lou. You've been beyond patient, I'm glad you stood up for yourself. He doesn't get to leave thinking his behavior is okay.

Now.....I promise you.....once you let go, you're going to float back up and your life is going to get better and better. It's not easy, but you just keep pointed towards a bright future and it will arrive in time.
(((Hug))))

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I'm sorry Lou and big hugs from me ((((((Lou)))))))

So, here you are, he has gone. Of course you will grieve and you will also pick yourself up and move forward again - onto new and better things. New work, where you meet new people, a new car and so on. And all in good time. Give yourself the time you need, let him go and look after yourself.

I so admire you Lou and I know that ultimately all will be well in your life.

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lou}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


love you.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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I hope this works, Lou:
Quote:
I lost everything too, I lost my h, bf, home, my money, my role in life and both my c were grown up. I was a sahm for 22yrs, I was left with nothing - I was a complete mess, totally destroyed 24yrs gone, no fight, no chances, just gone.

A year on, I have a job, which includes a promotion. I have rented a home, have friends and a life. My youngest now lives with me and I have plans and thoughts about the future. I laugh and smile all the time, its something I never imagined I would do ever again. bttrfly, I get what you are going through, I know just how you are feeling, you just got to believe me when I say to you, hang on in there, keep moving through the days and it will get better. Your s needs you more than ever now, its your job as a parent to step up and be his support and role model. Show him how to be strong and courageous, show him love and compassion, its all things that he will take forwards with him.

Your life was definitely not wasted, you got a beautiful s from your m and I am sure there were lots of times you were happy in your m and have lovely memories, they are just buried under the shock and anger right now. Your m was real, you met and fell in love with a guy who fell in love with you, it was real. Right now, its lost and no one can predict whether it will be found again.


A very kind, loving and wise woman wrote those words to me when I was at my absolute lowest point during this process. Do you recognize those words, my friend? You wrote them to me. You helped me more than you will ever know that day. I post these back to you. You were able to do this once without any of the tools you have now. This is an opportunity for you to do things maybe a little differently this time. What would you change from the last time, Lou? You have more options than you realize and two boys who have matured over this time frame and love you to pieces. Most importantly, you have more inner resources than you realize my dear.

I wish you lived closer. I'd make you some lovely tea with hawthorn, rose petals and some tulsi. Help your heart and adrenals because of the stress. Then I'd give you a hug and assure you that you will get through this and you aren't alone. {{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Lou,

I am very sorry about how the situation went "south". You handled your situation w/dignity and grace and have always been an inspiration to everyone here. We love you for being you. You are a wonderful example of how to handle what life throws at you.

Grieve, cry, take long walks and even reflect back on your life...but today is a new day and a new chapter in your book of "Life". The new chapter is waiting for you to pick up the pen and start writing. Lou, the page is blank and you can fill it w/whatever you want.

Breathe! Know that we all love you and send you many warm and positive thoughts. Now, it's time to focus on Lou, your health and your future...but for now, take it one day at a time. Things will fall into place for you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Lou --- praying you and your friends and family are safe given the earthquake and resultant tsunami in NZ ... not sure if that's near you my dear friend. Sending you prayers and love xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 574
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LouR Offline OP
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Wow, feeling the love, thank you so very very much.

bttrfly - my family are fine. s22 did not get it where he is and s19 and myself felt it, it was not major where we are, felt like being on a boat in rough seas. H contacted s19 to make sure we are ok, apparently he was evacuated which means he stayed near the sea last night.

bttrfly - thank you from the bottom of my heart for the reminder of what I wrote to you. It seems an age ago, but reading it showed me just how much I have overcome and how much stronger I am today and that I can pick myself up and do this again - learning from my mistakes and doing even better this time.

So on that note, Day 1 - survived an earthquake and bought a car ! The first on my "to do" list has been crossed off. S19 and his friend came with me to make sure I was not buying a lemon, its a Ford Focus, nice runaround for me and an upgrade from my last car. I even braved haggling and got them to the price I wanted to pay (was really surprised they agreed) so I feel I got a good deal. The silver lining is a better car than I had for around the same money, hopefully the luck continues with a better job and home .....now that would put a smile on my face and two fingers up at h ha ha ha

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Hi Lou ... First time I write to you...and maybe I am writing to myself... We have to let them go..as the current situation our H are in is no good for us... I was like you and I still want my H back but not this one...I want the old one. The mature, confident, funny courteous, empathetic one. This one is bitter, self concious and self centred. Gloomy and depressed... So unless they decide to work on themselves.. I think they can do more damage than good... That is what I try to telling myself I guess to keep me going.... Try to make every day a great one...


M 45 H 45
D1 12 D2 9
BD 04/14
Living two different state
Not officially separated
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