Ok. Start with a beginners mind. So like I'm doing this again from the time he told me he wanted a divorce. Reevaluate, be happy, look good and take care of me first. Don't worry about him. I set new goals because the situation has changed, right?
I guess now I'd just be confused about appreciating the little victories because I dont know what hes doing just to appease me and make me feel better or whats genuine. I know that recognizing small changes is important for encouragement and to know youre doing something right.
He's going to get in trouble at work, and so will she because everyone knows. I was the last to find out. Go figure. So he will have to suffer the consequences of his actions in some form. Whether thats administrative actions or bigger, he'll get his peepee slapped. (Its a term we always used in the mil. Dont ask me why.)
He's in for another ride with getting in trouble. Maybe it will scare him straight. Hes an idiot though, so maybe thats thinking a little too ambitiously. :P
On a side note, I was down another 2lbs this morning. Only 15 away from my high school weight of 120. I cant complain there!
Married for seven years
1 two-year-old boy
BD: 09/16/2016
Separated in different states due to military/school
We had rented a cabin to stay in with friends for thanksgiving. Our friends no longer want to go as they think he's a pig and don't want to play a part in letting him come back and play house and happy family. He's really disappointed that they no longer want to go and now it would literally be us and our son.
He mentioned today that after he gets out of the marine corps, he needs to find himself again as a person and be alone and live alone. Fine. I told him he needed to be a more consistent part of our son's life. He calls about once or twice a week and our baby is only 2.5, but he knows and he misses his daddy.
I suggested today that he go up there to the cabin with our son by himself. Not in a spiteful way, but just so they could spend time together.
Would letting him have the most depressing and lonely thanksgiving ever be good for him? 😂 I feel like I should just let him even if he asks me to go. We're amicable enough that he'd ask for my company. Or maybe he'd just feel sorry for himself. Who knows
Married for seven years
1 two-year-old boy
BD: 09/16/2016
Separated in different states due to military/school
I guess now I'd just be confused about appreciating the little victories because I dont know what hes doing just to appease me and make me feel better or whats genuine.
Id say that when he is in an A with someone else, there are no 'small victories'. Basically, theres no relationship as long as someone else is in it.
So celebrate when you proceed towards your goal. If it's losing weight, then congrats on the 2 pounds!
I told him he needed to be a more consistent part of our son's life.
Id avoid telling him what HE needs to do. You can be the voice for your son, but I would frame it as what your son needs vs what you think your H needs to do.
Originally Posted By: G_Main
Would letting him have the most depressing and lonely thanksgiving ever be good for him?
Who knows?
I would focus on what YOU want out of this Thanksgiving. I cant imagine it's to play house with a guy in another relationship. So what do you want your holiday to look like?
I only found out about the physical portion of their affair yesterday. It's been an awful couple days. They ended it because they're both getting in trouble for it. Who knows what feelings are still there though.
No i I don't particularly want to spend thanksgiving ina cabin with him and play house. It hurts to be around him and even look at him.
He said that after he told me he wanted a divorce and I started my "divorce busting" and being happy and doing things for myself, he took that as I had moved on and that was his green light to get physical with this girl. He said I wasn't his wife anymore and the only thing that made me his wife was a piece of paper.
Married for seven years
1 two-year-old boy
BD: 09/16/2016
Separated in different states due to military/school
He said that after he told me he wanted a divorce and I started my "divorce busting" and being happy and doing things for myself, he took that as I had moved on and that was his green light to get physical with this girl. He said I wasn't his wife anymore and the only thing that made me his wife was a piece of paper.
This is why Sandi's rule exists. Dont believe anything he says.
Seriously, he thought it was OK to sleep with someone else, because your life didnt end when he said he wanted a divorce? That makes ZERO sense.
Let's say you hadnt done that. He would have slept with her anyway and said he did it to prove to you that he wanted to move on.
He's going to do whatever it is that he's going to do. You are only responsible for you. If you dont want to spend Thanksgiving with him, then dont do it.
Square one again. All of the details that have slowly trickled out vs just ripping the bandaid off just got to me. I got really upset and told him I hated him right before my trip to PR. He called me a few times on vacation and I just wanted to be left alone, so I exploded again. He's now in trouble at work and its left him in an extra foul mood.
Our son kept asking to talk to him tonight, so I facetimed him so he could see him and husband was just quiet and moody the whole time and didnt really care to ineract much.
He asked what I was going to do for thanksgiving since all of the cabin stuff fell through. The last we'd talked he was going to take our son to the cabin and go by himself. Now he says he doesnt want to go by himself and just wants to come and do it with family instead. I guess its an improvement, but it doesnt feel like it. Hes still being a miserable piece of crap.
Trying to focus on me and start over again. Honestly, I would like it to work, but I felt better after I told him I hated him.
Married for seven years
1 two-year-old boy
BD: 09/16/2016
Separated in different states due to military/school
My husband called today. Hes been relieved from his job as an instructor, assigned to a restricted position, a formal investigation is under way and he called me to basically tell me what to say to prevent him from getting a dishonorable discharge which would more or less ruin his life--all because of his horrible decisions.
I know in his head he is blaming the [censored] out of me because I was the one who said something. What a mess.
Married for seven years
1 two-year-old boy
BD: 09/16/2016
Separated in different states due to military/school
Now he says he doesnt want to go by himself and just wants to come and do it with family instead. I guess its an improvement, but it doesnt feel like it.
So what do you want?
Originally Posted By: G_Main
Honestly, I would like it to work, but I felt better after I told him I hated him.
I wouldnt judge based on your feelings. As you know, those can and will change. Just because you feel good about having said that now, doesnt mean you will tomorrow or next week or next year.
