Morality Clause in D decree???

[SBJ]

I guess I am still praying for divine intervention. I guess just because the words during the wedding service made sense to me doesn't mean they will for everyone.

I walk by faith even when I cannot see. 1 Corinthians 5:7 (I believe)

[Esame]

SBJ it sounds like you are doing really well with everything considering your wife is serving you that cocktail of crazy!

I understand how hard it is to have to break the news to the kids, it is something I'm struggling with too. I also want to scream to H that if he wants a D he needs to tell the kids, but everything I read is against that. I hate to appear to agree with "his" D, but I hate hurting my children even more.

It's so hard! I'm sending you strength. I hope you can work something out

[SBJ]

The problem I am having is that her entire family is falling apart while she and I are going thru this...one of her sisters is at odds with everyone, her mother is kind of getting in the middle of all three of the sisters and stirring the pot, her oldest sister is an addict that seems to be going back down the wrong path. All of this while the wife is going down the MLC path. She thinks that everyone else is going crazy...haha! She even had 2 of the kids on her side say, "mom, how'd you get to be the only sane one"? I could hardly hold in the laughter.

She told me Thursday night that I should be prepared for the D papers, since they were being prepared. It is crazy how fast things are going...I still feel like I'm in shock. I'm trying to hold it together, but it is difficult.

As for telling the kids once the papers are served...that is what I'm struggling with. Part of me wants to be sitting beside her while she is telling them, just so I can let them all know that this is not a mutual decision, but I am torn as if that is the correct thing to do.

[HaWho]

SBJ - personally, I think you should consider being in the room if your w goes to discuss d with your kids. I don't think you can trust that she is going to represent the situation the way you would want it represented for you. I think you want her to own this, but by being out of the room, you may inadvertently be giving her a hall pass.

Post BD when my h was spinning like mad, he told my s (then 9!) that divorce was "no big deal. You just get a piece of paper saying it's all over and it's that simple." He made it sound like it was harder to order a cheeseburger through a drive-thru window.

S was extremely upset. I told him my views on marriage/divorce and also told him to always remember his own commitments once he is a man. It is true, MLCers just want everyone to love their decisions because to them, nothing is more important than their personal happiness.

Crazy as she is, she IS entitled to her (currently crazy) opinion but that does not mean she should be the one narrating the whole story.

I know it's complicated as you are balancing her wants vs. your wants. I certainly am not saying you throw her under the bus because she has the right to make crazy decisions and yet, the truth is you two do differ on this issue. I don't think she should be able to say to the kids that you "both" have decided that this is best and then walk off feeling no culpability.

If you see an IC perhaps he/she can advise? Or maybe others with experience can best advise as it's a delicate balance...

[SBJ]

I guess I fear that if I do stand my ground and tell the kids (19,14,9) that this is not something that I want, but that there is nothing more I can do to save our marriage/family, that she will be angry and feel like I am throwing her under the bus. I'm not saying she is vindictive, but Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...

She told my 19yo that we were in counseling...he took it well and asks her about it, but has not mentioned it to me.

She told my 14yo that we were in counseling and she said that if we did ever get a D that we would just have 2 houses and that the kids would spend a week on/off with each parent. She said my daughters only concern was Christmas. I wasn't there so I cannot say for sure, but I call BS. My daughter has not asked me about it at all.

I believe that the marriage covenant is for life and should not be broken, but my wife is obviously opposed to that now. At one point in her life she was in agreement.

[SBJ]

On the CRAZY note...I just found out that my wife removed her phone off of our business account because she is paranoid that people are snooping at her calls and texts. I guess that answers several questions.

[SBJ]

What are the thoughts on having a Morality Clause added to your D decree?

W says that she wants to do 50/50 custody and have the kids 1 wk on and 1 wk off. I do not want my youngest 2 kids (19,14,10) exposed to possible strangers staying the night, even though my W says there is not anyone waiting. I feel the same way on my end...I have told myself that I'd give it 2 years to work on myself anyway.

I am just curious on everyone's thoughts...THX

[MrBond]

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..."

Isn't she the one that scorned you? You seem to be taking on all the responsibility for HER leaving. I totally understand how that is. I think we all felt that way in the beginning. But it keeps you down and doesn't validate you. You're only responsible for what YOU did. Remember all the good things about yourself.

[job]

I have merged your two threads together. Please stick to one thread until you've reached 100 postings/replies. You can change your Subject Line at any time within a thread.

[SBJ]

No I understand that she is the one doing the walking, but if I add fuel to the fire, would I be making it more difficult to possibly reconcile at a later date...should she come around?