Keep on down your path brother! Many good days lie ahead for you!
whoa! scary brother, i hope you are with me on a bunch of 'em! That read like farewell/goodbye
Won't be rid of me that easy! Finding myself weary and tired at the moment but learning new things about myself and all of us each day. Ive no doubt we all have better days ahead!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Won't be rid of me that easy! Finding myself weary and tired at the moment but learning new things about myself and all of us each day. Ive no doubt we all have better days ahead!
Still in the fight It0402! The ^^^bold is what its all about! Obviously, I was just there too. Different sitch's, same self.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
CT - As promised - this was posted to me on 7/29/09 by Bworl. It has stuck with me all this time. As mentioned it probably took to about 2011 or 2012 before I could actually implement it. Please read and use as necessary.
Here's a little passage from William Young's book The Shack.
If you haven't read it Mules, I can't recommend it highly enough. Deb read it first, passed it on to me and it was a one day read for me. I couldn't put it down.
Anyway, here are some of the things he had to say about forgiveness in his book...
Quote: "Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat......Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established.........Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation.........Forgiveness does not excuse anything.........You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness......" — William P. Young (The Shack)
Blessings,
Bill
I'm not telling anyone to stop what they're doing an go forgive their WW. I am saying that for you to grow as a person, this will eventually have to take place. For now, it's just food for thought.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
Thank you for this. I went ahead and printed this one out. I am going to have to roll it around my grey matter for a bit. I really appreciate it.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
CT - As promised - this was posted to me on 7/29/09 by Bworl. It has stuck with me all this time. As mentioned it probably took to about 2011 or 2012 before I could actually implement it. Please read and use as necessary.
Here's a little passage from William Young's book The Shack.
If you haven't read it Mules, I can't recommend it highly enough. Deb read it first, passed it on to me and it was a one day read for me. I couldn't put it down.
Anyway, here are some of the things he had to say about forgiveness in his book...
Quote: "Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat......Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established.........Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation.........Forgiveness does not excuse anything.........You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness......" — William P. Young (The Shack)
Blessings,
Bill
I'm not telling anyone to stop what they're doing an go forgive their WW. I am saying that for you to grow as a person, this will eventually have to take place. For now, it's just food for thought.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
Phenomenal post... Thank you Mules for sharing... It makes so much sense... It will take so much personal effort... It will make it all worth it... This is how one controls the only thing that can one can control in this life... Ones self...
I would like to copy this to my thread as this is a very powerful recipe that I am working to mix into my own life, soul, and being.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I have pondered that quote. A number of times over. Been quite busy so have not dropped into the forum much. I do truly want to forgive her. I have yet to receive any true apology on her part which involved her A. I have received about 4 or 5 which were apologies about the way she is, who she is, how she is hurting confused. Why I moved the main story of my sitch over to MLC thread a while back. I know I can forgive at somepoint, I have in a far as I can without her giving me the components above. She may never, and if not, I will leave it in the state it is today in terms of forgiveness, which is to say, my hands are not on her throat.
Really beautiful out today, I am going to dive in now.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
I had to think a lot about what forgiveness is. Looked up the definition in the dictionary, even. The dictionary definition has to do with anger, resentment, and a need for some type of repayment for the offense.
I don't think I feel any of those toward my W. Why. Not sure. Maybe because it seems inevitable to me -- it was not a completely free choice she made. She did it because of who she is, and she didn't make herself. I'm generally not an angry person, and when someone commits some offense, I tend to seek and see reasons. I don't tend to pin blame on a person.
I do like how it says forgiveness does not (re-)create a relationship. The old marriage is dead, and for a new one to exist, it requires two new people.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
The old marriage is dead, and for a new one to exist, it requires two new people.
Key word(s) - dean and new. I had made the old marriage is dead comment somewhere in this place before, but the addition of requiring two new people...I like that.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
I have pondered that quote. A number of times over. Been quite busy so have not dropped into the forum much. I do truly want to forgive her. I have yet to receive any true apology on her part which involved her A. I have received about 4 or 5 which were apologies about the way she is, who she is, how she is hurting confused. Why I moved the main story of my sitch over to MLC thread a while back. I know I can forgive at somepoint, I have in a far as I can without her giving me the components above. She may never, and if not, I will leave it in the state it is today in terms of forgiveness, which is to say, my hands are not on her throat.
Really beautiful out today, I am going to dive in now.
Don't get caught up in her apology. Honestly I got mine about 3 years ago. It was surreal. She called me out of nowhere started balling and apologized. I had moved on so long ago that I cut her off and told her that I firgave her a long time ago and had to go. Some people I jnow never got an apology. Forgiveness is about you as a person. I think it can actually be viewed as a milestone. Think about it. You can handle it.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
I have pondered that quote. A number of times over. Been quite busy so have not dropped into the forum much. I do truly want to forgive her. I have yet to receive any true apology on her part which involved her A. I have received about 4 or 5 which were apologies about the way she is, who she is, how she is hurting confused. Why I moved the main story of my sitch over to MLC thread a while back. I know I can forgive at somepoint, I have in a far as I can without her giving me the components above. She may never, and if not, I will leave it in the state it is today in terms of forgiveness, which is to say, my hands are not on her throat.
Really beautiful out today, I am going to dive in now.
CT, a quote that I ran across that may apply for you,
“I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received.”
Also I have copied another post on forgiveness that may add to Mules post...it focuses on self forgiveness, which in turn may add more value to forgiving another...I have been seeking this path from the beginning, so it applies much to my journey. If you can find benefit then I am honored to share with you my friend.
I hope you are doing well and that your classes are progressing for you.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
