PP's New Solo Adventure (11)

[mutatio]

My wife's birthday is this month and I will wish her a happy birthday but that's it, anything more would seem like pursuit.

I like these Yogi Berra sayings. In regards to your marriage, The future ain't what it used to be. In regards to your wife, it ain't over till it's over. PigPen, be well my friend

[Pax_luv]

Hi Pig Pen,
It's great to hear an update from you and I'm so pleased to hear you are doing well and consistently learning. You are quite an enlightened individual. Isn't interesting to really learn how many people have sadness or heartache in their lives? Such a taboo topic I guess, but I think it's great that you are out there and connecting with others. This is what the human experience is all about.

Looking forward to the next post.

[Melo]

Inspirational stuff. Thank you for sharing your experiences. As a noob it is encouraging to get glimpses of what it looks like on the other side.

[PigPen]

Thanks everyone, appreciate all the support and those who are following my journey.

Tomorrow is my 1 Year Anniversary of DB'ing! Woah!! I can't even begin to list all of the changes that have happened in that year, feels like a lifetime.

Tomorrow I'm also meeting up with some fine people who are in a similar situation to my own in lovely Las Vegas - can't wait to meet them in person.

Last night I had a dream about my STXW, nothing major but she popped into the dream. I've been extra curious as to why the D wasn't moving forward quickly as that was her wish when I spoke to her last.

Well, tonight I got an email from my L entitled "The Sleeping Dog Has Awakened." My STXW has submitted all of her information and is restarting the D. 7 months after filing and 16 months after BD. Looks like it's back in motion.

We've been strict NC for the last three months, not a peep, so I know it's just a formality at this point. The curiosity hadn't given in to hope so I'll probably ruminate on it tonight and then let it go. She's living her life, I'm living mine.

I think on some level I'll be relieved when this is all said and done as there will be no tie between us, and I won't say "Well I'm still legally married." It'll be over completely and that will free me up 100% to get on with my life. I'm sure even the minute and distant tie of the legality still plays a role in my life and the decisions I make moving forward.

Can't believe a year ago I found this site and joined up. God what a lifesaver it has been.

Cheers from the road everyone. One more week wandering around the states and then I'm off to South America until August.

Keep DB'ing, keep realizing that life will go on and that you can make it as incredible and amazing as you want, even with hurt feelings and scars.

PP

[annab74]

PP...your post reminded me of something I read once about the Japanese art of Kintsugi. It involves repairing broken pottery with gold or silver, and afterwards, the piece is thought to be more beautiful for having been broken. I suspect it is the same with people too.

Hope everyone has a blast in Vegas!

[Sotto]

Hi PP, sorry to hear about the D moving forward. But you are sounding good and I'm sure you will work through things as you have done with everything so far.

Enjoy meeting up with folk in similar situations. That has helped me a lot (d group) - and hope the rest of your trip goes well.

It's hard to believe BD was just a year ago for you as you have come a long way since then.

Take care xx

[rd500]

PP , my man !!!! Great to see an update Your journey seems to be spiritual as well as physical. Your a lucky man.

Re the D , hay ho , piece of paper and who knows what lies behind it , maybe W is trying to get your attention or maybe she's planning on moving to the rain forest to marry Dave , the leader of a long forgotten tribe of head shrinkers !!!!!!!
Either way , it's just another chapter in the book of PP , currently on chapter , living my life to the full.

I look forward to seeing you've posted because you never fail to show what's possible Your fight against your demons and then the trauma of your sitch have really changed you into an incredible person. Glad to be an online bud and proud to know a man who is capable of such growth.

Keep living your life to the max brother. Big hug. Rd

[DifRent]

Hey PP... just got on here to check on folks and I'm so glad to see your adventure is all you'd hoped it would be. South America! I hope you have the time of your life!

Interesting how we began DBing around the same time. I wasn't legally married, which in a way made things more challenging but in another made it easier to get to the point you're looking forward to when the divorce is final. I didn't expect the finality of moving out to feel so liberating, but it truly did - and I suspect you'll find the same is true for you. I'm in a great place now. Moved a few towns over into a wonderful community, lots of trees and green and streams - feels like I'm always on vacation. Except that I'm also always working this startup job I love. When I'm not spending time with my kids, who as it turns out didn't move so far away and enjoy hanging out with me sometimes, and spending time with my new girlfriend - she's been a healer and such an unexpected blessing in my life.

When I look back over the past year I also can't believe how much has happened, how much has changed - how much I have changed. And indeed, how much better things are now then I would have admitted they were before the bomb drop.

Hope everything continues to go well for you, PP. Thanks for all your support and hugs during those tough, tough times. Would love to meet you for a beer someday!

Hugs,
Dif

[rd500]

Hey PP , just wondering how the trips going ??? Any updates for us non adventurous types ???

Hope your doing well brother.

Tiake care. Rd

[PigPen]

Been a LONG time since I've updated but will fill anyone in who's interested. I've searched the forums, all new names, so much heartbreak. Eh.

I'm still married, although at this point I email my attorney ever week and ask her what the hold up is. No kids, no house, STXW accusing me of stalling, etc. Should have been done a long time ago in my opinion. I've even told my STBX, the one I fought and fought and fought for - I have no place for her in my life any more. The people I surround myself with now are nothing short of inspiring, and she is not. It was one of the most liberating things I've ever said.

But, I'm also still following Cadet's advice and using the time to my advantage.

I still have another two and a half months of travel ahead of me, there have been so many incredible experiences this year, too many to list. One of the highlights that I'll try to elude to here and still keep my anonymity is giving a TED talk last month. If you google pain, guru, and TED, you'll find me. The talk was the culmination of so much of what I've learned from BD onward. I got a standing ovation at the end of it, walked off stage, and then fell apart from the release. I felt like I finally got to tell my story publicly and inspire people to use what they're going through to their advantage - just like DB'ing teaches us.

Believe it or not, on four separate occasions this year, I've stopped, taken a deep breath and said out loud, "Thank god she left me." That is the truth. A truth I never would have thought possible when first coming on here, nor when I got served, nor when she sued me for our dog, nor when I was nearly suicidal over the entire thing early on. Please take note of that those of you who feel like your lives are over, that your M ending is death, and that life isn't worth living any more.

Your life is over, thank god. It was an older, lesser version of the one you now get to create. Your M ending is a death, the death of something that needed to die - now you get to create a new one with your S or with someone that won't walk out on you. And life, oh life is so much more magical than you ever could have imagined - IF - you follow Cadet's advice and use the time your spouse has given you. Use it wisely, fiercely, and selfishly. Dedicate a portion of each day entire to you, your well being, your education, your spiritual growth, or anything at all that makes you happy. You now get to do you, over and over and over again.

I'm 21 months into this ordeal, and can say with 100% certainty - I'm over my W. I don't think about her any more, when I hear about her it doesn't pull on me, and as stated, on four occasions I've thanked the Universe for her leaving. The pain is exquisite, crushing, and on some days more than any of us feel we can bear, but it's also the greatest catalyst for positive change you will ever receive - so use it while you have it. Soon enough it will be gone, as will the incredible drive it provides you with.

RD - my life has become the great adventure I always wanted. My days are spent in conversation with truly fascinating people, people who just like me are putting themselves out there, daring bravely, and trying to make the world a better place. I laugh louder than I ever did in my marriage, and most importantly, love the guy staring back at me in the mirror in the mornings. If I had to trade my M in for that, it was well worth it. Right now I'm still in the southwest of the US, but have set my life up so that I'll be traveling to teach and lead seminars for the next few years - intentionally homeless, with the whole world as my home.

For those of you in the thick of misery - it does get better. Believe me, it does. Whole worlds open up to you if you'll let them. This too shall indeed pass. Trust in the DB process, trust in finding something to be grateful for especially on the days when that may only be "I'm half alive." Trust in the advice the vets give you on here, and trust in the little voice inside of yourself that's telling you "It's all going to be ok, in fact, if you do this right, it's going to be better than you ever imagined."

Cheers to you all, hugs to you all, love to you all.

PP