Summer Fling turned into nightmare

[bluthre]

trust me I only need to be scared straight once. I have never been so stupid and don't see myself ever going this low again.

[trumpet]

Being scared of the rules might keep you from breaking them, yes.

What if you did some self discovery and instead of being scared of them, embraced the rules, and wanted to follow them, no longer being scared?

I'm not insinuating that you'll go back to the dark place you were, but consider the fresh opportunity to discover the why's of your life, and what makes bluthre tick. A 100% bluthre would probably knock your spouses's socks off. Are you at 100%?

[MrBond]

Fear is not enough of a guarantee. Its why your H doesn't want to get back together. Deep down he's afraid. It will take time for you to reestablish that trust again. Have you figured out fully what need caused you to look elsewhere? I mean really looked. Only reason why I ask is because there are spouses who have done exactly as you have only to do it agai. Not condemning you but just being honest. I applaud you for your strength and courage to try and make things right.

[bluthre]

my honest beliefs were things just became stale we both worked different shifts me working 1st and him 3rd at work. I did bring it up to him multiple times that I wanted more time for us to do things together and complained about not "going on dates" " being romantic" etc and he says he was taking what I said into consideration but things never changed or I just didn't give it enough time to change. when I "bumped" into this other person its not like I was actively looking for someone to have an emotional affair with it just happened and I admit I did enjoy the "wooing" as id call it romantic gestures sweat words etc. he was there for conversation when my spouse was sleeping from work or late at night when I was home alone in bed... yes I could've read a book found a hobby anything but cheat but instead I did what I did knowing it was wrong. since this separation my husband has indeed started a first shift job and so we're off at the same time and his response was that he was indeed working on it all I had to do was wait and give him time and it makes me feel even worse.

[bluthre]

its very obvious that we are both indeed still in love
i feel as though the major roadblocks are that his whole family pretty much knows about it.
he is ignoring his emotions by talking to other females to "get over me"
and that as he say constantly rereads the emails/ texts between me and the other guy. seeing txts about us saying "i love yous, sexual encounters etc i feel is causing more harm and he refuses to get any professional help. he says its over for good to much damage and hurt has been caused and he can never forgive me he's staying and being amicable for our sons sake and he still plans to move out.

[MrBond]

"its very obvious that we are both indeed still in love"

What makes you think that? it doesn't sound like it. He was really hurt by the betrayal. It's going to take time. ALOT of time and patience.

[bluthre]

so any advice from anyone on what I can do to salvage my situation ?

[MrBond]

The emotions he has are still pretty raw as this didn't happen too long ago. You said that "its very obvious that we are both indeed still in love". How is he showing that?

[cheesyt]

patience and time....

just my two cents

[bluthre]

I don't believe you can fall out of love just like that since the arguing has stopped I can see him struggling to be intimate with me he has laid on my lap while watching a movie and we've cuddled a few nights haven't actually said I love you but I have a few indicators.