Coly and Sotto, My apologies- I think I missed your posts. Thanks for the feedback. I'm not sure how to come across to h trying to explain that I don't want this to be adversarial... Since I'm not in agreement with what How he wants to divide things, it's automatically adversarial. Arg. Can't win!
Coly, I'm glad your judge was cool about your situation! some times you need that reinforcement!!! You're not the crazy one!
I'm still a bit down. H and I were definitely getting a little more relaxed with eachother for a few weeks over the summer. Started chatting a bit more during dog swap ( not much- we're talking 1 min vs 30 sec) but we were friendly and cordial. Now that he's filed, it's like bd again. He can't even make eye contact with me. Honestly, I'm not sure if I could be doing anything different, but I don't have the energy to be watching and tracking every statement, etc. Uch....so over that phase.
Anyway, i signed up for my next GAL and fitness goal. I'm doing a 30 day boot camp challenge starting Nov 1. The workouts and the diet will all be laid out for me so it's great that there won't be any guess work. I'll just have to workout morning and night. I think this will be a good distracter and hopefully I'll be so tired that I can start sleeping again. I haven't slept since I've been served. Until then, I will be getting my fill of cheese, chips, and cookies before I have to give them up!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Oh Feyth, I really feel for you. I know that gut wrenching, fearful feeling of the inevitable with D. I'm not sure how long it takes where you are but you might still have time to make a positive impact as you were before. It looked like what you were doing before was working so H's lack of eye contact is just his guilt. Maybe just keep doing what you were doing before.
Wow 30 day boot camp with all food and exercise laid out for you! I would love that! Is that 30 continuous days?
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Feyth I think I missed the post about receiving the divorce papers. I'm really really sorry it got to this, I wish there was a law forbidding MLCers from making legal decisions, or any decisions for that matter.
I understand how difficult this must be, but well done for signing for the bootcamp chsllenfe, you will do amazingly well again xxx
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Thank you Coly and Esame, I'm so upset right now. H made the low settlement he "offered" me before and gave me and my lawyer 2 weeks to respond or else it's going to get ugly.
Another threat. As usual. How am I supposed to deal with this? Was our whole relationship a lie??! This is just crazy to me. The concept of reducing the marriage to a dollar sign is too much. I can't handle this. We haven't even done any discovery to know what we're working with.
Keep in mind he's made about 3 other "offers" and each one has changed and the last time he said, " this is the best you're going to get... You should be smart and take it. I'm not going to be as generous if this keeps going."
I just feel like our entire marriage was a sham and I feel so stupid. He valued me not one bit and I don't mean financially ( though it's reflected in the offer). I'm so upset. How can I stop allowing him to have this power over me? He'll never understand my feelings about this because all he can see is dollar signs.
2x4s please..... I need them. Seriously.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Divorce is just the worst thing in the world and as they say the only winners are the lawyers. I know everyone says to treat it as a business transaction but that's so hard when the person you are dealing with is someone you love and the only reason why you are doing this is because it is what they want. I remember sitting in my lawyers office in complete floods of tears every single appointment because of the things my H said about me. I am filled with dread that I may have to go through this again.
I don't think there is any easy answer. All you can do is be kind to yourself and keep reminding him that this is not what you want but in the circumstances you have to protect yourself.
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Hi Feyth, I'm sorry to read this my lovely. Hey listen - this isn't a case of him being 'generous' with 'his' assets. these are assets built together over the course of your R and M. Please don't feel intimidated by these veiled 'it's gonna get ugly' threats. You only need deal with him through your L and calmly keep in mind what would be fair and acceptable to you.
Have you done some rough sums of what would seem reasonable? You know what we did, but I'm not sure about the law where you are? Also, cohabitation is taken into account in the UK.
Take care Feyth - this too shall pass xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Another thing that helped me a lot Feyth, was I disabled emails off my phone. I have two email accounts and XH was using one of them. I just disabled that, which was easy. It helped because prior to that I knew something could ping through at any moment and was on edge because of it.
Once I disabled, I knew that I would only receive a message when I chose to check my emails that evening. Nothing would ping through at work, or at 7am and instantly alert me. It helped me a lot as I could head off to work and focus on my day without worrying - then check emails and respond on my terms - I regained a little control!!
Of course XH knew none of this, which was great. If you need emails on your phone, maybe you could do something with his email address - like send it to another folder - then you could check that at your leisure. Make technology work for you!!
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Feyth I'm really sorry he is being so insensitive (replace the word insensitive for any swear word or epithet of your choice here) but please try to get what you think is fair. Don't let him bully you into agreeing into offers that you are not comfortable with. Again, I'm so sorry you are going through this xxx
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
When it comes to divorce, but more importantly money, they will offer tidbits and hope that you'll take whatever they offer you. They do not care if what they are offering is fair or what the offer should be, i.e., 50/50 of the marital assets and whatever support that your area states that you are entitled to.
As for his threats....let him threaten all he wants. It's going to get ugly no matter what happens because he's not getting what he wants. Protect yourself financially and do not back down on what YOU are entitled to. Many of them do this because it's a bully tactic and they know us well enough that they think that if they wear us down enough we will give in. Don't do it.
Take control of your situation and advise your lawyer that whatever you and your lawyer agreed in the upon in the first place is the final offer and you will not entertain any more offers that are less than what you are entitled to. Do not discuss anything more w/your h and advise him to work thru his lawyer and yours the next time he says anything to you.
Yes, they can get ugly, but if you put your foot down and don't let them see you sweat, the better it will be for you. I know it's difficult and you feel stupid...but you weren't and aren't. You are a good person and do not allow this bully to tear you down. Stay strong!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
