My husband and I have been married for 5 years and together 10. Everything has been near perfect up until I made the biggest mistake of my life, this summer I went on vacation with a group of my girlfriends and met someone interesting. Sure enough I slept with the guy more than once while away. And kept in touch even after coming home. My Husband discovered some very intimate emails between me and the other guy very detailed. My affair lasted for about 2 months emotional affair lasted for about two months before my husband found out and he is now dead set on divorce. He has told multiple people in his family about what I’ve done, and announced via social media that he is indeed single. At the time he is currently still living at home but has moved to the basement. I have been miserable since everything has happened because other than a little excitement this other guy served no purpose in my life. I’ve tried to express this to my spouse but because of the things he’s seen in the emails/ texts he doubts everything I tell him when I say it was nothing more than a fling and questions rather or not I was preparing to leave him for the OM. He is now flirting with multiple women and is telling them he will be divorced soon and I know for a fact he has slept with another woman due to my own snooping. Once I presented him with this he calmly stated none of this would be happening if I didn’t do what I did and he doesn’t feel bad because there is nothing between us and he is technically free so he can see and date whoever he pleases.
For the past 6 weeks all we have done was argue day in and day out me beg and plead daily etc. after discovering this site and rules a few days ago we had our first rational day in this house no arguing and he says I must have finally come to terms that its over, but I haven’t I so desperately want him back. We have had sex twice this week since the arguing stopped the first night he left our/my bedroom and went back to the basement the second time he slept with me the whole night but told me to not confuse this with anything other than sex. I can really use some advice, support anything.
Last edited by Cadet; 10/19/1601:52 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
my husband is 28 and I'm 27, we have one son (6) together 10 married 5
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely: Consider this your homework.
Most of us are the left behind spouses, but someone who can be very helpful in your situation is Sandi. You can search for Sandi's old stuff (when she was trying to repair her marriage) in the archives. If you shout SANDI very loudly, she may stop by and post on your thread. She often makes an appearance in the morning.
Sorry that you find yourself in this situation. You'll find a great support system here. Just keep posting.
Can you tell us more about your marriage situation? Let us know what your stats are also, age, kids, years married, etc. In your emails to the other guy, did you ever talk bad about your husband or marriage?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
my husband is 28 and I'm 27, we have one son (6) together 10 married 5 never talked bad about my husband but did tell the guy I was single and wasn't involved with anyone other than dating. I did that because I didn't feel the other guy needed the truth I never expected him to be anything other than a fling and there for some emotional attention.
my husband is 28 and I'm 27, we have one son (6) together 10 married 5
For the past 6 weeks all we have done was argue day in and day out me beg and plead daily etc. after discovering this site and rules a few days ago we had our first rational day in this house no arguing and he says I must have finally come to terms that its over, but I haven’t I so desperately want him back.
Glad that you have stopped begging and pleading. Arguing is not a good idea either. Better to close mouth and walk into another room.
Sorry to say the only way that you may get him back is to LET GO.
SANDI'S RULES ARE AMAZING SO FAR 4 DAYS NO ARGUMENTS. on another note he has went back to sleeping in the basement so no sexual contact ... but he called my phone for the first time today while out getting food and asked if I wanted something, now I don't want to get my hopes up high but that seems to be a big accomplishment for me.
my husband is 28 and I'm 27, we have one son (6) together 10 married 5
I know for a fact he wasn't talking to any other women before this occurred, granted he is a very nice looking guy we always had open communication and solid trust. no phone passwords and I had access to all social media accounts etc... this was all brought on by my foolishness and to be honest other than wanting a little more attention I had no reason for doing what I was doing. it was the thrill of the new dating phase which I haven't had in years of course.
my husband is 28 and I'm 27, we have one son (6) together 10 married 5
