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As hard as it is right now, take a deep breath and keep calm. It's like swimming in quicksand. When you start to panic, you start to sink faster. Get a copy of the DB or DR books right away.

You mentioned that she has a son. Was this from a previous M or just a relationship? What happened to that relationship?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Originally Posted By: Cadet
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka
that I totally agree with.


I have only accessed this site on my laptop, which is always with me. So she won't be able to see it.

I don't plan on revealing that I've been seeking help and advice on how to deal with everything she's put me through, and ultimately win her love back.

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Originally Posted By: MrBond
As hard as it is right now, take a deep breath and keep calm. It's like swimming in quicksand. When you start to panic, you start to sink faster. Get a copy of the DB or DR books right away.

You mentioned that she has a son. Was this from a previous M or just a relationship? What happened to that relationship?


I'm actually ordering on Amazon as I type this.

Previous relationship. He bailed after the child was 2 months old, never saw him again. He was abusive, and just a terrible person in general. Never even showed up to the adoption hearing.

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I have placed my order for both The Divorce Remedy, and Divorce Busting. I also ordered The 5 Love Languages, as well as The 5 Love Languages: For Men.

I'm hoping these books will give me the insight I need, but I still have the question of if it's salvageable, especially with her being obsessed with this new guy. She says they're "perfect" for each other, and work really well together, but they both don't want a relationship while they're both still legally married. I honestly don't believe her, and I fear a relationship has already started between them. It's only been 2 weeks into our separation, so I don't understand any of this.

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Well. We talked again this morning when I went over to the house to get the kids ready for school.

She told me she's in love with this guy she's been talking to, and they've been physical.

I wish I had known that before spending 50$ on books that are supposed to help win her back.

I feel completely terrible, destroyed, and betrayed. They've only known each other for 2.5 weeks... I don't understand any of this.

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WntHope, hang in there!

all the information that comes out in the beginning of separation is going to be hard. try to stay busy and not think about it (I know it's incredibly hard)

((hugs))


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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I get that (the checking). You know its wrong and deep down you know that you're not going to find anything that you want to see. I did some of the same and saw only half a story and then over analysed everything and ended up at a conclusion that was so far off the mark! Try and stop doing this, this is what I mean by being kind to your self.

Focusing on the kids is the best thing you can do (try and take a positive that you still have access to them - there are some that have to fight to get what we have).

Concentrating on yourself is very difficult. I have massive guilt and regret issues. I was also so codependent on my W. Its difficult, but do try. Ensure you eat and try and sleep as best you can.

Take advise from friends and family with a pinch of salt - they will want to help you (b/c they care), but unless they've been through this, they won't know how you feel.

Post here - even just to get things off your chest.

Chin-up and keep on trying.


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S - 3
Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs
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I have been focusing on the kids, but I can't focus on myself because, frankly, I just don't care about myself right now. It's going to take time for that.
Theres no time like the present. Stop making excuses and starting doing things that will:
- bring back your confidence
- take your mind off of what WW is/might be doing
- help you to meet new people and do new things
Do not wait on this. Its far too important.


I overanalyze everything. I never used to, but these last 2 months have changed me. I'm obsessive, paranoid, distraught, destroyed. I'm doing things I KNOW I should absolutely not be doing (reading her emails, checking the phone bill logs for texts and calls, etc. etc.) but I can't stop doing them because then my brain goes nuts.
Think about this from WW's perspective. Why would she want to be with someone thats those things? You need to take the time to re-find who you are as a man. Now, at least, you know, and you dont have to keep checking those logs.

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Originally Posted By: WntHope
She told me she's in love with this guy she's been talking to, and they've been physical.

I wish I had known that before spending 50$ on books that are supposed to help win her back.


Im sorry to hear that the situation has gone this way.

That said, I would STRONGLY advise you to read those books anyway. Even if it doesnt save this marriage, it will benefit you tremendously in future relationships with your current W or whomever.

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If it's any consolation, there are a number of people who have saved their marriages here even when there was another person involved. But only you can determined how strong you will be during this period.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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