Surfer - The Limbo Dancer

[Surfer]

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Thanks for that - yes need to keep working on the guns - I am going for carpet carrier (not really - with my forget leg day legs!!!)!!!

Feel in control. Got a call with W later so see how that goes. Yes - I will keep the pressure off.

Vino went down a bit too well - whole bottle. Felt fine this morning though. Might be the 4 packs of crisps I ate with it that soaked it up. Thats after going out for dinner. I seriously need to calm my appetite (not ideal for getting fit). What is also not good for getting fit is the beers with the boys in town later. Supposed to be tomorrow also - but I have to knock that on the head. This is getting silly - I must be smashing 4000 cals a day and am mainly sat on my backside during the day. Time for an overhaul!!!

Surfer.

[Surfer]

So our relationship seems to be moving along in the right direction. I am not sure about where to go now however and the temptation to do something to speed things up is always there. I need to resist this temptation and just keep working on being the best version of me for now.

There has been no dramas of late. W is keeping in touch on things with kids and opportunities to talk kindly are there. I am hanging back on the communication front mostly albeit I did send her a text last night to say how lucky we are (I was watching some harrowing things on a charity fund raiser on TV - real tear
Jerking stuff). She responded this morning so we are Just trucking on.

W wants to know about dates I will have the kids next week - it's half term. She seems robbed guiding me into certain dates. Never a fan of this as I am suspicious that she is trying to fit the kids and me around her wayward friends or potentially OM. However I am genuinely becoming much, much Less concerned about this. I just need to be a solid option and make sure I dealt with my own self and become the best version of me.

Surfer.

[PsySara]

I really like the tone I am reading in your posts. You are getting stronger and lovingly detached. Oh and if your'e going to eat 4000 Cal a day then you better work that off and become svelte and attractive, lol! I'm proud of your progress, you're doing great.

[Surfer]

PsySara

Thanks. It feels like we are slowly edging to an improved relationship. I know we are in fact but progress is sooooooo slow. I have to keep a level head. GAL is so important here but I need to be careful I have been out and about in the bar scene with friends a lot recently and I don't think this is going to be good for the waistline or me generally! It's good to see frieinds but I really don't want to spend my life in bars. I need to do other activities instead.

Not anywhere near cuddles or touching yet but we have the occasional laugh, joke etc so whilst I envy you being able to do that I do feel I have something I can work with now. I hope we can make it through this, my W is not angry anymore so I just need to be the best version of me I think and not be needy.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

Journaling

Just had a good conversation for almost 1 hour with my W. This was mainly about some minor concerns our D was having with a friend at school, a girl that has been a little bit "uncaring". Nothing major but we discussed it in huge detail. I mostly listened. We then discussed birthday plans for D8. I have looked at some presents for the kids and will ask her advice again later.

I have been focussing on asking her advice at times listening, Validating and at time being complimentary or even expressing gratitude for her advice. This all sounds a bit confused clinical but in reality the conversations being with 'topic for W to discuss', lots of 'mmm's' from me and the responses. Basically a normal conversation. I really enjoy listening to her actually. She Felt I didn't care what she thinks before. Anyway - 5 months ago my W would only spew and looked mentally disturbed. She is softening a lot now and our R is 300% improved on these times. I will keep working On me. I want her to see who I am not who she thinks I am. Albeit, if she does not then so be it.

Still holding back on pushing mediation etc.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

Just called W to ask about something I have seen on line for D8 birthday. D8 answered and said W is in the shower also added that the kids are going to MIL's. Hopefully my W is not going out and dumping them with MIL and going out with the her wayward friends or OM. I know I need to stop mind reading......but it does annoy me when she sits the kids in front of TV and ipads all day then dumps them and goes out. I can't hope for her to see sense right now so best just accept it and remain chilled in my approach.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

Ah - she is not going out. Just round parents for dinner with the kids. This mind reading thing and detachment. It can creep up and kick you in the pants when you feel you are on top of it - LoL!

Spent hours putting together a nice thoughtful present for W from the kids for her 40th. Done a lovely card for D8 (its her birthday the following day). Also did a lovely card from the kids to W. Did dome customised T-shorts for the kids also - basically transferred some of their drawings I scanned in to onto T-shirts for delivery.

Don't think I'll bother with a card from me to W. This is enough and she is lucky to be getting that if IMHO.

Surfer.

[Cherry]

It's been a bit of a while since I caught up with you. It looks like things are moving in a positive direction with you! And if things don't work out with your ww, you will be in perfect shape, mind body and soul for the next lady!

It's good that you are seeming more detached apart from the slight mind reading incident, but all in all- your seeming miles better. I'm sure the less spew is comforting! You're giving me some hope that a physical separation can actually be quite beneficial.

[Surfer]

Cherry,

Thanks for dropping by. I am so very sure your physical separation will bring some benefits. It's perverse I know but it will have advantages. Stay focused. You will be fine.

Yes, all seems onwards and upwards but perhaps I am being far too optimistic. I have no idea really as I can't read minds either. But either way all will slot into place. I think if we have faith I just that it's all we need.

Take care. Here when you need to say how you feel. I will help where I can. You are now not alone.

Try not to stress too much. The WS always wants you to. But while? Odd really. Do you want your WH to be stressed! No of course not. Weird mindset.?

Surfer.

[lt0402]

Surfer, that's so true that our WSs seem to want us to stress all the time. I wonder if it's their way of making us feel what they are going through. After all, it's only "fair" that we suffer with them, right, since we are the ones who have caused all the ills in the world! Perhaps true detachment removes this power from our WSs and forces them to focus onwards since they can no longer manipulate the LBS. who knows.

You do sound like you're in a good spot Surfer! It's good to see you back at balanced and thriving. You're a strong dude and you are on a good path right now. No advice for you as I'm behind you in my journey but know your thoughts in my thread are massively appreciated. Keep pushing forward brother!