I have not posted in years & my old posts have been deleted with the web updates.
Update: I literally just found out this afternoon (today!) that my ex-husband married OW. He lives out of state with her now.
What's baffling is that I haven't seen him since he left me in the summer of 2013. We divorced in the summer of 2014.
In July of this year, he contacts me to let me know his dad died. We started chatting a bit on text and he said things like the grass isn't greener and his friends told him he was an idiot.
In August, he sends me a text that he's in town and asks if I'd like to meet him for dinner. During dinner he tells me that he's been off and on with OW and there's not much of a relationship there and that he has grown so much older & wiser, etc.
When we met in person, he seemed surprised how good I looked and said I was obviously taking good care of myself. I did make an extra effort to look nice and wore a little black dress (and wore my Spanx) and took some extra time to style hair/makeup. I guess part of me wanted him to see what he was missing...only natural, I guess. We started texting some more after his visit. He made it seem like he and she were not together any more. However, he mistakenly sent me a text one day that clearly indicated he's still with OW. I told him at that point that I have absolutely no interest in flirting with him or ever having any type of intimate relationship with him - other than just a friendship - and that I'm only interested in having a friendship with him if he can be open & honest with me. What was I thinking even saying that? He's obviously not capable of that?!
To make a long story short, I just found out that between August and now the two of them have gotten married. Wow.
So, I guess his visit was one last attempt for him to make sure he was doing the right thing 'in his mind' to marry OW. I'm still processing all of this because I literally just found out within the past hour and still trying to wrap my head around it...and thought writing on here would help me deal with it in some way.
I have not posted in years & my old posts have been deleted with the web updates.
Update: I literally just found out this afternoon (today!) that my ex-husband married OW. He lives out of state with her now.
What's baffling is that I haven't seen him since he left me in the summer of 2013. We divorced in the summer of 2014.
In July of this year, he contacts me to let me know his dad died. We started chatting a bit on text and he said things like the grass isn't greener and his friends told him he was an idiot.
In August, he sends me a text that he's in town and asks if I'd like to meet him for dinner. During dinner he tells me that he's been off and on with OW and there's not much of a relationship there and that he has grown so much older & wiser, etc.
When we met in person, he seemed surprised how good I looked and said I was obviously taking good care of myself. I did make an extra effort to look nice and wore a little black dress (and wore my Spanx) and took some extra time to style hair/makeup. I guess part of me wanted him to see what he was missing...only natural, I guess. We started texting some more after his visit. He made it seem like he and she were not together any more. However, he mistakenly sent me a text one day that clearly indicated he's still with OW. I told him at that point that I have absolutely no interest in flirting with him or ever having any type of intimate relationship with him - other than just a friendship - and that I'm only interested in having a friendship with him if he can be open & honest with me. What was I thinking even saying that? He's obviously not capable of that?!
FYI - When we met in person in August, we just hugged (when we initially met and after we talked for hours and said goodbye).
To make a long story short, I just found out that between August and now the two of them have gotten married. Wow.
So, I guess his visit was one last attempt for him to make sure he was doing the right thing 'in his mind' to marry OW. I'm still processing all of this because I literally just found out within the past hour and still trying to wrap my head around it...and thought writing on here would help me deal with it in some way.
Sorry to hear that. It sounds like he was in replay. If he already had doubts a couple of months ago, he's still going to be unhappy. I'm pretty sure he feels he has to get married because there is no turning back. Something he still has to learn for himself. What's been going on in your life since the D?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Cadet & Mr Bond - Thank you both for responding & your kind words.
Even though we've been divorced for over two years now, the fact that we recently saw each other and that he seemed remorseful and somewhat interested in reconnecting, made the news all the more confusing and shocking.
Cadet - Thanks for finding the thread to some of my old posts. I really appreciate it & somehow thought they were all lost. At some point I'll read through them, as I'm sure it will help me process things some more.
Mr Bond - Perhaps my ex is still going through his crisis and has moved beyond replay now and into another stage of his crisis with OW? I loved this man and I suppose I still do (and a part of me always will). I don't want him to be unhappy (even if he's with OW) but it sounds like he's still confused.
You asked what I've been up to since D? I have avoided dating for the most part and have only been on very few dates since the divorce. I have not kissed a man in over three years now. :-( Because I was afraid of getting close and getting hurt, I always searched and inevitably found something wrong with the man (regardless of how insignificant it was) within the first 1-2 dates...which led me to stop dating the man.
I suppose finding out my husband has remarried will help me to finally heal more and get more closure, so I can truly move on and be more open to a real relationship in the future.
While I believe that everything happens for a reason and know that everything will eventually work out for the best, my heart is feeling heavy this evening with this new-found news.
So, I'm going to give myself at least today to grieve a bit and feel the pain/emotions of it all.
My thoughts on your meet up w/your xh probably are a bit different than those posted. Your xh: 1)most likely was curious about you and was doing a comparison between you and the OW (now wife) before he married her; 2) he wanted to see if you were still there for him and was doing a temp check to see how you would react around him; and 3)he hoped that you two could be good friends after all of this time.
He may even go so far as to tell others that he and his xw are on very good terms and that there are no hard feelings between the two of you. He may also have wanted to alleviate any guilt that he had over what he had done to you and yes he may even have been remorseful.
However, it's difficult to say what was actually going through his mind. He could very well have met up w/you to say a final goodbye to all he left behind (in his mind) and was happy to see that you are doing well which meant closure to him on that part of his life.
I'm sorry about the news and grieve as long as you need to. Time will tell on whether he stays w/his new wife or not...but whatever happens, continue moving forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
"I suppose finding out my husband has remarried will help me to finally heal more and get more closure, so I can truly move on and be more open to a real relationship in the future."
It may give you closure, but it won't heal you or help you get over fear. That's all on you. When you did a background check on the guy you went on a date with, that might have a bit paranoid. I get it, trust me. But at some point you're going to have to be confident enough to just trust someone at their word.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I think maybe you'll never find out why your H initiated contact in the first plaoce, or why he lied about his R with the OW. But please don't think that he wanted to check he was not making a mistake, I think it's more likely that he is still going through his MLC or that he is has personal issues and missed you.
Take care of yourself, it must be such a difficult thing to deal which, Esporta it came out of the blue.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
