Hanging on and hoping for the best

[Maybe]

I think sex is a good thing. And I am speaking of a woman's POV. I think us female needs to be emotionally connected to have sex. So if she wants you, I think it's a good sign and GAL is working. Just keep cool, don't get lure back in and only mirror what she invests in. DR said be interested but not too interested. If you say no flat out, you don't seem all that interested... just my opinion

[trumpet]

I would disagree on the sex.

I would ask her to get tested for STD's before having sex again, or using protection.

Ultimate temp check, you gave in, she has you and possibly OM in perfect position. Gotta get close to the wall to push off and head in the other direction.

I could be completely, utterly wrong on what I just said. I'm not in your sitch. But I've read enough of Sandi and others that the sex was a power play by her.

Respect thyself.

[BillyHo]

Yesterday I woke up early and went for a drive and bought donuts for the boys. When I got home W was getting out of the shower. When I went upstairs to get my clothes to get ready for church we brushed against each other. We both stopped for a second, looked at each other and then proceeded to have sex.

After I got my shower we had a talk in the kitchen about how we are going to tell the boys she is moving out. We decided on next weekend but not exactly what to say to them. We stood there staring at each other for what seemed like hours. There was music playing and it seemed like every song was about us. She cried several times and at one point we slow danced in the middle of the kitchen.

After about 1.5 hrs of that I told her I was going out. She asked where and I said to look at some furniture. I went out for the rest of the afternoon. When I got home she was decorating the house with Christmas stuff. She made dinner and then we all went out to look at Christmas lights. This is the first time in probably 5 months that we have done anything all together. When we got home she went back to decorating and I went up to bed.

I am so confused as to what I am supposed to do here. I am not pursuing her. She is initiating all of this contact and conversations. I am not crying or pleading for her to change her mind. I have heard varying opinions on the sex thing. There is no hostility in our interactions. I make sure that it's clear that I am moving on by doing my own thing and preparing to be on my own. Please somebody help point me in the right direction.

[BillyHo]

Getting ready to see my IC in a couple of hours. Interested to see what his feelings are on the recent developments. Would also love to hear from some of you to see what you think.

[BillyHo]

Talked with my IC yesterday. He said that we were doing the "dance" last week. I knew from reading the distancer and pursuer thread just what he meant. Looking from the outside in it so easy to see. As soon as I start to feel a little comfortable W begins to pull away again.

We are slowly but surely coming up on the day she is going to move out. We decided to tell the boys on this coming Sunday. We figured that way we will both be around the whole day to handle it with them. That is going to be tough to deal with. W doesn't seem to grasp the impact that something like this can have on a child. I went thru it when I was 10 and in some ways it still affects me to this day.(I'm working on that in C)

I am not sure how to handle the seperation. I am going to continue to GAL and work on me. I'm just not sure how I should deal with W. She seems to think that things won't be all that different. She says we will see each other all the time because of the kids sports. She said the days during the week I have them overnight she can come over and get them ready for school when I go to work at 4am. My question is, if she is always around how is she ever going to miss me and us being a family. Sandi says for them to wake up they need to feel some kind of loss. We have been communicating very well the last couple of weeks. She does not spew or act mean to me at all. Do I keep doing the LRT or go as dark as possible? Do I keep up this friendly and seemingly positive thing we have going right now? I'm just not sure how to proceed.

[doodler]

Do I keep doing the LRT or go as dark as possible? Do I keep up this friendly and seemingly positive thing we have going right now? I'm just not sure how to proceed.

BillyHo,

In my opinion, you should remain LRT and definitely be positive and friendly, but it should be neighbor-friendly not spouse-friendly (no sexual innuendo or @ss slapping). Get out and GAL as much as possible. Your wife may not be spewing, but if she's planning on moving out, you're still plan B; don't let her eat cake.

[BillyHo]

Thanks Doodler. I know you are right on this. My wife's recent willingness to have sex with me the last 3 days has been a bit of a stumbling block for me. I know she is just trying to keep me on the hook in case things don't go the way she wants or if she changes her mind. It is just really hard to pass up being with her in that way. Not to mention I was missing our sex life in a big way. We were very active even after BD. Then about 2 or 3 months ago it stopped all together. Now she is affectionate(hugging, kissing and sex) even though she is ready to move out. All this makes my head spin.

[doodler]

My wife's recent willingness to have sex with me the last 3 days has been a bit of a stumbling block for me.

BillyHo,

I never could say "no" to a kind offer to be naughty. The shame and guilt hangs over me like a weight that I can hardly bare. Well, not really.

[BillyHo]

Today I got home from work and W was at home. We talked a little bit, which has become a daily occurrence. During the convo she asked me in a round about way if I would be interested in going out with her and another couple this weekend for shopping and some dinner. I thought about it and then said sure we can do that. I know she is still moving out but she seems to be more open to getting close to me lately. I'm not sure if this is the proper thing to do DB wise or not. I am not pursuing her or asking her out. I have to make sure that I can just let things happen and not have any expectations.

[BillyHo]

Tuesday S7 had his first basketball practice of the year. I am his head coach so that is going to keep me busy at least 3 days a week for a few months. S10 had a game at the same time. W went to watch S10. The next day my mom and sister both called me and said that W went out of her way to go to them at the game and gave them both big hugs. This was nice to hear because she has gone out of her way to avoid them during this whole thing.

Yesterday not much happened. The only thing that really sticks out is that she made her deposit and got her keys for her house. Not a shock but just a reminder that this separation is coming very soon.

We are going out to dinner and shopping tomorrow night. Sunday we tell the boys that W is moving out. I am dreading the conversation with the kids. S4 probably won't understand, S7 could go either way, S10 is very sensitive and aware there is something going on. I really worry about S10 but we do have a C session scheduled for him on Monday which should help.