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Joined: Sep 2016
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BillyHo Offline OP
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SBJ

Sorry to hear about that. Just because she says all of this doesn't mean it's what she really means. There is no reason for you to make it easy on her in getting the D. Don't beg and plead but make her do all the heavy lifting. Mean while get your nose in DR and start putting the strategies to work. Sounds like either LRT or going dark is what is needed here. Read Sandi's rules and live by them. You need to work on and protect you and try to detatch the best you can

BillyHo


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 149
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BillyHo Offline OP
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We are both home together now. It is so weird that our 18th anniversary isn't even a thing. I haven't said a word to her but I know it is in the back of her head too. At our C session she brought it up while crying that she didn't want any gift or card. The C said just take the C session as a gift to each other. Glad she brought it up so I didn't have to make a decision.


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 289
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Jug Offline
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Sorry about the anniversary. What did you think of the c session? Sounds like you are doing well with taking care of yourself and your kids. Exercise is one of the best things for dealing with what we have on our plate.


- m and ww in 30s
- s4
- m 11 yrs, t12
-ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM
- bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa
- 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
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BillyHo Offline OP
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I thought the C session went as well as I could have expected. I really like her C. She seemed very fair and also pro marriage. I don't know what her and my W talked about but I do think that she will speak the hard truth to her. If she is willing to hear it is the question. She seems to be really confused. W seems to be run down and sometimes depressed from the stress of the whole ordeal. I feel bad for her but realize it is her journey and Incant fix her.

Went to watch my S10 football game tonight. He's the qb and they won the game with a touchdown on the final play. Not such a bad anniversary after all.


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 289
J
Jug Offline
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Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 289
Glad to hear all of that. I suggest that you summarize your situation in your signature. Keep it up!


- m and ww in 30s
- s4
- m 11 yrs, t12
-ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM
- bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa
- 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 149
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BillyHo Offline OP
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Posts: 149
Need some help here guys. So a little back story. 2 weeks ago my wife went alone over night a couple states away to run a race. I was suspicious but didn't ask any questions. The next weekend she went out over night with gfs that I know well and stayed over night after getting trashed. The next day she seemed very sick I figured she was hung over. The next day she had a fever of 103 and went to the dr. She said it was viral and got an antiviral medication. FF to today I find next to her bed the prescription for valtrex which is for cold sores or genital herpes. I look up that the first outbreak of genital herpes can come with a high fever and body aches. Her symptoms. I also found prescription murpirocin ointment in the bathroom.

I think this is enough to confirm my suspicions of the EA turning into a PA. Unless someone else has an excuse for this. We have counseling tomorrow. What should I do.


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Have you read the DB or DR books yet?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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BillyHo Offline OP
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Yes I read DR


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 149
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BillyHo Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 149
So tonight at football practice I was very quiet and some of her friends noticed and texted her to see if I was ok. She texted me right away and asked if something is wrong. I said no, why? Later when she got home from work I left right away and went straight to the gym. Within 5 min. she calls me, I don't answer then a text, don't answer. 4 more calls then I reply to her text "what's up? She says can u answer? I said sure. She wants to know if there is something we need to talk about. Keep in mind she hasn't wanted to talk to me for a couple of months. She says tell me what's going on. I said nothing really. I'll talk to u when I finish my workout.

Go home hop in the hot tub and then she comes out. She say is there something I should know, something new? I said anything I know u know already so how can it be new. Told her I'm just dealing with the same issues. I know in the back of her mind she can tell I know something.

We have discernment C tomorrow so during my individual time I will ask the C what she thinks I should do. The individual time is confidential and you only share in couples part what the C and you decide to.


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Ok, so based on DR, what were some of the things she complained about? What were some things that maybe you did in the relationship to hurt it? Not blaming, just trying to get a sense of everything. Can you give us a little more detail about conflicts?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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