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BillyHo Offline OP
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Today is the day I've been dreading for weeks. We tell the boys today that W is moving out. I told W that I would be there with her to support the boys but she would have to do most of the talking. I didn't sign up for this. She is making this decision so she can take responsibility and explain it to them. This may be the hardest part of this whole 7 month struggle.


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
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BillyHo Offline OP
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We will be telling the boys in the next couple hours. Right now I am filled with more anger and bitterness than I have felt in the last 7 months. To hurt me is one thing but to be able to look my 3 sweet boys in the face and tell them you are moving out for your own selfish reasons is beyond forgiveness for me. I don't want to look at her face. After today I am ready to speed up the moving process so she can be out by next week. I need some space from this person that is living in my house.

Please pray for me and my boys.


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
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I remember this moment so well. frown Prayers... Breathe, focus. Release the anger and spend that energy on loving the boys...


“You only lose what you cling to.” – Buddha
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From my first marriage, and two kids, my ex was horrible in the process. Overtime she alienated the kids from me....Anyway, everything does move on....

My advice is just try to stay non-emotional even with the kids.... she is doing this and you have to be non-emotional.... just manage the project of your life now. Move the ball forward. focus on moving forward.... The kids will be best if you manage it non-emotionally. Even older people make mistakes and behave like kids.... If you can rise above, let her go, if you love something let it go..... so to speak, imagine being 70 years old... look back at where you are now. Behave like the advice you would give to your young self today. Maybe your W will come back some day and be truly remorseful or maybe not... but I feel if you behave in the right way, you will feel good about that, and in the end, that will help you. Save yourself the embarrassment and regretful thoughts you could have in the future, you know what to do today... Be direct, detached, non-emotional and move the plan forward.


H (me) 52, W 42
M 15
D14, S12
PA June and Sept 2016
Found out Sept, confronted Oct
NC with OM since Oct, remorseful
Dating since Nov
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Great advice Steady,

I have been trying to look at things from the same perspective and it has helped me a lot. BillyH I am imagining how hard today must be for you...it is looming for me also. You are in my thoughts.

Strength and courage !


M 44/ W43
TOGETHER 26 YRS M16
S13/S10
ILYBANILWY JULY 16
STILL LIVING IN SAME HOUSE
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BillyHo Offline OP
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Well it was one of the worst things I had to ever witness. I had her do almost all of the talking and take responsibility for her choosing to leave. During I was angry and found myself looking at her thinking how can you do this to them. My 2 oldest cried for an hour straight. She convinced them to go and see her house. I elected to not go along so I could calm down and process everything.

When they returned the boys had calmed down. While they were gone I composed myself. I figured being angry is not going to help the boys get through this. I remember when I was my S10 age and my parents divorced. The lasting memory I have is of my father spitting in my moms face and cussing her out.(she left because he cheated multiple times. I want my boys to see that even though I don't want this I will not be disrespectful to their mother.

A little later I asked W if she wanted to load some stuff in our trucks and take it to her place. She said sure and we did. We unloaded and I helped put a few things together and she bought us all lunch. We had a few nice moments where she just looked at me and cried and hugged me. Later we watched a movie at my house and I fell asleep as I was exhausted from the day's events.


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
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Stay strong. While you may view her as the enemy don't let the kids know that. It's very, very important to not play the kids against each other.


34, xw33
M-10, T-18
2D (8 and 5)
Ilybinilwy-1/16
EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend)
Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated)
W moved out-8/16
W Filed 11/21/16
D final 1/30/17
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BillyHo Offline OP
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That's the thing. I don't look at her as the enemy. While I don't agree with what she is doing, I understand that she is confused and in a fog. I am doing my best to detach. She isn't mean or rude to me. We communicate with each other now with no problems at all. I think W views this as something she has to experience and she is dead set on doing it. She said she has never been on her own and I guess she has to see what it's like. Whatever W, or I decide to do, in the end. I will be able to look back and say I acted in a loving caring way that will show my boys how you treat someone you care about.

As W slowly but surely gets closer and closer to being out I have some questions going forward. I will have the boys overnight 2 nights during weekdays. W says she will come to my house to get them off to school the mornings after they stay the night with me( I go to work at 4am) is this a good idea or should I make other arrangements if possible. I am unclear on if I should keep as much distance as possible or what. I just don't know what the best course of action is during a separation.


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 149
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BillyHo Offline OP
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Last night we took some more things to W new house. We drove separate and I helped carry some heavy stuff W couldn't manage on her own. I finished helping and said I'm going to go. She thanked me and I left. I didn't stay long because once in a while the reality of this whole sitch hits me upside the head.

I drove home and was at my house alone. I looked around and realized the house was in total disarray. My W focus has been on getting her new place setup. She seems to be really enjoying her new adventure. At that moment I thought, why not enjoy making this place my own. I have never had to do any decorating. I always left that to my W. Doing my house the way I want it is going to be a great GAL activity for me.

At the end of the night she was going through some cooking supplies and asking what I wanted to keep. After a few minutes I just said take whatever you need and I'll figure out the rest. I didn't have the energy to even think about any of that little stuff. Weird how the dumbest things get to me. I still think this will be much easier when the moving out is over and done with.


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 25
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Hi Billy, It sounds like a really tough few days for you - exhausting I am sure. Hopefully now that she is off doing her new adventure you can start to move forward and do things that fullfil you. When my wife leaves for work for the day and it is just me at home, I start to imagine what it will be like when she is gone. It must be surreal for you.
Sometimes I wonder if our love for our spouses is really more about our love for the marriage and memories as opposed to actually loving the person because if we were impartial we would never tolerate the way we are being treated. I think it was such an act of strength for you to help her move..I am still thinking how I will handle that. I hope that over the next few days you can just enjoy doing things that make you feel valuable and that life has lots to offer. Have you thought about how long you want to stay in this situation ?


M 44/ W43
TOGETHER 26 YRS M16
S13/S10
ILYBANILWY JULY 16
STILL LIVING IN SAME HOUSE
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